when is a good time to start planning the baby shower?!

Frogger5

bossybluejay said:

I'll agree with most of the commenters on here and say that having a shower for baby #2 is incredibly tacky. Yuck. This will be my first baby and I dont plan on even having a shower...not my thing. I dont want to be the center of attention just for having a baby. In my point of view, if you are in a position to afford the things you need for the baby, don't have a shower. I'm going to create a registry for my family and also for the discount but I plan on doing a sip and see after the baby is born.

From my point of view, if you (not YOU, @bossybluejay‌!) aren't in a position to afford the things you need for a baby . . . don't have a baby. Seriously, how much are you really going to "net" from a normal-sized shower? I have no idea what the average FTM gets, but let's say you have 15 guests that spend $50 each - that's $750. If your financial security is teetering on $750 when you have 8 months to prepare, how can you expect to keep up with the ongoing expenses that children bring? Gifts are nice, and they make us feel warm and fuzzy, but I do not understand women who try to use a shower as basically a money making venture.

Also, I don't understand why having a large age gap should mean a second shower. You're already a mother. That's it!

Frogger5

blu-eyedwife said:

chrissymkke said:

I really don't think a shower has to be "showering" the mother with gifts.

What do you think the word "shower" in baby shower refers to?  The mother's washing habits?

A shower is literally a party to shower the mother with gifts.  Literally.  I'm not even using the word literally figuratively here. 

----boo, quote function!------

I'm imagining one of those balloon nets filled up with all the presents that would be released over the guest of honor's head!

willowprincess

Frogger5 said:

I'll agree with most of the commenters on here and say that having a shower for baby #2 is incredibly tacky. Yuck. This will be my first baby and I dont plan on even having a shower...not my thing. I dont want to be the center of attention just for having a baby. In my point of view, if you are in a position to afford the things you need for the baby, don't have a shower. I'm going to create a registry for my family and also for the discount but I plan on doing a sip and see after the baby is born.

From my point of view, if you (not YOU, @bossybluejay‌!) aren't in a position to afford the things you need for a baby . . . don't have a baby. Seriously, how much are you really going to "net" from a normal-sized shower? I have no idea what the average FTM gets, but let's say you have 15 guests that spend $50 each - that's $750. If your financial security is teetering on $750 when you have 8 months to prepare, how can you expect to keep up with the ongoing expenses that children bring? Gifts are nice, and they make us feel warm and fuzzy, but I do not understand women who try to use a shower as basically a money making venture. Also, I don't understand why having a large age gap should mean a second shower. You're already a mother. That's it!

I'm not for second showers, so this isn't even about that. This comment just really rubbed me wrong. You do realize not every child is planned right?

Also, $750 is a freaking large amount of money to some. Just because you could really use the help that a shower gives, doesn't mean they are unable to provide for a child's needs.

Frogger5

willowprincess said:

Frogger5 said:

I'll agree with most of the commenters on here and say that having a shower for baby #2 is incredibly tacky. Yuck. This will be my first baby and I dont plan on even having a shower...not my thing. I dont want to be the center of attention just for having a baby. In my point of view, if you are in a position to afford the things you need for the baby, don't have a shower. I'm going to create a registry for my family and also for the discount but I plan on doing a sip and see after the baby is born.

From my point of view, if you (not YOU, @bossybluejay‌!) aren't in a position to afford the things you need for a baby . . . don't have a baby. Seriously, how much are you really going to "net" from a normal-sized shower? I have no idea what the average FTM gets, but let's say you have 15 guests that spend $50 each - that's $750. If your financial security is teetering on $750 when you have 8 months to prepare, how can you expect to keep up with the ongoing expenses that children bring? Gifts are nice, and they make us feel warm and fuzzy, but I do not understand women who try to use a shower as basically a money making venture.

Also, I don't understand why having a large age gap should mean a second shower. You're already a mother. That's it!

I'm not for second showers, so this isn't even about that. This comment just really rubbed me wrong. You do realize not every child is planned right?

Also, $750 is a freaking large amount of money to some. Just because you could really use the help that a shower gives, doesn't mean they are unable to provide for a child's needs.

