*~*~* FTM & BTDTM Play Date! 01/29/15 *~*~*

AMShark

Welcome to the First Time Mothers (FTM) & Been There Done That Mothers (BTDTM) Play Date!

This is a thread for the FTM's in our PAIF community.  Check-ins will be posted every other Thursday.  On alternating Thursdays, I'll post a FT & BTDT moms' "Play Date" thread - in which we inexperienced first timers ask for advice and feedback from the more experienced ladies in our communities.

QOTW: It's Girl Scout cookies season.  Do you have a favorite flavor?  Do you hate them all?  (As well as all other fundraisers that you get guilted into by kids or their parents). 

**Play Date Note** , Once again, I did *not* gather FTM questions in advance (sorry about that) - so, we're gonna wing it. In an effort to keep the first post shorter, I've moved the FTM list to a subsequent post(s).

Please respect our BTDT contributors & avoid duplicate questions. What to know what was already answered?  Check out the links to previous Play Date threads:10/02 Play Date session
10/17 Play Date session
10/30 Play Date session11/13 Play Date session12/18 Play Date session
01/03 Play Date session
01/15 Play Date session

AMShark

Third Trimester

01/24/15 - @Lady2010

02/02/15 - @WA1215

02/07/15 - @jaztastic

02/11/15 - @MissEm15

02/17/15 - @weansworld09

02/19/15 - @Escarabeo217

02/22/15 - @BeckyP005

02/22/15 - @runawaylaurel

03/14/15 - @Margritli (twins)

03/21/15 - @KT416

03/23/15 - @poohniki

04/17/15 - @pblge

04/25/15 - @BalletAn

04/25/15 - @Canuck13

04/29/15 - @AMShark (twins)

Second Trimester

05/01/15 - @LO95

05/02/15 - @gsancho

05/05/15 - @rella22

05/07/15 - @sugar4bri (twins)

05/16/15 - @Aimothy

05/16/15 - @sunshinedaisies000

05/20/15 - @Lesliem0901

05/21/15 - @holberry5

05/25/15 - @1220winterbride

05/25/15 - @Champs28

05/25/15 - @Regan1976

05/25/15 - @yvonne0001

05/26/15 - @HCAMP123

05/26/15 - @viola27

05/28/a5 - @ky29

05/29/15 - @kittenmittens9

05/30/15 - @MJ14323

05/31/15 - @IFinTN

05/31/15 - @sweetpotato123 (twins)

06/03/15 - @turquoisequeen

06/04/15 - @wendyful

06/06/15 - @Andy99

06/11/15 - @starlightgator (twins)

06/12/15 - @PurpleDaisy923 (twins)

06/15/15 - @jessimi06 (twins)

06/18/15 - @hbanana18

06/24/15 - @erbear84

07/02/15 - @katemonster1

07/08/15 - @theblessingofababy

First Trimester

07/21/15 - @chicory (twins)

07/28/15 - @Nutmeg8484

07/28/15 - @sorellam30

08/04/15 - @carrieharry79

08/04/15 - @RunCC37

08/06/15 - @alpCRNA

08/06/15 - @Shelbeans82

08/15/15 - @DSculley1824

08/20/15 - @MeatandBandP

08/24/15 - @luna0803

08/26/15 - @katers79 (twins)

08/27/15 - @Justone13

10/01/15 - @CML11

AMShark

PAIF Angels:

amylev80

CarSaidYes (little Ryan, gone too soon)

missmarypoppins

RunCC37 (vanishing twin)

Graduates:

