Cry It Out

melissaquinn106

I did it, it works, the end.



No but seriously, we took her to her 5 month visit (she'll be 6 months on the 8th) and the doctor said she shouldn't be waking up in the middle of the night anymore. I confessed that I've been nursing her back to sleep because I'm working and can't be bothered to sleep train when I have to teach HS kids. The doctor actually recommended to let her cry it out while I am home on vacation. She said it won't hurt her and it works 100% of the time.

100% of the time? I had to try it. The first night she woke at 12:30 and cried for 2 hours! The worst 2 hours ever but I turned the monitor off and put a pillow over my head. Eventually I fell asleep, eventually she fell asleep. The second night she woke at 3 and cried for about an hour then went back to bed and woke up at 7. Last night she slept with no wake ups until 5. I decided to wait her out until 6 because on work days that is when I would like to feed her in the morning before taking her to my moms for the day. She cried for maybe 20 min and is now sleeping again. Granted I'm wide awake, but she is not.

ladytiffany24

I'm getting ready to try this once my company leaves after this week. Man I hope it works for us too. But 100% of the time?! I think that's a little exaggerated. I mean, I'd like to think he's right. But we'll see if it works on my strong willed DD!

Soon2BMrsN

I'd be looking for a new pedi...

[Deleted User]

I'm not against CIO at all but it's not unusual for a 6-month old to still need to eat once or twice at night, especially a breastfed baby (and especially since there's usually a growth spurt around that time). I'm kind of side-eying your pediatrician for saying that she shouldn't be waking at night at all anymore, to be honest.

walterjenne

I just wanted DS to be able to put himself to sleep. I was still willing to feed him when he woke up at night, but needed to stop nursing to sleep. We tried to Ferberize him last week for 2 nights. We learned that going in to reassure him kept making it worse (we did this for 5 hours until his first usual night time feeding at which point I threw in the towel and nursed him to sleep).

On the 3rd night I put him in the crib and decided that I needed to get a few things done and would get him after that. He cried for 45 minutes and slept through the night! All last week he would cry for about 30 min and has only woken a couple times and needed me to feed him. Usually he falls back to sleep after a few minutes.

Last night he just grunted and moaned a little then drifted off to sleep. I know the books say that you should go in and reassure them that they aren't abandoned, but it was making the whole process worse in our case. You just need to listen to what is best for you and your baby.

JuniperGaze

You let your baby cry for 2 hours?

JuniperGaze

Danipg said:

JuniperGaze said:

You let your baby cry for 2 hours?

Agree...2 hours seems like a longtime to let them cry, my doctor said to start with only 5 minutes and then go in and reassure, 2 hours makes it seem like LO just cried themselves tired vs actually self soothing.

Yeah she said she turned the monitor off and put the pillow over her head. I'm sorry, but that's not how you CIO.

bullybutt

Fuck two hours, let alone 10 minutes of crying.  That seems absurd to me.  Hell fucking no would I make my baby endure that.  Ugh...

BPer

If your baby is crying for two hours, it's because they need something, and that is NOT CIO.

Please read a fucking sleep training book.

I could go on about how I feel horribly that your baby cried for TWO fucking hours, but that wouldn't be productive.

To anyone else reading this post, and considering CIO, OP is not doing it right.

ladytiffany24

I'm currently reading Ferber's book and will be using his methods.

ariel8200

I read this post this morning and it broke my heart to hear your baby cried for two hours because she was hungry. Go ahead and just suddenly stop feeding yourself a meal and don't complain because the person who would take care of your needs is just going to ignore you because she wants to sleep.

Please reconsider your methods.

nolemomma14

I read Ferbers cook, and the sleep association part was a big help. Stopped nursing DS to sleep and it helped a lot. He got the flu last week so that all pretty much went out the window.

He will be 6 months on the 14th so we will be doing CIO then. We will use the intervals to check on him, although agreed that sometimes going in can make it worse. That being said, I wouldn't turn the monitor off and let him scream for two hours. I also don't expect it to completely eliminate all night feedings. I'm just hoping we can go back to getting s good 6-7 hr stretch before his first feed vs the 2 hrs we are getting right now.

ladytiffany24

nolemomma14 said:

I read Ferbers cook, and the sleep association part was a big help. Stopped nursing DS to sleep and it helped a lot. He got the flu last week so that all pretty much went out the window. He will be 6 months on the 14th so we will be doing CIO then. We will use the intervals to check on him, although agreed that sometimes going in can make it worse. That being said, I wouldn't turn the monitor off and let him scream for two hours. I also don't expect it to completely eliminate all night feedings. I'm just hoping we can go back to getting s good 6-7 hr stretch before his first feed vs the 2 hrs we are getting right now.

