Just because you talk the loudest and longest doesn't make you right. It makes you loud and long winded.
Married 11/23/11, TTC starting 10/12, BFP#1 11/30/12, Adoption of stepson finalized 03/19/13,Loss of our daughter at 20w4d due to incompetent cervix 03/27/13, BFP#2 06/28/13, DS2 born 3/1/14.
Since people want it spelled out, here you go. I was a member of the m14 chat that is being
discussed here until yesterday, when it seems that it got moved off
Facebook. No names are named here, and I’ve
tried to be as objective as I can. However, I have a life outside of
participating in the chat and there’s no way in hell I’m going back and reading
over 170K messages. If you think there’s
a hole here, feel free to fill in.
The “chat” originally started with one poster trying to
rally support for an M14er who posted that her family was financially
struggling to the point of not being able to eat. She started a Facebook message rather than
posting on the M14 FB page or TB because it was a surprise to the recipient.
She added 120 members, which was all she could add when she originally
started. Then she asked those 120 to add
other M14ers to the group who she either was not friends with, couldn’t add to
the message, etc.
This was back in the summer sometime, June or July. If you weren’t around on the M14 FB page
around that time, that’s why you weren’t originally added. No conspiracy there.
With so many people, the comments were moving very
quickly. Several people commented about
contributing and then removed themselves from the message. Several people just removed themselves
without commenting. Some people muted
the conversation so it wouldn’t make their phone go off every time there was a
message. The number of people in the group dropped. People started discussing things off
topic.
Things that were discussed once the conversation went away
from the original topic were marital issues, clothing advice, recipes, random
baby questions, etc, etc. Picture the
randomest thread on steroids. People
started to get a little more comfy with this “chat” because it was, in their
minds, private. It wasn’t like TB where
non-members could view. Very personal
things were discussed. Depression,
divorce, PP body issues, you name it, it was talked about. Yes, people in the chat vented about
bumpies/FB group members who annoyed them.
Sometimes it got nasty. Sometimes
people in the chat reminded others that it wasn’t cool to talk about people who
couldn’t defend themselves. And usually,
the topic of conversation moved on.
Then SAHM-gate happened.
For those of you who don’t remember, the original M14er who
was intended to be the recipient of the donation that the “chat” was started
for posted in SAHM. Another M14er called
them out for bad judgment. Then
Parenting and SAHM flamed OP and many members of M14 came to OP’s rescue. I use rescue as a loose term because the only
purpose it seemed to do was make the collective M14 look like crazy people.
This is the first place that I witnessed some real
crazy. During the fallout from the SAHM
v M14 rumble, people inside the chat got really, really afraid that people were
going to start divulging some of the very private matters that had been
discussed. One person got removed from
the chat because they confirmed on TB that M14 had taken donations for the
OP. Rules about what could be shared and
not shared were not clear, but there seems to have been some unspoken rule that
what is said in this private FB message stays inside. So chat members were paranoid, and they started removing “lurkers” or people who are in the message but don’t ever post or
participate.
To be perfectly fair, there was probably some removal of
people prior to SAHM-gate that didn’t register with me. This is just the first time I could remember
an actual active participant being removed for a “rule violation.” Which, to me, is crazy because there were not
any real rules to begin with.
After SAHM-gate simmered down a little, another M14er posted
on TB that she was pissed that a few members had made M14 as a whole look
bad. One other M14 chatter took real
offense to this. She screenshotted the offending
post and shared it in chat. And she
tried to rally the chatters against this person. No one took the bait, and a few people flat
out said it was a bad idea. So this
person goes to the M14 FB group and makes a post about the offending comment,
in order to draw attention to this person.
Once again, people in the larger M14 FB group outside the chat didn’t
take the bait and dish out the flaming that was expected, so the M14er who
attempted this left the chat, and removed herself from the FB group. The details of this attempted flaming got
downright nasty. Basically, the poster
had been a recipient of a care fund donation, and the would-be flamer thought
that somehow meant that she shouldn’t publicly disagree with the group.
There’s where your scary group think comes in, folks. This “I helped you out when you were down, so
do me a favor and keep your opinions to yourself. YOU OWE ME,” attitude. Most, if not all, chat members disagreed with
the would-be flamer, and so she left, after spouting something like “you don’t
bite the hand that feeds you.”
Chat continues, blah blah blah. Women discuss boring things, vent about their
jobs, blah blah blah, vent about their husbands, more venting about people who
annoy them, including some bumpies. If a
person who is in there chatting has a bump crush who they think would like to
participate, they ask the group if anyone has a problem with adding them, and
if no major objections get raised, people get added. At this point, there is no official
vote. Sometime, chat members add in
people who previously left or were removed due to inactivity. People come and
go. People participate, or don’t.
