Is your cat an asshole?

Poppy715

Or was it? Does anyone have any brilliant ideas that will keep my cat from biting so much and lunging it's fat body onto the windowsill and then hanging like an obese otter from the molding? He's tearing the hell out of it and he's no longer allowed in the bedroom at night because the sound he makes hanging from his claws on the wood is so awful. It wakes me up and I feel vicious. He has to stay in the living room by himself now. We'd prefer to have him in there but nothing has worked. He can't fit up there because the blinds are down. He just lunges and then hangs like an idiot. He's also a dick and bites us. It has started to concern me because I'm starting to realize there is a definite possibility a baby will come home with us this Spring.

What has worked to curb these behaviors for you kitty moms? Spray bottle, tinfoil and redirection aren't doing the trick. I should actually PIP the tinfoil on the window it's absurd, there are so many claw marks in it.

kac22

Cats by nature are total assholes haha Mine certainly is..but we got most of it out of him when he was a kitten. 

I'll agree that cats do act out when there is either something wrong or something they want. My cat for the most part is totally sweet now-a-days but if he starts pouncing and attacking me a lot chances are he's out of food or water or something he wants. Then after he's taken care of he's nice again. 

When we were teaching him to stay off the counters we put an upside down chair mat (like the kind used on carpet for your office chairs). Don't really know how'd that work for windows though =/

2undertwo2bee

I have two. One is super sweet and only really is in your face if you forget to feed her or she wants treats. But the other. We rescued her at 10 days old and j truly believe she doesn't know she's a cat. The only person she'll listen to is me. If she gets mad she'll attack my husband's ankles or beat up our other cat. At night it's like it's her time to explore and anything on any counter she will find and knock down. She has anxiety problems and we can't even close our door because she will claw the carpet up if she can't see us. My husband was gone for training for a few months so she decided she liked his side of the bed. Now I sleep on one side my husband sleeps in middle and she naps on the other side and if he accidentally rolls over while sleeping she'll bite him. She also has stomache problems and requires te most expensive freakig food or she throws up everyday. She won't let friends and family sit on our couch. She grows and hisses at them. I guess the point of this is to say my cat is a major ass too and after two years of trying to change her we have just realized she's not going to no matter how many times we try to train her. Cats are just weird.

Poppy715

IFinTN said:

One of our cats gets aggressive when he's not feeling well. He had a big patch of dry skin on his back and was a real asshole for a while until we treated that. Maybe get him a check up just in case?

He goes to the vet all the time. H takes him every couple of months. He feels great. He just wants to sit in the window and see the birds. He just chooses to climb up there when I'm trying to fall asleep. He also plays pretty rough with H. He's still young just over a year old so I'm really hoping he grows out of the biting. I keep trying to tell H not to play with him with his hands. He also loves him more than me and bites him less than me.

chertmm

Poppy715 said:

Or was it? Does anyone have any brilliant ideas that will keep my cat from biting so much and lunging it's fat body onto the windowsill and then hanging like an obese otter from the molding? He's tearing the hell out of it and he's no longer allowed in the bedroom at night because the sound he makes hanging from his claws on the wood is so awful. It wakes me up and I feel vicious. He has to stay in the living room by himself now. We'd prefer to have him in there but nothing has worked. He can't fit up there because the blinds are down. He just lunges and then hangs like an idiot. He's also a dick and bites us. It has started to concern me because I'm starting to realize there is a definite possibility a baby will come home with us this Spring.

What has worked to curb these behaviors for you kitty moms? Spray bottle, tinfoil and redirection aren't doing the trick. I should actually PIP the tinfoil on the window it's absurd, there are so many claw marks in it.

I have nothing useful to offer.  However, is there any way you can post a picture of this hanging obese otter?  I giggled just thinking about it.  

Poppy715

Oh and get this. H thinks the best solution to our crazy is to add another cat. He thinks they will just wear each other out and he won't be so lonely. We'd be maxed out with two critters and a LO at our place. It's not so big.

Poppy715

Here he is last Christmas. I can't ever upload mobile. My Attach a file or whatever is broken from my phone.

chertmm

Aw, I wish I could have a cat again.  But DH is very allergic.  Then again, y'all have reminded me cats can be major assholes.  Maybe not having one is the best thing right now.

2undertwo2bee

Don't get another!! Lol. We did that thinking our hell child would be better if she had a playmate. She just beats the shit out of her lol.

samiamagirl

If you get another cat then they're both assholes running around at 3am. Trust me.

