Pregnant after 35

I'll be leaving now (loss mentioned)

Well friends, sad sad news. I can not believe I'm sitting here typing this. 
My 1st appt did not go as planned. I didn't get to cry happy tears when my baby popped up on the monitor for the sono. 

Instead the Dr said "Im so sorry Kirsten, this looks like its going to be a miscarriage"

LO stopped growing a few weeks prior apparently. Im beyond heartbroken. Im so confused. Im very angry and hurt and don't even know what to do with myself. I have to find a way to break the news to my parents when they come home from vacation. My brother and my sister in law who is ecstatic cause we are supposed to be having babies together and within weeks of each other. 

I love my husband and he has been good to me about this in letting me be sad and cry and whatever i need.......but inside Im mad at him for being prepared for this in such a way that if he wanted to he could say "i told you so" While he would never do this....Im still irrationally mad at him  for being so mentally prepared for it. 
I don't even see sadness in him. He says he is but it doesn't look like it. I told him i can't go up north this week and so we are staying home. He says he understands but he still thinks that we should sort of. 

We are waiting to see if my body takes care of the inevitable naturally but honestly I don't thing it will. I think Dr. intervention will be necessary. I can't even imagine how bad this is going to get mentally once that happens. 

Im sorry for the long vent. I know so many of you have been here before so you get it...I guess I just need to figure out whats next. 
SIGGY WARNING
Me 38   DH 34
married 05-21-11 
started TTC right away






BFP- 10-16-14 EDD 6/13/15: MC 12-1-14 

Re: I'll be leaving now (loss mentioned)

  • Oh @KirstenAlecia I am so so sorry to be reading this. I'm wishing you all the strength in the world during this time. Take care of yourself, and hang in there as best you can. Big hugs.

     Me: 35, He: 41. Baby #1!

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  • I am so so sorry. I lost at 6 weeks twice and I lost at 20 weeks before my daughter was born. Just be kind to yourself. Men don't understand.. not fully.  They experience the loss but not in the same way that we do. Just be good to yourself and let yourself feel however you need to feel to get through it. It takes time.  It's ok to be mad. Hang in there.. I know how hard this is. Many of us have gone through it..  the loss board helped me a lot when I was going through it too.  :( 
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  • niknak1208 said, so many have gone through this and know the pain. will be praying for you guys! lots of hugs!!
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  • KirstenAlecia I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss..  Thinking of you….
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  • I am so sorry to be reading this.  Please take care of yourself during this extremely difficult time.  My thoughts & prayers are with you.
    ***signature/ticker warning***
    Me:37 DH:39
    TTC#1 since 3/2012

    Diagnosis : Unexplained Infertility

    3 BFN rounds Clomid + IUI
    IVF 1 - BFN, 1 Frozen
    IVF 2 - BFN, 5 Frozen
    FET 1 - BFP!!! EDD 1/24/15 Beta 1: 700, Beta 2: 2,156; 1st U/S 6w3d: HB 118bpm, 2nd U/S 9w3d: HB 171bpm

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  • This is very sad to read.  I am sorry.  I wish you strength to get through this period of grief.  Please take care of yourself.
  • I am so sorry for your loss.

    imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage
    My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.

    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
    Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins
    .
    First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12

    First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
    IVF #1: 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right  & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
    ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
    IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13

    ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
    IVF #3:
    NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
    ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0.  Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN

    IVF #4: 
    (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
    ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
    ***Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...

    IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
    BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
    2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
    2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
    2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
    IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
    5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
    6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
    7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
    EDD 3/18/15!

  • Thank you so much ladies. 

    I know i will get through this. Im in amazement of the strength of those of you who have been through this more than once. 

    I think things will be ok once the MC actually happens :(
    SIGGY WARNING
    Me 38   DH 34
    married 05-21-11 
    started TTC right away






    BFP- 10-16-14 EDD 6/13/15: MC 12-1-14 
  • @KirstenAlecia‌ I'm so heartbroken for you:( big hugs. Take care of yourself. I knew my H was devastated but wouldn't show it. I think they are afraid if they show it it will hurt us more. I've had 3 losses:( let me know if you need anything...
    ***ticker warning*** DS 3/27/12 born 6 weeks early....my perfect boy !! Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers [url=http://lilypie.com][img]http://lb1f.lilypie.com/z5R8p1.png[/img][/url] image<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?
  • I am so so deeply sorry. Take time for yourself to heal. ((hugs)) men deal with things differently than we do. I am sure he is crushed too. So sorry.
    Me: 35  low AMH, normal FSH
    DH: 31 Fair DNA fragmentation test :( Normal SA
    TTC: since March 2012

