when is a good time to start planning the baby shower?!

Knottie46129409

I'm only 16weeks so I know its still WAY to early now... I was just wondering what is the usual time frame moms or family starts planning one? This is baby #2 an I'm just as excited as I was with my first baby!

sgarmand

Typically the moms-to-be don't plan their own showers. I'm a FTM and I would never have anything to do with actually throwing my own shower, that seems tacky. Furthermore, STM's don't usually have a shower unless there is a considerable age difference between the youngest child and the newest. 

ETA: And by considerable age difference, I mean like 7+ years. At least that's what the general consensus seems to be. Even if this baby is a different sex from your first, I've read here where the majority say another shower is still greedy. The reasoning behind the opinion is that it's not other people's fault you didn't register for gender neutral stuff the first time.

Trampslikeus

You should not be expecting a shower or planning a shower for your second child. It's frowned upon by standard etiquette. If your friends or family choose to have one for you, that's great, but you should not be involved in planning it or telling them when to have it. Also expect that even if your friends throw you one, some people will side-eye it, especially if you register.

mcp6286

My best friend and sister have already started planning! They are too excited to wait. They will send invites around 20 weeks (beginning of February) since my shower will be in March during my sister's college break.

willowprincess

The usual time frame is whenever the people throwing it start planning it.

obryana6219

If your friends insist on throwing a "shower" ask if it could be a "sprinkle instead" so it's more palatable to everyone.

Knottie46129409

I can't really remember my aunt planned it all and I had complications an ended up having him before the baby shower. I guess I'm just trying to avoid all that this go round... I'm not planning my own.

sgarmand

Knottie46129409 said:

I can't really remember my aunt planned it all and I had complications an ended up having him before the baby shower. I guess I'm just trying to avoid all that this go round... I'm not planning my own.

It's good that you're not planning your own, but I think you're missing the point that we're trying to say showers are not usually thrown for STM's. You shouldn't just expect a baby shower for every baby you decide to have after the first.

Trampslikeus

I'm sorry to hear you had complications. An easy way to avoid worrying about the shower is to just not expect one at all, that way if someone has one for you, it'll just be a pleasant surprise.

Knottie46129409

Okay... #1 I'm not planning my own shower! I have friends an family that have already suggested it not me... so therefore is rude an greedy of me to be excited about it?? Then so be it? I asked a question on here expecting people to just answer my question. . Which yall did don't get me wrong but I will say this will be my last question I ask on here just due to everyone's comments pretty much shoving your own opinions on me on which you think is right!.. everyone that I know has had a baby shower for however many kids they have... maybe we are all selfish oh well... thanks everyone for your answer

finchfeeder80

Aaaaaannnnnd here we go.

musictchr25

Knottie46129409 said:

Okay... #1 I'm not planning my own shower! I have friends an family that have already suggested it not me... so therefore is rude an greedy of me to be excited about it?? Then so be it? I asked a question on here expecting people to just answer my question. . Which yall did don't get me wrong but I will say this will be my last question I ask on here just due to everyone's comments pretty much shoving your own opinions on me on which you think is right!.. everyone that I know has had a baby shower for however many kids they have... maybe we are all selfish oh well... thanks everyone for your answer

What's with the attitude? No one here gave you any. 

Emilywooddesign

My shower will probably be in April. I'm
Due June 10 but my doctor said he won't let me go over 37 weeks ( I'm having twins) I don't want to feel like a huge uncomfortable whale. I would say let you friends and family know that you would like it in April or early May ( if they are asking) that way you can still pick up stuff you need and you will have time to put it all away and organized- hopefully the weather will be nice where you live!

