I'll be leaving now (loss mentioned)

KirstenAlecia

Well friends, sad sad news. I can not believe I'm sitting here typing this. 

My 1st appt did not go as planned. I didn't get to cry happy tears when my baby popped up on the monitor for the sono. 

Instead the Dr said "Im so sorry Kirsten, this looks like its going to be a miscarriage"

LO stopped growing a few weeks prior apparently. Im beyond heartbroken. Im so confused. Im very angry and hurt and don't even know what to do with myself. I have to find a way to break the news to my parents when they come home from vacation. My brother and my sister in law who is ecstatic cause we are supposed to be having babies together and within weeks of each other. 

I love my husband and he has been good to me about this in letting me be sad and cry and whatever i need.......but inside Im mad at him for being prepared for this in such a way that if he wanted to he could say "i told you so" While he would never do this....Im still irrationally mad at him  for being so mentally prepared for it. 

I don't even see sadness in him. He says he is but it doesn't look like it. I told him i can't go up north this week and so we are staying home. He says he understands but he still thinks that we should sort of. 

We are waiting to see if my body takes care of the inevitable naturally but honestly I don't thing it will. I think Dr. intervention will be necessary. I can't even imagine how bad this is going to get mentally once that happens. 

Im sorry for the long vent. I know so many of you have been here before so you get it...I guess I just need to figure out whats next. 

tmorash

Oh @KirstenAlecia I am so so sorry to be reading this. I'm wishing you all the strength in the world during this time. Take care of yourself, and hang in there as best you can. Big hugs.

niknak1208

I am so so sorry. I lost at 6 weeks twice and I lost at 20 weeks before my daughter was born. Just be kind to yourself. Men don't understand.. not fully.  They experience the loss but not in the same way that we do. Just be good to yourself and let yourself feel however you need to feel to get through it. It takes time.  It's ok to be mad. Hang in there.. I know how hard this is. Many of us have gone through it..  the loss board helped me a lot when I was going through it too.   

mandyreads

niknak1208 said, so many have gone through this and know the pain. will be praying for you guys! lots of hugs!!

Lazzlee79

KirstenAlecia I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss..  Thinking of you….

Lady2010

I am so sorry to be reading this.  Please take care of yourself during this extremely difficult time.  My thoughts & prayers are with you.

NeonNoon

This is very sad to read.  I am sorry.  I wish you strength to get through this period of grief.  Please take care of yourself.

chucktgirl

I am so sorry for your loss.

KirstenAlecia

Thank you so much ladies. 

I know i will get through this. Im in amazement of the strength of those of you who have been through this more than once. 

I think things will be ok once the MC actually happens

Samuelismomma

@KirstenAlecia‌ I'm so heartbroken for you:( big hugs. Take care of yourself. I knew my H was devastated but wouldn't show it. I think they are afraid if they show it it will hurt us more. I've had 3 losses:( let me know if you need anything...

Lm92599

I am so so deeply sorry. Take time for yourself to heal. ((hugs)) men deal with things differently than we do. I am sure he is crushed too. So sorry.

BeckyP005

Oh K I am so very sorry. I'm so sad reading this. Take care and lots of hugs your way

marijaa333

I can't believe what I'm reading. I'm SO sorry. I wish there was anything I could say that would help. I hope you have the best doctor and that the medical part is over as soon as possible so you can rest.  It sounds like your husband is trying his hardest to keep his chin up.  He might be going through a roller coaster of emotions, but being a man, it's all probably buried deep in some mental compartment...  

Big giant hugs. 

NicoleWI

I'm so very sorry. 

ewenner

Oh my goodness, I am  so sad to be reading this.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and DH as you go through this difficult time.  Please take care of yourself.  

mwerren

So sorry for your loss. Sending lots of positive energy your way while you heal from this tragedy

supersarah77

Oh, what horribly devastating news. The worst fear coming true. My deepest condolences for your loss and you are in my thoughts for the challenging journey you continue to trudge through. Hugs.

emikat

Big hugs, mama. I'm so sorry. 

Mrs.McIrish

I'm very sorry. It's just awful to lose a baby. Take good care of yourself.

nykkybaby

I am so sorry for your loss. Take time to grieve, and don't put pressure on yourself to be "ok". The loss boards here are amazing and were sometimes the only way I got through the day. If your husband is anything like mine, he is holding his pain from you to be strong for you. Men suck in this way. I know I wanted mine to cry with me, when he didn't I just couldn't understand. Years later I realized he grieved alone because my grief was enough for the two of us. Hugs.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me.

mdogan29

@KirstenAlecia this is devastating news!! And so many of us do know exactly how you're feeling, but no matter what we say, it's just not enough at first. I cried tears of joy for you last week and I'm so sorry to come back to the board today to read your post, with tears of sadness. *BIG HUGS* and hope the healing process will give you some relief. I know a lot of us are here for you if you need anyone to talk or vent to!

My hubby responded in a similar way when we had a loss last year and found distractions that I thought were totally inappropriate for the way I was feeling (chatting online w/ his friends and joking about their fantasy sports & 'dumb' video games) just hours after leaving the doctor's office, but like pp have said, men deal with grief differently I guess. At the time I just didn't feel like he cared at all.