Missing husband...

MaMaCarty

I understand that husbands feel pressure and stressed about becoming a father. However, lately my husband has been going out with his friends, and staying out later and later. When he is home he won't be in the same room and comes to bed when I'm asleep. He is super excited to be father, and follows every rule in the book.
I know he's not doing anything behind my back, and that he loves but I feel so distant. When I try to discuss it he thinks I'm being dramatic and my hormones are kicking in. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, how did you go about talking to your significant other?

bbiutmcph

MaMaCarty said:

I understand that husbands feel pressure and stressed about becoming a father. However, lately my husband has been going out with his friends, and staying out later and later. When he is home he won't be in the same room and comes to bed when I'm asleep. He is super excited to be father, and follows every rule in the book. I know he's not doing anything behind my back, and that he loves but I feel so distant. When I try to discuss it he thinks I'm being dramatic and my hormones are kicking in. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, how did you go about talking to your significant other?

LOL yes he sounds super excited to be a father if he is going out all the time and staying out later and later and later.  Have a serious convo with him is the first step. 

thelittlestbee

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Not all men react to pregnancy the same way that women do. If your husband's actions are really hurting you, then you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about it. Communication is going to be the key here. Good luck!

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Koalaknuckles

Are you guys relatively young?

That just sounds like a young guy thing to do. I live in a military town and a lot of my Marine wife friends (who are much younger than I am) have gone through this.

Successful relationships take communication and if he brushes you off keep bringing it up.

He might call you a nag, but if something's really bothering you there's no reason you shouldn't voice your unhappiness.

He just sounds really immature.

mandilou221

My husband did the same thing with our first, but like PP mentioned, we were super young, not even married. Men deal with stress differently than we do, and they're going to deal with this differently too.

I read an article (and of course I can't find it now to link to it!) that said men have hormone changes while their wives are pregnant too. Something about lowering testosterone to make them more sympathetic and nurturing caretakers for their ladies. I don't know how much of it I believe, but surely they feel just as weird as we do!

I know it sounds stupid, but the only thing that worked for us were scheduled date nights or scheduled "talks."
"I know you have plans tonight, but can we stay home and talk about some stuff over dinner?"
"You're being weird. Can we talk about this later?"

If I wanted to talk about it NOW, I'd get dismissed. He felt put on the spot I guess.

FirstTimeDaddy81

mandilou221.  You need to communicate with him and let him know how you feel and the type of support you need from him.  Don't have the conversation when you're upset, though.  Plan a date night to do a nice dinner together (home or restaurant) and then bring up the concerns.  If you bring up the issue in the heat of the moment when you're upset (and hormonal) it will seem, to him, like you're attacking him.  Have the conversation when you're both in a good mood so that you can both talk about what's going on without offending each other. 

By the way, can you tell us a little bit about your husband?  How old is he?  What line of work?  Does he have any sisters?  Has he spent much time around kids? 

I feel like your husband's probably good intentioned,  but he's a little clueless about how he's supposed to act.   

KatrinaPR

The most important thing is that he be willing to communicate. That being said, when I'm feeling upset with my husband, I try (operative word being try ) to think about the situation from his perspective as well. Unfortunately, pregnancy has an immediate impact on what us women are able to do, but for men they may feel like they still have this window until the baby is born. While he's excited to be a father, he may also be nervous. He may feel like he needs to get his partying in now before the baby arrives, hence the sudden increase in going out. Hopefully, as other posters suggested, you can set aside a time in advance to calmly discuss how you're both feeling and come to a compromise that will make you both happy.

sweetmama101226

mandilou221 said:

My husband did the same thing with our first, but like PP mentioned, we were super young, not even married. Men deal with stress differently than we do, and they're going to deal with this differently too.

I read an article (and of course I can't find it now to link to it!) that said men have hormone changes while their wives are pregnant too. Something about lowering testosterone to make them more sympathetic and nurturing caretakers for their ladies. I don't know how much of it I believe, but surely they feel just as weird as we do!

I know it sounds stupid, but the only thing that worked for us were scheduled date nights or scheduled "talks."
"I know you have plans tonight, but can we stay home and talk about some stuff over dinner?"
"You're being weird. Can we talk about this later?"

If I wanted to talk about it NOW, I'd get dismissed. He felt put on the spot I guess.

She took the words out of my mouth! so this ^^^^^