Secondary IF

Newbie Intro (loss mentioned)

Hi ladies! I am migrating over from another forum looking for others that are in similar situations. The other boards I have been on just did not have an active 2IF following and my two infertile friends don't want children, so they really don't get it.

Sooo to introduce and a little background (most in my siggy)... MH and I have been TTC #2 for me (#1 for him) since April 2013. Prior to that we used a very poor version of the timing method as birth control turns me into a raging bitch that throws any object nearby, or a sobbing mess. In January 2014 we self-referred to an RE after MH regular doc told him we weren't getting KU due to his low testosterone, likely causing low count. After initial testing it was determined he has tons of active swimmers and I have weak ovulation (this determination was made by serial progesterone levels at 7dpo). Basically every 28 days I release the most craptastic egg ever, and IF it happens to fertilize, the embryo stops developing soon after.

At the moment- waiting for appointment next week with RE to review remaining labs he did after the recurrent losses. So far the only lab they have called about was Vitamin D, and I started a supplement. If our karyotyping is normal, we will start another medicated cycle late March.

My question for you guys-- how do you deal with the constant questions about "when are you going to have another one?" and "I'm surprised you aren't pregnant by now!"  I get these questions so much at work.. There is a coworker that is KU who stopped by my office giggling to tell me about her dream where we were both KU together.. (I just said "oh really.. hmm..." and flipped her off when she closed the door. My friends and family that know tiptoe around these subjects to extreme degrees that make it even worse.

Intro...and short rant... complete :) 

Two years, two losses and three IUIs...

We are having TRIPLETS!

EDD 1/26/16

 GGB born November 2015!

Re: Newbie Intro (loss mentioned)

  • Welcome! 2IF is such a bitch but the ladies here are amazing.

    We haven't had that question recently- people asked a lot more when DS was younger (he is 5). But when it does come up, I am just open about how we've been trying and that statistically, the chances of "just relaxing" have a <1% chance of helping me get pregnant again.
  • Welcome! I'm on mobile so I can't see your siggy but sorry for your losses. Keep us updated with your RLP testing. Hope you can get a good plan with the RE this week! Just a heads up, karyotyping can take a while to come back. Ours took about 3 weeks but I know it can take longer than that.

    As to your question, I'm pretty honest with people when they ask and tell them we have had multiple losses. It can be harsh but it's pretty effective at stopping the conversation. Usually the people that ask are people I don't care about so I don't mind if it makes them uncomfortable.
    Me: 31     DH: 33
    Dx: Me: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss; DH: Low Morphology (2%)
    BFP#1: MC 3/1/11 at 6w1d - EDD 10/21/11
    BFP#2: 5/3/11 - EDD 1/9/12 - DD Born 1/6/12
    TTC #2 since 12/13
    BFP#3: MC 2/8/14 at 4w5d - EDD 10/13/14
    BFP#4: MC 5/6/14 at 4w4d - EDD 1/9/15
    BFP#5: MMC discovered 8/4/14 at 9w1d - D&C 8/5/14 - Baby Boy with Trisomy 16 (maternal origin) - EDD 3/8/15
    BFP#6: CP 11/6/14 at 4w2d - EDD 7/14/15
    IVF #1 with ICSI & PGS: May/June 2015, ER 6/3/15, 17R/17M/15F
    IVF #2 with ICSI & PGS: July 2015, ER 7/16/15, 16R/11M/9F
    PGS results = 6 normal embryos (4 boys, 2 girls)
    FET 9/23/15 = BFFN
    Natural FET 11/4/15 = BFP!
    Beta 9dp5dt = 92

