Anyone here FF by choice from the start?

AshleyCalta

Care to share your story?

MommyAtty

The second time, pretty much. We gave up on Day 2, still in the hospital. With our first, I tried for a couple of weeks. I had no supply, she couldn't latch, and she was small to begin with. BFing was terrible, and I needed to be on blood pressure medicine for about 3 months after her birth. I was concerned about the effects of the medicine on her. So the second time around, when the BP issues arose again, I just said, "Screw this." My first is amazing and didn't suffer any of the issues you hear about with bottle-fed babies. (She's smart, skinny, bonded to me, eats a wide variety of foods, etc.). So I had no qualms about FF the second time. And now, at 8 mos, he's just as amazing as his sister.

AshleyCalta

Awesome! Thanks for sharing mommyatty

FinallyHappy84

I suffer from depression/anxiety and knew I needed to get back on my meds right away after talking to my doctors for my health and to be the best mom I could. I researched a couple different brands of formula and bought a few of each and went with Gerber Gentlease to start with DD and she took to it (so we didn't have to switch thankfully) and she's done wonderful; healthy, happy and chunky 4 month old. I'm extremely happy with my decision to FF right away and will do so with any other children I may have in the future.

AshleyCalta

Thank you for your perspective happy. You were smart to take care of your needs. Kind like the old oxygen mask analogy. Glad you had a good experience!

donnamartingraduates93

I'm a ftm to-be and honestly have no desire/instinct/anything that I feel like the majority of women seem to have to want to even try to bf. I truly wish I had that want, but for some reason can't get myself to that place mentally. I don't have any medical reasons, nor have I encountered any difficulties in terms of latch/supply (I'm due in April)- this is strictly based on personal preference. I realize this is a pretty unpopular sentiment, but am definitely very interested in the experiences others have had.

AshleyCalta

I feel pretty much the same way you do Donna. Personal preference. You're right about it being an unpopular sentiment, and that's putting it mildly. I'm preparing myself for a shitstorm to rain down on me when the time comes...not that it's anyone's business, but you know it's enevitable. Have you faced any criticisms yet, or does anyone even know your thoughts? I've heard horror stories of lactation consultants coming in your hospital room, snatching your breast without permission and attempting to feed baby. Then they just don't accept that you won't be bf when you tell them.

MommyAtty

I will give my formula-feeding mama speech. (She steps onto her soapbox and clears her throat.) First off, it's no one's business how you feed your baby. That's a family decision. Second, no matter how you feed your baby, you will be judged. If you breast feed, do you do it in public? With a cover? What are you eating? Do you take any medications? Do you ever have wine or a cocktail? Lastly, in beginning this journey of parenthood, prepare to be judged for crap you will not believe people hold strong opinions about. Here are some examples: circumcision, pacifiers, at what age you cut your baby's hair, eat piercing for girls, baby-led weaning vs purees, at what age you introduce solids, how much screen-time you allow. And we haven't gotten past the baby's first birthday. Or dealt with working vs. staying at home. Or potty training.

donnamartingraduates93

MrsGJC said:

I feel pretty much the same way you do Donna. Personal preference. You're right about it being an unpopular sentiment, and that's putting it mildly. I'm preparing myself for a shitstorm to rain down on me when the time comes...not that it's anyone's business, but you know it's enevitable. Have you faced any criticisms yet, or does anyone even know your thoughts? I've heard horror stories of lactation consultants coming in your hospital room, snatching your breast without permission and attempting to feed baby. Then they just don't accept that you won't be bf when you tell them.

