S+TMs, please chime in.

mamahawk12

I've been feeling very indifferent about this pregnancy. As in, no real "connection", I'm not particularly excited, and despite the constant morning sickness, I still find myself reminding myself that I'm pregnant. This baby was planned and tried for and very much wanted, so I definitely expected to have some of those normal pregnancy feelings by now. I felt equally excited for #2 as I did for #1, so this is really new and a rather uncomfortable feeling.

Anyone else finding themselves feeling different towards their 2nd, 3rd, etc pregnancy? I'm really hoping I have that "ah-ha" moment soon.  

mommacandi

The kind of excitement is definitely different for me than the first babe, I think maybe bc I wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly, so it took time for the shock to wear off before the excitement kicked in. I bet as soon as you feel that baby move, you'll be connected! Have you had an ultrasound yet? Maybe seeing the baby or hearing the heartbeat is what you need to make it "real."

lilninny2

I agree with @mommacandi It felt very surreal because I wasn't expecting to get pregnant so quickly but seeing the baby and hearing that amazing lil heartbeat made it feel so real. With my first the excitement really kicked in for me when I got really big and could feel him move ALL the time. That's also when I started to talk to him. I felt silly at first but it honestly helped

junch817

I've had a few "there's no going back" moments this pregnancy that I don't remember having first time.

I think the first time, as nervous as I was for the unknowns, I had wayyyyy more excitement!! I pictured all the snuggles and kisses. I didn't have any past experience to really think about, just all the cute things to come.

This time I think about the good, but am remembering the difficult first few weeks. And imagining doing that with my constantly throwing a tantrum 2 year old.

So I kind of know what you mean. I do know it's normal. Basically any feeling at all, and even the lack of feelings is normal. But whenever I find myself thinking about the hard times, I try to force myself to think of the amazing times, like when DD first really SAW me, the first real smile (I don't think I'll ever forget how my heart felt for that), the first giggle.... :x

mamahawk12

mommacandi said:

The kind of excitement is definitely different for me than the first babe, I think maybe bc I wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly, so it took time for the shock to wear off before the excitement kicked in. I bet as soon as you feel that baby move, you'll be connected! Have you had an ultrasound yet? Maybe seeing the baby or hearing the heartbeat is what you need to make it "real."

I had an u/s at 7 week and saw the baby and the heartbeat... which made it feel "real"... but didn't really instill any of that excitement... if that makes any sense? I've got the NT on 12/1 so I'm trying to look forward to that. I know he/she will be much more baby like (and less jelly bean like) so hopefully that will help. 

KikiCohen

I think it's pretty normal. I'm excited for this baby, but it's definitely a different feeling than what I had with DS. I think it's bc I don't really have a lot of time to just think about this pregnancy bc I'm chasing a toddler around.

Mama-Bear

I never felt connected to any of mine until delivery.  I was actually kind off pissed that I was having twins for a good portion of my pg.  While that pregnancy was very much wanted and tried for, we weren't expecting twins (even though I took Clomid).  I knew what life was like with one and now everything would be totally different.  Over the pg I grew more and more comfortable with the idea of twins.  As soon as I saw them it was love at first sight (same with DS1).

mommacandi

I think the first time, you have all the excitement of not only having a baby, but the experience of being pregnant. This time, while I actually enjoy being pregnant (I feel so innately content when pregnant), the pregnancy process is more of a means to an end, if that makes sense? There's not as much time to enjoy being pregnant while you're chasing around a toddler.

mamahawk12

junch817 said:

I've had a few "there's no going back" moments this pregnancy that I don't remember having first time. I think the first time, as nervous as I was for the unexpected, I had wayyyyy more excitement for the unknown. I pictured all the snuggles and kisses. I didn't have any past experience to really think about, just all the cute things to come. This time I think about the good, but am remembering the difficult first few weeks. And imagining doing that with my constantly throwing a tantrum 2 year old. So I kind of know what you mean. I do know it's normal. Basically any feeling at all, and even the lack of feelings is normal. But whenever I find myself thinking about the hard times, I try to force myself to think of the amazing times, like when DD first really SAW me, the first real smile (I don't think I'll ever forget how my heart felt for that), the first giggle.... :x

YES!! That is exactly it. I find myself questioning whether or not it was a good idea and just feeling generally stressed out by the whole thing. This evening for example... between rushing to fix dinner and baths and tantrums and messes all I could think about was "how in the hell am I going to handle another??"