Definitely put double sided tape or something equally sticky on the parts of the sill you don't want him climbing. If it's the sound of him climbing up the wall to get to the sill, put steps or something in between he can jump on to help himself get up there. Have you thought about putting a cat tower or tree by the window sill? Carpeted ones are great and won't make the awful noise that wakes you up when he climbs it. You can also close the blinds/curtains where that window is so he can't even look out of it at night.

As for the biting- don't encourage it whatsoever. The second he starts, clap your hands loudly and firmly say "NO!" then either push him away or you walk away. It's important your husband doesn't encourage it either, even the little bites.

Overall quick tips that can help: 

• Places for him to perch, cats love being high up. Either invest in a tall cat tree or shelves he's allowed to climb and look down from. Height can give him confidence and possibly reduce his need to bite.
  
• Like other posters have said, try to play with him right before bed, get excess energy out as much as possible. To know you've worn him out he should be laying on his side by the end of play time, panting is okay too.
• Feeding him later at night can also help quiet his night time antics.

There's some other things that can work too if I think about it more, but these are the first go-to things I'd suggest. I definitely have asshole cats and you can't totally stop them from being assholes, it's just how cats are. But you can definitely reduce their assholitude.

katietopaz

My cats are complete assholes. The kind that find plastic bags in the middle of the night and just...make noise with them until you wake up to kill them. Also...

Lezzie82

Time to call the Cat Daddy.

samiamagirl

katietopaz said:

My cats are complete assholes. The kind that find plastic bags in the middle of the night and just...make noise with them until you wake up to kill them. Also...

Lezzie82

mayflowers35 said:

One of my cats got into shredded coconut while I was on my honeymoon and was sick for 2 weeks and cost me a grand. $-)

My dog ate a bag of coconut, bag included actually- and was sick as shit for days!!!  Who would have thought coconut??  It's dangerous to have around pets!

thegabymama

I agree with @samiamagirl‌ in getting a window perch for him. We bought a couple from PetsMart for $20 each and stuck them in a couple windows. One of my cats claimed them as her own but she loved them. She loves stalking birds and definitely stopped climbing on the rest of my shit as much. Our current windows are low enough where a perch is unnecessary. So now of course she's hopping up on counters helping herself to food or plants and being a total jerk. She's lucky I love her little face so damn much!

Poppy715

He has a cat tree I. The living room and a scratcher right next to it. He will scratch on both and then go to the molding in the doors. He looks at us, we tell him no and he scratches in defiance. He's just a douche. I think part of the problem is the renters before us had a cat and it scratched the hell out of the door frames. He scratches on top of that. I want to try the super sticky double sided tape. I've also read to spray citrus like lemon juice where they scratch.

At least we can all commiserate and share our asshole cat stories.

samiamagirl

Get a couple more scratchers of different textures to put around the house, My husband thought I was crazy when I bought all these different types of scratchers for our kittens, but he sang a different tune when they never even looked at our furniture. Every time he uses one of the approved scratchers reward him. Those cardboard scratchers you sprinkle with cat nip seem to be really popular with my cats.

Fun middle of the night asshole cat story for you: The other night one of my asshole cats put a wet cat toy on my neck while I was sleeping. I was so startled and it pulled me from such a deep sleep that I literally had no control over my limbs so I literally spent the next minute flailing around making these weird noises and struggling to get the toy off me and the bed without waking my husband.

MrsLolaSky

Hahaha, I have nothing to add but just wanted to say that this thread is cracking me up, picturing all those asshole cats. My cat's an asshole, too, but she loves me and DH so much that we can't help but overlook her personality flaws. Plus, she's been my sole companion during my really bad morning sickness days; my entire phone is filled with photos of me with a cold compress on my head and a cat in my lap!

DawnLilly

@poppy715 there's a show on Animal Planet about training bad cats. "My cat from hell", or something.

Just remember, if he aggressively attacks you repeatedly, you wouldn't put up with a dog doing it so don't put up with a cat doing it. There's douchy behavior and then there is purposeful intention to hurt you.

See if you can find a trainer in your area.

