TUESDAY yo!

willy_gert

tinyhumantoe said:

I just saw that a company I'm involved with has fertilizers for sale on their webpage.  They use the words like natural, extended slow release, and organic... they aren't a registered fertilizer supplier with the State Chemist and those words are big no-nos if you don't have the proper paperwork.  For example, if you as a consumer are buying Organic, you expect it to meet certain stipulations.

ETA:  posted too soon, I wasn't even going to post this bc BORING, haha, sorry

This made me giggle.  I don't know how to respond to all of these people that are getting up in arms about fertilizer, etc. when they have no clues about it.  The pastor of our former church recently posted an article to his facebook page about how the chemicals that us farmers dump on crops is what is causing autism.  Um, have you been to a farm when those chemicals are being used?  Do you see how we use them and what state the wheat is in?  Would you like us to quit producing so that you have to buy everything from overseas and pay import prices?  

Sorry, my soapbox asked me to stand there.....

hmp1

tinyhumantoe said:

I tried to look at RUUM and I can't stand the site.  If they have 2 straggling items under each category, why can't they just have a view all items option?

If you go to sale it has everything listed because everything is on sale. I do wish they had size filters though, everything in the boys section was all huge sizes and everything in the toddler was all little stuff. But with the baby, that might work out well for you.

jenndub

@tinyhumantoe I think we have the same mom. If I ever get mad at her for anything, she gets so wounded. Tears in the eyes and then says something fucking dumb like," I, I just wanted to help... But I guess nothing I ever do is good enough. I, I thought I was doing the right thing. But you never appreciate how much I do for you." It never makes sense. Last Friday Sawyer and Emma had a dance recital, my parents decided to come. I told them that the recital started at 6 but I had to be there at 4:30 for the rehearsal. If they wanted to ride with me, they had to be at my house by 3:30 (I really had to leave at 4). They called me at 5:15 and they were AT MY HOUSE! And they were super upset that I left without them!

Anyway, when my mom says she will help or be at my house at a certain time, I don't count on it. I always give myself a huge window when involving my parents. It's so frustrating but it helps me stay sane. I expect the worst and hope for the best. She is not going to change, so you need to change the way you deal with her. It sucks, but that's the way it has to be.

tinyhumantoe

Fertilizers or pesticides? Althought I guess it's usually it's a concoction of both.  I don't let W play outside at MIL's for at least a week after they treat the crops.  The house is surrounded by farm land.  We have to completely cover the veggie garden or it all dies.  There's always a bunch of tiny dead critters after the sprays, too.

BUT, if we're talking fertilizers, the largest polluting sources to the waterways are homeowners.  The nutrient and toxin levels are actually monitored more closely for large farm producers.  I reemed DH's ass when he applied a full bag of fertilizer to our lawn.... which was like 25x's the application rate.  That's where the pollution comes from, my DH.

willy_gert

tinyhumantoe said:

Fertilizers or pesticides? Althought I guess it's usually it's a concoction of both.  I don't let W play outside at MIL's for at least a week after they treat the crops.  The house is surrounded by farm land.  We have to completely cover the veggie garden or it all dies.  There's always a bunch of tiny dead critters after the sprays, too.

BUT, if we're talking fertilizers, the largest polluting sources to the waterways are homeowners.  The nutrient and toxin levels are actually monitored more closely for large farm producers.  I reemed DH's ass when he applied a full bag of fertilizer to our lawn.... which was like 25x's the application rate.  That's where the pollution comes from, my DH.

LOL, I lump them together because that is what the article did and I couldn't believe that someone would be "speaking" with such authority that had obviously never set foot on a farm to know what they were talking about.  

We use as little as possible, but seriously you almost have to as a small farmer just to make it.  Sorry it just gets me all riled up.  I understand, but I feel like if these types of people would just take time to actually know how farms work and where their food comes from, they wouldn't put out stupid shit articles.

Pokedot

B has been obsessed with T Swift's "Shake It Off" lately. I posted on IG the other night that he asked for it so DH whipped out the iPad and let him listen. He danced and danced it was hilarious. Well I just found this online (it might have been on news stations too) and I couldn't stop LOLing at work.

