Thanks for helping!

kgs0505

Hi Ladies - 

I asked for help a couple months ago in discussing feelings upon finding out you are pg with multiples, and I now have a blog posted about it.  Hopefully it is okay, first time I have written a blog post.   https://tvmoms.org/index.php/blog

Enjoy!

Lisasugar

To quote from your blog: 

Disappointment may be more pronounced when multiples are your first children.  First born singletons have that unique experience of being the only child, where you can focus on just one baby and not have to split your attention.   Some of the women I talked to, where their multiples were their first born, expressed disappointment in not getting that one on one experience with a single baby and feeling robbed of the experience of having just one baby.

I feel this regularly, since mine are on different growth and learning milestones. I have no idea why this is so bold but I'm too lazy to correct it. Just wanted to post a quick comment that it hasn't been easy and I wish I had more one on one time. When I do have quiet time I desperately try to make up with the one that didn't get quite as much attention, schooling or therapy etc. It's a battle I wouldn't wish on anyone. 

jeephappygirl

I also had a lot of guilt over splitting my attention. I have a 3 yr old DD and 15 mo old twins. I used to just sit and hold & play with the older one. Couldn't do that with the twins. I think that would have still happened if I only had 1 baby too. 2nd or 3rd is never going to get that first ones attention. No more guilt these days. Everybody is mainly happy and well bonded.

There is good and bad with both situations. The sooner you can accept the different situations the better. Like with DD she would yell from her crib as soon as she woke. With the twins they babble to each other from their separate cribs and I have a chance to get dressed and sometimes a cup of coffee.

Julie21613

Thank you for posting this....I am a STM.  I find myself cherishing the 1 on 1 time I have with DD now.  She will be right around 21 months when the twins arrive.  I'm slightly terrified on how the dynamics are going to work.  It took us 5 fresh IVF cycles to get DD.  We hoped but truly didn't expect our first cycle after her to work.  Our first reaction when we found out it was twins was complete excitement.  Now we've had 16+weeks to think about it and the fear is starting to seep in.  

@jeephappygirl, looks like your DD was about the age mine will be when the twins arrive. (if I make it to 38 weeks).  When did you deliver your twins?  Did you find it very challenging caring for a toddler the further along you got?  These are the things that I am scared of now..how will I take care of DD if I have to go on bed rest?  Will I go into pre-term labor.... the list goes on!  Any insight you can give me would be great!  TIA

kgs0505

@Julie21613 - My son was 2y 2w old when the twins arrived.  I was on lifting restrictions when he was 21 months old, and bedrest a month later.  It was the lifting restrictions I had the hardest time with, but he adapted really well.  I had my MIL stay with me once I was on bedrest, and she was invaluable.  Just having someone to take him to the park was wonderful!  I had to convert him to a toddler bed way earlier than I had intended because I wasn't allowed to lift him in/out, but it worked out okay.  It will be doable, difficult, and a lesson in logistics, but doable.  I think he's more challenging now almost 2 years later than he was back when the girls were born, but he's a threenager right now, and they are challenging.  It gets easier once you get more sleep, but don't be afraid to ask for help, and if you haven't already, reach out to your local MoM's club.  They are usually pretty helpful! The national organization, Multiples of America has a listing of local clubs.  I'm not sure if they have all of them, but hopefully a google search will help you find one. 

Julie21613

@kgs0505, thank you for the info!  I'm pretty sure I'll be on lifting restrictions soon....  when did you deliver?

kgs0505

I delivered at 35w6d, due to pre-e, rather than the babies wanting out, although I was starting to dilate, so they probably would have come out within a day or two anyway.  I had lifting restrictions imposed after I has fetal laser surgery for TTTS.