This. Me too. Please dear God can I get my baby to sleep more than 2 hours at a time please.

littlemissmarla

OP can't be bothered to sleep train so this is the new and improved CIO aka make your child feel abandoned.

ADC1979

I can't listen to my baby cry for 5 minutes without twitching and wanting to run to him.  Egads.  The reptilian brain in us know if baby is crying for a long time, they really, really need something.  Food, diaper change, comfort.  Something.  

Look, I know at this stage of the game we're all tired.  All.  The.  Time.  I have a necklace that I haven't worn in months because my brain is too tired to figure out how to put it on in the mornings.  

At my baby's appointment just a couple weeks ago, the doctor said it's perfectly healthy and normal for a breastfed baby to eat once after 11pm (and he was kind of surprised that I said on occasion, LO STTN now.)  Our LOs are still growing and in need of food on demand.

jnnfrrose6

I know I got crap from some for starting to sleep train by week 3, but I still go to my child if they've been crying for 5-10 minutes. OP, CIO does not mean what you think it means (insert Princess Bride gif).

bullybutt

jnnfrrose6 said:

I know I got crap from some for starting to sleep train by week 3, but I still go to my child if they've been crying for 5-10 minutes. OP, CIO does not mean what you think it means (insert Princess Bride gif).

I love titted the PB reference. 

TexasGirl81

Yeah, your pedi.....just no! I've said it before and I'll say it again. Lili is turning 17 months soon, she still wakes up every. Single. Night.

We get our asses up and get what she needs. I know it ca be tough but your baby is still so new to the world. Please comfort her. They don't stay babies forever.

melissaquinn106

Yikes. Well that was 3 nights ago and it seems as though she has survived. Also it's not like I took some NyQuil and passed out. She's in the room right next to me anyway and the walls are paper thin. She was mostly fussing with some loud crys mixed in. And she would almost fall asleep and then wake up and almost fall asleep again. I remember thinking, oh wow she's figuring it out. Anyway, she's also just as happy, smiley and all around amazing as she was before. In addition she hasn't woken up for more than 5 minutes while sleeping and has slept 10 straight hours for the first time in 3 months.

Now maybe it was a freak thing and I spoke too soon or maybe in addition to being wonderful and perfect all day long she'll also sleep through the night. Either way I thought I'd share. Sorry to cause a stir.

BBColt78

melissaquinn106 said:

Yikes. Well that was 3 nights ago and it seems as though she has survived. Also it's not like I took some NyQuil and passed out. She's in the room right next to me anyway and the walls are paper thin. She was mostly fussing with some loud crys mixed in. And she would almost fall asleep and then wake up and almost fall asleep again. I remember thinking, oh wow she's figuring it out. Anyway, she's also just as happy, smiley and all around amazing as she was before. In addition she hasn't woken up for more than 5 minutes while sleeping and has slept 10 straight hours for the first time in 3 months.

Now maybe it was a freak thing and I spoke too soon or maybe in addition to being wonderful and perfect all day long she'll also sleep through the night. Either way I thought I'd share. Sorry to cause a stir.

It's really not causing a stir. It seems people want you to know that CIO is not done the way you explained. For anyone wanting to CIO, there are many great books on the topic.

Fwiw- these July mommas are kinda nice. On many a board people would have really hammered some of these posts on CIO, especially the way you described.

melissaquinn106

I went back and reread my original post and it definitely sounds way worse than it was. I do appreciate the feedback. I certainly do not want to harm my baby, I'm just figuring this all out as I go.

JuniperGaze

I personality do not intend on ever letting my baby CIO so I haven't done extensive research on the subject, so this may not be accurate. However, leaving a baby to cry for hours on end teaches them that their voice doesn't matter so why should they bother crying out anyway if no one is going to come. That's why it is so important to attend to them after 5 or 10 minutes to let them know you are there and are listening. But what do I know? I'm a sleep deprived mama who has been getting up with her baby every 1-3 hours for the past 2.5 months with no intentions on stopping until she's ready to.