MrsDee1982

We've got a special snowflake on our hands!  Handle with care

Ana0927

If you are not planning your own shower then why are you so concerned about the timing? Also as a second time mom, there is no need for a baby shower. 

happygardner85

Grabbing my popcorn and enjoying the show I just don't understand people if you don't want people's opinions just keep your questions to yourself. Or Google I'm sure you could find plenty to read on there...

ombradellarosa

Knottie46129409 said:

Okay... #1 I'm not planning my own shower! I have friends an family that have already suggested it not me... so therefore is rude an greedy of me to be excited about it?? Then so be it? I asked a question on here expecting people to just answer my question. . Which yall did don't get me wrong but I will say this will be my last question I ask on here just due to everyone's comments pretty much shoving your own opinions on me on which you think is right!.. everyone that I know has had a baby shower for however many kids they have... maybe we are all selfish oh well... thanks everyone for your answer

blu-eyedwife

Knottie46129409 said:

I'm only 16weeks so I know its still WAY to early now... I was just wondering what is the usual time frame moms or family starts planning one? This is baby #2 an I'm just as excited as I was with my first baby!

There is no "usual" time frame because "usually" second time moms don't get a shower to welcome them to motherhood, since they're already mothers.  So the answer to your question is: Never.

If your circle "usually" does them, then I don't understand why you would be asking the question since you would know when they are "usually" thrown.  Unless you're full of it.

carolyngrace

sensitivesally said:

So many things about this post just scream troll!  But I'll play.

This is probably a topic you want to do a search for rather than starting your own thread, as past threads have proven that this question is 100 percent likely to generate these two responses:  One, you should never plan your own shower; and two, never would be the most appropriate time to plan for a shower for a second child.

But good luck!

No, you're right, this is just a clever troll... so casually throwing in the shower is for her #2... 

KimberlyandThor2014

Troll for sure.

syria06

So many Pregzillas on here. I myself I'm going to be a STM. My daughter is 8, I just moved to ATL and made new friends. My friends and family in FL are coming up to throw me a shower. And the new friends I made within the year and half also are anxious to throw me one. I think with my kids age gap it's fair to have a second shower. Judge me and call me greedy if you want lol but to me a shower is not just about gifts!!! It's a celebration of a new life. So STM's go ahead and have a shower!

effthisnoise

syria06 said:

So many Pregzillas on here. I myself I'm going to be a STM. My daughter is 8, I just moved to ATL and made new friends. My friends and family in FL are coming up to throw me a shower. And the new friends I made within the year and half also are anxious to throw me one. I think with my kids age gap it's fair to have a second shower. Judge me and call me greedy if you want lol but to me a shower is not just about gifts!!! It's a celebration of a new life. So STM's go ahead and have a shower!

A shower is to "shower" the mother with gifts. It isn't a celebration of life. That's a birthday party.

ombradellarosa

syria06 said:

So many Pregzillas on here. I myself I'm going to be a STM. My daughter is 8, I just moved to ATL and made new friends. My friends and family in FL are coming up to throw me a shower. And the new friends I made within the year and half also are anxious to throw me one. I think with my kids age gap it's fair to have a second shower. Judge me and call me greedy if you want lol but to me a shower is not just about gifts!!! It's a celebration of a new life. So STM's go ahead and have a shower!

One of the PP mentioned that if your kids have a significant age gap, i.e. 7+ years, it's more understandable to have a second shower. So you are defending something that has already been defended.
I find your use of "pregzillas" to be excessive and weaken your argument. It should not be required for you to denigrate those with opposing viewpoints in order to make yours. That's called an ad hominem attack.

Cspinx

Is it tacky for me to have a shower if this is baby #2, but I didn't get a shower with baby #1?

musictchr25

Cspinx said:

Is it tacky for me to have a shower if this is baby #2, but I didn't get a shower with baby #1?

The reason for having a baby shower is to shower the mother-to-be, welcoming her into this new chapter of life with gifts relating to raising a child and helping her and her family through the tough newborn period. 

If you already have a child, chances are that you already have the items that you need in order to help you raise that child efficiently. Unless there is a large age gap (8+ years, typically) between the children, where you may have gotten rid of some of the items that you had, there is no need to have a shower for a second child. 

You may have some things that you need to replace, such as pacifiers, bottles, blankets, and of course clothing if it was ruined or you are having a baby of a different sex than your first, but those purchases should come out of your own pocket. 

Cspinx

musictchr25 said:

Cspinx said:

Is it tacky for me to have a shower if this is baby #2, but I didn't get a shower with baby #1?