---every time, it seems------------------

I'm not going to get into a debate about the first part you bolded, but I stand by it. $750 spread over the 8 months in general you know you're pregnant before the baby arrives is less than $100 a month. I know that is tough for some people to save. But you can't have it both ways - if the point of a shower is to provide new mothers with things they NEED and can't come up with other ways, then second (and third plus) showers should be totally acceptable if the parents could "use the help." Anyway, what about the people who can't afford what they need for a new baby but no one offers to throw them a shower? I don't think it's responsible to rely on something like that.

agustin53

I don't see anything wrong with welcoming each baby with a shower party . This is my first pregnancy at 3 months and since I have 6 sisters I knew they would throw me a shower, so I simply requested around 7 months before my nose starts to swell lol
(My sisters noses all swelled during pregnancy so I'm assuming mine will also) . My best friend had her 3rd shower party for her 3rd baby 2 weeks ago (her stepmom planned it) . I don't know , maybe it's a Latin thing but we celebrate each child and their mother with food and gifts . NO BIG DEAL !

lfaithlove

I definitely see both @willowprincess‌ and @Frogger5 's point but I will add that (not only has my Dh made poor financial decisions in general... We're currently working on that. But also) back when DS was born, I promise you that at that particular point in time, we had maybe 10-20 dollars left over by the time our paychecks covered all of our bills/expenses... And we didn't have car payments and our rent was dirt cheap so it's not like we were trying to support some extravagant lifestyle that was out of our reach. We didn't eat out or go to movies. We just flat didn't make enough money to save. I mean, 20 dollars a month is only $140 spread over the amount of months that we knew about baby leading up to his arrival. So we would have probably been able to buy a car seat and like some diapers but, if it weren't for the gifts of people who love us, we just wouldn't have been able to have most everything we needed for our boy. He was not (at all) planned... And if you're thinking "if you're that financially unstable then why were you married?" That is an excellent question and one that I can only answer with "we were basically fresh out of high school and had no idea what we were doing, but were determined to get married against the better judgement of everyone we knew". Lol there's some brutal honesty for ya! We are very much in love to this day and of course we LOVE our DS. Buuuuuut in hindsight, we should have been so much more prepared.
So YES, everyone who is partaking in baby-making-activities should totally have the financial stability to at least save a hundred bucks a month without it breaking the bank in anticipation of their child... Preferably way more than that, as you and/or your SO may not have paid time off for labor and recovery time, your car's a/c may go out two weeks before you are to bring your baby home from the hospital (in the midst of one of the hottest summers on record...) or you may get dropped unknowingly from your insurance and realize the morning after your LO is born that you owe the hospital and your doctor almost $10,000 and the list of our personal "real life" circumstances go on and on and on... Buuuuut sometimes it just doesn't happen the way it should. I am also not advocating second showers, just trying to bring some perspective from someone who has been there, done that. Was it anyone's fault but my own that we were so unprepared? I mean... Besides the fact that we always used condoms and are still wondering how the heck DS even happened (lol) nope, it was totally our fault and we wish things had been different, and we are ensuring that things will be different this time around! But in that particular circumstance, our shower was the way we were able to clothe our baby. Foolish and irresponsible? Totally. But for two kids with bad jobs? It was unfortunately just reality.

housewifebecomesher

We planned financially for DD and are saving for this baby...but there are still a lot of unexpected expenses if you ask me! Having the help of a shower is great, I agree. Still not on board with the etiquette of a shower for #2+ unless it's a sprinkle and the people invited don't feel obligated. Not sure how you manage that!

carolyngrace

Just do what you want with your dang shower. I really hope we don't debate this 10 more times in the next couple of months. 

A while back I attended a second shower (kids only 2 years apart) and I sort of questioned it (didn't think it was rude, but it is unusual for my friends). While I was there the mom told me "I'm a little embarrassed, but my friends wanted to throw us a shower because they know how strapped we are right now. Every pack of diapers will help us get through those first few months." You could try all day and still not convince me she's an asshole for having that shower. She did what she felt she had to do. 

neongreen

periwinkledaydreams said:

Along the lines of the cake.. My sister in law (who I seriously LOVE and would never talk trash on, but this I found to be ridiculous) had a plaster casting of her pregnant belly on display and decorated at her baby shower. I do not understand this! I mean, her REAL ACTUAL pregnant belly was there in full force, what's with the statue?! Also, I'm really enjoying being a fly on the wall of the grammatical love fest that is taking place in this thread!!!

Once upon a time on another forum, there was a discussion going on about those plaster casts and what you actually do with them after the fact, other than stash them in the attic for the rest of your life. One woman (I don't know if she was being facetious or not, I kind of hope not!) said make sure it's properly sealed, flip it over, and it makes an excellent serving dish for chips and two kinds of dip. If I ever did the whole cast thing (not planning on it), that would be the only reason why.

chrissymkke

blu-eyedwife said:

chrissymkke said:

I really don't think a shower has to be "showering" the mother with gifts.

What do you think the word "shower" in baby shower refers to?  The mother's washing habits?

A shower is literally a party to shower the mother with gifts.  Literally.  I'm not even using the word literally figuratively here. 