BBColt78

melissaquinn106 said:

I went back and reread my original post and it definitely sounds way worse than it was. I do appreciate the feedback. I certainly do not want to harm my baby, I'm just figuring this all out as I go.

There are many many good books on the subject. It's ok to read these posts and say, holy shit, I screwed up.

Go to amazon and look up sleep training. Ferber had some as mentioned. The book I like is the Sleep Easy Solution. We are going to CIO but not for a while. DD has reflux so we never know if there is an issue there at night. In the books I've read, you can't just have a baby CIO. First you watch out for milestones, growth spurts, teeth and other things that should be expected.

argonne

Last night was the first night I've let her cry. She had been good about going down awake, but last night she wasn't having it and she was biting my boob while nursing. I laid her down and she fussed/cried for about 30 minutes and slept through to 4. I felt bad, but the sleep made up for it.

chevronseven

God that broke my heart. I can't imagine even as an adult being left to cry for two hours all alone, and a baby doesn't have the life experience to know it will be ok in the morning! That's great that she "seems to have survived," but emotional damage doesn't tend to show up immediately. Another vote here for reading how CIO is supposed to be done, and for finding another pedi who understands that it is normal for babies to continue needing nighttime feedings even beyond a year.

TallMomma29

Definitely look into a new pedi, OP. I have never read anything that says a baby that age shouldn't be waking up at night to eat anymore. Who knows what else your doctor is completely misinformed about?

1982Babies

Two hours?  After 10-15 minutes, I'd go in and pat her head for a bit and see if that calmed her, or even pick her up and rock her.  Two hours of screaming is unacceptable.

chevronseven

After re-reading the OP I am starting to wonder if this is trolling. "It won't hurt her and works 100% of the time!" I can't imagine a doctor telling a parent that ANYTHING works 100%. Or how anyone could think that screaming yourself hoarse and falling asleep with a hurting, empty tummy isn't hurting you.

littlemissmarla

chevronseven said:

After re-reading the OP I am starting to wonder if this is trolling. "It won't hurt her and works 100% of the time!" I can't imagine a doctor telling a parent that ANYTHING works 100%. Or how anyone could think that screaming yourself hoarse and falling asleep with a hurting, empty tummy isn't hurting you.

OP is pretty regular around here which makes it even more shocking that she didn't think she would get shit for posting this.

melissaquinn106

@littlemissmarla definitely should have known better

All I can say is I'm obviously a FTM who is figuring this shit out as I go. I love my baby and I thought I was doing what was best for her in the long run. I doubt everyone on here has never made a mistake and felt bad about it after. I can also say that I haven't let her cry more than 5 minutes since that one night, but I haven't had to. For the past 4 days she hasn't fussed more than 5 minutes when it's bed time and for the first time ever doesn't need to be nursed to sleep for naps. All I do is put her in her crib and turn on her white noise aquarium and she's asleep in 5 minutes. She's taken two 1.5 hour naps everyday and she never use to nap that long in the RnP with me rocking her to sleep and rocking her back to sleep if she woke up. She's also slept 10 hours straight for 4 nights in a a row.

So I don't know what to say. I wasn't as informed when I wrote that original post and thought I had done the right thing. Getting flamed for it was something I should have known better about and in hindsight wish I just kept this one to myself.

As far as my ped is concerned, I love her. She's very laid back and merely suggested to cry it out and what her experiences have been with families who have. She also said its not for everyone and I was free to do whatever I was comfortable with (including nursing back to sleep which I had been doing since day one) So I figured I'd give it a shot and share my experience with the group.

Hopefully I've cleared myself up a little bit and we can just move on, but I'm sure that's not going to be the case but no worries, I've said my piece. The end.

ghostof5letters

TallMomma29 said:

Definitely look into a new pedi, OP. I have never read anything that says a baby that age shouldn't be waking up at night to eat anymore. Who knows what else your doctor is completely misinformed about?

I will whole heartedly agree that 2 hours is awful and shameful. But I'll back up OP and say that my pediatrician said the same thing about cutting out nighttime feedings at 6 months (this was mentioned at my 4 month appointment, I haven't had my 6 month appointment yet). 