The reason for having a baby shower is to shower the mother-to-be, welcoming her into this new chapter of life with gifts relating to raising a child and helping her and her family through the tough newborn period. 

If you already have a child, chances are that you already have the items that you need in order to help you raise that child efficiently. Unless there is a large age gap (8+ years, typically) between the children, where you may have gotten rid of some of the items that you had, there is no need to have a shower for a second child. 

You may have some things that you need to replace, such as pacifiers, bottles, blankets, and of course clothing if it was ruined or you are having a baby of a different sex than your first, but those purchases should come out of your own pocket. 

Unless I have a boy, I already have most of the essentials. I did give away a lot of the newborn stuff and clothes up to 6 months sizes. I just ask because (I guess this makes me sound self centered) I feel like I missed out on the experience of having a shower and I'm kinda sad about it.

blu-eyedwife

Cspinx said:

Unless I have a boy, I already have most of the essentials. I did give away a lot of the newborn stuff and clothes up to 6 months sizes. I just ask because (I guess this makes me sound self centered) I feel like I missed out on the experience of having a shower and I'm kinda sad about it.

What is it you feel like you missed out on?  (I don't mean that to be snarky, I genuinely hate parties where I'm the center of attention, so I didn't even really want to go to my own shower!)

It doesn't sound like you feel you missed out on the gifts since you think you have most of the essentials (and if people want to buy you something they certainly will even without a shower).

Is it the whole party/celebration part?  Because you could very easily host a meet the baby/sip and see after the baby is born.  Personally, I really love those more than showers.  People get the added bonus of seeing the baby, you get lots of love from people, and it cuts down on random pop-in visitors over the first few weeks.  (And added bonus, you get to control the time, place, and food!)

musictchr25

blu-eyedwife said:

Cspinx said:

Unless I have a boy, I already have most of the essentials. I did give away a lot of the newborn stuff and clothes up to 6 months sizes. I just ask because (I guess this makes me sound self centered) I feel like I missed out on the experience of having a shower and I'm kinda sad about it.

What is it you feel like you missed out on?  (I don't mean that to be snarky, I genuinely hate parties where I'm the center of attention, so I didn't even really want to go to my own shower!)

It doesn't sound like you feel you missed out on the gifts since you think you have most of the essentials (and if people want to buy you something they certainly will even without a shower).

Is it the whole party/celebration part?  Because you could very easily host a meet the baby/sip and see after the baby is born.  Personally, I really love those more than showers.  People get the added bonus of seeing the baby, you get lots of love from people, and it cuts down on random pop-in visitors over the first few weeks.  (And added bonus, you get to control the time, place, and food!)

One more bonus - you can have an actual drink with your guests!

Cspinx

musictchr25 said:

blu-eyedwife said:

Cspinx said:

Unless I have a boy, I already have most of the essentials. I did give away a lot of the newborn stuff and clothes up to 6 months sizes. I just ask because (I guess this makes me sound self centered) I feel like I missed out on the experience of having a shower and I'm kinda sad about it.

What is it you feel like you missed out on?  (I don't mean that to be snarky, I genuinely hate parties where I'm the center of attention, so I didn't even really want to go to my own shower!)

It doesn't sound like you feel you missed out on the gifts since you think you have most of the essentials (and if people want to buy you something they certainly will even without a shower).

Is it the whole party/celebration part?  Because you could very easily host a meet the baby/sip and see after the baby is born.  Personally, I really love those more than showers.  People get the added bonus of seeing the baby, you get lots of love from people, and it cuts down on random pop-in visitors over the first few weeks.  (And added bonus, you get to control the time, place, and food!)

One more bonus - you can have an actual drink with your guests!

Very true, I like the sip and see idea...it's not so much the gifts I care about, just celebrating a new baby.

blastocarrier30

ombradellarosa said:

So many Pregzillas on here. I myself I'm going to be a STM. My daughter is 8, I just moved to ATL and made new friends. My friends and family in FL are coming up to throw me a shower. And the new friends I made within the year and half also are anxious to throw me one. I think with my kids age gap it's fair to have a second shower. Judge me and call me greedy if you want lol but to me a shower is not just about gifts!!! It's a celebration of a new life. So STM's go ahead and have a shower!

