3rd Trimester

Husband and mom in for delivery

I am a soon-to-be first time mom and decided I would like my husband and mom to be with me. I know a lot of women are against this because it's an intimate experience with your husband. However, I'm wondering if anyone else decided to have your mom along as well or if you've had both members in for a prior delivery, what were the roles of each of them? My husband is wondering what my mom will do, and I already know she will not get in the way or step on his toes at all.

Re: Husband and mom in for delivery

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    Do what works for you & whom will support you and make you feel more comfortable.  For me, only DH and medical personnel as my mom means well but stresses me out. 

    Both can help hold your legs if needed, massage your back, apply counter pressure especially for lower back pain, rock/dance with you, verbally encourage you.  They can also tag-team: one can step out for a break (food/drink) while leaving you another support person so you're not alone. 

    Clarify who will assist w/delivery (if you want), cut the cord, etc so no potential fight at the actual moment.  Clarify if you want pictures taken (or if hospital allows this).

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    my mom and husband were there for DS's brith and will both be there for this one.

    My mom and husband each took turns rubbing my back, helping me out, and holding my legs.

    If its what you want, and your mom and husband are ok with it, then great, go for it.

    It's 100% a personal preference and so do what is right for you and your family.


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    I had both my mom and DH when laboring with DD1. I had back labor so spent a lot of time leaning over the bed or on a ball. DH rubbed and applied counter pressure to my back while my mom rubbed my shoulders and upper arms. For the actual delivery I wanted just DH so my mom left the room when DD1 was crowning and the dr came in.

    This time will be just DH. My mom will be caring for dd1.
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    With DD I had DH, my mom, and MIL in the room. With DS my MIL had DD but my mom was still there. While in labor but not pushing they brought me things and basically helped out. Once I started pushing they stayed out of the way and I didn't see them. DH held my leg and was right there.

    Once the babies were born my mom took tons of pictures of them and told me all about them while I was getting stitched up. I'm not sure who will be in the room this time.

    There's no right answer to this question. Whatever feels comfortable to you is what I'd do. You don't have to decide in advance either you can just see how you feel and then make a decision at the time.
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    With my first I had my mom and husband with me. She held my leg.
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    I had planned on just having my husband there when my daughter was born because I was thinking it would be a special experience, my mom wanted to be there really badly though and in the end I decided to let her stay. I was super happy that I did as my husband was more overwhelmed by the whole thing and kind of in his own world, my mom held my leg and counted for me and it really felt like she was there for me. It was kind of more of a mother-daughter bonding experience which was really nice. I am sad because she might not be able to be there this time, I would honestly rather have her than my husband, lol. Just do what makes you feel the most comfortable and supported.
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    I always knew I wanted my mom in the delivery room with me. My mom has had 9 kids so I felt like she would be great support... Not. She was not helpful and made several comments that really pissed me off/ were not necessary. H told me afterwards that I threatened to punch her in the face if she didn't stop talking. When she wasn't talking about how much easier my labor should be and how I should be handling it better, she was on her phone, on Facebook, etc. This time around it will just be DH and I unless his mom happens to be in town but she's an actual L&D nurse so I'm sure she'll actually help.

    All that to say... I know that some women loved having their mothers in the room but make sure you have a conversation about what type of support you expect yor mom to be. I didn't and my mom assumed she was just there for the show apparently.
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    The hospital where I will deliver will allow you to have whoever who want in there while you labor but once you start pushing no one can enter or leave the room. I was with my friend when she delivered there. While she labored (medicated so it wasn't intense), she had about 6 friends/family in there to keep her company. Once she went to start pushing everyone but me and her estranged (and now ex) husband left the room. They came back in in shifts about an hour after the birth.

    I wouldn't want anyone but my husband in there with me knowing what I now know about the process. Obviously my friend had a good reason to have me in with her (was on bad terms with her husband) but in a solid relationship I think it should just be the parents.

    Also if for some reason I wanted my mom there I think my husband would also feel his mom should be there and there's no way that's happening.
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    Make sure to clear this with your doctor/hospital. I am generally allowed only one support person at my hospital. I would think they probably make exceptions, but one person is the general rule.
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    I ended up with a Csec but while i was induced and in labor my Mom and DH were there. I would not have had it any other way. In fact DH was paying a lot less attention to what was happening with me than my Mom. She helped me through the hardest of the contraction. I love DH but he was so busy keeping other people updated that he might as well have not even been there for the labor part. My Mom is a great source of comfort for me. If this is the same for you then I would have her there.
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    The first time around I had DH and MIL (my mom lived out of state and knew shouldn't wouldn't be able to be there.  Second time DH and my mom.  Third time, I think it will be DH and both moms.

    My MIL mostly just sat in the rocking chair, she didn't really do too much.  She would get me water and a cool rag, occasionally she would say something encouraging, but more just to be a part of it, which is what I wanted. 

