Just curious if there are any FTM out there that are thinking they may be one and done, for whatever reason be it medical, financial or lifestyle. This is something that may very well be a reality for our little family. Anybody?
We're thinking about that possibility, though its really too early to say. I'm already 35 and have auto immune arthritis. It depends on how this entire pregnancy goes, recovery (arthritis), and a few other things. My MIL had said to me, "whatever you do, don't just have one". Sigh. I'll say that we'd like two, but there are several factors to consider. One may be our reality.
We might be one and done. The cost of childcare is prohibitive so unless we make some major changes (jobs, moving, etc) we may not be able to provide things like college, vacations, pricier extracurriculars, etc. It just depends on so many "what ifs" and "maybes" that we are not discussing a second child for at least 2-4 years and are treating this as out possible first and last child.
As an only child, I definitely want multiple kids. Especially now that I'm older, my mom is older, it's tough. If it wasn't for my husbands help I don't know how I could handle all the additional stressors that are associated with an older parent.
I always wanted a big family, but like @bmshelnutt I've been so sick with this one I dont know...how could I be this sick and take care of a kid? Also, this one was so hard to get, & I had multiple miscarriages before. This may be the only miracle I get.
We might be one and done. The cost of childcare is prohibitive so unless we make some major changes (jobs, moving, etc) we may not be able to provide things like college, vacations, pricier extracurriculars, etc. It just depends on so many "what ifs" and "maybes" that we are not discussing a second child for at least 2-4 years and are treating this as out possible first and last child.
I'm in the same boat. I never even thought I'd have one child let alone 2. There are many reasons. I love my life. We like to travel and I'd love to bring kids, but more than one I don't think we could afford. I work shift work and crazy long hours. I'm already worried about child care and costs. Who's even going to be home to get the one child ready for school when both parents are at work. SO leaves at 5am and me at 630 and I work till 8 pm. I'd love to be able to help my child with education cost, but for 2 kids, don't think I can. I get a lot if negative opinions from ppl telling me only children are "weird " or they will have a better childhood with a sibling. I don't believe all of that, but non the less, family doesn't like the idea. I think we are one and done and we're both ok with that. I even got the "well what happens when you die and the only child is left alone?" Fuck that comment.
I've always wanted 2 kids. This is my 3rd pregnancy but my first success and I'm already 34 so it scares me a little with having the losses under my belt. My husband and I are talking about adopting our 2nd
I grew up with three younger siblings, and my husband was an only child. We've debated over it for years, but now that I am pregnant and the reality of it is sinking in... the idea of only have one child might be the best for us. But only time will tell, our opinions might change a few years from now
I thought we were going to be one and done. I was very set on the idea of just one, we have a good thing going with DS and we had big plans for us as a family of three. Sometimes I'm still not sure I'm ready to be a family of four, three was perfect for us.
In saying that, DS is extremely social and we know he will thrive with a sibling. He is so active and wants attention at all times, whether it's from us, the dogs, or friends. DH also wanted to have a second. I was convinced to have a second after seeing DS with his babysitters kids, friends kids, and his school friends. He loves having someone around his age to play with and I know he is one of those kids who really needs a sibling so here we are!
There are a lot of things I like about the idea of being one and done. But H and I both loved growing up with a sibling, so we'll probably end up trying for 2. The only thing that might be a factor is my age, since I am...uh, not 18.
DH and I always said we would have one and after talk about a second. But God had a different plan for us... Twins no talking in our case. But I say we are done after this! Fertility treatments cost us a lot to get pregnant. And I am very happy with two
We are going to be one and done! Truthfully I have never even wanted to have biological children. My plan has always been to just adopt. However, my husband wanted one of his own. So we have agreed. This baby is our first and will be the last pregnancy. We will be adopting the rest! He has agreed to a vasectomy.
I'm 85-90% sure we are one and done. Partly finances, partly lifestyle, partly just feel like the experience of raising one child will be enough. I could see maybe revisiting the subject once this kid is in school but I'll be... 39 then? So it isn't likely.