@Cutiecruz327 - Welcome, baby Manny, b. 10/22/14

@lincoln79 - Welcome, baby William Ryan, b. 10/29/14

@ekc0630 - Welcome, baby Jackson Thomas, b. 10/31/14

@rox825 - Welcome, baby Joseph Thomas, b. 11/13/14

@Ashris13 - Welcome, baby Elizabeth (Ellie) Victoria, b. 11/23/14

@heleng5 - Welcome, baby Annabelle Jade, b. 12/10/14

@CandaceC1020 - Welcome, baby Alaina Grace, b. 12/23/14

@MKateG - Welcome, babies Karlee Astor & Cason Thomas, b. 12/30/14

@SaintElizabeth - Welcome, baby Adeline Marguerite b. 01/06/15

@SouthernYankeeGirl - Welcome, baby Ryan, b. 01/10/15

@hopeby2015 - Welcome, baby Cassandra, b. 1/19/15

AMShark

I'm bad at this check-in - like, really bad.  I remembered it was coming up, but I didn't remember to ask for questions in advance.  And, I can no longer figure out how to post the FTM list in a single post.  I did trim it down a little this week, based on checking recent threads to see who's participated.  If your name no longer appears on the list & you want me to add you again, please let me know.

BTDT-M question: If any of you have experiences with NICU time, can you give suggestions for how to handle it?  If your LOs had a prolonged stay, did anyone go back to work, in order to save time off for when the babies came home?

QOTW:  Or should I say, "question of the weak," because, this was pretty lame as far at QOTWs go am-i-right, ladies?  That being said, I usually dread coming face-to-face with a fundraising kid's parent.  It's especially hard when you can't find a darned thing you want to buy, but you feel obligated to buy something, so you keep flipping through the pages of some shiny pamphlet, hoping you missed that worthwhile purchase.  Girl Scout Cookies are a rare exception.  I need a supply of Samoas and Tagalongs, to keep me happy.  (I have some stashed in the closet in my hospital room right now).

pblge

Oh boy. I wonder if this should move to the dark side? I think a lot of SAIF left after their mod got fired and left, too.

I had a really good question for this week, but I can't remember what it was. Sigh. I guess I'll ask this: what clothing items for myself and baby should I bring in the hospital bag? Those lists seem to be all over the place, so I'm wondering what you actually found useful. We don't have a special "going home" outfit for the baby, so it's just a matter of grabbing onsies (or whatever) in a couple of different sizes. TIA!

QOTW: Apparently I'm a bad person. I always look to see if I can support these things, but I never have felt guilty if there's nothing that merits my $.

luvboston

Nicu time-my daughter was there for a month and my sister for 3 months. I did not go back to work as I was a hot mess. My biggest thing is to make sure you never believe the doctors and nurses when they tell you your baby is coming home until the baby is in the car. It was horrifically devastating for me to be told I couldn't take my baby home because I had been told so many times I wouldn't take babies home. The 4th time they told me I flew off the handle at the nurse so bad that the attending doctor called me.
Also to always expect to take 3 steps back for ever 1 step you go forward and to train yourself on how to use the wires and monitors so you don't have to rely on the nurses because nothing is worse then listening to a bell ring for 20 mins when there is nothing wrong.
Also don't let the nurses intimidate you your gut instinct is always correct and if you don't like a nurse you can always talk to the nurse manager and never get them again.
Also the nicu is so insulated its a greAt place to bond with your baby. And hold them as much as possible I held my LO 8 hours a day once she didn't need an isolette. My baby thrived because she was held constantly I sent all my family to hold and read, sing and stimulate her so she could come home quicker. Also decorate the crib with pics of yourself family and animals. And when they are ready have them wear onesies that smell like you and your home washed in your detergent.

Most of all don't be frightened it does end and you will one day take them home.

Ruthie04

I think you'll get a lot more responses on the other site, but lots of regular SAIFers are still lurking.

No NICU experience, but on the clothes...I brought very loose sweatpants, a soft nursing shirt, and a nursing sport bra (they come in S/M/L) to go home and maternity/ nursing nightgowns/ PJs for my time in the hospital. I also brought a couple robes/ cardigans for visitors and walking the halls. I liked having nightgowns in bed because they will come in, pull down the mesh panties, and mash on your belly a couple times a day. It's nice not to have to pull down pants. I also had a c/s, so it was nice not to have anything on my incision. Warm gripper socks and two pairs of flip flops were nice too (one for the shower, one for the halls). Honestly, I didn't bring outfits for the boys in the hospital. They put them in these giant long sleeve t-shirts (they'll use them as pants too and my 4.5 babies looked ridiculous in them!). I worked on post partum and it was always such a pain for the nurses to mess with the cute outfits when getting vitals, heel pricks, etc... Plus, hospitals are so gross and I didn't want my cute clothes ruined with all that yuck. And, the giant trackers on their umbilical cords are a pain to fit into cute clothes. But, if you want some super cute pics, bring a couple. Me, I'd just dress them in cute hats and blankets instead. HTH!