Whatever.
Then (and I missed how this happened) the would-be flamer
who tried to rally the troops and failed gets re-added to chat. She doesn’t rejoin the Facebook group, but
chats. And she asks for people inside the chat to take screen shots of conversations happening inside the FB group and share them with her. Time goes on, boring shit happens, more venting, etc.
At some point, tension between this re-added person and
another chatter comes to a head. The other
chatter makes a handful of people inside the chat mad, and the re-added person
calls names. Other chatter leaves the
chat. Time goes on, then re-added
person has ANOTHER fight with a different chatter. This is the fight over the husband issues
discussed here previously. People leave the chat message, then they
rejoin. This is when the idea of voting
gets brought up, because people who are fighting off board don’t want the
people they are fighting with brought back into the fold.
Things get tense in the chat, people tell others that they
aren’t wanted in the chat, fights ensue, people block each other, causing those
not-blocked people to be stuck in the middle.
And the whole thing devolves into the shit show you’re experiencing now.
I didn't ask for anyone's file on anything. Yeah I think someone's story doesn't add up and details are missing. BFD. I joked about stuff right along with you about many things. I never once tried to get anyone's personal information. You have screenshots...scary! We can all do that too, but I don't have time to sit around all day living in my alternate reality.
And if the person you are referencing asked me I would straight out tell them I think their story is off.
Contrary to what you have deluded yourself into believing, I don't spend all day trying to figure out how to make people I only know online, miserable.
You claim to have screenshots. I know you don't have any of me asking for anyone's file. Because I never did that. So go on with your bad self and vague threats of these screenshots all about how I am trying to get personal info on people.
Married 11/23/11, TTC starting 10/12, BFP#1 11/30/12, Adoption of stepson finalized 03/19/13,Loss of our daughter at 20w4d due to incompetent cervix 03/27/13, BFP#2 06/28/13, DS2 born 3/1/14.
I really wanted to stay out of this after my last comment, but since you're attempting to make me and everyone else look crazy, PLEASE show me where anyone (besides yourself) went and did anything of the sort. And I know what you're referencing, and she clearly said it as a joke.
Married 11/23/11, TTC starting 10/12, BFP#1 11/30/12, Adoption of stepson finalized 03/19/13,Loss of our daughter at 20w4d due to incompetent cervix 03/27/13, BFP#2 06/28/13, DS2 born 3/1/14.
The only secret part about chat is what we share with each other, which is 99.999% work, home, and food related. No one is trying to hide that they're in it.
Also, @DisneyAddict1 was only in it the past 3 or so weeks, so unless she went and read 100k messages the only person you really have agreeing with you is @Blonderedhead781 who all of a sudden seems to have an issue with me for a reason I don't understand.
I'm in the chat. I also tried to help, just like everyone else. We said we would relay messages to the individual that blocked you, we asked what you wanted us to do, etc.
Is this what high school would have been like if we'd had Facebook?
Probably. I'm too old to know what it would have been like since we barely had aol dial up when I was in high school.
Married 11/23/11, TTC starting 10/12, BFP#1 11/30/12, Adoption of stepson finalized 03/19/13,Loss of our daughter at 20w4d due to incompetent cervix 03/27/13, BFP#2 06/28/13, DS2 born 3/1/14.
Trying to stay out of this, but lmao. Shells was Fing cray cray. Not a target. Just a nutcase. I'm pretty sure that's a popular opinion. Not any kind of mob mentality.
Also, @DisneyAddict1 was only in it the past 3 or so weeks, so unless she went and read 100k messages the only person you really have agreeing with you is @Blonderedhead781 who all of a sudden seems to have an issue with me for a reason I don't understand.
So b/c I wasn't in the chat from the start I'm not allowed to have any say on what I personally experienced? I didn't have to go back and read to know what I was involved in.
No, say whatever you want...but you only know 1% of the history.
AGAIN. THIS IS ABOUT MORE THAN ALL OF YOUR ISSUES WITH FBW! The REAL problem stems from the person doing the blocking. She started this whole frickin mess.
If you guys really think this is ALL about FBW, then you are hurting people that aren't FBW in the process and SHAME ON YOU.
I never did a thing to anyone in that group except offer my support and friendship. Not ONE PERSON stood up for me. NOT ONE. Only ONE person came to me after I left and apologized for the situation and agreed that the person that started it by blocking is wrong and ridiculous. NO ONE else cared enough at all. I wasted all that time building friendships with people who never gave a crap at all about me.