I honestly didn't realize anyone actually cared how one fed their baby until I joined TB. I was legitimately shocked about how passionate people get about that (as well as the other things that @MommyAtty mentioned). I haven't faced criticism YET, but I also think most people tend to assume I am bf so it never really comes up. I did speak with my Dr. about it, because I was concerned about how much bf seemed to be shoved down everyone's throat (there are signs around the waiting room//a one-pager in the welcome packet//etc.) so wanted to start the discussion sooner rather than later. She was actually surprisingly awesome about it and told me she thinks that it is blown out of proportion and taken too far, and I should do what I am comfortable with. I live in MA and it is one of the states that banned the free formula in gift bags, and the idea of one of the consultants coming in and doing that has definitely crossed my mind, which is why I have started the conversations. The only real anxiety I have right now is around the couple of days in the hospital post-delivery.

AshleyCalta

Ladies, thank you for the empowering sentiments. I agree with all of you. It's not anyone's business (even though they often try to make it so). I especially like the idea of bringing it up early so that it is a non-issue later down the road. I appreciate all of you sharing, and I love your attitudes. Y'all clearly know what's up.

mindfulmama14

With my 1st, I had a horrible experience with getting LO to latch and ended up exclusively pumping. I ended up switching to only formula at 4 months. This choice was because I was tired of pumping and felt that formula was sufficient for my LO. It's not as perfect as BM but plenty babies who are formula fed are perfectly fine. It's not fair to make a blanket statement that a baby who is formula fed (either by choice or adoption or death of mother) will not have just as good of health or life as a breastfed baby. Disease/illness/allergies/sickness does not affect only FF or only BF babies either. I think the most important thing is loving that baby and doing what's best for your family. It's about focusing on the fact that you're feeding that baby with love, whether it's formula or BM.
I'm pumping right now (and supplementing) and intend to switch to only formula at 6 months. This stems from same idea- I've done my due time pumping and by 6 months LO will be eating more solids anyway. There is enough living evidence that shows us that the health formula fed babies are equal to breastfed babies!

MommyAtty

On the topic of nurses in the hospital, this was a big fear of mine too. I got no flak at all. One nurse even asked if I was sure, and I must have looked at her oddly, because she immediately said, "I'm asking so I can put it in your chart so you aren't asked the same question every two hours." Talking to nurses, they all say they don't really give a rip how you feed your baby so long as you are feeding your baby. There are certain things they are required to ask or say in order for the hospital to keep their designation as a Breast-feeding Mecca, so they will go through those, but without any real judgment.

AshleyCalta

Good to know all. 

I'm definitely not concerned about the safety or efficacy of FF. I'm good in that department. I was worried about the flak at the hospital etc. from choosing to FF from the start. I feel better now. Maybe there are less ass holes out there than I originally thought! Thank you for your replies.

Mrs.McIrish

I have 7 wk old twin girls and am FF them from day 1. I'm high risk for breast Cancer and can't be screened properly while milk ducts are engorged. My breast surgeon said if I was to BF, they'd recommend to not do it for long. I did a ton of infertility treatment and am not comfortable delaying my cancer screenings in order to breast feed. I also really had no interest in trying to BF two babies because I was afraid it would be too exhausting and make the beginning of my girls' lives miserable for me. I worked so hard to get them and didn't want to "hate" the beginning if I had supply/latch issues etc. It hardly seemed worth it to do it for a month and then switch so I can resume my breast MRIs.

No one at the hospital gave me flack for it or tried to convert me. I may have gotten off "easy" because I had twins and I explained my BrCA gene and that not BFing (or not doing it for long) was the suggestion of my breast surgeon. I'm comfortable with my decision and truth be told, my milk never even came in so I may not have been able to. I had one day where I saw a drop of liquid on one breast 2 wks after birth...

anewadventure

@MrsGJC said:

Good to know all. 

I'm definitely not concerned about the safety or efficacy of FF. I'm good in that department. I was worried about the flak at the hospital etc. from choosing to FF from the start. I feel better now. Maybe there are less ass holes out there than I originally thought! Thank you for your replies.

The best advice I can give you is to be confident in what you want and to "own it" - be a proud mama, and don't give in to the pressure and criticism that swirl around the topic of FF vs. BF.