Lady2010

Thanks for running these @AMShark!

Still waiting for LO to arrive... any day now we hope!

I thought of a really good question last night but now of course... sigh.  Here's a different question for a BTDT-M:

When did you start to allow non-immediate family to see (& hold) the baby?  With cold/flu season we are planning on being cautious but don't want to be crazy.  Also - how about friends who have small kids - did you worry about them bringing germs and getting LO sick?

QoTW: Love the Samoas (Caramel Delights), Thin Mints and Tagalongs (Peanut Butter Patties)

Mrs.AmyDylan

No NICU time here. I can only imagine how hard it is and going back to work would be the last thing on my mind. 

As for the hospital bag and coming home clothes, we were a bit different here. I had DD at a birthing center and we came home 6 hours after she was born, so no over night. I brought way too much stuff. DD was born a few days after Christmas, so I brought yoga pants, a soft sports bra, and a sweat shirt to come home. For DD I had a newborn outfit and a 3mo outfit. One thing I thought of after is to pack several bags and leave stuff in the car. That way you can send someone to the car, as opposed to your home. 

Holding the baby. Only my parents and brother are in town. They held the baby when we got home from the birthing center (no one came to the birthing center except DH). Honestly, DD was two weeks early and arrived during the Christmas hangover. We had a hell of a time with breastfeeding. I don't think we really told anyone she had arrived for a few weeks. Not because we were trying to keep her away, but we were a bit overwhelmed as new parents and our house was a disaster of a construction project. 

That would bring me to my unsolicited piece of advice. Don't do a massive remodel on your house 6 weeks before your due date. Babies come when they want!!

AmCheri

STM here

1. NICU time: We didn't have any NICU time, so I can't help with that. However, 48 hrs after discharge our baby was readmitted to the hospital for three days, or maybe it was four. It's all a blur now. We were on a regular pediatric floor. I slept in the same room with her each night. Got all of the help I could from the nurses, who were very supportive and taught us a lot. Ask lots of questions!

2. Hospital bag: Oh my gosh, did I ever over pack! Lol. It was obscene, but the nurses were so nice and said that most FTMs do. You really don't need that much, and I was in the hospital from a Monday through Saturday! The hospital will provide you with pretty much everything you could need during your stay, even the no-skid socks. I brought a birthing gown, cute but a joke. Ended up wearing a hospital gown most of the time. Do bring a lightweight robe for walking the halls. Loose fitting pants with elastic waist, probably the size you were in at 5-6 months. Loose tops that make it easy to nurse. You don't need special nursing tops. Tried that, found it to be unnecessary. I did bring a couple of chemises that I wore in bed post csection that were comfy and nice. Easy to nurse. For baby? A simple going home outfit. I like convertible sleep gowns early on with a white side snap shirt underneath. Or just use what the hospital gives you which is just fine. This time, I'm bringing a couple of our own swaddle blankets, a magnetic sleep gown, cute hats and booties. That's it.

3. Holding baby. Ummm, keep your dirty paws off my baby! Lol. We were crazy protective. I think the first non-family member, non-medical person to hold her was at about 8 weeks, but that was extremely good friends. Otherwise, we didn't really let people hold her until she was about 6 months. Lol. It's up to you. Do whatever makes you comfortable. Ask people to wash their hands. Having other kids around was ok, but if I knew one of them was sick, we cancelled. I also wouldn't let the kids touch her.

Justone13

No question either this week just reading some awesome advice.