I love it when he puts on his "cop face" so people don't realize he's singing along to the song.

https://www.ifyouonlynews.com/humor/did-this-cop-forget-his-dash-cam-was-recording-him-video/

tinyhumantoe

Hyaline said:

I guess--hmmm.  I get the frustration.  But if you *know* she's like this--maybe it's easier to adjust your expectations than it is to expect her to conform to them?  Like you *know* you won't be at work at 7 the days Grandma babysits?

Hmm... My expectations for my mother are in the gutter, but she still surprises me?  She doesn't babysit W, this is just because my sitter is out. 

I was definitely confused and frustrated when she locked herself in her bedroom and wouldn't come out this morning.  Her being late or coming down with diphtheria?  Sure, business as usual.  But how could I have expected a lock-in?  It was so fucking weird!

kelbel527

I just got an email from someone at work that if I reply to it right now it will definitely not be nice.  So I need to wait.

Early in the email chain:  "We all agree that the number is 1"

Then I send out: "If we make xyz decision the number will increase by 2"

He responds: "So, I need to clarify, 1+2=3?"  

Um yes.  I'm so glad you can do math.  I didn't think I needed to tell you that if you add 2 to 1 that it will now be 3.  It doesn't help that he naturally annoys me for other reasons.  (and obviously the real numbers weren't 1,2,3, but they were pretty darn close.)

MarisaKathleen

Student doesn't show up for 1130 appointment.  I wait til noon.  Go heat up lunch.  Said student then calls.  "Hey Marisa...I never got a confirmation about meeting today, so I was just wondering if you had time."  "Yea...we confirmed for 1130...."  "Oh, I'm in the library, can I just pop over for a second?"  "Sure, come on over."  

I'M AROUND THE CORNER FROM THE FING LIBRARY.  THAT WAS 18 MINUTES AGO AND SHE'S STILL NOT HERE.  NOW MY LUNCH IS COLD.

MommaP12

jenndub said:

@tinyhumantoe I think we have the same mom. If I ever get mad at her for anything, she gets so wounded. Tears in the eyes and then says something fucking dumb like," I, I just wanted to help... But I guess nothing I ever do is good enough. I, I thought I was doing the right thing. But you never appreciate how much I do for you." It never makes sense. Last Friday Sawyer and Emma had a dance recital, my parents decided to come. I told them that the recital started at 6 but I had to be there at 4:30 for the rehearsal. If they wanted to ride with me, they had to be at my house by 3:30 (I really had to leave at 4). They called me at 5:15 and they were AT MY HOUSE! And they were super upset that I left without them!

Anyway, when my mom says she will help or be at my house at a certain time, I don't count on it. I always give myself a huge window when involving my parents. It's so frustrating but it helps me stay sane. I expect the worst and hope for the best. She is not going to change, so you need to change the way you deal with her. It sucks, but that's the way it has to be.

my long lost sister!!  tee hee.

No but seriously, I hear so many women in their 30s with mom issues like this that I've told DH it has to be "generational" where that generation of Moms is all about being selfish (no regard for anyone else's needs/requests) and a martyr (I'm never good enough, boo hoo) so I too manage it as best I can and expect very little!

Unknown

This content has been removed.

MarisaKathleen

Aside from you ladies on TB, none of my friends IRL have Mom issues or flake Mom's. 

A lot of them have idiots for Dad's though....

I feel bad for all of you guys that have Mama-Drama.  I'd rather spend time with my Mom over just about anyone else.  She's just so awesome.  I love seeing the relationship between her and Nancy.  It's so much like how my relationship was with my Grandma and I'm just so glad they get to make these memories together.  DH gets angry about his Dad and how our kids are never going to know him because he's such a dbag and what not.  I'm just really glad that my Mom is there for them.  

tinyhumantoe

My mom's siblings are all mentally ill, and my dad's family is the kind of crazy you could only dream of.  I wonder if any of you are my cousins! 

One of the hardest things about dating DH was that he came from a really loving and pretty normal family.  He never believed the few mild stories I told him about growing up.  Then he moved on to the stage where he saw them do fucked up things, but he thought they were all flukes - I just laughed and gave it more time.  Now he knows, fo sho, these people are fucking crazy.

I just overate for lunch and I know I will regret it.  Damnit.

tinyhumantoe

MarisaKathleen said:

I'd rather spend time with my Mom over just about anyone else.  She's just so awesome.

