Soothing LO

TheGreatBeyond

So DD had her 9 month checkup this morning and I noticed that I really was not able to soothe her when she became upset several times during the appointment. I was able to distract her and get her to calm down but me holding her hand or picking her up and cuddling her didn't result in her calming down at all.

I have noticed this at other times as well. If she bumps her head and starts crying she will cry louder and harder when I pick her up. She also pushes against me with her arms and legs and just doesn't seem to have any interest in any attempts to comfort her. If I put her down she gets more upset so it doesn't seem to be that she doesn't want to be held.

I can distract her with funny noises, faces, tickles, etc and she will stop crying and calm down but I don't feel like she gets any immediate comfort just from being with mom.

I guess I'm just feeling kind of inadequate, starting to feel some of the working mom guilt, and questioning the bond I have with DD.

Anybody else?

jhjocelyn

Dd has been like this all week, and I am home with her all day. I've been telling myself it's just a phase. She does not enjoy being contained in any way these days!

TheGreatBeyond

Thanks for the reassurance guys. Sometimes it really gets to me how little time I get to spend with her and question that if effects our relationship.

Rebis58

Mom guilt is the worst, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I agree with others, I don't think it means anything about your relationship that she isn't being soothed the way you expected her to. The fact that she wants to be held by you and that you can calm her in other ways is a more important indicator of your bond. 

Some babies don't like to be held close or cuddled. DD is not generally a snuggly baby and never really has been. She likes sitting on people's laps or being held, but hates being held tightly against someone or facing inwards, and she'll push away and get frustrated if I try to hold her that way. Your LO might be feeling overstimulated when she gets frustrated or hurt and being held closely might just make her feel more stimulated, whereas holding her a bit more loosely or entertaining her with funny sounds might help her relax or be distracted from whatever it is that's upsetting her. The important thing is that you're doing a great job and you know your baby well enough to know how to distract her and soothe her in other ways that do work for her!

TheGreatBeyond

Thanks for the additional input. We typically don't react at all when she falls or if we do we will say "oopsie" or "uh-oh" in a really happy voice. Unless she starts crying right away, then obviously she needs comforted.

I know all babies/kids are different but I just started thinking that there has only been one time where DD only wanted me and calmed down immediately as soon as I held her. So I was just feeling guilty that I was somehow failing her because I couldn't make her feel better right away. Yes, completely irrational, I know, but mom guilt sucks.

@arya808 you are definitely correct. Our relationship is changing and doesn't involve as much constant physical contact as she's getting more mobile, wanting to do things herself, and spending more time with dad. So maybe I'm not adjusting to those changes yet.

Thanks for the support!