Does your SO go to your appointments?

sgarmand

Today isn't my first appointment, but it is the first time I'll meet my OB. DH happens to be off work today. When I asked him last night if he would be coming with me, he acted like he didn't know he was supposed to. He came with me two weeks ago to the prenatal interview with the nurse, because they wanted to know his family history.

My appointment is at 2:00 today, and I'm not sure if he's going. I would like him to, but I won't hold it against him if he doesn't. We'll be discussing my US from last week and the blood work results, so there will most likely be a lot of questions answered today. We'll also find out exactly how far along I am. So my question is, does your SO go with you to all appointments or just milestones? Is the first appointment with the OB considered a milestone?

ksimo6

Only ultrasounds.

cmcards83

Nope. He'll be accompanying me next month for the anatomy scan but other than that they're so uneventful (other than hearing the HR) that even my doctor said he doesn't need to come. I'm indifferent to whether he comes or not and it's a non issue for us.

babybean9

My husband has gone to a few of mine. One was with my family doctor and I knew she'd be asking for medical history so I brought him. The second was with our midwife, it was our first time meeting her and I wanted his opinion on her. (Especially since we're having a home birth.) He came to the IPS ultrasound too, but that's because he had the morning off anyway.

I don't feel the need to bring him to them all. He'll be going with me for our anatomy scan on the 13th of Jamuary though! I'm excited.

It's a personal choice, if your husband has the day off anyway and he is interested in going, why not? Regarding him not realizing he was supposed to, guys are just goofs sometimes. :-)

jbartsy

I only make mine go for ultrasounds. It's already hard enough for me to flex my work schedule for appointments, I definitely don't expect him to. He was super bummed he had to miss the NT scan because he couldn't get out of work, but he will definitely be at the anatomy scan.

If your DH is already off of work today though, I'd say have him go. It's always nice to have an extra ear and someone to ask questions you might forget.

sgarmand

If he were at work today, I certainly wouldn't ask him to leave. But yes, since he's already off for no reason other than he has to use all of his vacation before the end of the year, I don't see why he couldn't or shouldn't come. Especially since we have no other children, and his only plans for today are the gym lol.

We will be hearing the HB today, which will be awesome. And I would like him to meet the OB as well. 

But good to know he doesn't need to go to all of the appointments in between, even if he is off!

Belle0720

My H is going with me to all of my appointments. I think we just both want him to be as much a part of the pregnancy as possible. Also, having a previous loss I just know it'd be really hard for me to get bad news without him there by my side, so I always want him there.

KimberlyandThor2014

Mine comes to the all of the important ones, and he'll also tag along to other not-so-important ones if he can make it without missing work.

BaytoSA2013

I've only had 2 appts so far, the first was the vaginal US for dating and he came to that.  The 2nd was just a 4 week check in and she listened to the heart beat real quick on the Doppler and I was on my way in 15 mins.  he will go with me on Jan 6th for the anatomy scan though to see the baby again.  We had no idea if he needed to come to all of them either.  FWIW there are always men in the waiting room with their ladies at my Dr.s office so he didn't feel weird or anything.

GASuzuki

He did most of them for our DD, but this one he missed the first appointment! That's OK. He is coming to tomorrow's appointment so I'm not so irked.

AndasKnits

I've only been in once so far, (next appointment is in a week). I'm planning on him coming to all of them

sgarmand

BaytoSA2013 said:

I've only had 2 appts so far, the first was the vaginal US for dating and he came to that.  The 2nd was just a 4 week check in and she listened to the heart beat real quick on the Doppler and I was on my way in 15 mins.  he will go with me on Jan 6th for the anatomy scan though to see the baby again.  We had no idea if he needed to come to all of them either.  FWIW there are always men in the waiting room with their ladies at my Dr.s office so he didn't feel weird or anything.

That's exactly what I told him, that I thought everyone was different about it. I see a doctor in a larger practice, so every time I've been there, I've seen a lot of men with their SO's. I think this is one of his concerns. 

sgarmand

Belle0720 said:

My H is going with me to all of my appointments. I think we just both want him to be as much a part of the pregnancy as possible. Also, having a previous loss I just know it'd be really hard for me to get bad news without him there by my side, so I always want him there.

This. All of this. I want to say this to him, but knowing my DH, he'll take it as me saying he's "not involved" if I tell him I would like him to go to be as involved as possible. Maybe I can word it just right to get my feelings across without offending him.

sgarmand

mrskblack11 said:

My DH has come with me to all my appointments. We meet with the OB after each U/S. He wants to be a part of the experience which I am grateful for. 

He did not come with me when I did blood work, but I just went in, they drew blood and I left.

I think once I have to start going more frequently, he may choose not to attend, but he does enjoy taking off work to hang out with me. 