One of the PP mentioned that if your kids have a significant age gap, i.e. 7+ years, it's more understandable to have a second shower. So you are defending something that has already been defended.
I find your use of "pregzillas" to be excessive and weaken your argument. It should not be required for you to denigrate those with opposing viewpoints in order to make yours. That's called an ad hominem attack.

OMG. I think I just fell in love with you a little. Be still my fallacy-loving heart!

ombradellarosa

blastocarrier30 said:

ombradellarosa said:

So many Pregzillas on here. I myself I'm going to be a STM. My daughter is 8, I just moved to ATL and made new friends. My friends and family in FL are coming up to throw me a shower. And the new friends I made within the year and half also are anxious to throw me one. I think with my kids age gap it's fair to have a second shower. Judge me and call me greedy if you want lol but to me a shower is not just about gifts!!! It's a celebration of a new life. So STM's go ahead and have a shower!

One of the PP mentioned that if your kids have a significant age gap, i.e. 7+ years, it's more understandable to have a second shower. So you are defending something that has already been defended.
I find your use of "pregzillas" to be excessive and weaken your argument. It should not be required for you to denigrate those with opposing viewpoints in order to make yours. That's called an ad hominem attack.

OMG. I think I just fell in love with you a little. Be still my fallacy-loving heart!

I just squee'd aloud at this. (Not sure if I tensed that correctly. I've never used squee in the past tense before!) I could have gone on about how ad hominem is a type of logical fallacy, and fallacies by definition weaken an argument, but I didn't want to go overboard or sound overly pretentious. Thank you!

bossybluejay

I'll agree with most of the commenters on here and say that having a shower for baby #2 is incredibly tacky. Yuck. This will be my first baby and I dont plan on even having a shower...not my thing. I dont want to be the center of attention just for having a baby. In my point of view, if you are in a position to afford the things you need for the baby, don't have a shower. I'm going to create a registry for my family and also for the discount but I plan on doing a sip and see after the baby is born.

blastocarrier30

ombradellarosa said:

blastocarrier30 said:

ombradellarosa said:

So many Pregzillas on here. I myself I'm going to be a STM. My daughter is 8, I just moved to ATL and made new friends. My friends and family in FL are coming up to throw me a shower. And the new friends I made within the year and half also are anxious to throw me one. I think with my kids age gap it's fair to have a second shower. Judge me and call me greedy if you want lol but to me a shower is not just about gifts!!! It's a celebration of a new life. So STM's go ahead and have a shower!

One of the PP mentioned that if your kids have a significant age gap, i.e. 7+ years, it's more understandable to have a second shower. So you are defending something that has already been defended.
I find your use of "pregzillas" to be excessive and weaken your argument. It should not be required for you to denigrate those with opposing viewpoints in order to make yours. That's called an ad hominem attack.

OMG. I think I just fell in love with you a little. Be still my fallacy-loving heart!

I just squee'd aloud at this. (Not sure if I tensed that correctly. I've never used squee in the past tense before!) I could have gone on about how ad hominem is a type of logical fallacy, and fallacies by definition weaken an argument, but I didn't want to go overboard or sound overly pretentious. Thank you!

I used to teach fallacies to my AP juniors and they (and I) always had so much fun with it. Eeek! Language dork friend (also evidenced by your linguistic defense of nonstandard English and dialects)!

ombradellarosa

I'm chopping down the quote tree.

blastocarrier30 said:

I used to teach fallacies to my AP juniors and they (and I) always had so much fun with it. Eeek! Language dork friend (also evidenced by your linguistic defense of nonstandard English and dialects)!

More squee! I remember learning fallacies in ENGL H104. I had such an amazing teacher. I wish we'd played some games though, I love games and I think I'd remember more of the fallacies if we had. I think I still recognise the most common ones though.
I wondered if you were reading that as well! I love linguistics so much, if someone opens me up to a discussion I get crazy. \:D/ Being both a linguist and a seminative speaker of AAVE I was all over that!