It's weird for us because DH and I both had siblings and that's part of what family is to us. But I do think the stuff people say about only children being lonely or socially maladjusted is bullshit. I had two sisters and it didn't keep me from being totally socially awkward. Some only children wish they'd had siblings and some people with siblings wish they'd been only children- most people are probably fine with what they've got because it's all they know. My dad is an only child and he's totally great and the person I relate to most in my family. My one reservation is seeing how hard it was for him when his parents died- he didn't have anyone to go through that experience with him and doesn't have anyone who he can remember them with, the way my sisters and I will have each other when he's gone. But that alone isn't enough of a reason, in the face of all the other arguments in my head that tell me sticking with one is the best option for us.
Kind of, in a way. This pregnancy has been incredibly hard already, and we had already been considering adoption since we were told we couldn't get pregnant in the first place. We decided we wanted fertility treatments to try for one biological (miraculously, while saving the $, we got a BFP!!!), and adopt the rest. That is looking like the plan now, but who knows after this one arrives...
We've been planning on having 2-3 kids, but after dealing with morning sickness for the past 2 months, I am seriously questioning why I would ever want to get pregnant again. Of course, I'm sure I'll change my mind once this baby is born and I "forget" how bad my symptoms felt!
I thought I was! Then this little surprise came along. I loved having just one. I loved all the personal time with DS and the freedom we were gaining as he got older. Still kinda adjusting to the idea of a second! DS is thrilled to have a baby coming though so I know it'll be great
DH would like just 1. I really loved/love having a sister and we are super close so I would like to have 2! I am going to just wait and see where life goes for us
My hubs is an only child and had always wished he'd had siblings. His mom had 2 mid term losses after him so it wasn't meant to be. I'm from a family of 3 siblings. I definitely want 2, possibly 4, I've always said whatever we could afford. Recent events have made me think it will be more in the 3to4 range but we'll be having them fairly close together since I'll be 34 when this first one arrives.
I totally agree with what you said about only children not being more socially awkward. I had 4 siblings and that didn't stop me either! Siblings or no siblings, each person/child will be different and regardless, each person will have awkwardness in their own way. Also why is social awkwardness bad?! I think it brings character. Good luck!
We might be one and done. The cost of childcare is prohibitive so unless we make some major changes (jobs, moving, etc) we may not be able to provide things like college, vacations, pricier extracurriculars, etc. It just depends on so many "what ifs" and "maybes" that we are not discussing a second child for at least 2-4 years and are treating this as out possible first and last child.
I can understand this. Husband and I would like to have 3 kids but are realizing that we can't afford 3 in daycare, or even 2 in daycare. Me staying home is not an option. We would like to have them close in age but I am worried that we will have to space them 4-5 years apart
We might be one and done. The cost of childcare is prohibitive so unless we make some major changes (jobs, moving, etc) we may not be able to provide things like college, vacations, pricier extracurriculars, etc. It just depends on so many "what ifs" and "maybes" that we are not discussing a second child for at least 2-4 years and are treating this as out possible first and last child.
I can understand this. Husband and I would like to have 3 kids but are realizing that we can't afford 3 in daycare, or even 2 in daycare. Me staying home is not an option. We would like to have them close in age but I am worried that we will have to space them 4-5 years apart
It's very stressful to think about. If I had a bottomless bank account I'd have four kids relatively close together. I'm only 26 so while I don't have a TON of time to have kids later, I don't have to decide today. It's weird in one breath to say "we're getting everything gender neutral in case of a second" and "we might be done." But it is what it is.
One and done for us. DH is an only child and the most social person I know, so I'm not concerned about socialization. I've always wanted to be a foster parent, so when our first is in school and ready to be part of the team opening their home to another child in need, we'll start that journey. So I guess biologically speaking one and done but I'm happy to serve as a motherly figure to dozens over the years as needed.