RayWil528

I'm definitely in the same place with this baby with the only difference being it wasn't exactly planned/expected so soon. The first time around I was so ready to meet the little one and experience all those mommy moments. This time I think I'm more focused on the added financial strain, the reactions of family who may think it's too soon (none of their business, but it will still sting if they disapprove), and mostly I'm dreading not being able to give DS as much of my attention. That being said, I hope that I'll be able to get more excited when I feel movement and start prepping things for the nursery. From what I've read elsewhere, this uncertainty is fairly typical, so I guess we'll all just have to get there together!

elvinnoe

Yes, indifferent is the perfect word. Last time, it's like the weeks couldn't go by fast enough and now I'm all like, wow, 9 weeks already? It's like I know I'm happy about it, but my emotions aren't caught up yet.

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wegrowsheep

199 days left. This is the sum of my feelings about #3!

tahitiandreamin

I was questioning whether or not this was a good idea BEFORE I got pregnant this time. I remembered how crappy I felt for the first tri, how humongous I felt I the third tri, how tough l&d was with an induction, the first few weeks of almost a zombie like state of being and how tough the first four months were with a newborn with lots of eating problems. I have questioned whether I can go through this all over again. I think I'm remembering all of the tough stuff far more these days than the good things. 

 I do feel indifferent. And I know for sure that part of this is the much worse nausea and food aversions this time around. My u/s this week helped confirm that there was a baby. That was nice and it helped a bit with making a connection but I don't feel nearly the same connection as I did when pregnant with DD. Maybe it's because I have DD here right now and making a connection with her today is more important. Maybe it's because I'm so much more aware of everything that can go wrong. Maybe it's because with DD I have so much more going on in my life that I'm not thinking about baby stuff and reading baby books all the time. 

 I'm really hoping that once I feel this baby moving that there will be more of a connection.

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tiffbot1985

I will admit to forgetting about it at times too. We had definitely told more people by this week last time around and this time I feel like there's so much other stuff going on it just kind of takes a back burner at times!
Although in the last weekish since I've been starting to feel better and get over a lot of bad things that happened in October, I'm getting more excited again. But it's weird, I'm less nervous/over analyzing because I think about it less, yet I almost feel more of a connection. I felt like I really had to grow into a connection the first time around. So I don't know, maybe it depends how the hormones are lined up at certain times too, ha.

apeschka

I think a lot of us are feeling the same way I'm reminding myself I'm pregnant and dealing with an angry toddler and thinking how in the hell am I going to survive a newborn and a screaming toddler maybe this was a bad idea....

Bfairchild618

I definitely understand what you're feeling! I want so badly to be excited for this little nugget... But I'm just not. Not yet! I think my "moment" will come after we make it official and announce to everyone. I remember feeling like this with my first until we broke the news. It's hard to get excited and keep it a secret at the same time. At least, for me.

goofyteacher

mamahawk12 said:

junch817 said:

I've had a few "there's no going back" moments this pregnancy that I don't remember having first time. I think the first time, as nervous as I was for the unexpected, I had wayyyyy more excitement for the unknown. I pictured all the snuggles and kisses. I didn't have any past experience to really think about, just all the cute things to come. This time I think about the good, but am remembering the difficult first few weeks. And imagining doing that with my constantly throwing a tantrum 2 year old. So I kind of know what you mean. I do know it's normal. Basically any feeling at all, and even the lack of feelings is normal. But whenever I find myself thinking about the hard times, I try to force myself to think of the amazing times, like when DD first really SAW me, the first real smile (I don't think I'll ever forget how my heart felt for that), the first giggle.... :x

YES!! That is exactly it. I find myself questioning whether or not it was a good idea and just feeling generally stressed out by the whole thing. This evening for example... between rushing to fix dinner and baths and tantrums and messes all I could think about was "how in the hell am I going to handle another??"

