The language we use...

Jatpa003

So I have noticed many (and not just on here) people who say things like "bf babies sleep less than ff babies" or "babies who are always carried are spoiled". It just makes me think that what we refer to as normal isn't the norm around the world.

The norm in the first being ff babies... Isn't this only true in western cultures?

Or that babies should want to be set down in the second?

This seems weird to me, it also got me thinking about sleeping arrangements for babies in North America... Since when did we start expecting babies to sleep not in their mothers arms? I see many people in here complaining that it is the only place their baby sleep and how they wake up when put in their cribs. Is it just me or has this changed how we think of things in terms of babies?

deevaswani

I've read many articles pointing to parenting norms and styles that vary by region/country.  I don't know if the points you make above are due to thinking changing over time versus it just simply being the norm in North America, but either way, yes you are correct. 

My parents were raised in India where parenting styles vary greatly from the way I raise my kids. 

1) In terms of newborns/babies, they always co-sleep with the mother/parents from day 1 until they are transitioned to their own bedroom after a couple of years (yes years).  They sleep right in bed under the same covers as the parents.  I have a lot of family in India, and they've never heard of SIDS.  They were all appalled at the fact that my son (now 5 years old) slept in his crib in his own room from day 1. 

2) They don't stress about bf versus ff or put any type of pressure on the mom.  Mom will bf and if needed ff to supplement.  There's no stigma or pressure or anything...and not something that's even discussed.  Unlike us who put tremendous pressure on ourselves to bf.  I have low milk supply and was extremely disappointed in the fact that I had to supplement with my son.  Both my mother and MIL were very confused and didn't understand why I was feeling any guilt or disappointed.  Both said they (and every mother they knew) supplemented as needed with formula.

3) Babies are generally potty trained by the time they are 1 year old. 

4) There's no emphasis on "schedule" for kids until they start pre-school.  Pre-school generally starts at age 2-3.     

I find it interesting to hear/see the different parenting styles.  Every culture is different and there is no "right" way to parent. 

Jatpa003

Thank you for that point of view. I find it very interesting to hear what other cultures and norms are around the world, it gives me good ideas to try and makes me ponder (in my sleep deprived state) how we have come up with our cultural norms.

soulcupcake

I studied these issues back when I was studying midwifery, and more recently during a course that focused on childbirth and infant practices from a global perspective. It's amazing to examine other cultural practices and norms. Yes, most of the "issues" are related to Western culture. Most of the practices we talk about or hear talked about are associated with Western culture/practices. Many of the practices we're familiar with are pretty foreign in other cultures.

The "push" for breastfeeding can be said is largely due to the backlash breastfeeding received in our parents' and grandparents' generations where breastfeeding was less common. Since it is the biological standard it stands to reason that it *should* be promoted, but the campaign/efforts to normalize breastfeeding, increase the rates, while better than previous generations, the rate is still low for some demographics. This was once a culture where breastfeeding was seen as inferior to what "science" can make, because if it was man-made/produced then it must be better. Also, once women started working 9-5 jobs traditional practices like breastfeeding and co-bedding became much less convenient. Breastfeeding and co-bedding have a long-standing history throughout virtually all cultures. And when studying both from an anthropological perspective you can see these similarities as well as differences depending on the culture and religious (yes, religious customs/concepts play a role, too) climate.

The concept/idea that babies can be spoiled was prevalent in past generations, and there are religious ideas/principles associated with these ideas that remain a "thing" in our culture. Similar to origins of routine infant circumcision in the U.S. It was implemented in an effort to discourage masturbation. Considering we have long been a society that is uptight and backward about sex it makes sense why this faulty idea caught on.

Though I am a Westerner, my practices/style couldn't be any further from mainstream. It wasn't even a conscious effort or choice. I was formula fed (mom quit breastfeeding after a few days because her breasts were engorged and painful. She thought something was wrong. Lack of proper education and support during her time would have told her that was normal) and slept in a crib. However, she had my younger sister during my formative years. This is where she breastfed just past 12 months (a rarity 20 years ago, especially for minority, black, mothers - breastfeeding rates are lowest amongst minority women) and co-slept for 4+ years. She also wore her in a sling, nursed/rocked to sleep, held her a lot, etc. She was AP before Attachment Parenting became a philosophy/style. This was my norm growing up. 

Even before I began studying these practices "AP" made the most sense to me. They were instinctive. I never entertained using a crib (never did a nursery, or wanted to, and the only real baby "gear" we have now is a car seat and RnP. The swing was given to us and only gets used if I need to hop in the shower and DH isn't home), and I knew I would breastfeed. I had plenty support. Baby-wearing was a natural extension from those practices. I held, nursed and rocked my first baby to sleep. The only struggle we faced were her reflux issues, but I didn't have/face sleep issues or battle with all of that. What I did from the start was simple. She nursed to sleep and she slept with me. If I needed to do something free-handed I waited until she was in a deep sleep and transferred her to the bed or PnP. We both got sleep. I did the same with my others, but my second daughter was very difficult, very high needs despite the same practices. 

I never quite caught on to mainstream practices. I'm an anomaly in my family. From baby names to various practices, views and "lifestyle" choices. My grandmother still shakes her head when she hears about my homebirths. They didn't do that in her generation. And my MIL makes comments about the frequency LO eats, usually every two hours. Because in her day babies were given filler (junk) to make them sleep longer, so anything baby-led is very unusual. Babies' frequent waking, their need to feed a lot, was deemed an inconvenience, so schedules to fit the parents' wishes and routine were implemented. Being held too much could lead to being spoiled and disobedient (which goes against godly principles for righteous/correct child-rearing), so too much holding/rocking was discouraged. 

kayd8

I haven't done a lot of research, but after almost two months of caring for a baby it's clear to me that we create a lot of our struggles. Our lifestyle has evolved so far past our natural state, but our babies don't know this. When I change my perspective of him in that way, I can understand him better.

JFH2010

I'm always a little surprised at the talk of pressure to breastfeed. I understand why people feel this way, but I think there's still more pressure NOT to bf, at least not where anyone can see it. Fewer than half of US babies are still bf-ing at 6 months, so it's not exactly the cultural standard. And not too long ago bf rates dipped to 16%. I think there are subcultures here that push bf-ing, but it's by no means pushed by the culture at large.

For me a lot of practices that are considered fringe in the US just seem instinctual, but because they're not the norm, we can get the feeling that our instincts are wrong. I think it's pretty normal to want to be close to your baby most of the time, and to not want to hear him cry. So babywearing, cosleeping, and extended bf-ing all just seem like natural consequences of our biological instinct. But we're more than biological creatures, and people make other choices for all sorts of reasons. It's sad to me when people go against their instincts because people they trust tell them they're spoiling the baby, or breastfeeding an older baby is weird, or they'll never learn to sleep alone, or whatever. If someone makes different choices for their own reasons, that's one thing, but I wish we could hush those cultural messages.