So I have wondered that if I am not psycho and do the right things with W, if I can have daughters who feel this way.  I think the top 3 missteps my mom made were that (1) she was not fair (favoritism), (2) she was not consistent (totally unpredictable), and the rest falls under things that I would never dream of doing to another human being so I'm clear on those.

eta:  so much poor grammar here, I don't know how to fix it haha

tinyhumantoe

harti09 said:

DH sent me a text this morning asking where I was. He said he looked all over and even went to make sure the car was there. Yet he never checked the kids' rooms? Okay dude.

Hahahahahahahaha, WHUT?

MarisaKathleen

I plan an annual baseball game trip.  I plan it in JANUARY for a game in either JUNE or JULY.

When you respond and say "gosh, I can't get a babysitter that day" I think you're a fucking idiot.  It's literally 6 months in advance.  I will never understand not being able to find a babysitter 6 months in advance when your entire family and all of your friends live within 20 miles of you.

FYI, this is the same friend who has never had anyone other than her sisters or her DHs parents watch her kids because she's too cheap to pay a babysitter.  I just cannot understand it in our situation.  

kelbel527

Add me to the mom-martyr / slightly self-centered group.

@marissakathleen - I'm jealous of your Mom relationship.  I have a few friends like this, and for awhile, both my sister and I felt like WE were missing something.  Then we realized it was our mom.

As much as my parents drive me insane and my mom and I just don't click, I have the two best siblings in the world.  I always blame it on the divorce in early high school.  The three of us had to stick together in order to survive the madness.

So if I totally screw up and my kids hate me, I pray they are brothers that will be the best of friends (someday, I don't expect that to happen as children).

ETA: This is also why I'm afraid of having a daughter.  I feel like it's harder to hold onto mom-daughter bonds than mother-son ones.  

Flamingemu

Fuckfuckfuck. I finally remembered to call my insurance company about tomorrow and they changed their plan to not allow ANYTHING out of network. period. My specialist doesn't accept any insurance since he is a specialist. The hospital will be covered, but not the Dr. 

I guess that means I won't be getting my hardwood floors this year afterall. DH is NOT going to be happy with me. 

Pokedot

MarisaKathleen said:

Aside from you ladies on TB, none of my friends IRL have Mom issues or flake Mom's. 

A lot of them have idiots for Dad's though....

I feel bad for all of you guys that have Mama-Drama.  I'd rather spend time with my Mom over just about anyone else.  She's just so awesome.  I love seeing the relationship between her and Nancy.  It's so much like how my relationship was with my Grandma and I'm just so glad they get to make these memories together.  DH gets angry about his Dad and how our kids are never going to know him because he's such a dbag and what not.  I'm just really glad that my Mom is there for them.  

I feel the same. Although my mom drives me nutty not like many of you experience, the relationship she and Bennett has is irreplacable. He just loves her and she is the same with him. He can't wait to spend time with her. It's really amazing to watch and we're so grateful for it.

Flamingemu

We (with my ILs or my circle of friends) don't even talk about my mother anymore unless we need to laugh at her crazy.

My mom and I used to be super close. Then I left for college and she started spiraling. To be fair, we were only close because she played the friend role and avoided the mom role. It was more important to her for me to like her than parent me. I left for college and she made a series of terrible, awful decisions that affected my little brother and I don't think I could forgive her for that. She has only met L a couple of times, all 100% surpervised. She could handle L for a couple of hours alone, but I just don't trust her enough to have her watch my kid. I am glad she lives 1000+ miles away so I don't have to even worry about her asking. 

Hyaline

tinyhumantoe said:

Hyaline said:

I guess--hmmm.  I get the frustration.  But if you *know* she's like this--maybe it's easier to adjust your expectations than it is to expect her to conform to them?  Like you *know* you won't be at work at 7 the days Grandma babysits?

Hmm... My expectations for my mother are in the gutter, but she still surprises me?  She doesn't babysit W, this is just because my sitter is out. 

I was definitely confused and frustrated when she locked herself in her bedroom and wouldn't come out this morning.  Her being late or coming down with diphtheria?  Sure, business as usual.  But how could I have expected a lock-in?  It was so fucking weird!