That being said all babies are different in their needs. They aren't math equations with definite answers and instructions. Some babies don't need feedings at 6 months, some babies do. What all babies do need is love when they're calling out for it. Not to feel abandonment and loneliness. 

It's like following your GPS when it tells you to turn and crash into a building. Use some common sense. 

honeybee434

Does going in an reassuring your LO's actually work for ya'll? If I go in when DD is crying she just cries harder if she doesn't get picked up then me not going in at all. I haven't tried a true CIO method but I've tried letting her cry for a few minutes, going in and reassuring, then letting her cry for a few minutes longer, etc. it never works. I don't see how I could ever do CIO without her ending up crying for hours. I just always end up nursing her or holding her until she sleeps.

1982Babies

honeybee434 said:

Does going in an reassuring your LO's actually work for ya'll? If I go in when DD is crying she just cries harder if she doesn't get picked up then me not going in at all. I haven't tried a true CIO method but I've tried letting her cry for a few minutes, going in and reassuring, then letting her cry for a few minutes longer, etc. it never works. I don't see how I could ever do CIO without her ending up crying for hours. I just always end up nursing her or holding her until she sleeps.

@honeybee434, most of the time, yup!  May take a few trips into her room, but she will eventually go down.  Sometimes I can just put her down and say goodnight and she will talk to her stuffed animal for a bit, faceplant, and go to sleep.  I go in all stealth-like a bit later and remove the animal from the crib.

PregsMcSnoozalot

@honeybee434, I have had the exact same results with letting him cry then going in to reassure him. No worky. I end up having to do what I would have done in the first place to get him to sleep. What's the point in that?!

jessafishy

Perhaps this is the naive FTM in me, but why is everyone so worried about sleep associations? It's not like they are going to suck on a pacifier or nurse to sleep or need to be rocked to sleep forever. Maybe I'll get fed up with it eventually and eat my words but I keep myself sane by telling myself it's all temporary.

There is nothing wrong with trying to break them of sleep associations, obviously, I just want to understand the rationale.

jessafishy

ZeroZeroOne said:

@jessfishy, I don't think sleep associations are a problem if your LO is getting enough sleep and is well rested. My son was waking up 5-7 times a night because nursing him to sleep and the pacifier were problems. He was a complete mess all day for a month during that period. Now that he only wakes up for feedings he's a pretty happy little guy most the time because he's getting the sleep he needs.

If someone's baby can have a pacifier or be nursed to sleep and it's not causing problems and making them miserable from lack of sleep then I don't see it as an issue personally.

Makes sense. DS does still wake up several times a night but it's not every night and he still does get some longer stretches most nights. Now that we are past the 4 month sleep regression his bad nights I attribute more to congestion and the cold he has had rather than sleep associations. Plus he will go down for a nap without nursing first so I know he doesn't NEED it to sleep. 

Obviously I know everyone else has a different baby and different experiences I was just curious, so thank you!

cuntasaurusrex

I bought Ferber's book on my Kindle yesterday.  Of course DH is all "SO WE START TONIGHT?!" and I'm all "he's not quite 5mos old yet and LET ME READ THE BOOK".. I'm also not convinced that a lot of this isn't still the regression/constant daycare sickness he's been dealing with.

It's incredibly irresponsible to just jump into any method without knowing anything about it.  I can't imagine in what world it'd be okay to just let your sweet baby just scream and cry.  It doesn't matter that you were in the next room, you may as well have been on another planet as far as your kid is concerned.  That's some selfish bullshit.  And then to post that your takeaway here is to just not post things like this in the first place?  No, you sit here and look us in the eye while we flame you, and you learn, and then you come back and post again so we can tell you whether you're being an idiot again.  You're welcome.

ghostof5letters

jessafishy said:

ZeroZeroOne said:

@jessfishy, I don't think sleep associations are a problem if your LO is getting enough sleep and is well rested. My son was waking up 5-7 times a night because nursing him to sleep and the pacifier were problems. He was a complete mess all day for a month during that period. Now that he only wakes up for feedings he's a pretty happy little guy most the time because he's getting the sleep he needs.

If someone's baby can have a pacifier or be nursed to sleep and it's not causing problems and making them miserable from lack of sleep then I don't see it as an issue personally.

