Does anyone feel like an outsider?

HayleesMomma

I'm a stay at home mom looking for other women with kids to socialize with. I'm having a difficult time finding women I actually like. The area I live in is super upscale and there is so much competition in everything! There is also this influx of crunchy moms that I've encountered and I feel like they are judging me because I formula feed my daughter. There have been some comments but I'm sure I read into what people say. I feel like my family doesn't even understand how hard it is to find friends and my sister thinks by giving my opinion and speaking about certain topics will lead people to not want to socialize or judge me further (pertaining to how horrible certain breastfeeding moms have made me feel).

How do you just not care what people say or just let it go?

Skeemer

If you go to church, have you considered becoming a part of a small group? Those can be super helpful for getting to know people.

Jordanjkmr

Do your own thing, go to play groups that work for you and your little one, parent however you want, wear what you want, and whomever you become friends with on the way is a bonus. I find if I think about previous conversations I can convince myself everyone is judging me. And that doesn't help me or anyone who could potentially become a friend.

HayleesMomma

Yes, it seems like a numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the higher the odds are I'll meet people I connect with.

Skeemer

HayleesMomma said:

I'm a stay at home mom looking for other women with kids to socialize with. I'm having a difficult time finding women I actually like. The area I live in is super upscale and there is so much competition in everything! There is also this influx of crunchy moms that I've encountered and I feel like they are judging me because I formula feed my daughter. There have been some comments but I'm sure I read into what people say. I feel like my family doesn't even understand how hard it is to find friends and my sister thinks by giving my opinion and speaking about certain topics will lead people to not want to socialize or judge me further (pertaining to how horrible certain breastfeeding moms have made me feel). How do you just not care what people say or just let it go?

Is this your first child? I ask that because I found with my first child, my backbone grew immensely. Now I feel like a pro with DD & my "That's nice honey" face pretty much warns people to back off. I agree with @stellabunny & I think she really thoughtfully put together a great response. Judging does happen. It's happened to me. As I said in another thread, people's faces when they find out DH & I want a third child...you'd think I said I slap my kids around. People have judged me for cloth diapering & I've been often asked about "real diapers". The list goes on.

That being said, I have had to get past my insecurities as a mom. Once I really became a more confident parent (not that I do everything right but just that I am doing the best danged job I can do & my kids are happy, healthy, safe & loved) I started to truly not give a crap. If you judge me, that's your own problem. I refuse to let your unhappiness in life drag me down.

If you want to socialize & not necessarily build relationships there are a lot of community things you can probably participate in. I sat today & talked with another woman for 20 minutes at the library while our boys played. In the summer the splash pad is a great place to go.

nolemomma14

I'm also a SAHM and I get it! I'm also the first of my friends to have kids, so I would definitely love to meet other moms with babies around the same age.

I'm sorry you feel judges about the formula. I don't understand why people seem to think formula is bad. The library is an easy and a cheap way to get out of the house, and meet other moms too! I've started going to a mom and me work out class, and while I don't see myself getting along with all of the mothers, there are a couple who I've clicked with.

I have to agree with @Skeemer‌ about just being more confident! I've gotten some comments from moms because we've started DS on purees vs BLW, and other dumb things, but the way I see it DS is happy and healthy so my way is just as good as their way!

walterjenne

Have you tried to find a MOPS group? I joined one shortly after DS was born and it's been a nice encouragemnt. I've met moms that also don't work a traditional 9-5 job and I've gotten encouragement as a wife and mother.

I also like that I get a couple free hours a week when I drop DS off at their daycare or what they call Moppets. He gets to socialize with kids his age (more important as he gets older) and I get to meet some other women in the same situation as me.

BP607

When I SAH with DS1 I would go to story time at the Library once a week and got some interaction that way.  

DH and I moved back to my hometown, but I had pretty much lost all contact with my friends as it had been almost 10 years since I lived there previously so we pretty much have no friends, and while it would be nice to interact with another couple our age, we barely have enough time to spend together alone, I have no idea how I could manage friendships as well.  Maybe once my kids are in school, but until then I guess I'm happy with the way it is.  

Good Luck!