Hawk&Eye

Love this! I've been saying forever that our cat is a complete asshole. His latest dick move is laying on anything and everything I put down for a split second! Clean laundry fresh out of the dryer is now his favorite. Makes me insane. I put the load on the couch and hurry to pop another loaf in the dryer, come back and he's on the clean load! Put my coat on a chair when I first walk in the house and before I can hang it up, he's on it. The list goes on and on. Doesn't help he sheds like crazy and hair gets everywhere in seconds. He has a cat bed, a blanket, and a cat tree and doesn't use any of it. In fact he got the cat tree last Christmas, he won't be getting anything this year!

emilyanimals15

So; I definitely would recommend trying a special window perch attachment for the sill itself. Also soft claws are great (but need to be reapplied every 6 weeks or so). There are tons of deterrents you can try from the double sided tape to the ssssss-cat motion sensor that will make a scary hissing sound at the cat any time he gets near.
For biting- definitely not ok so I encourage you to continue training DH to stop that kind of play. And as for cat trainers, they are far and few between. If you are in MA or New England area and it gets to that point, you can send me a private message for suggestions. But it sounds like you just have a playful, energetic young cat (aka obese otter aka asshole cat)

Lezzie82

I've never owned a cat but I have a good cat story:

So 2 of my girlfriends and I decided to have a drunken girls night at one of their apartments. She (apartment host) had wine, and had lit this huge weird candle she had just bought in her bathroom. So were all pretty drunk and all of a sudden we smell burning hair!! One of our friends smoked so we thought she had somehow lit her hair on fire and we kept checking her and each other frantically to make sure we weren't on fire! Then we saw the cat's tail and it had evidently walked right over the candle and singed off the bottom of it's tail hair!! It was some kind of super long haired fancy cat so it actually never hurt itself thank goodness or it wouldn't have been so funny but it definitely had some curly spots on its tail hair! Poor thing!!

Poppy715

DawnLilly said:

@poppy715 there's a show on Animal Planet about training bad cats. "My cat from hell", or something.

Just remember, if he aggressively attacks you repeatedly, you wouldn't put up with a dog doing it so don't put up with a cat doing it. There's douchy behavior and then there is purposeful intention to hurt you.

See if you can find a trainer in your area.

He's not aggressive it's usually playful but still biting. He's not vicious but does bite. He swats at us when we walk by him too. It makes me worry about leaving baby on the floor at all.

I think wearing him out before bed would help too. We play with him but not really on much of a schedule. It might help him sleep when I go to bed.

I might try the soft paws! They seem like a good idea. Soft paws, double sided tape and a squirt bottle with lemon water. Maybe he needs a trifecta of treatments. If all else fails a trainer will be in our future. He can't act like he does with a baby in the house.

cassietegtmeier

Meet Louie. Louie is a complete asshole & uses my bathroom rugs instead of his litter box. Louie is going to be a rug himself if he keeps this shit up.

Poppy715

cassietegtmeier said:

Meet Louie. Louie is a complete asshole & uses my bathroom rugs instead of his litter box. Louie is going to be a rug himself if he keeps this shit up.

He looks pissed. Lol. That is the Benji's best quality. Possibly his saving grace. If he thinks his box is too full he'll cry and come tell us. He's NEVER gone potty anywhere else. Ever. I think that is his biggest redeeming quality.

I've heard all kinds of stories like if the box isn't scooped every single day the cat will go on their bed. I would be livid!

cassietegtmeier

@Poppy715‌, that's how he always looks lol
& yeah he goes in the bathroom when his box isn't cleaned every day. Unfortunately my husband isn't the best litter box cleaner.

LolaCachia

Unfortunately, I don't have any experience with cats but these stories are seriously cracking me up! Fat otters, wet toys to the neck.. My dogs are pretty boring minus the need to be all up in your face for attention 24/7. I'm pretty sure my male dog half sleeps with one eye open to be ready if I wake in the night!

mzmcg

It's funny that you posted this. My cat just turned into a complete asshole recently! First she was always attracted to my stomach but now she does anything and everything to piss everyone off *destroying furniture, pooipng and peeing EVERYWHERE* I can honestly say I don't even like her anymore... I hope it ends soon.

Lezzie82

What's the deal with hair balls? It always looks like their barfing up poop.....! Do all cats get those?

Poppy715

Lezzie82 said:

What's the deal with hair balls? It always looks like their barfing up poop.....! Do all cats get those?

Mine doesn't. I've never seen him cough one up or see them around the house. Yuck!

kaynix21

Mine can be an asshole. But she's cute and fluffy. And bites when I pet her tummy....but it's so fluffy I can't help myself!