I guess what I mean is, that you expect that any interaction with her might be a shitstorm. That you can't expect anything...least of all going about the day without issue.  

I'm not saying what she did was ok at all. 

AKB090609

Pokedot said:

AKB090609 said:

We went to the zoo yesterday, it was 46 degrees and felt wonderful! I feel like I missed a lot, so now I'm trying to catch up.

VENT:

As bad as I feel for all of you who have child care issues, I'm still jealous that you have options. My mother sent me an article about how grandparents who babysit are less likely to develop Alzheimer's all I said to her was 'I think they are simply showing a correlation not causation' really what I thought is people don't let grandparents with early symptoms of the disease babysit. We can't trust my mom to be honest about what goes on if she is alone with the kids and my inlaws have proven they can't respect our wishes with a baby. Add to that DH having an issue with every single babysitter I interview. 

What are his issues?

Random things that change all the time, one was 'too young' the next was 'too old' one gave him a 'bad vibe'. I think the real issue is that he doesn't see why I need a brake or the point of going on dates together, likely just a part of the rut we are in.

MommaP12

kelbel527 said:

Add me to the mom-martyr / slightly self-centered group.

@marissakathleen - I'm jealous of your Mom relationship.  I have a few friends like this, and for awhile, both my sister and I felt like WE were missing something.  Then we realized it was our mom.

As much as my parents drive me insane and my mom and I just don't click, I have the two best siblings in the world.  I always blame it on the divorce in early high school.  The three of us had to stick together in order to survive the madness.

So if I totally screw up and my kids hate me, I pray they are brothers that will be the best of friends (someday, I don't expect that to happen as children).

ETA: This is also why I'm afraid of having a daughter.  I feel like it's harder to hold onto mom-daughter bonds than mother-son ones.  

@kelbel527 I felt the same way about having a daughter.  Was TERRIFIED of having one and didn't want one.  Well now I have one and have to just make sure I don't do the same as my mom.  I've already broken 2 cycles, I can break 1 more - I hope.

@tinyhumantoe I did the same thing with DH!  He comes from the best family and now, he's like "your family is crazy" and I'm all "I warned you!!"  unlike Kelbel527, I welcome him joining me on fits about their absurdity because I feel like I get some validation - it's not just me thinking it's wrong!   Also like you @tinyhumantoe, my mom has said things to me and my 2 sisters that I would never even dream of saying to my children - so I'm clear on those things to clean up too.  I feel bad that I sometimes prefer my MIL and that I don't have a Gilmore Girls relationship with my mom (she had me very young), but I remind myself, she molded this relationship early on and I just have to manage it to stay sane.

Flamingemu

MommaP12 said:

kelbel527 said:

Add me to the mom-martyr / slightly self-centered group.

@marissakathleen - I'm jealous of your Mom relationship.  I have a few friends like this, and for awhile, both my sister and I felt like WE were missing something.  Then we realized it was our mom.

As much as my parents drive me insane and my mom and I just don't click, I have the two best siblings in the world.  I always blame it on the divorce in early high school.  The three of us had to stick together in order to survive the madness.

So if I totally screw up and my kids hate me, I pray they are brothers that will be the best of friends (someday, I don't expect that to happen as children).

ETA: This is also why I'm afraid of having a daughter.  I feel like it's harder to hold onto mom-daughter bonds than mother-son ones.  

@kelbel527 I felt the same way about having a daughter.  Was TERRIFIED of having one and didn't want one.  Well now I have one and have to just make sure I don't do the same as my mom.  I've already broken 2 cycles, I can break 1 more - I hope.

@tinyhumantoe I did the same thing with DH!  He comes from the best family and now, he's like "your family is crazy" and I'm all "I warned you!!"  unlike Kelbel527, I welcome him joining me on fits about their absurdity because I feel like I get some validation - it's not just me thinking it's wrong!   Also like you @tinyhumantoe, my mom has said things to me and my 2 sisters that I would never even dream of saying to my children - so I'm clear on those things to clean up too.  I feel bad that I sometimes prefer my MIL and that I don't have a Gilmore Girls relationship with my mom (she had me very young), but I remind myself, she molded this relationship early on and I just have to manage it to stay sane.