I hate that FF moms tend to feel shame, or like they have to explain themselves / the reasons why they aren't breastfeeding. You should just be able to say, matter of factly, that you are FF, and feel no need to elaborate past that.

GL.

ashcakes921

I am so glad that someone started this because anything I find about FF is just about people who weren't able to BF...I never tried for several reasons. I knew I was going to have a short maternity leave (only the 6 weeks I needed to get cleared). We rely on my income. So I would have to pump after 6 weeks. Well that's great and all but I work at a job where I am on the phones all day so for me to take several breaks to pump would be HIGHLY inconvenient to my employer even if they're legally obligated to let me do it. So if I did BF I would have to stop after 6 weeks anyway which would mean weaning baby and drying up my supply (which sucked enough having not BF at all). So yeah haha I ranted. Sorry guys!

 

Edit to add: I also don't think I'd feel comfortable BFing in public...or around other people at all. So I would have become a reculse

BeckyP005

donnamartingraduates93 said:

I'm a ftm to-be and honestly have no desire/instinct/anything that I feel like the majority of women seem to have to want to even try to bf. I truly wish I had that want, but for some reason can't get myself to that place mentally. I don't have any medical reasons, nor have I encountered any difficulties in terms of latch/supply (I'm due in April)- this is strictly based on personal preference. I realize this is a pretty unpopular sentiment, but am definitely very interested in the experiences others have had.

This is me. I'm due in 6 weeks. My mom was giving me such a hard time about this I totally flipped out on her. My response to everyone now...even though it's none of their business...is that I will try in hospital to get them off my back. Personal choice.

Mrs. Mo

Yes, I FF both of my kids from the start. I'm on some meds that are known to cross into breast milk but they claim that they are ok for the baby. I just didn't want to hear 10 years from now an ad on the tv saying "If you took ____ while breastfeeding, you may be entitled to a settlement."

katess84

I FF from the start.  My son is 9 months old and I don't regret that decision at all.  I don't really have a reason why I made that choice, just did.  I have loved being able to share the feeding duties with my husband.  It was great right after he was born and still eating in the middle of the night.  We would just take turns.  I haven't encountered anyone in real life that has said anything negative to me about that decision, but have seen a lot of that negativity on the internet.

katess84

Try not to worry too much about it.  I know that's hard, especially as a new mom, but just remember that you are the mom and you are the one that gets to make these desicions.  The other important thing is that you have to do what's right for not only your baby, but for you as well.  I think there are plenty of us that just didn't want to BF and our babies are perfectly healthy and normal!  In the hospital, try to assert yourself that you have made this decision, know the pros and cons of both methods, and are confident and comfortable with your decision.  You won't have to deal with those people at the hospital as soon as you walk out of those doors, so forget about them!  If your pediatrician is supportive, that's great because they're the ones that will be seeing the baby regularly. 

leela02

I decided to FF during DD's first week because I barely had any supply. I continued to comfort-nurse for 2 months 'cause I did enjoy it, but DD was basically EFF since she would always need to be "supplemented" with a full feeding's amount of formula. I had no desire in the trial and error process of trying to increase low supply so I didn't do the frequent pumping, herbs, etc. I just felt that BFing wouldn't be that much of a "natural" choice for us if it required extra special effort just to make it sort of work. Maybe that makes me sound lazy but whatever. I was EFF and I know a lot of people who were EFF as babies and are none the worse for it...so I had nothing against FF and I was ready to FF when BFing wouldn't work right away.

Dumbgurl04

FTM here and we have been FF since day one.  I just never had any interest in BF, I just find it weird.  Then of course you have the "Well you can pump" line 8-| which I'm sorry I don't want to spend all my time pumping I actually want to enjoy life with my LO.  My baby is happy healthy and we are enjoying life to the fullest that is the only thing that matters.  I hate seeing women feel so awful about themselves because of this pedestal BF is put up on.  Sure it has great benefits but not everyone can do it and using these scare tactics and the pressure to do it does not help anyone espeically when we are already fighting these crazy hormones. 