PS: I like your hug gif.

blastocarrier30

ombradellarosa said:

I'm chopping down the quote tree.

blastocarrier30 said:

I used to teach fallacies to my AP juniors and they (and I) always had so much fun with it. Eeek! Language dork friend (also evidenced by your linguistic defense of nonstandard English and dialects)!

More squee! I remember learning fallacies in ENGL H104. I had such an amazing teacher. I wish we'd played some games though, I love games and I think I'd remember more of the fallacies if we had. I think I still recognise the most common ones though.
I wondered if you were reading that as well! I love linguistics so much, if someone opens me up to a discussion I get crazy. \:D/ Being both a linguist and a seminative speaker of AAVE I was all over that!

PS: I like your hug gif.

My favorite was having kids make comic books or perform raps/other songs using logical fallacies. It was always hilarious and well done.

I didn't take any linguistics until grad school, but wanted to (and should have!) in undergrad. Learning about prescriptive vs. descriptive grammar blew my mind and completely changed the way I think about and critique people's speech and writing.

This whole exchange has made me super happy in a great big nerdy :-B way!

bbnmama2012

I'm a FTM, but my family is insistent upon hosting showers for every baby. In fact, I get scolded if I try to buy my own big purchases now because they say I should wait until after my shower. (I'm still buying things because I'm a "rebel") So based on the culture of my own family, I don't see it as greedy to have a second shower for baby #2 because it is what we've always done.
And to answer your question, it's usually about a month or two before your due date. Mine will be in late April.
I'm not hosting it, but I am offering to help pay for food and decor.

Speaking of showers and in an attempt to lighten the mood, don't you just hate the pregnant belly cakes and cakes shaped like babies? I feel borderline cannibal when I try to eat them. I just can't. Lol.

ombradellarosa

@blastocarrier30 Me too! :-B

tiffanyhowton said:

Speaking of showers and in an attempt to lighten the mood, don't you just hate the pregnant belly cakes and cakes shaped like babies? I feel borderline cannibal when I try to eat them. I just can't. Lol.

Ugh. Yes. Gross. Especially when the belly has the imprint of a foot pushing out from inside. I do NOT want that in my mouth.

By the way, since this is a baby shower thread, how many registries do you feel are appropriate? I did a search but I didn't get a definitive answer. Is three too much? For example, Target, BRU, and Amazon? I feel like they occupy different niches so maybe okay? But I don't know. And I wouldn't want to just do the universal registry option at Amazon because I want the completion discount from Target and gift cards from BRU. Plus DH works at Target so that's another discount on top!

erbear84

My niece had a baby-butt cake that I tried to talk my sister out of but OMG IT IS SO CUTE WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!  If I get one, I'm walking out.

(Not really. But I HATE them.)

chrissymkke

I really don't think a shower has to be "showering" the mother with gifts. Im a ftm and have thrown 2 showers for friends. It's really what ever the mom wants I think. I'm doing a BBQ for my friends and family to celebrate. Gift or no gift just come and have a great time! I also don't believe in registries even when buying gifts. But that's just me. I'm not planning my own but you better believe I told my friends how I wanted it and they aren't surprised. I feel like you can have as many showers as you want if its not due to the entitlement of getting gifts. It's a time to celebrate babies and for friends and family to share a bit of excitement about your pregnant time and upcoming arrival! But again thats just me! Not very traditional I guess

blu-eyedwife

chrissymkke said:

I really don't think a shower has to be "showering" the mother with gifts.

What do you think the word "shower" in baby shower refers to?  The mother's washing habits?

A shower is literally a party to shower the mother with gifts.  Literally.  I'm not even using the word literally figuratively here. 

rvasq

STM and my first is 9. I don't have one baby item left in my house, but I do NOT expect another baby shower. Those are a one time only type of thing. Not my friends fault I waited several years to have another. Also, a sip and see sounds terrible. No possible way to know your baby's sleep schedule or feeding schedule, and then to have your house filled with multiple friends for a long period of time in the first weeks of baby being home? Awful.