Is there a man out there that understands?

edoliesmom

dani+california said:

@Bluebird2318‌ & @Rogue237‌ I've missed you both!

Me too! But I'm glad I've been able to see them here and there on IG.

Also, I've been wondering who the 2 randos are that lovetitted my first comment. :-?

Rogue237

Maybe she's having a hard time and just needed some "let go" time. Maybe that let go time meant more for her sanity than a handful of ounces of milk. I just don't get how that gets a judgment. My kid literally didn't sleep longer than 90 minutes straight for 5 months. 2 of which I was back at work. My parents and DH's parents took her overnight so that we could get some sleep (and enjoy some alone time) a few times even though it meant I wouldn't be able to pump as much as she gets from nursing directly and my supply was low. I felt terrible about it, but also knew that my sanity was more important. Same way that maybe her getting some alone time with her husband is more important. Sometimes all of the choices suck and you just have to pick the lesser of two evils. I'm just saying - it's quite a leap to act as if she's being selfish and needs to suck it up just because she's sad about throwing some milk down the drain.

Maybe I'm still not understanding what you meant, but it sounded super high-horsed. Which, I don't believe I've normally seen you being like that, so that's why I ask.

Rogue237

@dani+california -  :x

Bluebird2318

edoliesmom said:

@Bluebird2318 Yeah, I get that that's not what the whole post was about as it was already pointed out to me. Am I not allowed to comment on a specific thing within the big picture? I was saying it was hard for me to have sympathy to the entire situation because of the choice that she made, so it was relevant to my opinion on the whole matter. Whether or not she drank, she would've most likely had to go home and pump in order to keep up her supply. So the issue of wanting to go home and go straight to bed but not being able to and being irritated with her husband for not realizing that she had to do pump I can sympathize with. But knowing that she has a low supply, and then saying that her baby is with grandparents sucking down her freezer stash and then having to dump milk instead of being able to replace what her baby was using up and then complaining about it (or, that's how I interpreted it initially but have since been corrected) is what I was judging.

I really didn't want to explain myself because I knew that it would just put me deeper into the hole I've dug for myself, but I felt I needed to defend myself. I personally would feel a lot of guilt if it was me in the situation, so it's hard to not feel judgment for something that I feel strongly about or would have a strong emotion toward. Am I justified in the way I feel? Maybe not. I'm not perfect. Like I said previously, I'm usually silently judgy and will continue to be in the future, especially so that I don't get myself into a mess when I misinterpret things like in this situation.

I'm glad the OP got 10x more sympathy and support than negative reactions and truly hope she's not GBCBing.

@edoliesmom I just think that the two things (her choice to drink and her husband's behavior) are unrelated in terms of sympathy, for the reason you said and I bolded above. I almost said the same thing (the bolded part), but my post was getting too long-winded already. (Holla at ya, BIRL!) 

While she did mention having to pump and dump, the point of the post was her husband's attitude about the whole thing. And given that, like you said, she probably would have had to pump or nurse when she came home regardless of her decision to drink or not, I think the fact that she did choose to drink is irrelevant and giving her grief for it was unnecessary. In my opinion, there's just a time and a place to call someone out for something and this just wasn't one of them.

As for the rest of it, I'm not sure what to say because I sympathize with her situation. I lost my entire freezer stash when I went on the cruise and LO was home with a grandparent. I knew it was likely to happen, but I still chose to do it. With only that knowledge, I'm sure you'd choose to side-eye me too, but I can assure you it was not a careless decision or one I took lightly. I could lay it out for you to drive the point home, but it's more personal than I care to share on here. 

ETA: Aaaaand @Rogue237 said basically what I meant to say with this whole post. Sometimes both choices are a sacrifice.

Ashleypixie

God dammit people!!! It said 10 new and I got all excited, but nooooooooo. You couldn't give me ANY drama. Thanks a lot.

edoliesmom

@Rogue237‌ Like I said earlier, I personally would feel too guilty to pump and dump, so I can't relate to why someone would do it. But where I got judgmental was when I misinterpreted her complaint as pertaining to what she had to do because of her choice to drink as opposed to the real reason - her husband not understanding everything that goes into pumping and other things that need to be done in order to properly take care of herself and their baby. I was thinking like, "Okay, if that's what you wanted to do, fine, but don't complain about something you chose to do that wasn't a necessity at all!" when I thought she was complaining about having to stay awake even though tired, pump and dump, etc. etc. instead of her husband not being understanding and just being able to do what she would've love to do.

ETA: And if this still sounds holier than thou, high-horsey or judgmental, then I guess I suck. lol Sorry! :-S

Rogue237

@Ashleypixie - HOW DARE YOU LET YOUR KID LOOK AT A SCREEN?!?!??!ELEVENTY!!?!

Ashleypixie

It was a colorful piano!!! She slapped it and thought it was funny!!! I HAVE NO REGRETS

mrscrcalli

Sup y'all.. :-h

I don't really know what's going on..
my two cents is that I enjoy drinking while pumping. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with this post..

:ar!

Bluebird2318

@mrscrcalli If you like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain... If you're not into yoga, and you have half a brain... If you like pumping milk at midnight while you post on the 'net... I'm the love that you've looked for! Write to me and escape!

mrscrcalli

Bluebird2318 said:

@mrscrcalli If you like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain... If you're not into yoga, and you have half a brain... If you like pumping milk at midnight while you post on the 'net... I'm the love that you've looked for! Write to me and escape!

I sang that whole thing! :x

Ashleypixie

I did too

kelbel2440

Lol well thanks for having my back everyone. I think the points of what I was trying to say originally have been made time and again and I appreciate everyone sticking up for me. Dh is a work in progress and has come a long way since LO was born as far as helping out and being a part of all this. He still has a long way to go and in no way am I just going to "let it go", but it is safe to say he will never truly understand. I appreciate you ladies and everything I've gained thus far from the posts. And let's be real, you know I would still be a lurker even if I said I was leaving :-)

Bluebird2318

kelbel2440 said:

Lol well thanks for having my back everyone. I think the points of what I was trying to say originally have been made time and again and I appreciate everyone sticking up for me. Dh is a work in progress and has come a long way since LO was born as far as helping out and being a part of all this. He still has a long way to go and in no way am I just going to "let it go", but it is safe to say he will never truly understand. I appreciate you ladies and everything I've gained thus far from the posts. And let's be real, you know I would still be a lurker even if I said I was leaving :-)

Well I'm glad you're honest about that one because I could think of a few people who probably aren't.