Sex, gender and toys

hetispagetti

I picked up the little boy I look after from pre school today, only to find him very upset. A member of staff came over to me and said that they took the doll (which he brought from home) off him so he wouldn't get laughed at by other kids. This little boy loves playing with both cars/trains and dolls and dressing up, he has two older sisters so have easy access to all toys! Both his sisters played with dolls and cars when they were younger! I was really angry that they would rather make a little boy upset than explaining to children that they can play with whatever they want no matter what sex they are! I explained this point to the member of staff and they said they would try and correct their mistake! I was just wondering if anyone else has had anything like this happen? Also what do you feel about sex, gender and toys in general?

ruemorgan

I work in a day care and I dont see it "all the time," but it does happen. The children never actually tease said child, so I never even talk to the kids about it. I talk to the teacher in the room about it. Im not a confrontational coworker, but it is a discussion ill repeat over and over. *As adults in general* we should all be helping any child find themselves and what theyre comfortable with. Alot of the time it has nothing to do with gender, but getting a shy kid out of their shell.

hetispagetti

That's just how I feel about it as well!! @Chunkymonkeylvr they were pretty chilled out about it which made me more pissed!!
I just don't want him to think that there is anything wrong with what he wants to play with....because there isn't!!

ashleyrh661

My son goes to a co-op preschool and I've seen the boys dress up is princess dresses and playing with dolls. One day when I was there my son had a dress up princess dress on and one of the girls told him it was for girls. It didn't even phase him. Just keep telling him that any toy is for any kid, girl or boy. He seems pretty lucky to have you in his life!

ngolimento

If someone did this to my daughter, I'd want their head on a platter. Who the hell do they think they are, the gender police? Extra pissed off points would be awarded if she was playing with a Hulk toy, or something equally nerdy. Don't you mess with my kid's nerd development!!

lawsonellis

I would be super mad.

@hetispagetti‌ Is there a way that you can follow up with the management of the school to make sure that they're actually "correcting their mistake"?

This is my first LO but I will not stop her from playing with any toy she wants to play with. She's surrounded my girls currently (my entire family is girls basically) but myself and her dad are super nerdy, so I have a feeling she'll have lots of nerd-centric toys, which, are male dominated (sex-wise as heroes) and male identifying as far as what "type" of toy they are. So if someone tried to take away my little girl's Xmen or hulk or avengers... I'd be so mad! I'd also want to talk to the kids' parents that were making fun of her, to ask what lessons they're being taught at home (although that would probably never happen).

mwerren

I used to play with GI Joes all of the time when I was a kid. My parents never cared, but my friend's parents did and we're always trying to stuff Barbie dolls on me. Kids like what they like. The person who took the toy away was completely wrong and it breaks my heart that people are still so closed minded about sex/gender and infringing their old school beliefs on children today.

hetispagetti

@lawsonellis it's really hard to even make some communication with his pre school as I'm not his mother nor his legal guardian!! Also as his own parents don't seem to worried by it all its hard to even talk to them about how stupid it all is!!

janda426

ToasterCat said:

I would be beyond pissed I found that someone did or said this to my kid. We plan on getting ds a baby doll for Christmas this year, who says little boys shouldn't learn to or enjoy nurturing a baby? Such BS.

This is why I don't get the stereotype. Men have babies too. And it's super okay when a man is playing with and loving his real baby so why the hell can't a little boy play with a baby doll?!

071115

My son plays dolls with my daughter.
And my daughter plays cars, and wrestlers with my son.
I don't see anything wrong with that. They can play with what they want.
A little boy that his older brother played hockey with my son had a Dora backpack and he lived that thing

MrsZ1891

I would be upset about this too. At least they will correct their error. Regardless of our baby's sex, he or she can play with whatever toys they like. My DD plays with dinosaurs, cars, dolls, and anything else she wants to. It's silly to limit a child's toys based on their sex. 

ashleyrh661

Went searching for this. It pretty much covers it.

chelseeea

As a parent, I'd be pretty upset. My DD loves to play with trucks/cars and dinosaurs, but also loves her babies and cooking with her play kitchen. I would never say she can't play with something because it's a "boy toy", and I won't do that when our new baby decides he wants to play with dolls, etc. kids don't understand the difference, so why even create boundaries like that when all it does is limit their learning? Sucks that some people think that way though.

lawsonellis

hetispagetti said:

@lawsonellis it's really hard to even make some communication with his pre school as I'm not his mother nor his legal guardian!! Also as his own parents don't seem to worried by it all its hard to even talk to them about how stupid it all is!!