I've made my previous appointments for after 12:00 so, if he's off I try to turn it into a lunch date too. lol 

neongreen

Some he comes to, others he doesn't. He came to the first dating/viability ultrasound, which was good, because that's when we found out we were having twins (and we immediately went to go tell my parents in person). Then I had an appointment with the MFM on Veteran's Day, and he was off of work anyway, so he came with me to that. I get an ultrasound every month at the MFM's office, and at the next one, they think they'll be able to tell the sex (I'll be just shy of 17 weeks), so he's going to take the day off to go to that one.

Other than that, I'd prefer for him to save his days off for when it really matters! Also, this sounds weird, but as someone with chronic illness who does a lot of medical-related stuff regularly, I've gotten into the habit over the years of always doing it myself. It took me a while to adjust/remember that DH should be involved in all of this, too!

BabyList

Dh came to all but one with dd and has attended all so far with this baby.

mamahawk12

Only the important ones. Maybe 2-3 throughout the entire pregnancy. I prefer it that way. My girlfriend's husband goes with her to every single appointment and leads a lot of the conversation with the doctor, which I find strange.

MrsDee1982

DH usually just goes to u/s appointments with me.  But my next check up is a week from today, and they'll be drawing blood.  

I really don't do well with blood draws.  I am a very hard stick.  It usually takes 3 times minimum for them to get a vein (though my record was 10 times.  Yep.  I got stabbed 10 times by 4 different techs before they could get one).  It almost always ends with me crying and often times passing out. 

So, he will be coming with me to this check up.  I do better when he is there supporting me through the trauma.  

 

happygardner85

Dh has come to my ultra sound apts. but the Dr apts unless he is not working he does not come. He likes to be apart of whatever he can buy when it's just a normal apt with no ultra sound etc it's to hard for him to keep booking time off.

sgarmand

Kara8675 said:

DH goes to all my appointments OB and others. He works nights so it's just convient for him to go. We enjoy our car ride discussions. If it matters to you I think you should just tell him you would really appreciate the company at the appointment. That way he can ask any questions he might also have.

I think he'll come anyway, but if he says he's not I think I'll tell him I really need his support today. I forgot to mention that today is my mom's birthday as well. She passed a couple of years ago, so it's always an emotional day. Add in some pregnancy hormones and it takes it to a whole new level. His company would be extra appreciated today, and you're right, I should just tell him that.

matiekae

My DH came to my first two appointments with me. When I had my MC last time I was alone when I got the news, and I really needed his support for my 6w and 8w appointments. He was unable to attend the NT scan because it had to be scheduled in the morning, and they said it wouldn't be a big deal if he missed it... but I really wish he would have been there because I got such a clear look at our baby for such a long time! It was way better than the first two appointments, and I feel he really missed out. He will not likely come to the 16w appointment, but he won't miss our anatomy scan at 20 weeks

awheeler4311

This is our first, so H has been with me to every appointment, even the blood work appointment to confirm pregnancy. He does outside sales so he can get off whenever he wants to. He already knows the routine and knows he needs to sit on "the man bench" (as he calls it) when we get there with all of the other SOs, while I pee in the cup and do my BP and weight. He likes to come and be involved and he has more questions than I do usually and helps me bc I forget.

I would want him at all of the ultrasound appointments, but the others I am okay if he doesn't want to come. It's up to him.

I definitely think if your H is off work, he should go!! It's good to keep them involved as much as possible.

sgarmand

@pcrunk - Not an UO in my book. I would give ANYTHING to have my mom here to go with me. I'm actually really close to my MIL and have considered asking her to go with me if/when DH can't make it.

sammyca

I think it's really important for DH to meet the OB especially given he's off work anyway. My DH didn't meet the OB I had for 1st baby until late in pregnancy and then when he did, he didn't like him at all but too late to change.

taboullio84

Nope. Only for U/S .

Mommaswizz

Bless his heart, he's come to 3/3 of my appointments so far. 2 of those were ultrasound appointments, 1 was genetic testing/regular gyno appointment. He's been great with helping to remember questions or concerns we've wanted to ask about. I appreciate having an extra person's memory to help me when trying to keep track of all the things we want to know about and remembering the answers to everything. I think now that I'm 12 weeks and we know things are progressing normally, he won't need or want to come to all the appointments. He has said he loves the ultrasounds so he probably won't miss those.

Ladymouse

He comes for ultrasounds and appointments I'm nervous about (he'll come to any appointments after 38 weeks.)  Otherwise, he stays with DS when I can't get a sitter (and my sitter is moving.)

Emilywooddesign

My Husband comes to all my apts! I went to my dating ultrasound alone and found out we were having twins so I think he is scared he is going to miss something. I get ultrasounds every month and then see my doctor right after to go over everything, I know not all places do that. I need him there incase something were to come up, since we can't get genetic testing done etc. I think it all depends on what you're comfortable with- if you want him there make sure you let him know that, men are dumb and don't do well with guessing games you gotta be direct.

sgarmand

@pcrunk Thank you so much! It's definitely appreciated! And yes, my MIL is one of those rare breads who manages to find the perfect balance of being really close to DH and I, without being even remotely overbearing. She's been one of my biggest blessings! This is also her first grandchild and my OB is her GYN, so she would love to come if invited.