QOTD: I love all Girl Scout cookies. Samoas are my all time favorite and I can finish a box in a few hours by myself. I'm not a big sugar fan but that's my exception. We normally have the Girl Scouts come through our 911 center each year which means free cookies. I try to schedule that for when I'm working! Lol

BabyKsMommy

NICU time- DS #1 was there for 4 days only and 2 days I was at the hospital. It was SO hard to leave him, I wasn't prepared to not come home with him when I left. With the twins I knew there was going to be NICU time so I was prepared. While it still sucked leaving them it wasn't as hard. I had a c section so I needed the time to heal so I didn't work. I did have DH go back to work after I came home. That was the best decision. The twins spent a month in the NICU and I needed his help when the babies came home. I'm glad I didn't waste his time off.

Clothes- I like to wear hospital gowns. They are super functional, I don't worry about getting them dirty/bloody, no laundry when I go home and they didn't hurt my c section.

Visitors- I had a lot of visitors in the hospital and when we came home. I trust family and friends to not come over if they are sick. As far as children, most are super interested in the babies. I don't usually let them touch the babies but I do make some exceptions. I'm pretty laid back about things.

AMShark

@pblge - it didn't even occur to me that you needed to bring baby clothes to the hospital, until my 3rd roommate showed me what she'd brought with her. I started to panic bc we haven't even bought any baby clothes yet. I'm glad to see that they aren't necessarily needed.

jessimi06

Hi ladies! No questions over here for me

Qotw- samosas all day long. I just ordered some last week . Surprisingly, for as many kids that live in our neighborhood, we don't get a ton of fundraiser traffic. I do like the wrapping paper ones- It's pricey, but the wrapping paper is really good quality. And we always buy boyscout popcorn because DH was/is an Eagle Scout.

AMShark

jessimi06 said:

Hi ladies! No questions over here for me Qotw- samosas all day long. I just ordered some last week . Surprisingly, for as many kids that live in our neighborhood, we don't get a ton of fundraiser traffic. I do like the wrapping paper ones- It's pricey, but the wrapping paper is really good quality. And we always buy boyscout popcorn because DH was/is an Eagle Scout.

I know you meant Samoas, but you've just given me a craving for samosas.  If only I could break out of this joint long enough to find an Indian restaurant.  Maybe I can talk DH into bringing some here this weekend.

I back you 100% on the wrapping paper.  I always buy it, and it's the best wrapping paper ever.  (Which might sound ridiculous, but it's true).

I hate when it's all really high calorie, bad for you baked treats or candy.  Not that I don't like baked treats and candy, but I prefer to bake things from scratch, and buying candy in quantity is always a disaster for me.

jessimi06

AMShark said:

jessimi06 said:

Hi ladies! No questions over here for me

Qotw- samosas all day long. I just ordered some last week . Surprisingly, for as many kids that live in our neighborhood, we don't get a ton of fundraiser traffic. I do like the wrapping paper ones- It's pricey, but the wrapping paper is really good quality. And we always buy boyscout popcorn because DH was/is an Eagle Scout.

I know you meant Samoas, but you've just given me a craving for samosas.  If only I could break out of this joint long enough to find an Indian restaurant.  Maybe I can talk DH into bringing some here this weekend.

I back you 100% on the wrapping paper.  I always buy it, and it's the best wrapping paper ever.  (Which might sound ridiculous, but it's true).

I hate when it's all really high calorie, bad for you baked treats or candy.  Not that I don't like baked treats and candy, but I prefer to bake things from scratch, and buying candy in quantity is always a disaster for me.

-----------------
I did mean samoas, but samosas are equally delicious! I definitely second DH bringing you some! I love samosas with tamarind sauce and spicy onion chutney (I really love all indian food).

Once you're back home, if you ever get the urge to make them this recipe is the best I've found. I just serve it with tamarind date sauce I get from the international food store. Sometimes I'll just make the filling and eat that, I have no shame. They also freeze well!

https://foodblogandthedog.wordpress.com/2011/10/12/pea-and-potato-samosas-with-plum-chutney/

ETA: quote fail.

luvboston

Family and friends- my close family meaning sisters, grandparents and ggrandparents were all allowed right after birth they rotated keeping a close eye on LO in the nicu however they had all had flu and tdap. And the nicu forces you to wash before entering.
I had two friends come to the hospital and see me which was nice and then we went to the nicu and they did not hold LO.
Once we were home she was 6 weeks when we allowed extended family to see her but I made sure everyone was not sick and washed before entering. I allowed my two cousins 10 & 8 to hold her.

