How often do you lose your patience?

crene84

I am starting to feel like the most impatient mother in the world.  DD is constantly testing me and she especially frustrates me when she screams at the top of her lungs over nothing.  I don't want to raise them with any kind of violence (even spanking) but man, it's all I can do to not toss out the front door sometimes!

How do you handle the loudest, most obnoxious meltdowns?

kelbel527

To answer your original question - probably every day.  

There is usually something that one of the kids do each day to test my patience.  I've just been learning how to control my response.  This morning it was frustrating when my almost 5 year old just ignored me while I asked him to do something.  I had to take a deep breath and then use all our other tools (I'm going to count to 3 or you will lose xyz...)

The screaming & meltdowns.  It's easier said than done, but I try to ignore them.  Our 2yo usually does this to drive his older brother crazy.  It definitely works and Brody freaks out.  I find that if I ignore him long enough he realizes that I'm not going to react and if it's to get his way, that he's not going to get what he's asking for.

That's all in theory.  Then sometimes I lose my cool and yell quicker than I want to.  Or put myself in a time-out.

MarisaKathleen

Nancy has learned now if she's going to cry over nonsense that she can go and cry in her room, and that's what she does. 

I typically lose my patience with her maybe once a day on the weekends and will yell, which gets her attention really quickly.  We're really very lucky though--Nancy has a very even temperament and really takes after my DH.  It's rare she loses it, and she's never had a full blown tantrum.  Toddler shenanigans just sometimes send me over the edge and make me feel like a crazy person.

I lose it most when she pees in her pants.  She's been fully potty trained for quite a while and sometimes she'll look right at me and go "i'm peeing in my pants" or sometime along those lines and then I almost always yell because it makes me crazy.

redneckmomma25

Do I have to answer truthfully? I'll sound like the worst mother ever. 

AKB090609

Almost every day. I am not a patient person so between the kids, dog and DH I feel myself start to lose it daily. The best way I've found to control myself is to say or write down how I'm feeling and why I feel that way. I also often walk around repeating "it is hard being 2". Sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom for a break.

tinyhumantoe

W had a really bad few weeks and I would have been ashamed if DH was home one Saturday to see my reactions to her.  I would say she pushes me over my edge on the weekends, when I'm actually spending time with her.  If I were a SAHM, it would be bad I'm sure.

hmp1

If I was a SAHM, my answer would be a million times more. Part of learning your discipline style as a parent is working on your emotions as well. It is so very frustrating and sometimes you do just need to walk away for a minute to calm yourself down while your toddler freaks out. I also often remind myself that it is my job to teach them appropriate coping skills and I need to work on those with them when they are not in crisis mode.

kelbel527

hmp1 said:

If I was a SAHM, my answer would be a million times more. Part of learning your discipline style as a parent is working on your emotions as well. It is so very frustrating and sometimes you do just need to walk away for a minute to calm yourself down while your toddler freaks out. I also often remind myself that it is my job to teach them appropriate coping skills and I need to work on those with them when they are not in crisis mode.

I think this is an important distinction.  I said once a day, but 5 days a week I only spend 3ish hours with my boys (if I'm lucky) - so keep that in mind.  

BeebopandBuddy

I go through phases. Sometimes it's daily. Right now it's probably a few times a week and it's usually when something else is also contributing to my stress level. Like them messing around at breakfast, making a mess and not listening is usually frustrating, but when I'm also late for work, I will lose it. I really notice a difference in my relationship with Maya overall when I'm yelling a lot. She's very sensitive and it strains our interactions even during good times, so I really try to keep it together. Some days it's nearly impossible though.

tyrannasaurusjess

At least once a day. A lot of it has to do with me--- I am quick to anger so I spend a fair portion of my day keeping myself in check. I think Jasper has my temperament,  plus just being 2-- so he can be a real card sometimes. I often have to remind myself that I am the model by which they will learn to deal/cope/react, and that really helps. It also depends on how long it's been since I've had alone time, out of the house. If it's been a while (like right now), I definitely notice a lack of patience on my end. Once I get out for a bit, it's a lot easier to deal with living with a 2 year old lol. 

We use the 'it's okay to be mad, but it's not okay to be mean' motto at our house with Jasper, so if I feel myself getting a little stabby, I try to remind myself that that applies to me as well.