It was so helpful to read this.  I was just talking to my husband about this at dinner.  We have the exact opposite feelings this time.  He was terrified last time, I was so excited and knew it would be fine.  This time he's completely ready and comfortable while I'm sitting here somewhat terrified and ambivalent for a child that we went through fertility treatments for.  I'm struggling with already feeling so guilty about my lack of enthusiasm.

dojo1

I keep saying to myself, "This could be it.  This could be the last first trimester you ever go through.  Enjoy what you can!"  but truthfully, it's just not as all-consuming this time around.  I have DS to focus on and no one is gushing over the fact that it's my first.  Things are a bit old-hat.  You know?

mommacandi

dojo1 said:

I keep saying to myself, "This could be it.  This could be the last first trimester you ever go through.  Enjoy what you can!"  but truthfully, it's just not as all-consuming this time around.  I have DS to focus on and no one is gushing over the fact that it's my first.  Things are a bit old-hat.  You know?

Exactly this!

ashleyrj1982

Even though this pregnancy was definitely planned, I find I am struggling with how my relationship will change with my 1st born. I also wonder how I will be able to balance it all and definitely have had moments where I wonder if this is the right choice. I know it is normal but it is also very easy to feel mommy guilt about the upcoming changes. Hoping my first appointment next week will help (they should never make 2nd time mom's wait until 10 weeks).

redrocksmama

While I am excited, I'd definitely say I'm a bit numb to this pregnancy. It wasn't planned and came as a huge shock considering we had a lot of fertility issues when it came to conceiving LO#1. But I'd say the biggest reason is because DS is only 15 months and the newborn phase is still very vivid in my mind. Last time I was nervous for the unknown. Now I'm scared for the known and wondering how the hell I'll be able to do it again with a toddler in the mix.

mandybacken

On #3 here and just realized staying at a hotel will be more difficult (standard is 4 sleeping spots) as well as eating at a booth. Thinking we have our work cut out for us, but DD is really excited to help take care of the baby.

sassypants2010

This is my second and I just feel numb when I think about this one, which then makes me feel horrible, I was over the moon from day one with my son. I think this time I feel numb because my original ob told me at my first appointment to not expect to keep this one due to the fact that I was measuring at 5 weeks when he predicted I was 7 and my hcg was 16000 (which I guess is high for 5 weeks). Edit: I am almost 11 weeks so obviously I didn't miscarry and I changed obs so maybe when my first appointment with the new guy happens maybe this will lessen.

sugarkissed

I'm feeling somewhat opposite.  DD was a big surprise and I was excited but mostly terrified during that pregnancy.  Now that I understand just how immensely I love my daughter, I'm really excited this time around.  This baby was planned so maybe I'm feeling more prepared.  I'm still nervous about having 2 under 2... don't get me wrong!  

rhapsody04

I was ambivalent before we got pregnant, and I'm still ambivalent. I'm happy -- but I feel like other people are happier for us than I am. I kinda think it won't change until the baby is here. Knowing what I know now, 11 years after the first time we got pregnant, and having experienced 3 births, plus all the everything (marriage survival, raising said kids, trying to have a career, trying to take care of myself, etc etc) . . . really highlights how naïve I was, and yet how decisions that were made then altered the course of my "maternity future" in ways I couldn't fathom. So, yeah. Can we skip to June?

JoJo1111

My husband lost his job half way through my cycle. We decided to stop trying until he had found another job but of course I was already pregnant. I feel guilty about how stressed I am about our situation and I feel stupid that we were even trying with a less than ideal financial situation before dh lost his job. I also have no idea how I will handle a toddler and a newborn. I know once the baby is here I will be in love but right now I am full of stress and guilt

yellow16

This pregnancy for me has been totally different than with my DD (2yrs old). I have been more worried about loss in the first trimester and also find myself a heaping ball of emotions anytime I think about a newborn added to the mix. DD and I are very close and share such a bond and I worry that I won't bond as well with #2 and also worry about DD adjusting to the new baby as well as how it may affect our relationship. DH is super excited about this LO (he was super nervous about #1) so we don't necessarily share in the same feelings. I'm very thankful and happy about this pregnancy...but it has just been a big adjustment for me.

aspengroen

Yes!!!! This is baby number three and I am just not excited and feel kind of indifferent. Maybe it's just from how sick I have been and I'm not showing yet that is making it hard. It's a weird feeling because I'm excited for a new baby but I just feel weird. I tried explaining this to hubby and he didn't understand at all and it made me feel worse for feeling this way. I figure when I feel kicks it will get better.

opheliacantswim

Yup, definitely having the "holy shit, what did we do?" moments with this one that I just didn't have with my first--even though she was a surprise and this one was not. 