It was 8 weeks when we finally saw friends but no one else held her. Then during the winter I was very careful about who we were around.

This time since it will be feb/march we won't leave the house and no one will come except close family.

Hospital bag- most important for me were two big heating pads and a large ice pack as the hospital doesn't have those. Also moisturizer and Evan spray I hate when my skin feels parched. Flip flops for shower and walking around. I wore hospital gowns the whole time and for me my mom brought all my food because I have terrible food allergies and couldn't trust hospital they can only do one allergy at a time.

My computer was invaluable and a long phone charger.

To go home super loose yoga pants, mans v neck undershirt and zip front sweatshirt I lived in this outfit for a month.

Also I have giant boobs so a sports bra would have been helpful at the hospital because I felt constantly exposed being driven around flopping everywhere.

turquoisequeen

No question this time but just checking in. Thank you BTDT moms!

QOTW: we don't get a lot of fundraising traffic in our neighborhood but I always buy girl scout cookies... thin mints all the way! And some tagalongs for DH. Can't wait to get them!

alpCRNA

My question for the BTDT moms...

When did you let family know you were in labor?  DH and I were thinking about waiting until after the baby is actually born.  Is it beneficial to have more than just DH there?  Or do you think it is okay to wait?

QOTW:  I don't remember what they are called, but I loved the peanut butter cookies dipped in chocolate.  I rarely actually buy girl scout cookies though.  We don't know anyone with kids in girl scouts and they don't really set up outside stores anymore.

ekc0630

@alpcrna  I called my sister and mom.  I knew it was really early but both insisted on being there for the entire thing and they were!  I really wanted pictures to capture the moments right after birth so my sister did that and my mom helped with holding one of my legs.  After the baby is born usually people can't go back for at least an hour especially if you had an epidural.  However, many hospitals are different.  I was on the Antipartum side for 21 days so all of the nurses knew me and my family and made special arrangements for us.  It is totally what you and your DH want.  My sister wanted private time and now regrets not having pictures.  

AFM:  LO is now 3 months old!!!!  OMG where did the time go.  We are battling our first cold and now have to begin looking for child care as our friends are being relocated to Spain with the military  I can not believe how much it costs!!!!  

weansworld09

No questions this week. Just checking in and saying thank you BTDT moms for responding and to @AMShark‌ for running these check-ins!

QOTW: I love tagalongs, trefoils and dosidos. This is the first year where no one has asked me to buy some. I don't need the extra calories tempting me but it feels weird! And I can't say no if they show up at my doorstep for fundraising in general.

sorrellam30

I love reading all of the responses to the questions-super helpful. I don't have any questions this time. QOTD-love thin mints! My niece is selling cookies and somehow got DH and I to buy 6 boxes! Our nephew is a boy scout so we always get a ton of popcorn too

AmCheri

@alpCRNA‌, the answer to your question is going to vary wildly from person to person. We didn't want anyone at the hospital during labor. I went through a 57-hr induction and was so glad that it was just DH and me. Didn't want to deal with people coming and going, or with everyone's opinions on how the labor was going. I ended up needing a csection. We called our families right before I was taken to the OR (only had about 5 min warning). My mom came to the hospital the next day. It was helpful to have her there, but honestly, we still would have been fine on our own. Do what makes you and your SO feel comfortable. For us, we preferred the alone time.

luvboston

I never went Into labor however it was essential for my mom and sisters to be there while I waited for my emergency c section to keep me company and get the nurse when I needed something. Then after I delivered it was so nice having some people with LO and some coming to see me. DH was not able to be there and if he had I would have still wanted it this way. The ppl you are closest to are the ones you want around. Also the only person allowed to Stay overnight was my little sister she took the best care of me. DH drives me bonkers in all medical situations because he's aloof and kicks the bed.

dp21

Hello All,

New mom here, but I think I can contribute to some questions.  My little one is 4 weeks old now! 