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  • Welcome. I have been pretty open with family and coworkers about what we are going through so they aren't constantly asking me when we are having another one.
    "From the moment I first saw you, the second that you were born, I knew that you were the love of my life" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Me: 35, DH: 40
    TTC # 2 since 8/13, Dx: unexplained secondary infertility
    Clomid cycles 7/14 & 8/14= BFN
    IUI # 1 (clomid) 8/27/14= BFN
    IUI # 2 (clomid and follistim) 9/25/14= BFN
    IUI # 3 (femara and follistim) 10/23/14= BFN
    IUI # 4 (femara and follistim) 11/20/14= BFN
    12/12/14- saline sono shows two polyps
    2/15- two uterine polyps and "schmutz" (RE's words) removed
    8/15- surprise BFP! Beta #1 70 Beta #2 150 
  • Welcome, hope the testing gives you some insight into what is going on. I agree with PPs, being honest with what is going on stops the annoying comments.

    My FF Chart:
    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14

    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN

  • Thanks for the advice ladies. I think next time I might be honest if I'm feeling comfortable. Often times this happens in front of 3+ people and I would rather not announce to a group.
    @ellebelle2384‌ we had our labs drawn in Jan and appt scheduled 3 weeks from then.
    However I have an online account with the lab and was notified this AM I could view them. All mine are neg or not flagged except the Vitamin D which was low at 24. DH has to use a different lab due to insurance and they won't release results, we'll get those at the appt.
    Thanks for the welcome! Happy to be joining and active forum!

    Two years, two losses and three IUIs...

    We are having TRIPLETS!

    EDD 1/26/16

     GGB born November 2015!

  • Welcome! I agree that honesty is the best way to keep people from prying. I usually give the "hopefully someday" response first and if that doesn't work I use uncomfortable honestly.

    Good luck!
    Me: 34 DH: 36 
    DD#1 04/28/11

    TTC#2 since April 2012 - Unexplained Secondary IF (probably PCOS)
    Dec 13-March 14 Femara and TI - BFN
    April 2014 IUI#1 (Femara + Ovidrel) - BFN
    June 2014 IUI#2 (Femara + Ovidrel) - BFP 7/9/14 - No HB on 8/13/14 @ 8w4d
    Nov 2014 IUI#3 (Femara + Ovidrel) - BFFN
    Jan 2015 IUI#4 (Femara + Ovidrel) - BFN
    Feb 2015 IUI#5 Converted to TI (7.5mg Femara) - BFP 3/17/15!!!
    Beta #1 82, Beta #2 202 Please let this be it.
  • Hello. Good luck with everything.

    I am a mix of honest and not, it depends on the person. I usually make it into a joke and say that L broke me. If they press than I tell them the truth to get them to back off. It always works.

    Kid #1 - 09/03/12
    Kid #2 - maybe???
    Diagnosed with Severe Ashermans 
    Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
    #11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
    1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
  • Hi & welcome!  So sorry for your losses.

    I feel that most people around us know the situation by now, so we don't get asked a ton.  If I do, it's usually by someone at work or someone I don't know at all.  I did have a coworker (who has since been fired, thank God) who constantly asked when I was going to have another baby.  I didn't really care for her and didn't want to share our business, so I'd usually bite my tongue and just say something vague like "I don't know... we'll see."  I have since confided in my boss and another coworker, as I've had to miss work so many times for for apointments... and we all know you can't really just schedule fertility appointments whenever you feel.

    My thing is, what is wrong with the people who say things like "Your daughter NEEDS a sibling!"  Um, no, she actually doesn't NEED a sibling, but okay, thank you.  Would you like to start paying for my fertility treatments?  No?  THEN SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE.
    - DD born July 2010 -
    - TTC #2 since January 2013 -
    - Clomid cycles February - May 2014, all BFN -
    - HSG July 2014, all clear! -
    - July '14: IUI #1, w/Femara & Ovidrel= BFN -
    - August '14: cycle cancelled -
    - October '14: IUI #2 w/Femara, Bravelle, & Ovidrel : BFP!-
    -November '14:  Discovered MMC @ 6 wk. ultrasound-
    -February '15: IUI #3 w/Femara, Bravelle, & Ovidrel: Success!-
    -Due November 2015-
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