    09-21-13 start IVF #1
    10-04-13 ER 6 eggs, 6 mature, all 6 fertilized. 3 frozen
    10-08-13 fresh transfer canceled due to high progesterone
    waiting for FET
    10-18 started BCP
    10-29 baseline appt scheduled
    11-20 scheduled date of FET #1
    12-2 BFN :(

    3-1-14 moving on to the next step. Switched RE. going to plan 3 IUI cycles while saving for IVF#2

    April 2014- IUI#1  BFN
    May 2014- IUI#2 BFN
    June 2014 IUI#3 BFN

    Taking a break for a while, focusing on our wedding.

    Sept 24th missed period! Surprise natural BFP
    10-15-14 first ultrasound
    06-05-15 EDD

    imageimage

  • Oh K I am so very sorry. I'm so sad reading this. Take care and lots of hugs your way :(

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!


     

     

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  • marijaa333marijaa333 member
    edited November 2014
    I can't believe what I'm reading. :( I'm SO sorry. I wish there was anything I could say that would help. I hope you have the best doctor and that the medical part is over as soon as possible so you can rest.  It sounds like your husband is trying his hardest to keep his chin up.  He might be going through a roller coaster of emotions, but being a man, it's all probably buried deep in some mental compartment...  :(

    Big giant hugs. 
  • I'm so very sorry. 
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  • Oh my goodness, I am  so sad to be reading this.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and DH as you go through this difficult time.  Please take care of yourself.  
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  • So sorry for your loss. Sending lots of positive energy your way while you heal from this tragedy

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  • Oh, what horribly devastating news. The worst fear coming true. My deepest condolences for your loss and you are in my thoughts for the challenging journey you continue to trudge through. Hugs.
    Me: 38, DH: 35
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  • Big hugs, mama. I'm so sorry. 

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    TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!

    FET 4/28/2015 - Transferred 1 M embie. 5/6/15 BFP!

  • I'm very sorry. It's just awful to lose a baby. Take good care of yourself.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

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    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


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  • I am so sorry for your loss. Take time to grieve, and don't put pressure on yourself to be "ok". The loss boards here are amazing and were sometimes the only way I got through the day. If your husband is anything like mine, he is holding his pain from you to be strong for you. Men suck in this way. I know I wanted mine to cry with me, when he didn't I just couldn't understand. Years later I realized he grieved alone because my grief was enough for the two of us. Hugs.

    If you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me.



    bfp #1 10/15/2009 m/c 11/4/09 10 weeks Lily you are not forgotten
    bfp #2 4/5/2010 CP, m/c 4/12/10 5 weeks Baby Lo
    Diagnosed PCOS 10/10 RX 1500 mg Metformin/day
    bfp#3 4/5/2011 Missed m/c discovered 5/24/2011 (10w 5d) baby Asher stopped growing at 6 weeks
    I know he is playing with his siblings in heaven right now...

    rx'd factor II gene mutation 7/11 prescribed 5000 units Heparin daily
    rx'd Sjogren's Disease 8/11

    bfp #4 9-6-2012 RAINBOW Baby Ky born 5-9-13
    bfp #5 8-26-14  RAINBOW #2 Due 5-8-2015
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  • mdogan29mdogan29 member
    edited November 2014
    @KirstenAlecia this is devastating news!! And so many of us do know exactly how you're feeling, but no matter what we say, it's just not enough at first. I cried tears of joy for you last week and I'm so sorry to come back to the board today to read your post, with tears of sadness. *BIG HUGS* and hope the healing process will give you some relief. I know a lot of us are here for you if you need anyone to talk or vent to!

    My hubby responded in a similar way when we had a loss last year and found distractions that I thought were totally inappropriate for the way I was feeling (chatting online w/ his friends and joking about their fantasy sports & 'dumb' video games) just hours after leaving the doctor's office, but like pp have said, men deal with grief differently I guess. At the time I just didn't feel like he cared at all.
    image

    ME: 38, DH: 42, stopped BCPS 1/2013, TTC #1 2/2013, AMH 0.4, started acupuncture: 7/2013,
    BFP: 10/07/2013; MC 10/15/2013 @ 7 wks (natural), focused on health issues for 7 months.
    TTC again: 6/2014, 2nd round Letrozole, BFP 7/7/2014!!! --- EDD 3/18/2015!!!


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