It is no secret that I was devastated when I found out I was having a girl. It took me weeks to accept it. I love L more than anything, and am happy she is a she (now), but in utero, I was so unsure of myself and how to raise a girl. I had a couple of soul searching convos with DH and he reminded me that I was not doing this alone and that was different enough from my mother that I had a fighting chance. (<- sounds totally overdramatic, but I needed it at the time.) I am much more confident in my mother of a girl abilities now that she is here and growing up.

Pokedot

AKB090609 said:

Pokedot said:

AKB090609 said:

We went to the zoo yesterday, it was 46 degrees and felt wonderful! I feel like I missed a lot, so now I'm trying to catch up.

VENT:

As bad as I feel for all of you who have child care issues, I'm still jealous that you have options. My mother sent me an article about how grandparents who babysit are less likely to develop Alzheimer's all I said to her was 'I think they are simply showing a correlation not causation' really what I thought is people don't let grandparents with early symptoms of the disease babysit. We can't trust my mom to be honest about what goes on if she is alone with the kids and my inlaws have proven they can't respect our wishes with a baby. Add to that DH having an issue with every single babysitter I interview. 

What are his issues?

Random things that change all the time, one was 'too young' the next was 'too old' one gave him a 'bad vibe'. I think the real issue is that he doesn't see why I need a brake or the point of going on dates together, likely just a part of the rut we are in.

Aww I'm sorry. You need a break. You're home with 2 kids every day. Even I need a break and I work FT.

willy_gert

I thankfully have a relationship like Marisa's with my mom.  My daddy and I are really close too.  I have enjoyed seeing the relationships between Luci and my parents blossom.  My only fear is that my step mom will grow to resent Luci the way she resents me.  My step mom can be cruel and has been to me, but I will lose it if she ever tries to be cruel to Luci.

DH is close with his dad, but the longer we are together the more I am discovering it is a false closeness.  He has basically lied to him his entire life about his aunts, uncles, grandparents, even about his brother.  Those lies pushed him closer to FIL, but FIL keeps him at arms length and manipulates him like whoa.  I've told DH that if he ever starts that kind of stuff with Luci he might as well go pick out his funeral clothes, because I won't have it.  I am hopeful that he will break the cycle of his family and take a small cue from my family on this one.

willy_gert

Random question - Those of you that have used eshakti, would I be outside my mind to pass up one of their dresses that I have been ogling over for 4 months for $15?

kelbel527

At lunch I went to a meeting about summer camp.  I can't believe I am less than 5 months away from having a kid no longer in daycare.  I know I'm in a different world when they walk through the daily schedule and don't even mention nap time.  

Time certainly flies.

Pokedot

Our CU just called me to let me know they got our house insurance bill and asked if they needed to pay it. I told her no and that we were switching insurance companies. Our insurance bill if we were to go with the same plan $1,649!!!!!!!! New company $942, really? That's like 1/2 the cost. Insane!

Flamingemu

Pokedot said:

Our CU just called me to let me know they got our house insurance bill and asked if they needed to pay it. I told her no and that we were switching insurance companies. Our tax bill if we were to go with the same plan $1,649!!!!!!!! New company $942, really? that's like 1/2 the cost. Insane!

How are your taxes different with a new insurance company? Does not compute. 

Pokedot

Flamingemu said:

Pokedot said:

Our CU just called me to let me know they got our house insurance bill and asked if they needed to pay it. I told her no and that we were switching insurance companies. Our tax bill if we were to go with the same plan $1,649!!!!!!!! New company $942, really? that's like 1/2 the cost. Insane!

How are your taxes different with a new insurance company? Does not compute. 

I just went back and reread what I wrote, I mean insurance and somehow taxes came out. Sorry ladies. As you all know my fingers tend to go faster than my thoughts.

MarisaKathleen

willy_gert said:

Random question - Those of you that have used eshakti, would I be outside my mind to pass up one of their dresses that I have been ogling over for 4 months for $15?

It's only $15.  Even if you wear it once to work, it's worth it. :-)

MommaP12

kelbel527 said:

At lunch I went to a meeting about summer camp.  I can't believe I am less than 5 months away from having a kid no longer in daycare.  I know I'm in a different world when they walk through the daily schedule and don't even mention nap time.  

Time certainly flies.

