PAL Check-In

Noethola

It has been a while since this has gotten posted. This is a check in for any person who is "Parenting after a loss". You could be parenting your rainbow or your sunshine child. 

How have things been for you since our last check-in?

Holidays are coming, how will you be facing the holidays?

Please feel free to say anything that is on your mind. Any questions for other loss parents who are parenting children?

angelsnight

How have things bee for you since our last check-in?  Things have been ok.  The guilt is hard though, I love our rainbow so much and it makes me feel guilty.

Holidays are coming, how will you be facing the holidays?  They're ok, but I can't deny the only reason I can get through them is my rainbow.  I'm also regretting how I signed our christmas cards.  I signed the front with just our last name, like love "the smiths", but on the back I signed mine, MH's and rainbows name.  I feel bad about that, I wish I hadn't done that, I should have used our butterfly stamp to include our angel.  I'm worried people will think I'm nuts if I sign my angel's name, but then I feel guilty and like a bad mom for not including her name.

Please feel free to say anything that is on your mind. Any questions for other loss parents who are parenting children?  I'm on my last pack of BC, we agreed I would take it through the end of this year, try to get my cycle back on track and possibly TTC sometime this spring/summer.  I am so torn.  We're both older and with all the troubles we've had, it's kind of now or never, and I am worried that even in a few months I still won't know if I want another. 

CC1017

@Noethola Thanks for posting this check in. Sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable posting on the loss boards b/c I have a LC, but it is part of my story.

I have been struggling with parenting since my loss a couple weeks ago. I've been feeling like a bad Mom because I haven't been focusing on my son as much as I would like. I hope I haven't been screwing him up too much. I've been trying to be more "in the moment" and create special time for the two of us.

In terms of the holidays I will try to make it as normal as possible for my son, even though I don't feel like celebrating much.

Noethola

@angelsnight It is so hard knowing when to shout our love from the rooftops and when not to, in reference to signing the cards. I am in the same boat. 

@cc1017 I am so very sorry to welcome you here. You are not a bad mom, at all. You are a grieving mom. Having a LC definitely can make your grieving a bit more complicated, because guilt can definitely pop in (feelings of guilt for both of your children.) Lots of hugs mama!

stefuge

@angelsnight‌ - signing cards is always a hard thing, but please fine feel guilty! You are not a bad mama! And I think nerves about TTC again are normal. We have been through a couple months now of trying and even though each month I'm disappointed when we're not pregnant, I'm also a little relieved.

@CC1017‌ - PAL is tough, especially with older children who don't understand why mommy is so sad. Last year was our first Christmas without our son, and we tried our best to keep it as normal as possible for DS1, but it was hard. Christmas morning I nearly had a panic attack and had to leave the family gathering for a bit and try to find some peace. We have also tried to include DS2 in our holiday, and that does help.

@mmandm603‌ - your tree is so beautiful! And I'm sure your LO loves their little tree as well!

@MaiTaiBeth‌ - grief is such a hard road, and so unique. MH and I both grieve so differently and have had to have many long honest conversations trying to understand each other. ((Hugs)). You are doing a great job for both of your girls.

AFM:
How have things been for you since our last check-in? Things have been rough. I think it's the holidays, I'm just in a sad place lately. Haven't felt very merry or up for doing all the normal Christmas stuff.

Holidays are coming, how will you be facing the holidays? Well we have decided to stay home this year. Last year we were at my ILs and it was awful, so I'm glad we'll be home this year. We are also planning to decorate a tree we planted for Colton in the backyard on Christmas Eve, hopefully a new tradition we can do each year.

jonahsma

How have things been for you since our last check-in? Hi ladies, haven't checked in for awhile...
Life has been pretty busy lately I'm constantly on the go. I think the busier I keep myself, the less time I have to sit and be sad. I don't know if that's healthy or not.


Holidays are coming, how will you be facing the holidays? The anticipation makes me nauseous. Last Christmas my bil introduced us to our niece. He had cheated on his wife and got another girl pg. So bringing her over a month after Emily died was like a punch in the gut for me. I thought how unfair is that?

I will be taking Christmas pics of the kids and adding something symbolic for our two angels.
We plan on baking cookies and decorating them and doing arts and crafts. I love that my kids are so festive , if it weren't for them I would hide away in a dungeon.
Also I have a ton of diy Christmas gifts to make (thanks pinterest)