I am definitely excited for this baby, but it's tempered by realistic fears that I didn't have with DD because I had no idea what to expect. 

Is anyone else not wanting to tell anyone with this kid?  With DD, I couldn't wait to announce.  With this one, I am just like, "Meh.  Let 'em guess.  Maaayyybbbeeee I'll start telling people after the 20 week scan.  Or not."  I think that difference, for me, is that I don't particularly enjoy being pregnant.  It's a means to an end for me, and I absolutely LOATHED all the attention and comments I got while carrying DD.  I just want to postpone all that crap as long as possible this time around.  Anyone else with me?

pghctwife

Prior to my u/s on thursday I was forgetting/not believing I was really pg. Like at my 6w appt I was legit relieved to hear the pg test at the dr was positive. My symptoms are super super mild (like, Im hungrier… nothing really) and Im not showing basically at all (was definitely showing at 10w last time). This baby was tried for, but I was having trouble believing I was pg and it was ok. Seeing the baby on the u/s changed all that. Im glad my u/s was a little on the late side this time because it was a BABY on the screen, kicking, squirming, moving all over. I feel much more connected now. 

I don't really worry too much about 'omg how will we manage another' which probably shocks anyone who has actually MET my two wild animals lol. Im very much the type of person who is like "it will work out." I know that fitting in #2 (2u2, and my oldest is very high energy) was fine… you just make it work, and I know there will be adjustments for a 3rd but I am really not worried. Maybe thats naive of me, but, eh. A newborn is easy, and the kids I have will be older then and easier than they are now. 

I know with my 2nd I kept forgetting I was pg early on, too. When you are so busy in life it just isn't the all consuming focus of your mind at all times like your first is. And that is ok! It wouldnt be fair to your existing kids, kwim? I know that I was much more aware of my pregnancy as I started to show more and especially when the kicks started. 

mamahawk12

JimBobCooter said:

I am so MEH about this, and I feel so depressed and guilty about it.    For me, I know so much more about pregnancy now than I did the first time.  Last time it never crossed my mind that anything could go wrong. Since then I've watched countless friends deal with losses, infertility, premature birth and then had my own loss followed by fertility treatments.   I wish so much I could go back to that happy, naive place I had with DS, but I can't.  I'm not actively scared or anxious anymore but I definitely not feeling connected to it.   I am so much sicker and more tired this time. I'm sure that doesn't help. I know I am happy and that I will love this baby more than anything.  But the feelings of that just aren't there yet.  

Maybe in four days when I'm done with daily injections?  When I graduate from the RE to the OB?  When I feel baby start moving? When I find out what we're having?  

Meh...

I think you really hit the nail on the head. I was so blissfully naive with DS1. When the scary stuff started happening with DS2, it was like someone smashed my snowglobe. Until this baby is here, in my arms, I think I'm going to have issues feeling attached.

mamahawk12

Thank you all so, SO much for your candid responses. (and sorry I disappeared for the weekend) But I've read every single one and it really has helped me tremendously. I was feeling so guilty, almost shameful for how ambivalent I've been feeling towards this pregnancy. I'm glad to know I'm not in it alone. I'm 100% confident I'll love this child the way I love my others once it's here, I just need to get through the next 7 months! Big hugs to all of you

acethebase

Yes, I feel the same way. This is my 5th pregnancy but 3rd baby so I'm still terrified something is going to happen. I know that's the reason I'm not feeling a connection right now. I think it will be real when I can feel the kicks. Hugs, you are not alone!