I will say I was very happy with my whole experience at the hospital when it came to me FF from the start.  I felt no pressure, no one used any scare tactics on me and sure maybe there could have been some silent judgement (who doesn't secretly judge other parents) but they were great at making sure I never felt that.  Plus never once did a LC ever come in my room to try and sway me to BF.  When we did our tour and we got to write out the birth plan and they asked about BF and if wanted the LC, when we said no we are FF they wrote it down that we didn't the LC and what formula we wanted so after LO was born and it was time to feed her they just handed me the formula. 

Also a good blog to read is the Fearless Formula Feeder.  It gives great advice and has awesome stories.  Plus I read her book and that helps with giving you plenty of info to inform  anyone that feels the need to give their opinion on how you are feeding your child....even though it is none of their business.

But just wanted to say Stay strong ladies and don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you are feeding your child.  Like many others have said it's none of their business and also your LO has no idea where the liquid you are giving them came from all they know is they are eating.  Good Luck to all

ConversationFear

I chose not to BF for a couple of reasons. The first being that I didn't feel the desire, like many PP have said here. The second, and more prominent reason, is that my mom suffered from terrible PPD after she had me. She had previously shared stories (before I got preg) about how much MORE depressed she got when she couldn't BF. No matter what she did, her milk would not come in as much as it should have and she ended up being "a suicidal mess", to use her own words.

I had a very hard time with depression while I was pregnant and was already nervous taht I would have PPD like my mom did. The attempt to BF was a stress I was willing to eliminate from what could have been an already stressful situation as a FTM. I just decided not to even deal with it. Both myself and my husband were FF and we turned out fine, so I figured there was no harm in it. Fortunately, I did not deal with PPD at all, but I'm still glad I didn't risk the potential stress of not being able to BF or worrying if my baby had enough food, etc.

letal316

MrsGJC said:

Good to know all. 

I'm definitely not concerned about the safety or efficacy of FF. I'm good in that department. I was worried about the flak at the hospital etc. from choosing to FF from the start. I feel better now. Maybe there are less ass holes out there than I originally thought! Thank you for your replies.

I too was worried about getting flak at the hospital but no one judged us at all and they gave us tons of support and free formula. The breastfeeding consultant even came to our room to give us brochures and info on formula feeding. I was very surprised.

I have been FF since day 1 and had made the decision to do so for years before I was even pregnant. No desire to BF and I wanted my husband to be able to provide for our kids in the exact same way I can. Also, I trust the science behind formula (no need to supplement with additional vitamins like with BF) and I like knowing exactly how much food my DD is taking in. With formula I know she is well fed and she has been nothing but happy, healthy and sleeping like a champ (she's 8 months now).

poofwok

I tried breastfeeding from the get go but DS never wanted to latch. It was a constant battle. In his first week, I kept trying to BF him, gave him my pumped milk and supplemented with formula if needed be. By the third week, I was so overwhelmed and the BF was just not working out, so I said screw it and have EFF since then.

It was a huge relief when we gave him formula only and I have no regrets.

BabyHope2013

DS is two and I FF from day one in the hospital. I have no regrets. I still felt I bonded to him as any other mom BFing would have. I liked that I could have DH share that feeding time bond too. And that it was easy to let my mom or family member watch him as he got older not having to run home in time for a feeding if I needed to run errands or get out of the house. Sure you could pump---but I am glad I didn't have the added stress when I went back to work. And the having to refrigerate the milk at work till I went home would have been interesting. DS is happy, healthy and so intelligent. I will FF my second one from the start as well.