That's so frustrating!!! I'm glad at least someone with sense (you) is in his life though!!

ngolimento

RQuinlin said:

This is one reason I am so grateful I will have only girls. Girls can get away with playing with "boy toys," it's much harder with boys. We live in a small rural community and I don't know how I would deal with a son liking dolls. I don't personally see anything wrong with it and couldn't care less. The community I live in is a different story and their sentiments and feelings will certainly be taught to their children. I wouldn't want a son to feel embarrassed or ashamed.

Yeah I've noticed that phenomenon too. Any time I feel bad about cramps or something, I remind myself that at least everything I wear/do/say/like isn't evaluated for sexual orientation.

JCWhitey

Yeah I would seriously be pissed.  I'd be writing to the pre-school director and explaining your feelings on the subject and make sure the staff is better trained.  This is just ridiculous.  At pre-school age kids are just playing and having fun, teasing typically doesn't start for a long time and if it does start that early it's because they are being influenced by an adult to recognize certain behaviors (that are perfectly normal) as wrong!  So the employees are the ones opening up this poor child to being teased and the other kids to get a wrong sense of what's right/wrong.

mamajack86

My nephew is now 8years old and I've always felt bad because my husbands family has always put such an emphasis on what's a girl toy and what he's allowed to play with. He's always preferred princesses and barbies over any type of action figurine, his older sister is in cheer and he has always wanted to be in cheer as well. My husbands family would say stuff like "he's so girly". He expresses himself more now that he's older and is self conscious if he thinks whatever he's interested in will be perceived as "girly". It just makes me feel bad for him that he already feels so different for liking dolls, dressing up, dancing, etc. over playing sports and playing with boy toys. I have a son now and my husband and I both agree that we'd never make him feel guilty for liking or wanting to do "girl things".

drudolph11

Yea this is ridiculous ESPECIALLY since it was a toy brought from home. How did it not click in their brains that "he brought this from home so obviously his parents are fine with him playing with it" bah i was a Tom boy growing up and still am for the most part. My daughter will be anything she wants to be and play with anything she wants to play with cuz i sure did. A lot of her clothes i have gotten on the boys side of the store. I mean i didn't buy her anything that says "mommy's handsome boy" or anything but i have no problem putting my girl in blue lol now my mom was convinced she was a boy so one sleeper says "mommy's boy" on it but it's small and the thing is adorable and i don't care so I'm keeping it and a onsie That says "I'm always getting picked up by woman" and since my parents are lesbians with a lot of female and lesbian friends they think it's hilarious so I'm def keeping that one too! Haha i really wanted to get her something with Pittsburg Steelers on it but all of the girl stuff they had i absolutely hated so i ended up getting her a black Steelers sleeper from the boys section which is adorable. SO and i practically live in sweatpants and T shirts and until she is old enough to dress herself this is what baby girl will live in too (i love baby sweat pants ) having said all that all of those clothes are hanging up right next to her very girl frilly flowery equally adorable girl clothes. I agree that there is the double standard too. I feel like it's much more "acceptable" to put girls in blue then to put boys in pink. Now my daughter would never get the idea from me that boys playing with dolls is wrong but that notion can come from anywhere and if i found out that she was one who was making fun of a boy for playing with dolls there would def be a long talk happening there.

caribeth80

I would be livid! My 4 year old son has a few my little ponies that he loves. I dare anyone to say anything to him about it being a girl toy! Mama bear will come out!

courtneybellaire

This may have already been posted, but I like it enough to post again.

gnomemom

I would be furious! If that ever happened to my son, you better believe I would go off on the daycare.

DS is getting a baby doll for Christmas. What's wrong with boys and men nurturing babies? DH is a SAHD who is DS's primary caregiver during the day...I can't imagine how confusing it would be for DS if other adults tried to teach him that only girls can take care of babies. WTF?