Thanks for the responses everyone. In my heart I'm totally on board with one and done. It's amazing how much guilt people heap on you when they don't agree with your decision.
I agree with others that while I want more, the experience of how sick I have been this pregnancy has made me adjust how many pregnancies I think I could go through. We hope to have multiple children, but I think I'm going to have to space them out more than I thought (before experiencing pregnancy).
DH started out wanting 4. My advice was let's wait and see. After having our first it took 6.5 years to decide to try for another. We had so many discussions that ended in us being happy with just one child.
I'm glad that we waited, although a 7.5 year age difference is a bit scary. We are in such a great place to really sit back and enjoy every detail of pregnancy and a new baby. I'm glad that we took each decision as its own and didn't use a predetermined formula for what we thought our family should be.
I am 12 weeks and 4 days today. My friends all think I am crazy but I would like to just have the one baby and be done. I just don't know if I am meant to have more than one child. I don't know if I could handle it
I think this will be my only pregnancy. I have a 2 1/2 year old step son and I'm pregnant with a boy. DH and I are seriously talking about moving forward with an international adoption of a girl within a year of our son's birth.
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In a different lifetime, I wanted 2-3. But due to career, lifestyle, and financial factors, we are having our first at a later age--so we will likely be one and done. I also agree with PP--I don't know if I could go through this level of sickness with a subsequent pregnancy AND take care of a LO AND work full time.
We are thinking that we will be one and done as I am high risk and have many medical issues. We have decided that it's really not worth the risk to my health to go through it again. If we do decide we really want another, we have agreed to adopt. Of course, things could change but we are pretty sure at this point.
I plan on having as many as we can afford, but I can't believe the negativity towards couples who only want one. If that's what feels right for your family, why is it anyone else's business to say otherwise? I've never thought of only children as being any weirder or more socially awkward than anyone else I've ever known. That's ridiculous. Do what works for your family!
One and done here. Both DH and I are only children. Maybe we're a little weird, but who isn't! Lol.
Neither of us thought we wanted to have children until we were with each other, then realized we wanted it more than anything. Since we didn't even meet each other until our mid 30s, we got a later start and it will probably make sense to complete our family with this one. No regrets at all though!
Married - April 2014 | Miscarriage - June 2014 BFP - Oct 2014 - was scheduled for IVF, but discovered we did it naturally instead! - first baby! EDD July 8
Re: One and done?
In saying that, DS is extremely social and we know he will thrive with a sibling. He is so active and wants attention at all times, whether it's from us, the dogs, or friends. DH also wanted to have a second. I was convinced to have a second after seeing DS with his babysitters kids, friends kids, and his school friends. He loves having someone around his age to play with and I know he is one of those kids who really needs a sibling so here we are!
It's weird for us because DH and I both had siblings and that's part of what family is to us. But I do think the stuff people say about only children being lonely or socially maladjusted is bullshit. I had two sisters and it didn't keep me from being totally socially awkward. Some only children wish they'd had siblings and some people with siblings wish they'd been only children- most people are probably fine with what they've got because it's all they know. My dad is an only child and he's totally great and the person I relate to most in my family. My one reservation is seeing how hard it was for him when his parents died- he didn't have anyone to go through that experience with him and doesn't have anyone who he can remember them with, the way my sisters and I will have each other when he's gone. But that alone isn't enough of a reason, in the face of all the other arguments in my head that tell me sticking with one is the best option for us.
I loved having just one. I loved all the personal time with DS and the freedom we were gaining as he got older.
Still kinda adjusting to the idea of a second! DS is thrilled to have a baby coming though so I know it'll be great
I'm glad that we waited, although a 7.5 year age difference is a bit scary. We are in such a great place to really sit back and enjoy every detail of pregnancy and a new baby. I'm glad that we took each decision as its own and didn't use a predetermined formula for what we thought our family should be.
Married - April 2014 | Miscarriage - June 2014
BFP - Oct 2014 - was scheduled for IVF, but discovered we did it naturally instead! - first baby! EDD July 8