AppleJacks81

This board never existed when I was formula feeding my two kids, but I like to lurk every now and then and see how other moms are coping with the same decision I had to make! We formula fed from the start with our second. With the first I tried and discovered I hated breastfeeding. We fed mostly formula and pumped as much as I could but after five weeks, I was over it. I know some moms think it's (relatively) a breeze, have an abundant supply, and truly enjoy it - that's great and sure saves a ton of money and bottle washing time! Obviously, that sentiment swings the other way for some moms who don't enjoy it, or physically can't do it. I will say I got zero flak from the nurses. They are concerned with how much weight the baby gains, bilirubin levels, and number of wet/dirty diapers, and are also watching to make sure you aren't a druggie or someone who won't take care of the kid appropriately. I honestly didn't feel any judgment from doctors or nurses - they've seen everything. The fact that everyone on this board is concerned about the best way to feed means you're already a great mom! No matter which route you choose, you have to take into account not only formula versus breast milk, but how you truly feel about it and how your lifestyle fits into it - an anxious, miserable breastfeeding momma isn't better than a happy formula feeding momma! And if it makes anyone on here feel better, my two kids are just fine - growing and healthy just like they should be

lovingmommylife

I'm currently 29 weeks with baby #2 and I plan to FF from the start just like I did with my first. In the hospital where my DS was born, the nurses never even tried to change my mind. They asked me my preference when he was born and that was it. I just have never had the desire to BF. My DH was never crazy about the idea either. Luckily I never had to deal with anyone criticism with my choice. In public I would get a few looks when mixing a bottle but no one ever said anything.

However, you will learn real quick like that other moms are going to judge you on all your choices you make as a mother. Whether it's your choice of disposable over cloth diapers or even what products you chose to use on your LO. Such as Johnson and Johnson or some organic company. It's always going to be something. Even judge if you are a working mom and place LO in daycare.

You just have to make the best decisions that work best for you and your family and ignore the criticism.

Cateash77

We will be combining FF and BF right from the start, even in hospital. I had a nightmare experience with my first where I breastfed him for 13 months, but had lower supply from around 4 months. He had persistent weight gain issues but was addicted to breastfeeding and refused every brand of formula, every brand of bottle, everything. In the end I was told the only way to get him to take formula would be to hospitalise and force wean (the babies basically hold out until they break, which can be up to 2 days, just terrible!). I couldn't do that to him so soldiered on with a huge amount of galactagogues until solids were introduced at 6 months. I couldn't even go for a 20 min walk without my supply basically becoming non existent. This time around I have learnt my lesson and will introduce a bottle and formula from day one to avoid the refusal we had last time and make sure that baby has another option if my supply craps out again at 3-4 months (which funnily enough happened to my mother with both her babies too). I am steeling myself for the disapproval of the midwives as our hospital is super pro BF but this is my second child and I don't care what they think!

mandyreads

I tried to BF with my first 2 and both were a bust. So the last 2 I just FF from the start.

akj166

So I am new to this forum (so glad to have found you), a FTM and due in 2 weeks. I plan on trying to pump exclusively, but have a well stocked supply of formula in case it does not work out.  My mother BF my brother until he was 4 years old (Im 4 years older than he) and it makes me feel very uncomfortable.  I am ok with anyone who chooses to do so, but it is not something I choose to do.  I am worried about the hospital pushing BF as they did in there child care class.  Did anyone feel pressured in the hospital to BF?  How did you handle it without being a total and utter b*tch? TIA

SerenityAE

personal preference. The whole idea of BF felt weird to me. My LO has been FF from day 1, I had pre-e and was medicated so strongly after he was born they didn't pressure me at all. Asked me if I was ok with them giving him a bottle of formula and I said yes. Which was my plan anyway, it never felt natural to me- even after he was born. 

I had no problem with the hospital staff. They were all very supportive of my choice, wrote it on my chart and that was that. 