For her being in our room, she scratches the underside of the mattress. Little punk. So we got a baby gate and blocked off our bedroom door. So she goes away, it's great.

Can you put something sticky on the windowsill he won't like since foil hasn't worked?

manacita

cassietegtmeier said:

Meet Louie. Louie is a complete asshole & uses my bathroom rugs instead of his litter box. Louie is going to be a rug himself if he keeps this shit up.

Our old cat Buckey does that. Never has a single accident, but if you forget to put up the fecking bath mat for 3 minutes, she pees all over it. You'd think that after 4 years of this problem, my husband would learn to put the bath mat up. Nope. Not at all. I can't figure out who would is harder to break of bad habits, the cat or the husband.

kaynix21

My cat had a hairball on my Christmas tree skirt and the fluffy snow stuff I put under it in case she knocks of ornaments.....

And I can deal with a hairball....but it was RIGHT next to where ants like to sneak their way into the house. So I woke up smeared hairball PLUS a colony of ants running around it. It was great.

lladymack

We used the double sided tape for furniture that we didn't want scratched. She hated it but stopped.
We have also had great success with a calming spray. I don't know what it is about this particular spray but it's worked wonders and stopping asshole like behaviour

Sorry it's sideways

menta84

I'm not a cat person at all but DH is so we compromised and we currently have one cat and one dog (I love my pup!). The cat is so mean! She attacks my husband's arms from time to time and if we have visitors she hides...she makes sure to growl like a maniac at them beforehand though *sigh*...Oh and she growls at us too when we have people over, like she is getting back at us or something for bringing strangers to the house lol She'll jump on my lap and act cute so I am nice to her.. Then she'd bite me out of nowhere! I can't with cats, she will be the first and last one we have.

lecolby1

My cat used to bite us badly -- we ended up getting a kitten and the biting stopped. Now, the two cats are best friends and he really calmed down. Not as wild as he once was... Probably because he has a playmate. He was about a year old when we got the second cat.
It took about two to three weeks of introducing them but after that they were perfect!! Good luck.

alanajfarnsworth

Your cat wants to participate in basic cat behavior by observing the birds outside the window. I would buy an inexpensive window perch for him. Less than $20 I saw one yesterday for $16.99. They will not damage the window and they are carpet material where he can sit or lay. If you sprinkle a little cat nip on it he will most likely scratch the perch and not your window or windowsill. Also maybe more toys with feathers so he plays fought by himself and stops treating you and your H like prey or fellow cats. Good luck!! And if nothing works and you can't keep him he will be fine. Bring him to a local cat rescue and explain the circumstance. He will get adopted and not be euthanized. Try not to stress about it should much. He's just a crazy kitty.

dj99

@Poppy715 My cat is a spoiled biotch! She needs 2 liter boxes, one for pee and the other for poop.

When she was younger she would hang of my curtains and try to scratch my furniture. Then I introduced to her to the Labradoodle. I taught my dog to chase her away at the sound of her scratching anything but her scratching post. Believe me it works! Our dog loves it, she chases after her, barking like a maniac but it stops my cat. So my advice, get a dog!

ramcheer55

My cat is a sweetie but can be a total asshole as well.  She is very loving and affectionate but also very vocal.  She seems to be part dog in that she has to greet everyone that comes to our house.  She will eat anything (she's pretty obese) you name it coffee cake, cheeseburgers, pizza, ice cream, fruit.  She will meow very loudly incessantly until we see that she's low on food.  I say low on food because her bowl is never empty....if it gets below a level she deems inappropriate, she clearly will starve until we top her bowl off.  Did I mention she's obese lol it's not like she's going to starve anytime soon!  She also has a habit of tripping us because she will walk in front of me and stop to make sure i'm following her every other step.  This is really frustrating especially now that my belly is getting bigger and it's easier to trip over her!  I do love her though and she generally is a sweet and well behaved cat.

samiamagirl

amelandre said:

My cat is also an asshole. I catch him on the table and counter, and he DGAF if I spray him. 

I'm loving this thread.

looloo44881

I don't have any tips because my 2 cats are well behaved for the most part, but I just have to say that I laughed so hard reading your post, OP!! The description of your cat is just hilarious, an obese otter! Lol my hubby was like why are you laughing so hard? Haha! Sorry, just had to tell you that:) I hope he/she settles down soon though!