If anything, thank you for helping me see what a bunch hypocritical, mean girl bitches you all are. You really did me a favor.
Really?
Really??
Lumping us all in as bitches?
Ok.
Did you stand up for me? Did you reach out at all? I have yet to see where anyone other than one person did at all. So yes, you are all lumped in as bitches.
I assume you've removed yourself from the FB group then? Since it's full of bitches?
I seriously had nothing to do with any of this, and I didn't even know drama went down til @farmboysmom post on FB. I went back and read it though, and I'm missing why everyone is so mad. So whatever, hate us all, but I don't see why this is m14s business. I only commented because the vagueness is making it sound like some horrible injustice went down. Just like these "files" you're talking about.
The reason there's a "Kellie Train" because the majority of the things you're accusing the "chat" of were CAUSED AND STARTED BY YOU.
I've stayed out of this because I personally think you're crazy and don't really want anything to do with this crap, but enough is enough. "File asking"? What about posting peoples personal info without being asked? What about PMing other people saying "you should say suchandsuch to soandso LOLOLOL", or leaving FB and the chat, and then demanding people screenshot you any drama so you could participate. What about deciding to jump down another girls throat because "she owes us something", doing it even though everyone told you it was a really shitty idea, and then leaving in a fit because no one agreed with you?
If you want to try to make everyone who's not in the "super secret chat" hate everyone who is, whatever. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself. But you know and I know that I don't bullshit around, and it's not this evil cesspool you're making it out to be. The only "plotting" was orchestrated by you. I'm sick of your shit.
I'm a little sad that I'm being accused of not sticking up or doing something when members were blocked. I wasn't online when that happened. There were a lot of people not online when that happened.
@Blonderedhead781 I just read the chat today, and then I came here and read this, and I see you talking shit on all of us. So how am I supposed to reach out to you?
Also, @DisneyAddict1 was only in it the past 3 or so weeks, so unless she went and read 100k messages the only person you really have agreeing with you is @Blonderedhead781 who all of a sudden seems to have an issue with me for a reason I don't understand.
So b/c I wasn't in the chat from the start I'm not allowed to have any say on what I personally experienced? I didn't have to go back and read to know what I was involved in.
No, say whatever you want...but you only know 1% of the history.
She saw enough on said persons issues, the cycles and group think and other things that went on. Do you really want your name to be drug down with this?
It's not an innocent chat, even *if* (and it was not a joke) perky was joking- it's wrong to even joke about that situation.
W.R.O.N.G
I joke about a lot so I'm not sure what joke is W.R.O.N.G. Are you still referring to file digging? Because again I never asked for nor tried to get anyone's file on anything. And I didn't joke about it either. Again, I think her story is missing pieces and I would tell it to her directly if I ever interacted with her and she wanted my opinion. But I don't talk to her and she most likely doesn't care if I (a complete internet stranger) believe her or not.
This the only thing you "have" on me? Because you don't "have" anything. You talk a real big game, but it's all bluff. While some might be concerned with what you might do with their personal stories and information, I'm not afraid of you or worried about anything you might do. I haven't done anything I am worried about "getting out". I own every single thing I say and do.
Congratulations you succeeded in getting the attention you wanted. Call me names (your typical MO), try to make me look evil and sinister, I don't really care. Yeah it is irksome which is why I have engaged, but it doesn't keep me up at night. And in the grand scheme of my life, you're a small small blip that has caused some irritation and annoyance. If you dislike us so much why do you let us take so much of your energy and time? Wouldn't it be more of a "fuck you" to us to spend this energy with your family and those you do get a long with and not give us the time of day?
Married 11/23/11, TTC starting 10/12, BFP#1 11/30/12, Adoption of stepson finalized 03/19/13,Loss of our daughter at 20w4d due to incompetent cervix 03/27/13, BFP#2 06/28/13, DS2 born 3/1/14.
I still think it was utterly awful when one of the care fund recipients was screenshotted and called out on the FB page for her personal opinion on the SAHM board drama. But to find out that the screenshot was shared and discussed first in the group chat, and it STILL went on the wall afterward? That pisses me off 10x more.
I was never cool enough to be included in the group chat at any point, so I doubt I raised enough flags for anyone to talk shit about me in the chat. But if I'm wrong, let me know -- I'd love to hear the shit that people want to talk about me, or any fun plots against me or something.
Unplanned pregnancy July 2005; EDD 3/27/06; birthdaughter born 3/15/06 (38w2d) (placed for adoption).
TTC since December 2012, BFP 6/25/13. EDD 3/2/14. Baby Elias born 2/21/14 (38w5d)!