 

--Okay then if you want to get "literal" about it, call mine a Baby Celebration then.  All I'm saying is it's your shower, do what you want

Frogger5

I feel like I got off point last comment. I took the wrong route. Instead of saying "if you can't afford a baby, don't have one," I should have said, "whether you can afford a baby or not should have no bearing on whether or not you have a shower." (The poster I was replying to said she felt that if you can afford to buy things yourself, don't have a shower.) @willowprincess‌, after I reread what I wrote, I can see it doesn't sound very nice. Sorry for the mis-rub!

Edit to fix tag.

willowprincess

Frogger5 said:

I feel like I got off point last comment. I took the wrong route. Instead of saying "if you can't afford a baby, don't have one," I should have said, "whether you can afford a baby or not should have no bearing on whether or not you have a shower." (The poster I was replying to said she felt that if you can afford to buy things yourself, don't have a shower.)@willowprincess‌, after I reread whit I wrote, I can see it doesn't sound very nice. Sorry for the mis-rub!

Makes more sense. Thanks for clarifying.

bossybluejay

I think that it's totally acceptable and fine to create a registry. I've purchased gifts for all of our friends who have had babies, regardless of whether I went to a baby shower or not. It makes a lot of sense to create a registry because most people will probably send you a gift. I just inherently think any kind of "shower" is tacky and that's my personal opinion. They're gift-grabby and the whole purpose of them is to receive gifts.

Just because you had a baby and it was unplanned or you don't make very much money, it's not an excuse to have a party entirely devoted to people buying things for you. It's an unfortunate situation and that's a time where hopefully family would step up and help buy some of the bigger, more expensive items. But, its not really an excuse to essentially ask all of your friends to buy you things too.

Trampslikeus

In the Congo, the women in your circle bring you bolts of cloth when you're expecting. I love that concept and the simplicity of it.

But I can't sew for shit.

In general I think the shower thing (wedding and baby) has gotten wayyyyyyyy out of control in our culture and we are far too obsessed with having STUFF. Most of which is truly not actually necessary. Any etiquette experts from our parents/ grandparents generation would be vomiting exorcist style at these conversations, but what can ya do other than roll with it I guess.

(PS, you can't call it a "shower" if it's not for gifts. That's like saying you're having a wedding but no one is getting married. You can't just redefine words, hehe)

lilcookie2015

I think everyone should try not to be so negative. Many people have different views as would their families and friends. Having a baby is a joyful time and others should not judge.if those invited think it's greedy they do not have to attend... It's only an option. And showers don't alway have to be about being showered with gifts. Friends and family can come together to shower the expectant mother with love, company and a fun day of games.

bnicole1990

Lol everybody's comment is so rude!!! So what who gives a crap if it's her second baby!! If she wants another shower then so be it!! I never comment on post but I did this time because I couldn't believe how mean half of U were!!!

babysf

I agree. Im also sick of the snowflake scene. I forgot that we are all adults and getting ready to have or already have children. Look at you. Its awful and childish. Calling other people snowflakes. Grow up.

Trampslikeus

Awww, it sucks not being told exactly what you want to hear all the time, doesn't it?


Poor widdle sneauxflakes.

effthisnoise

Oh, for fuck's sake, we're trying to help. Some people don't know that having showers for second kids comes off as gift-grabby (depending on circumstances). They may not realize that they're alienating some friends or relatives who don't want to go to another shower or buy another present, but feel obligated to attend. Just because some of you think it's no big deal to have another shower doesn't mean we shouldn't give another perspective.

Trampslikeus

^  what she said.  Plus,  if you take the butthurt out of the issue completely for just a minute and consider well over 50% of the women here - women from ALLLLLL sorts of backgrounds, socio-economic statuses, ages, cultures, locations, etc - find it tacky, its logical to apply that statistic to the women you know in real life.    I'd be happier to find that out from a bunch of strangers BEFORE I make a faux-pas than to realize afterwards that give-or-take half the people there were thinking this but not saying it because they don't want to hurt my feelings.

neongreen

jenniebird327 said:

U guyz are jus lyke all so mean lol

And we're probably just jealous/not even pregnant, and everyone should pity our husbands for having to put up with us all the time. Did I miss anything?

blastocarrier30

jenniebird327 said:

jenniebird327 said:

U guyz are jus lyke all so mean lol

And we're probably just jealous/not even pregnant, and everyone should pity our husbands for having to put up with us all the time. Did I miss anything?

Hmm wouldn't a bingo be "this iz supposed 2 be a place 2 support each other guyz"?

Or a "is this what ur going 2 teach ur children?! grow up!"

ombradellarosa

Ugh the sudden influx of WKing snowflakes. I swear this is the BabyCenter invasion. Obnoxious.