    My mother took a more active role, she massaged my back when DH couldn't, stood up for me when the nurse was being unreasonable (my mom expressed my wishes in a nice way, but was firm), held my leg while I was pushing, held my hand while they stitched me up (DH was with DS). 

    The other things I asked my mom to be in charge of was giving the nurse the baby book so she would stamp baby's footprints in it and reminding me to ask for pain relievers after baby was born.  For some reason with my first, they did not offer me medication and I didn't think to ask.  
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    mmblake08 said:
    I had my husband and MIL with me and it was great. I wish my mom could have been there but we live 8 hours away so not really an option. It's really up to you as it's such a personal choice. Also remember you're allowed to change your mind if you feel she's not being as supportive as you need.
    I think this last sentence is key.  It needs to be someone who you are comfortable to ask to leave or tell to stop (talking, touching you, eating in front of you, etc).  I remember my MIL told me a couple of times before I went into labor, "If you ask me to leave and not come back, I will not be hurt or hold it against you."  I know her and she probably would have been a little hurt, but I also knew I could tell her that and she would understand and not hold it against me. 
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    thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences
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    I originally thought I would only want DH once I started laboring. But being induced and my water breaking was intense and my mom ended up being the one who kept me calm the most. She did leave once I started pushing. It's really up to you, and you ever know what you may want.
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    I would do what makes you most comfortable. In the room will be my fiance my mom his mom and my grandma. It is what makes me comfortable and they all help in there own ways and together it's really helpful for me.
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    My mom is a prominent midwife in our area, so I wouldn't dream of doing this without her. She will be hand-picking the labor nurses and advocating for me in regards to medications and interventions and all that other stuff so that I can stay focused. She and my OB work together and get along well, so there won't be any weird power or control issues. I feel really comforted knowing she'll be there to help make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible.

    DH and my doula will be the other two people present, aside from hospital staff and my OB.
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    NeeseyNeesey member
    edited December 2014
    My mom used to be an ob nurse so she will be there with DH too. I felt bad about mil being left out so I've given her the job of being support to my support by getting food, taking care of our dogs at home.... This greatly reduced tensions. She knows her job is really important since I can't relax if I'm not sure that my mom and DH are ok. I've told DH she can come in only if I say it is ok right then and definitely not while I'm pushing.
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    My best friend had her husband and her mom in the room with her, and it was a great experience. As for me, I would never have my mom in the room. I'm guessing it really has everything in the world to do with what kind of relationship you have with your mom.
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    I had my mom and husband but then ended up needing a csection and only my mom stayed. This time with repeat csection only mom will come in.
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    I wish my mom could have been there. She's a nurse. It was only DH and me but I would have liked more moral support. :) DH is scared of needles and didn't want to cut the cord. I freaked out when it was time to push but the nurse yelled at me and helped.
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    My mom, dad and younger sister were present for dd1's birth. My ex-husband was deployed at the time. It was just me and then DH for dd2's birth. He and my midwife (acted as a doula) were present for ds1's birth.

    I wanted my mom, sister and daughters present for ds2's homebirth. She was watching my girls at her house until it was time to come over. Well, he was born quite unexpectedly and abruptly, so she missed his birth by about a minute or two. I was planning a water birth, but he was born on my bed. It was just my midwife, her apprentice and then DH.

    This time it was the same: midwife, her apprentice, DH, and the kids. My mom wasn't in town yet, else she'd have been present, too.

    A giant fuck no to having MIL present.
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    This is my 3rd baby and will be the 3rd time I'll have both my husband and my mom in the room for delivery. It has been the perfect combination for me.

    The first time I gave birth my mom was a NICU nurse. She knew all the ins and outs of all the horrible things that could happen, and knew what questions to ask. She was also (obviously) much more experienced in giving birth than either of us, so things were not as scary for her. Honestly, she's always acted as my buffer with the hospital staff, making sure nothing happened that I wasn't comfortable with. It's easier for her to remain level headed.

    My husband was there for *me* during labor. His job was to focus 100% on me and make the whole process as easy as possible... for me. 

    Things went great with both of them there the first and second time. I have no doubt it will be like that this time as well. Mom is great about not stepping on toes and DH is most comfortable at my side anyway.
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    I've known lots of people who had their mom's there. If you have a good relationship and feel she will be a great support during birth, then have her there. It also depends on your relationship with your husband and how much help you think he will be to you, as you may really want your mom's support. 

    DH and I are both very private and want to experience those first moments alone. I want him to feel free to cry or say whatever he wants to, and I want us both to get hours of special bonding time before anyone else tries to hold the baby. If something goes wrong, I know he is calm and won't panic, and he's not the least bit squeamish. He is hoping to be my birth coach, catch the baby, and cut the cord. We won't be telling anyone I'm in labor and aren't planning on visitors until the next day at least. But ours is different in that we will be in a birth center with a small team of midwives and home shortly after the birth, so in a hospital (with a waiting room, etc) we may choose differently. Everyone has their own vision of birth, and it's absolutely fine to have your mom there if it's what you feel is right for you. 
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