Sleep Arrangement Issue

babym6705

Hi! I have a 5yr old daughter and 9 month old son. I strongly believe in attachment parenting, but my husband does not. We put both kids in their own beds at bedtime. My 5 yr old has her own room and my 9 month old has a crib in our room. We only have two bedrooms. However, throughout the night, the baby ends up in our bed due to nursing and our 5 year old crawls into around 1am for cuddles. I have no problem with this, but my husband is getting really frustrated. He ends up sleeping on the sofa or my daughters bed frequently. I agree with him that no one is getting a good night of sleep. We don't wake up refreshed at all, but I'd rather give up sleep then take away my daughter feeling secure. We have tried a few times to put her back into her bed but she clings on to me and cries and it's awful. I thought about starting to have her sleep in her own bed through the night but it just doesn't feel fair that baby is in bed with us but she's not allowed. I don't know what to do, but it's putting a lot of strain on my marriage and would love some advice. Oh and we have a king size bed.

vvvvvfee

elizabeth pantley has a nice article on this (RE your older daughter) on her website: https://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071444912.php?nid=408&isbn=0071444912
(the book this is excerpted from is also worth checking out- the no-cry sleep solution for toddlers and preschoolers)

you can set gentle limits on when she comes into your room (like, not before morning), or you can set up an alternative sleeping spot on the floor of your room for these visits. she is certainly old enough to understand your explanations and limits, and hopefully you can work with her to come up with a solution that is agreeable for everyone in the family. 

3JTMom

It can be a challenge to get nighttime routines in order so that everyone is happy. It is important that your husband and you agree on the plan. Here are a couple of articles on the family bed and nighttime fears that might be of interest to you. Do you think you can start talking to your 5 year old and helping her to understand that there is nothing to fear? It may take some time but you will get it figured out. - Cookin'Quiltin

DaddysHeart

We're going through the same thing with our 6 month old and 4 year old. It's hard for me to tell my 4 year old to go back to bed when our 6 month old is laying right next to me. We're in a queen size bed... I'm considering getting a King size.

orangecurls

We had a similar struggle about 6 months ago with our 3 and 4 year old. I rewarded the kids (with animal cookies) when they slept through the night. They also have a lamp in their room on a timer, that comes on when it is time to get up. (I colored the lightbulb green with a sharpie, green means go:) After the light turns on, they can come into our bed for morning cuddles. It is a really nice way to wake up . And lastly when one does crawl into our bed, we cuddle for 5 minutes, then he has to go back to his own bed.)

Good luck