I still think it was utterly awful when one of the care fund recipients was screenshotted and called out on the FB page for her personal opinion on the SAHM board drama. But to find out that the screenshot was shared and discussed first in the group chat, and it STILL went on the wall afterward? That pisses me off 10x more.
I was never cool enough to be included in the group chat at any point, so I doubt I raised enough flags for anyone to talk shit about me in the chat. But if I'm wrong, let me know -- I'd love to hear the shit that people want to talk about me, or any fun plots against me or something.
There wasn't really a discussion besides
"Hey, let's do this" - one person "No, that's a terrible idea" - everyone else
And then you saw what happened after that. Then we were all too "puppies and rainbows", so said person left. This time we're giant, plotting bitches.
Ok the chat is private and what's said in there is private and the reason people got booted was bc they didn't want any " dirty lurkers" coming out telling the works what was discussed .. Then stop talking about it !
Married : ** 09/09/2011 ** BFP : 07-18-13 ** Baby #1 is a GIRL , Born 03/12/14 **
Re: @yalllow
Since people want it spelled out, here you go. I was a member of the m14 chat that is being discussed here until yesterday, when it seems that it got moved off Facebook. No names are named here, and I’ve tried to be as objective as I can. However, I have a life outside of participating in the chat and there’s no way in hell I’m going back and reading over 170K messages. If you think there’s a hole here, feel free to fill in.
The “chat” originally started with one poster trying to rally support for an M14er who posted that her family was financially struggling to the point of not being able to eat. She started a Facebook message rather than posting on the M14 FB page or TB because it was a surprise to the recipient. She added 120 members, which was all she could add when she originally started. Then she asked those 120 to add other M14ers to the group who she either was not friends with, couldn’t add to the message, etc.
This was back in the summer sometime, June or July. If you weren’t around on the M14 FB page around that time, that’s why you weren’t originally added. No conspiracy there.
With so many people, the comments were moving very quickly. Several people commented about contributing and then removed themselves from the message. Several people just removed themselves without commenting. Some people muted the conversation so it wouldn’t make their phone go off every time there was a message. The number of people in the group dropped. People started discussing things off topic.
Things that were discussed once the conversation went away from the original topic were marital issues, clothing advice, recipes, random baby questions, etc, etc. Picture the randomest thread on steroids. People started to get a little more comfy with this “chat” because it was, in their minds, private. It wasn’t like TB where non-members could view. Very personal things were discussed. Depression, divorce, PP body issues, you name it, it was talked about. Yes, people in the chat vented about bumpies/FB group members who annoyed them. Sometimes it got nasty. Sometimes people in the chat reminded others that it wasn’t cool to talk about people who couldn’t defend themselves. And usually, the topic of conversation moved on.
Then SAHM-gate happened.
For those of you who don’t remember, the original M14er who was intended to be the recipient of the donation that the “chat” was started for posted in SAHM. Another M14er called them out for bad judgment. Then Parenting and SAHM flamed OP and many members of M14 came to OP’s rescue. I use rescue as a loose term because the only purpose it seemed to do was make the collective M14 look like crazy people.
This is the first place that I witnessed some real crazy. During the fallout from the SAHM v M14 rumble, people inside the chat got really, really afraid that people were going to start divulging some of the very private matters that had been discussed. One person got removed from the chat because they confirmed on TB that M14 had taken donations for the OP. Rules about what could be shared and not shared were not clear, but there seems to have been some unspoken rule that what is said in this private FB message stays inside. So chat members were paranoid, and they started removing “lurkers” or people who are in the message but don’t ever post or participate.
To be perfectly fair, there was probably some removal of people prior to SAHM-gate that didn’t register with me. This is just the first time I could remember an actual active participant being removed for a “rule violation.” Which, to me, is crazy because there were not any real rules to begin with.
After SAHM-gate simmered down a little, another M14er posted on TB that she was pissed that a few members had made M14 as a whole look bad. One other M14 chatter took real offense to this. She screenshotted the offending post and shared it in chat. And she tried to rally the chatters against this person. No one took the bait, and a few people flat out said it was a bad idea. So this person goes to the M14 FB group and makes a post about the offending comment, in order to draw attention to this person. Once again, people in the larger M14 FB group outside the chat didn’t take the bait and dish out the flaming that was expected, so the M14er who attempted this left the chat, and removed herself from the FB group. The details of this attempted flaming got downright nasty. Basically, the poster had been a recipient of a care fund donation, and the would-be flamer thought that somehow meant that she shouldn’t publicly disagree with the group.