I haven't had but a few people try to be pushy about how I should BF. Mostly making pointed comments about how he'd like the taste of breastmilk better. I just ignore them. 

rue:D

So glad to have found this thread. I am strongly considering FF from the beginning. Like many of you I don't feel the strong desire to BF. Plus, we need my income to survive (I'm the breadwinner) so I'll be taking only a short maternity leave and my husband will be staying home and doing the majority of the child care.

danniellemichelle

I am ! I want my hubby to be as involved as possible and I have no desire at all to breastfeed! I feel completely good about the decision even my husband told me he doesn't feel it's necessary for me to breastfeed and doesn't want me to

csy2947

Man finding this thread makes me feel so much better! I've felt like I have a dirty little secret in that I don't want to BF at ALL. No real desire as other PP's have mentioned. I also feel REALLY weird about confusing how I use them today (lol) and feeding an infant, it makes me feel weird and perverted! Also ditto on the feeling super weird about how it would go down in public, I am a pretty private person, it just doesn't seem like my thing.

And the stuff about wanting to be on equal footing with my husband, its such a relief to know I'm not the only one who's felt that way!

I am a FTM due in October and have already been feeling nervous about telling my doctor even thought its months away!

thefithuntress

FTM and I'm pretty nervous too. My cousin is BFing and it's going "so well" she's donating some of her milk supply. I'm sure she'll look down on my decision but the thought of being the only person who can feed my kid, has to wake up a million times, be chewed on, get cracked nipples, or be attached to a machine like a cow makes me cringe. Call it selfish but I want some autonomy in my new life as a mother and I think I'll be a better one because of it. The only thing I'm concerned about is my birth plan. I want to go the natural route with a midwife and doula so I'm thinking I might nurse one time in the birthing center then never do it again once we get home!

djluschen

I had a horrible experience with trying to BF my first daughter. No latch issues, etc but the emotional toll it took on me was horrendous. I had anxiety about every aspect of it and felt terrible that it didn't feel right and I wanted to stop. I tortured myself with this for about a month before realizing IT'S OK! All you ever hear is how it's what is right and best for your baby. What's right and best for your baby is being a happy mommy who is able to relish in every second of time with your new little peanut. I spent that entire firstmonth dreading feeding time because I would be nothing but a basket case.
With my second daughter, I formula fed right from the start. I had a much more positive first few months with her. It was a HUGE weight off my shoulders. I told the nurses right from the start of my choice to formula feed exclusively and never received and negative comments or pressure from anyone (much to my surprise)
I say you do what feels right to you. Screw everyone else!

djluschen

https://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com/

Here is a great site I found when I was needing a major boost about my decision the first time around

BAmborn

So excited to have found this board, as like all of you it's as if there is a deep horrid secret im keeping.

One interesting fact that my OB told me- hospitals throughout America are breast first formula second. Apparently- whoever the rating board is deducts points from maternity wards for every mother that leaves not breastfeeding. I was SHOCKED! What about the moms who physically/medically CANNOT breastfeed- seems absurd to me on so many levels. She then followed up with you need to do whatever makes you comfortable and most happy- as you being happy will result in happy baby, happy husband, and happy life.

snlwhitney

This is my first baby and I thinking of BF and FF from the start as well. What is the best formula? Or does it depend on the baby?

strauber

Coming late to the game. But wanted everyone to know how much I have appreciated this thread. I am due in 4 weeks and don't think BF is for me. I have anatomic reasons, severely inverted nipples (medical journals say chances are slim to none I could BF). Beyond that though I have a crazy work schedule (a surgeon who does 4-8 hours cases) and pumping is just not an option. And like most of you I just don't have this strong desire.

I have a strong core of friends who had trouble and ended up FF. They all have horror stories about the pressures at our hospital (which makes me extra sad since I am an employee there). I will try to BF but if the nips won't cooperate I just don't want to waste my first days or even hours trying to do something that is futile.

I posted something along these lines in my birth month group and all j got was how if I tried hard enough I could make it happen. I am not looking for answers just support and found it here. Thank you.