@pblge Hospital bag!  I started a thread on this awhile back, you don't need much!  There is soo much freaking blood, just stick to the hospital gown.  I wore two, one in front and one in back to make sure I was covered up.  I went through so many gowns, mesh panties, and towels, and got them all bloody or sweaty!  I didn't even use the underwear I brought, mesh panties are great and you don't feel bad getting them gross.  I took a pile of mesh panties home and wore them the first few days at home too! 

So my list:
1) cell phone
2) laptop
3) camera
4) 2 outfits for baby - we put this on after her first bath/right before visitors came, otherwise used hospital baby gowns most of time, then a going home outift (admitted Saturday night-Monday afternoon).  It is nice for taking first pics of baby!
5) nursing bra/top/stretchy pants/comfy slip on shoes for going home day, you want to be comfy!
6) comb - hospital ones suck, otherwise used their toiletries
7) deodorant - hospital just has spray kind 
8) carseat/swaddle blanket/hat/gloves for baby 

Honestly, this was all we actually used.

Things I didn't use that I packed: 
1) nightgown or robe:  too much blood
2) underwear: again what a mess down there, I stuck with mesh panties - and took some home for first few days
3) pads - I just ended using giant hospital ones - also took a bag home
4) socks - ended up wearing hospital socks with grippy bottoms, blood and fluids on hospital floor too, yuck!     
5) toiletries: used hospital toiletries
6) snacks:  didn't eat them, they put you on clear liquid diet until baby arrives, our hospital has room service so can order food anytime after baby is born and just ordered extra and put in my fridge in room 

@alpCRNA - we let everyone know we were in labor.  I posted a check-in on fb, but anyone that would want to come by etc. family/close friends etc. we had a discussion way before baby came about expectations.  Everyone knew that I only wanted hubby in L&D with me and that we wanted the first half of day alone with baby (as I knew I needed people not to be there to establish breastfeeding).  LO was born at 256am, people showed up around 4pm in the afternoon and only stayed an hour.  So it was just perfect and everyone came together at once and left.  Also we established that everyone would get a text/email when we were ready and established that hubby was not allowed to constantly update during the labor process (because he needed to be present for me). 

@AMShark No NICU experience but I'm a peds nurse on a unit that takes stable preeemies (feeders and growers until they are ready to go home).  My biggest advice to make sure you take care of yourself.  It is ok to ask the nurse that you need to sleep and have them feed your baby, I love feeding babies   It is ok to ask grandma to come in, so you can escape to eat or take a hot shower.  Don't be afraid to ask for help!  Make sure you take care of yourself too!  I already know you'll be a great advocate for yourself and babies, no doubt. 

@Lady2010 So as peds nurse, I'd thought I'd be crazy.  But we are letting everyone that wants to visit come and hold her.  Most of my friends are nurses anyway, so we are all vaccinated and they know not to come over if sick and know to wash their hands.  Honestly, having people over has been great for me because me and baby don't leave the house (live in cold/snowy place).  So it's great for me to see some adults/friends.  They also tend to come with food, home cooked or take out and offer to do laundry/clean/etc.  I have helpful friends and it gives me a break from baby, chores, and frozen meals lol. 

Ok hope this helps!

katers79

No questions for me, just checking in! These threads are so great- thanks BTDT moms for all of your info!

QOTW- samoas, tagalongs, and thin mints. And now I want cookies. They've been my weakness all along, but Day-um-- Holy cravings now!

dp21

@pblge Forgot, bring a nursing pillow if you plan to nurse.  I actually forgot mine and had family pick it up from the house and bring it.  It was much easier to use my pillow than the flat hospital pillows! 

alpCRNA

Thanks for all your input ladies.  I think I really want some alone time with both DH and baby.  So, I may wait to call everyone except my mother.  For one, she will kill me but she also lives an hour and a half away.  So, she will need a little more notice than my local family.