Cspinx

He goes with me if he has that day off, but it's mostly to help watch our DD during the appt and he knows I'll want to go eat somewhere afterwards he missed the first ultrasound and he was pretty upset about it, so he makes sure to be there in case he misses something now. He missed hearing our DD heart beat for the first time and it broke his heart he couldn't be there. He's determined to be there for this one.

dancegurl1118

He came to the initial US, I didn't have him come to the NT scan (I should've though..it was so cool to see baby flopping around and waving), and he will be coming to the anatomy scan. We have a Doppler a home so it really doesn't make sense for him to take off work for a 15 minute appt where they listen to the HB and ask if I have any questions.

finchfeeder80

My hubs doesn't work on Wednesdays so I try to schedule my appointments then. I've only had two so far, and the second one was on a work day for him. I ended up getting an unplanned u/s, so he'll probably want to be at them all, just in case! I think he wants to be at them all anyway. This is new territory for us both, so I think he wants to be as involved as he can. I appreciate it. 

megron

I'm a lucky lady, mine enthusiastically goes to all of my appointments then sends the pictures of the baby to everyone. He's super excited and I'm super nervous!

Apollo11235

Mine goes to all of them. We have fairly flexible schedules, and this is our first. I warned him that they would get pretty boring for the most part and that he may not want to go to all of them, and his response was, "What? No, I'm an equal partner in this." *swoon*

Bednarova

He did with DS # 1bc his work schedule was more flexible, and my appts were in the hospital he worked in.

He has not so far with DS #2 (I love that I can say this!!). bc he's at a hospital 45min from here. Thankfully, he'll be on a rotation at the hospital I go to during my anatomy scan in Feb, and that will be the only appt he goes to.

If he was available, he'd be coming with me.

AmyCee

Last pregnancy he did not because wait times were crazy and he missed too much work. This time he's his own boss and brings his laptop to the office so he's been to everyone - he will start only going when we have ultrasounds soon. He wouldn't be coming if he worked for someone else or had an important client meeting -- he's the bread winner, so earning money to pay for the little one is more important to me than seeing him/her on a screen. It does not mean he doesn't love me or the baby...

willowprincess

My first he did because he worked 2nd shift and was free. He went to most of them with my 2nd as well. By #3 he started staying home with the kids except for the first appointment and any u/s or emergency appointments. He is doing the same this time.

Schnurette

With DD DH only came with me for u/s appointments and I think he came with me to one regular appointment after the prenatal screening because I knew I wouldn't be able to process all of the information on my own and wanted him to be there to get the details first hand if we had to take further steps re testing (or possibly terminating the pregnancy).

This time he hasn't come to anything (I've only had one appointment and a dating u/s) but I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and he is planning on coming - probably because he feels bad for missing the u/s. It also worked out that my appointment is scheduled for a couple hours after he has a counseling appointment at the doctors office so he's going to be off work and at the doctors office anyway.

I don't expect him to come but I'm glad he will be there for this one. I have developed an irrational fear that the baby isn't there anymore (or, my favorite random fear, that it has no legs) and on the off chance that I'm right it'll be nice for him to be there. **FWIW I have no reason to feel this way. I just do. The other day I was making dinner and all of a sudden it popped into my head that maybe the baby doesn't have legs. And in the dating u/s pics it looks like a packing peanut so there was no solace to be found there.

mrs1374a

My husband goes to every single appointment with me and he did with our first daughter also. He works 12 hour shifts so he works a rotating schedule. We just schedule everything on his off days. Works for us.

leenziepops

Only ultrasounds. But he has offered for midwife appointment.

blastocarrier30

MrsDee1982 said:

DH usually just goes to u/s appointments with me.  But my next check up is a week from today, and they'll be drawing blood.  

I really don't do well with blood draws.  I am a very hard stick.  It usually takes 3 times minimum for them to get a vein (though my record was 10 times.  Yep.  I got stabbed 10 times by 4 different techs before they could get one).  It almost always ends with me crying and often times passing out. 

So, he will be coming with me to this check up.  I do better when he is there supporting me through the trauma.  

This is me, too. So far he's come to every appointment because he wants to be there for all of the ultrasounds at least and he doesn't like me to have to drive after an appointment where they stick anything in me. When they just drew one vial today, I was mostly fine unless I stood up to quickly. Last time I had to lay down for 15 minutes and have a snack before they would even let me leave because I was so pale and wobbly.

He wants to come to all of them--as PP have said, it makes him really feel like a part of it, but I told him that once we get past the anatomy scan he doesn't have to come if they aren't going to steal my life force.