Wait until he comes home from Kindergarten STARVING and EXHAUSTED because they don't have afternoon snack or nap.  We actually moved DSs bedtime up 30-45 minutes this year due to Kindergarten and the kid eats a whole meal at 3:15 when he walks in!  I can see why moms shop for snacks in bulk at Costco now!

Nita2603

I am sorry about the the bad moms we all have.
My mother lives far away, thankfully, but the twice or so a year she comes for visits...and those are terrible.


The little had the tummy crud for the lasts few days and today I got it. Yay.

hmp1

MommaP12 said:

kelbel527 said:

At lunch I went to a meeting about summer camp.  I can't believe I am less than 5 months away from having a kid no longer in daycare.  I know I'm in a different world when they walk through the daily schedule and don't even mention nap time.  

Time certainly flies.

Wait until he comes home from Kindergarten STARVING and EXHAUSTED because they don't have afternoon snack or nap.  We actually moved DSs bedtime up 30-45 minutes this year due to Kindergarten and the kid eats a whole meal at 3:15 when he walks in!  I can see why moms shop for snacks in bulk at Costco now!

I have no clue how this works now but I remember when I was a kid, we were allowed to bring a snack to eat at recess. It helped with that afternoon hunger/tiredness. But I guess that depends a lot on what time they do recess.

Nita2603

Oh, also, DS1 is gonna start nursery school on Monday twice a week. And I am gonna sign him up
For JK this week as well. Time is flying and I am not sure I am ready for any of this.

Holly_1007

RE car insurance, don't get a deductible any higher than $500, and if you can afford the $250 do it, especially on comp coverage. And seriously, add rental, just do it. If you have any specific questions feel free to reach out to me guys!!
speaking of, @willy_gert‌ did you ever get the reimbursement processed for the car seat that was in your moms car?

kelbel527

MommaP12 said:

kelbel527 said:

At lunch I went to a meeting about summer camp.  I can't believe I am less than 5 months away from having a kid no longer in daycare.  I know I'm in a different world when they walk through the daily schedule and don't even mention nap time.  

Time certainly flies.

Wait until he comes home from Kindergarten STARVING and EXHAUSTED because they don't have afternoon snack or nap.  We actually moved DSs bedtime up 30-45 minutes this year due to Kindergarten and the kid eats a whole meal at 3:15 when he walks in!  I can see why moms shop for snacks in bulk at Costco now!

Oh boy, my boys already eat more than me, I can only imagine what next year will be like!  I'm scared of kindergarten.  

MommaP12

hmp1 said:

MommaP12 said:

kelbel527 said:

At lunch I went to a meeting about summer camp.  I can't believe I am less than 5 months away from having a kid no longer in daycare.  I know I'm in a different world when they walk through the daily schedule and don't even mention nap time.  

Time certainly flies.

Wait until he comes home from Kindergarten STARVING and EXHAUSTED because they don't have afternoon snack or nap.  We actually moved DSs bedtime up 30-45 minutes this year due to Kindergarten and the kid eats a whole meal at 3:15 when he walks in!  I can see why moms shop for snacks in bulk at Costco now!

I have no clue how this works now but I remember when I was a kid, we were allowed to bring a snack to eat at recess. It helped with that afternoon hunger/tiredness. But I guess that depends a lot on what time they do recess.

Yeah, to be honest, I wish they did that.  Instead, in our schools, they start at 8, have a morning snack, then have lunch early at like 11:30 and then have recess at lunch time.  So by 3:15 when he gets off the bus, he hasn't eaten since 11:30 and that's before having run around at recess and having PE on M/W.  I feel like they load them up in the morning with food and they he's starving by 3:15 so I wish the snack wasn't in the morning.

willy_gert

Holly_1007 said:

RE car insurance, don't get a deductible any higher than $500, and if you can afford the $250 do it, especially on comp coverage. And seriously, add rental, just do it. If you have any specific questions feel free to reach out to me guys!!
speaking of, @willy_gert‌ did you ever get the reimbursement processed for the car seat that was in your moms car?

Yes FINALLY @holly_1007.  We got the Nautilus so I am happy with our decision, but I was getting frustrated waiting for so long.  DH still has to take the bad carseat to the fire department to be destroyed.