Dealing with meltdowns..... it depends on why he's melting down in the first place. If it's because he wants something he cannot have (a snack 10 minutes before dinner is a big one), I calmly explain why he can't what he wants. It never helps, but I do it anyway. Then I tell him if he wants to continue being upset, he can go to his room. He knows I'll cart him up to his room at that point, so he usually goes on his own. By the time dinner is ready, he's over it and back to his happy self. If he's melting down because he's frustrated, I just try to help him if possible, or distract by offering something else (do you want to read a book? help me feed the baby?). If those don't work, we resort to alone time for him. 

kjskjs

Depends on the week. At most once or twice a day but sometimes it's only every couple of days. DH loses it daily though, I'm sure. I find that I have more patience than he does when it comes to the kids. He has more patience though when it comes to life. When DD just completely melts down and is unstoppable, I remove her to her room (if we're at home) and shut the door. I sit in her chair and give her a paci (yes she still has one) and wait for it to be over. She usually quiets down and returns to being a sweet little girl pretty quickly. I think sometimes she just gets over stimulated so I find that removing her to her room does the trick. I then talked to her about her behavior and about what is needed from her and then we hug and return to the living spaces.

crene84

Thanks ladies.  I tried 1-2-3 Magic when she first turned 2 and it was completely ineffective (maybe I wasn't doing it right but my pedi agreed she might be a little too young).  It's only been a few months but maybe time to try again.

That book definitely helped me realize when I'm having adult tantrums and sometimes I think I'm just as bad as she is!  I really need to work on my reactions to her obnoxious behavior.  I will have to think of it like some of you posted..I am the model for how to behave/cope, etc. (scary thought at the moment, ha!)

tyrannasaurusjess

MarisaKathleen said:

Nancy has learned now if she's going to cry over nonsense that she can go and cry in her room, and that's what she does. 

I typically lose my patience with her maybe once a day on the weekends and will yell, which gets her attention really quickly.  We're really very lucky though--Nancy has a very even temperament and really takes after my DH.  It's rare she loses it, and she's never had a full blown tantrum.  Toddler shenanigans just sometimes send me over the edge and make me feel like a crazy person.

I lose it most when she pees in her pants.  She's been fully potty trained for quite a while and sometimes she'll look right at me and go "i'm peeing in my pants" or sometime along those lines and then I almost always yell because it makes me crazy.

If I were in your shoes, this would not be funny, but I LOLed when I read this. 

Sorry.

jenndub

Depends on the day. And the kid. Beckett has been pushing my buttons daily for about a month. He's just in an irritating stage right now. Emma rarely pisses me off but when she does, she REALLY pissed me off. Sawyer is a temper tantrum throwing nightmare half the time and the cutest, sweetest little angel the other half.

I'm a big fan of separating myself from the kids when I'm losing it. I either put them in their room and I go to mine and tell them to give me some space. Parenting is hard.

Nita2603

I'd say I am losing it daily, depending in the week we are having. Generally, probably a few times a week. The way things have been going for a while with DH working a lot and me never getting a break? Worse than usual.

tyrannasaurusjess

kjskjs said:

Depends on the week. At most once or twice a day but sometimes it's only every couple of days. DH loses it daily though, I'm sure. I find that I have more patience than he does when it comes to the kids. He has more patience though when it comes to life. When DD just completely melts down and is unstoppable, I remove her to her room (if we're at home) and shut the door. I sit in her chair and give her a paci (yes she still has one) and wait for it to be over. She usually quiets down and returns to being a sweet little girl pretty quickly. I think sometimes she just gets over stimulated so I find that removing her to her room does the trick. I then talked to her about her behavior and about what is needed from her and then we hug and return to the living spaces.

This is us, too. 

crene84

BobKat22 said:

Probably at least 5 times a day. Then every night I think about the day and see her behavior as a 2 year old and not an evil little person and feel an unbearable amount of guilt. Earlier this week, I became so panicked before going to sleep. The thought crossed my mind "what if this was my last day with her? What if I'm not given another day on this earth?" I would hate for that day to be her last moments with me. I prayed hard for another day and to be given a chance to change my ways. I woke up the next day and really put my all into not losing my patience. When I do, I'm terribly mean with my words. I can't do that anymore. I can see a little change in her as well. She seems to respond well to new techniques for a few days and then goes back to being very challenging later so that will be the real test for me. She's kinda getting away with a bit more, but maybe I needed to loosen the reins anyway and not say no and don't do that so much.

I definitely relate to this! The guilt is the worst..

melody921

I would say the kids do things that frustrate me daily, and I'm definitely not as patient as I should be. That said, I try really hard not to yell (sometimes unsuccessfully), and I try to take each situation as a new opportunity to respond in a better way. DS is definitely testing me more than DD lately, mainly bc he will throw a fit and I want to say, "Cut the crap and communicate like I know you can." I am better at ignoring a tantrum from DD than a whining or screaming fit from DS.

watercolor5

I handle loud, obnoxious meltdowns by time out either in her room or in the guest room (if it's closer.)  After two minutes we go back in and ask her if she's ready to stop crying/screaming/temper tantruming.  If she is, she apologizes and we hug and go back to whatever we were doing (often eating dinner... must be the time of day or something.)  Sometimes she's not ready and spends another two minutes in there. Usually we have to tell her to stop crying, breathe and calm down, and look us in the eye while we talk to her- often we don't know what's wrong until we can do that.