Makes sense. DS does still wake up several times a night but it's not every night and he still does get some longer stretches most nights. Now that we are past the 4 month sleep regression his bad nights I attribute more to congestion and the cold he has had rather than sleep associations. Plus he will go down for a nap without nursing first so I know he doesn't NEED it to sleep. 

Obviously I know everyone else has a different baby and different experiences I was just curious, so thank you!

We have July 2011 kids that still need to be rocked to sleep. There are tons of different definitions to "temporary" 

jessafishy

ghostof5letters said:

jessafishy said:

ZeroZeroOne said:

@jessfishy, I don't think sleep associations are a problem if your LO is getting enough sleep and is well rested. My son was waking up 5-7 times a night because nursing him to sleep and the pacifier were problems. He was a complete mess all day for a month during that period. Now that he only wakes up for feedings he's a pretty happy little guy most the time because he's getting the sleep he needs.

If someone's baby can have a pacifier or be nursed to sleep and it's not causing problems and making them miserable from lack of sleep then I don't see it as an issue personally.

Makes sense. DS does still wake up several times a night but it's not every night and he still does get some longer stretches most nights. Now that we are past the 4 month sleep regression his bad nights I attribute more to congestion and the cold he has had rather than sleep associations. Plus he will go down for a nap without nursing first so I know he doesn't NEED it to sleep. 

Obviously I know everyone else has a different baby and different experiences I was just curious, so thank you!

We have July 2011 kids that still need to be rocked to sleep. There are tons of different definitions to "temporary" 

Yes, I know that. But of course I'm going off of 6 months of experience and no one else has ever had to put him to bed so I could very well get tired of it in the near future. 

ghostof5letters

jessafishy said:

ghostof5letters said:

jessafishy said:

ZeroZeroOne said:

@jessfishy, I don't think sleep associations are a problem if your LO is getting enough sleep and is well rested. My son was waking up 5-7 times a night because nursing him to sleep and the pacifier were problems. He was a complete mess all day for a month during that period. Now that he only wakes up for feedings he's a pretty happy little guy most the time because he's getting the sleep he needs.

If someone's baby can have a pacifier or be nursed to sleep and it's not causing problems and making them miserable from lack of sleep then I don't see it as an issue personally.

Makes sense. DS does still wake up several times a night but it's not every night and he still does get some longer stretches most nights. Now that we are past the 4 month sleep regression his bad nights I attribute more to congestion and the cold he has had rather than sleep associations. Plus he will go down for a nap without nursing first so I know he doesn't NEED it to sleep. 

Obviously I know everyone else has a different baby and different experiences I was just curious, so thank you!

We have July 2011 kids that still need to be rocked to sleep. There are tons of different definitions to "temporary" 

Yes, I know that. But of course I'm going off of 6 months of experience and no one else has ever had to put him to bed so I could very well get tired of it in the near future. 

Yes, there is a huge difference between 180 nights of rocking vs. 1,260 nights. 

jessafishy

jessafishy said:

ghostof5letters said:

jessafishy said:

ZeroZeroOne said:

@jessfishy, I don't think sleep associations are a problem if your LO is getting enough sleep and is well rested. My son was waking up 5-7 times a night because nursing him to sleep and the pacifier were problems. He was a complete mess all day for a month during that period. Now that he only wakes up for feedings he's a pretty happy little guy most the time because he's getting the sleep he needs.

If someone's baby can have a pacifier or be nursed to sleep and it's not causing problems and making them miserable from lack of sleep then I don't see it as an issue personally.

Makes sense. DS does still wake up several times a night but it's not every night and he still does get some longer stretches most nights. Now that we are past the 4 month sleep regression his bad nights I attribute more to congestion and the cold he has had rather than sleep associations. Plus he will go down for a nap without nursing first so I know he doesn't NEED it to sleep. 

Obviously I know everyone else has a different baby and different experiences I was just curious, so thank you!

We have July 2011 kids that still need to be rocked to sleep. There are tons of different definitions to "temporary" 

Yes, I know that. But of course I'm going off of 6 months of experience and no one else has ever had to put him to bed so I could very well get tired of it in the near future. 

Yes, there is a huge difference between 180 nights of rocking vs. 1,260 nights. 

Can't argue with numbers.