Thoughts on 2 middle names

flyinghorses6

So we found out yesterday we are having a girl and up until now we had a name picked out that we both loved. Last night my husband asked me if we could consider changing the middle name we decided on to his mom's name in order to honor her. She passed away 2 years ago. I have never personally liked naming children after family members and cannot imagine honoring just his mother and not mine (although mine is still alive, thankfully). I am already extremely attached to the name we previously decided and I really do not want to use her name as the middle name at all. I feel extremely guilty about this. I feel a little blindsided because this is the first time he has mentioned this, and for the past 4 1/2 months I have been sure that the name we decided would be my daughters name. I know we have time and I have been trying to think of alternatives where we can both be happy (although selfishly I really just want the original name). One of those alternatives is using both names as middle names. I just wanted some opinions on this. Does it seem like a good compromise? Can anyone think of anything else? Of course we have time and really need to discuss it ourselves and figure it out, but just wanted to see how others felt about this.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

amalama

I don't think there is really a right answer to this. In the grand scheme of things, it is probably more important to him than to you so I would probably go with his mom's name or using all three, but I don't think it's terrible if you don't want to. My daughter's middle name is DH's grandmother's middle name (she passed away about a month before she was born). I don't like the name, but it's not something that bothers me a lot (except now that he is against using a family name from my side that I really want for DD #2) and it was important to him. But what did bother me was him telling his family that we were considering it before I had agreed to it, then I felt pretty forced into it. I'm over it now, but I don't think you should feel guilty about your preferences for the name, as long as you at least consider his too.

I think you still have plenty of time to decide and should try not to be too set on anything until closer or even after the baby is born (with my first daughter's first name we had it narrowed down to 3 for months, added another option a week before she was born, and ended up going with that one once we saw her).

ETA: My comment was mostly about the whole situation sorry, but yes I think 2 middle names is fine if that's what works for you. As long as they all work together I think 4 names is a great compromise.

lisalisanorgren

I have also been considering this although I haven't broached the subject yet with DH. We are planning to use my grandmother's first name as the middle name to honor her (thankfully still alive and so important to me). But lately I've been thinking I want to use her full name so it would be: First Katherine Anne Last.  

For some reason just Katherine suddenly doesn't feel like enough. We're not finding out what we're having so it's possible this won't even be an issue. 

Thanks for the reminder that on most official things they'll only use the first middle name - I think that makes the decision easier?

mp03jp

DS has two middle names. My dad's first name and FIL middle name. We usually only use his first middle name though.

You might change your mind when you see baby though. For DD I thought for sure her name was going to be Lola. Then she was born and is not a Lola. We went with the name DH pick and I wasn't sure about and it fits her.

amalama

Or (depending on the name) what about another version of the name that you like better or even combining the two. It would only work with certain names but since you don't like the idea of naming the baby after someone anyone maybe that would be different enough that you would like it better?

kj808

All of my kids will have 2 middle names. One of the middle names they have is my maiden name. I like it this way and I like that they will always have my maiden name as a part of their names.

Once getting married I actually dropped my middle name and moved my maiden name to be my middle name. So the name they have as part of their middle name was not only my maiden name but now it's my middle name too.

It's not too much to add to forms and such, and I don't find it more difficult or anything.

ladyteach0505

ramy3 said:

I would use his mom's name as a third name. It's still honoring her, but you still get your favorite name. Plus, on most official forms, your daughter will only be using her first, second, and last names.

We considered this until we saw that the birth certificate paperwork doesn't even give an option for a third name. I don't want her to have to try to explain that her whole life when she's filling out papers.

Ballet80

What are the names? That will help me decide. Our child will have a name from both our families, we found out we are having a boy, but we had also chosen girl names just in case from both sides of the family. It's really up to you, I just want to know the names you have.

flyinghorses6

Thank you everyone. The first name in definitely not going to change...the middle name was originally Grey and his moms name is Eileen...the only other thing I thought was maybe Greye with an extra E but not sure if he would go for that.

Ballet80

I like both those names, I would just use both!

Lalalady54

I personally love family names for middle names. I would drop the first middle name and use his mothers name as the middle name if they go together.