Her worst meltdown was actually when she was dealing with a diarrhea virus a couple weeks ago- we couldn't figure out why she was freaking out about eating until we learned that it was because she was actually scared of pooping.

We have a much easier time disciplining when we stay extremely calm and she feels like arguing with us is arguing a brick wall.  If I loose my cool, the tantrum ALWAYS goes on longer.  DH had to actually teach me this haha. 

That said, how often do I loose my cool is a different question, and really varies on the kind of day/week/month I'm having.  Sometimes I go days without, other times it's 10 times in a day.  Depends on how overwhelmed I'm feeling and how both girls are behaving that day.  If I lose my cool, I usually have to take a few minutes to step away from the kids, or just get us all out of the house and change the routine, or spend time with adults.

ETA: I do SAH, and since DH works mids, he sleeps all day even on his off days, so I never get more than 4 hours of help in a day.  So I will say that it's rougher when he's on this shift, and I spend ALL the girls' waking hours as their primary care giver. It's amazing how a ten minute trip to starbucks by myself can really help me regain my sanity- sometimes it doesn't take much!

BPer

Probably too often.

Hannah has been a beast lately.  Couple that with the fact that both kids are sleeping like shit, and I feel like I am on edge all the time.

She's incredibly needy, and not the greatest with independent play, so she's constantly seeking interaction.  I started explaining to her that I was busy (cooking dinner, cleaning, etc.), and that she needed to be patient and wait her turn (she understands the concept of waiting her turn from daycare, so I thought I would roll with it.)

Well last night I asked her to take another bite of dinner and she told me "Mommy, I'm busy." and walked away..so it's probably time for a new approach.

Stasi

When I was on maternity leave, I lost my shit with Kate every. single. day. It wasn't good and I'm ashamed I yelled as much as I did (I would just yell once not, like scream at her all day long).

Now that I'm back at work I don't lose my patience anymore, but then again I get a chance to recharge...

Stasi

RivaJam said:

I have to say I love this forum.  I've been feeling so guilty lately about losing my patience.  It's good to know I'm not alone.  I feel like since I've been pregnant I have no energy to play with her, so I feel guilty about that, and I also have been losing my patience more than normal because I'm tired and just don't have the energy to deal with her shenanigans.  And then I get anxiety because I'm having ANOTHER kid and wonder how the hell I will survive.  At least I'll be able to drink wine I guess!

The wine helps!

kelbel527

RivaJam said:

I have to say I love this forum.  I've been feeling so guilty lately about losing my patience.  It's good to know I'm not alone.  I feel like since I've been pregnant I have no energy to play with her, so I feel guilty about that, and I also have been losing my patience more than normal because I'm tired and just don't have the energy to deal with her shenanigans.  And then I get anxiety because I'm having ANOTHER kid and wonder how the hell I will survive.  At least I'll be able to drink wine I guess!

This completely sums up my pregnancy with Aedan. I barely felt like I could keep up with my toddler and was terrified of having two. It's still hard somedays (not going to lie) but like all steps in parenting, you figure it out. And eventually they get easier, right?!? Right?!?

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crene84

kelbel527 said:

I have to say I love this forum.  I've been feeling so guilty lately about losing my patience.  It's good to know I'm not alone.  I feel like since I've been pregnant I have no energy to play with her, so I feel guilty about that, and I also have been losing my patience more than normal because I'm tired and just don't have the energy to deal with her shenanigans.  And then I get anxiety because I'm having ANOTHER kid and wonder how the hell I will survive.  At least I'll be able to drink wine I guess!

This completely sums up my pregnancy with Aedan. I barely felt like I could keep up with my toddler and was terrified of having two. It's still hard somedays (not going to lie) but like all steps in parenting, you figure it out. And eventually they get easier, right?!? Right?!?

Oh yea, after finding out I was pregnant when DD was only 6 months old (when I didn't think I could get pregnant) I was petrified.  14 months apart? Seriously?  The hardest part was taking care of DD while I had a rough pregnancy and then the beginning when DS was soooo needy.  But it did get easier and now that he's 12 months, they are both able to play independently which is wonderful.  I will admit my recent thinking is "As soon as DD is out of the terrible 2's, DS will be entering them..Can I really handle this?" lol