Ana0927

I have been an emotional mess this pregnancy.  #3 wasn't planned so we have had more WTF are we going to do moments rather than happy moments.  Its not like we aren't excited we just have a lot of things to figure out. We need a bigger house, a bigger car, should I work or stay home, will I be able to handle three kids, etc. I find it hard to connect with this baby when we have so much to deal with.  I didn't worry about those things when I was pregnant with #2. 

With the exception of my two closest friends, I haven told anyone. I fear I am going to get judged. I know that sounds silly but its true.  My family is very judgmental and I know I am going to get all sorts of comments when I tell them at x-mas.  I also think the area we live in (DC/NOVA) is pretty judgmental about families with more than 2 kids. I know there are some ladies on here from this area. What are your thoughts? Is it just me being paranoid?  

Schnurette

With DD I was really really ready for a baby. This time I didn't really want to get pregnant yet, but DH kind of...forced me into it. (He said if we didn't have another by the time DD was 4 we weren't having another...and she'll be three in April so it was kind of like, I guess I have no choice then because what if we can't get pregnant right away.)

I just started my job in November last year, and really like it. We moved into our new home in April and I have been having a hard time adjusting to that as it is in DH's home town and I am finding he/we are spending a lot more time with his family, and he spends a lot of time rambling around with neighbors so it's just been different.

DH is also dealing with some mental health issues, which cropped up about a month after I had my IUD removed. The result was that I told him that I thought we should wait for a baby and he kind of shrugged it off, then brought it up in the middle of WalMart - the result being a fairly explosive argument when we got home and I was honestly starting to question our relationship a bit because of some of the things he said. I never seriously considered life without him but it's def not a good time to add to the dynamics. We decided to hold off on baby. (HAHA turns out I ovulate SUPER LATE, or at least I did in September and we're having a baby.)

So I guess, long story short, it's not that I don't want this baby, it's just that all things being equal the timing could have been better and with everything else that is going on I'm having a hard time getting excited for little one. There are just so many little things that have to be dealt with (job, DD, where to deliver, how to deliver, reorganize house to make room for baby etc. etc.) that I'm more overwhelmed than excited.

mamahawk12

Ana0927 said:

I have been an emotional mess this pregnancy.  #3 wasn't planned so we have had more WTF are we going to do moments rather than happy moments.  Its not like we aren't excited we just have a lot of things to figure out. We need a bigger house, a bigger car, should I work or stay home, will I be able to handle three kids, etc. I find it hard to connect with this baby when we have so much to deal with.  I didn't worry about those things when I was pregnant with #2. 

With the exception of my two closest friends, I haven told anyone. I fear I am going to get judged. I know that sounds silly but its true.  My family is very judgmental and I know I am going to get all sorts of comments when I tell them at x-mas.  I also think the area we live in (DC/NOVA) is pretty judgmental about families with more than 2 kids. I know there are some ladies on here from this area. What are your thoughts? Is it just me being paranoid?  

You think? I'm from the area too and I don't feel that way. I do feel like people think of three kids as a "big" family, which is silly in my mind. Growing up, the "big families" had 5+ kids. 3 was totally the norm. I know a lot of people will assume I'll be staying home now, which is not the case. I like to work. Being a working mom makes me a better mom (than I would be if I sah). So I think if anything, I'll be judged in that regard.

NoeliaV

I needed to read this. Thank you @mamahawk12

DH asked me the other day why I wasn't happy. Which, I am. But, I'm also very stressed at work, tired, busy balancing all my plates and scared of another loss. So, I guess being preoccupied is preventing me from seeming completely happy. Ah well. 

kreardon11

I couldn't agree more. After experiencing a loss, I think my subconscious is not allowing me to connect. I think I'm protecting myself. I haven't felt connected to this pregnancy at all to be quite frank, and I've even gotten pissed at the people we've told when they text and say "OMG you're going to need this for the baby or yourself." It's not here, relax. 

I just want it to be June post-delivery. Then I think I'll be happy and celebrate. 

Ana0927

@mamahawk12 It might be just me. When I get home from work and start dinner, help my 6 year old with homework, and try and tend to the little one all I think is how the eff is this going to work with another kid. I fear people/family will see us struggling and will question as to why we had another child.