I think you could honor your mother or another family member with future kids if you felt bad about it being unequal. My DHs dad just passed away and had we had a boy we would have used his dad's middle name for our sons middle name, we even considered it for a nanosecond with a girl, but it's just to manly. Instead we are using my great grandmothers name for the middle name which also happens to be the swedish version of DHs mothers name.

lakingsfan2015

DS3 has 2 middle names. His name is more than a mouth full but we call him AJ. The J stands for Jeremiah which is the first middle name and then the other one to honor my Grandmother is Francis. If some one asks his name we always say AJ Francis.

ETA: I don't think 4 names are that bad, I will probably won't do it with these 2 but I really wanted an AJ and I wanted the Francis.

Nita2603

All of our kids have their grandpa's Scottish clan name as a middle name in addition to their normal middle name. So technically, they have two, even though it never actually gets used. Ah well.

KellyFM522

I think this probably means more to your husband than he may let on. I love naming kids after family members. We told DHs grand father that our DD would be Scarlett Louise, Louise after his late wife, seeing an 84 year old man with tears in his eyes was the sweetest thing.

With that being said, I also have no problem with having 2 middle names, my brother has 2 and he actually loves it.

But I'm sure your mom wouldn't feel slighted if you honored your late MIL.

Just remember that you'll really only ever call your DD by her first name and she can change her whole name at age of 18 or when she gets married.

MrsPDX

I think you should honor DH's request. I personally love naming children after family members, and I think if DH asked it obviously means a lot to him.

I personally don't like two middle names, my niece and nephew both have two and their names are such a mouthful! That said, I think including two could be a good compromise, if you can't let your name go. I would put DH's mom's name first though.

I think if it was me though, I would do 1 middle name and use DH's choice. 

lgsdesigner

I vote no on two middle names, and instead, think you should just go with Eileen this time, then save Grey for a future child.
The great thing about the name Grey is it's unisex so you can use it for the next child whether it's a boy or girl.

Plus....how often do people actually say/use their middle names anyway?

2undertwo2bee

Mine is hyphenated. Nicole-Leigh. I was orginally just Nicole. My my grandmother passed away right before my step dad legally adopted me and I was very close to her so when they were changing my last name they made the change to my middle. With the hyphen it's no big deal at all on any forms. It's a longer name so a lot of time on credit and bank cards it gets written as first name Nicole-l last. I love my name. Yea it's longer but it has meaning and I feel like I'm honoring my grandmother

itsmevkb

I'm actually called by my middle name, as are all my kids, so the whole who ever uses a middle name anyway comments make me laugh. 

We are considering two middle names if we have a boy this time around.  I just love the name Sean Patrick said together so that would be his middle name and then our first names are always family names.  I think we'd go with Charles after my FIL.

Honestly, I think it would be sad if you didn't let your husband honor his mother by using her name for your daughter.  I get that you like the original name you picked out better, but I can imagine it means a lot to him to use his mom's name.  You probably also need to give yourself a little time to get used to the idea.  You've had the other name in your head for a while now so give yourself a while to see if using just his mom's name or two middle names grows on you.

As for two middle names being a bit of a pain, I can imagine it might me.  Using my middle name has caused me some headaches over the years, but nothing too major.  On forms that aren't accomodating I just fill it out how I want my name said, so if it just asks for first name and middle initial I just write in my first initial and middle name into the first name field.  I'm sure there are similar ways to work around having two middle names.

nightdreamer98

I'm personally not a fan of two middle names. But I think this would be the acceptle time to have both. If you don't like her name specifically is there something similar you could use to honor her?

Snapdragon750

Two middle names is pretty common in my community, so I don't see anything wrong with it.

jhodgesl91

Mines hyphenated, so it's not weird on paperwork because it's just one middle name
Personally I hate it, my name never fits on forms.

jenanns

I personally think two middle names is too much.  I would go with DH's request since I am sure it is important to him if he asked and you do not have to use the middle name often (unless you and LO end up liking to).

For boys names DH wanted to name after his Grandfather who is passed away Donald or Erwin....ugg I was dreading it since I really dislike both names and doesnt go well with our first name. Ihowever did agree to it since it was so important to him and we wouldn't have to use it on a daily basis, but DH on his own changed his mind. 

What about his mom's middle name if you like that name better?  Although Eileen seems pretty for a middle name depending on your first name. 

tobrieornottobrie

I like the idea of two middle names, I think that it's a good compromise for both you and your husband. You can always use your mom's name for a future child, so that way you are honoring both his mother and yours. Either way I'm sure that you and your husband will come up with a solution!! Best of luck to you!! 

the brie's cheese knees