There’s where your scary group think comes in, folks. This “I helped you out when you were down, so do me a favor and keep your opinions to yourself. YOU OWE ME,” attitude. Most, if not all, chat members disagreed with the would-be flamer, and so she left, after spouting something like “you don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”
Chat continues, blah blah blah. Women discuss boring things, vent about their jobs, blah blah blah, vent about their husbands, more venting about people who annoy them, including some bumpies. If a person who is in there chatting has a bump crush who they think would like to participate, they ask the group if anyone has a problem with adding them, and if no major objections get raised, people get added. At this point, there is no official vote. Sometime, chat members add in people who previously left or were removed due to inactivity. People come and go. People participate, or don’t. Whatever.
Then (and I missed how this happened) the would-be flamer who tried to rally the troops and failed gets re-added to chat. She doesn’t rejoin the Facebook group, but chats. And she asks for people inside the chat to take screen shots of conversations happening inside the FB group and share them with her. Time goes on, boring shit happens, more venting, etc.
At some point, tension between this re-added person and another chatter comes to a head. The other chatter makes a handful of people inside the chat mad, and the re-added person calls names. Other chatter leaves the chat. Time goes on, then re-added person has ANOTHER fight with a different chatter. This is the fight over the husband issues discussed here previously. People leave the chat message, then they rejoin. This is when the idea of voting gets brought up, because people who are fighting off board don’t want the people they are fighting with brought back into the fold.
Things get tense in the chat, people tell others that they aren’t wanted in the chat, fights ensue, people block each other, causing those not-blocked people to be stuck in the middle. And the whole thing devolves into the shit show you’re experiencing now.
And if the person you are referencing asked me I would straight out tell them I think their story is off.
Contrary to what you have deluded yourself into believing, I don't spend all day trying to figure out how to make people I only know online, miserable.
You claim to have screenshots. I know you don't have any of me asking for anyone's file. Because I never did that. So go on with your bad self and vague threats of these screenshots all about how I am trying to get personal info on people.
Eta-autocorrect
Me: 28 DH: 27
Me: 28 DH: 27
No, say whatever you want...but you only know 1% of the history.
It's not an innocent chat, even *if* (and it was not a joke) perky was joking- it's wrong to even joke about that situation.
W.R.O.N.G
I joke about a lot so I'm not sure what joke is W.R.O.N.G. Are you still referring to file digging? Because again I never asked for nor tried to get anyone's file on anything. And I didn't joke about it either. Again, I think her story is missing pieces and I would tell it to her directly if I ever interacted with her and she wanted my opinion. But I don't talk to her and she most likely doesn't care if I (a complete internet stranger) believe her or not.
This the only thing you "have" on me? Because you don't "have" anything. You talk a real big game, but it's all bluff. While some might be concerned with what you might do with their personal stories and information, I'm not afraid of you or worried about anything you might do. I haven't done anything I am worried about "getting out". I own every single thing I say and do.
Congratulations you succeeded in getting the attention you wanted. Call me names (your typical MO), try to make me look evil and sinister, I don't really care. Yeah it is irksome which is why I have engaged, but it doesn't keep me up at night. And in the grand scheme of my life, you're a small small blip that has caused some irritation and annoyance. If you dislike us so much why do you let us take so much of your energy and time? Wouldn't it be more of a "fuck you" to us to spend this energy with your family and those you do get a long with and not give us the time of day?
Married : ** 09/09/2011 ** BFP : 07-18-13 ** Baby #1 is a GIRL , Born 03/12/14 **
** BFP 2 : 01- 05-15 ** EDD 09-11-15 **
Just gotta say that this is some fucked up shit.
I still think it was utterly awful when one of the care fund recipients was screenshotted and called out on the FB page for her personal opinion on the SAHM board drama. But to find out that the screenshot was shared and discussed first in the group chat, and it STILL went on the wall afterward? That pisses me off 10x more.
I was never cool enough to be included in the group chat at any point, so I doubt I raised enough flags for anyone to talk shit about me in the chat. But if I'm wrong, let me know -- I'd love to hear the shit that people want to talk about me, or any fun plots against me or something.
TTC since December 2012, BFP 6/25/13. EDD 3/2/14. Baby Elias born 2/21/14 (38w5d)!
"Hey, let's do this" - one person
"No, that's a terrible idea" - everyone else
And then you saw what happened after that. Then we were all too "puppies and rainbows", so said person left. This time we're giant, plotting bitches.
Ps- I love @CHPhotoMama and @AriaAmante143
Married : ** 09/09/2011 ** BFP : 07-18-13 ** Baby #1 is a GIRL , Born 03/12/14 **
** BFP 2 : 01- 05-15 ** EDD 09-11-15 **