How do you enjoy life when DH is having such a crap time? — The Bump
Military Families

How do you enjoy life when DH is having such a crap time?

Hi, I could really use some advice. I am pregnant with our first, and trying to enjoy this process (currently 11 weeks), and manage on my own, while DH is at training for the Marines. But, its so hard, DH got extremely sick this week and was hospitalized for two days, on oxygen and fluids. Now he is back at training, but he is pushed back a week. Every time I have gotten to talk to DH for some reason I miss his call, and get a voicemail (in a work meeting, taking the dogs out and left phone on table, 12:30 AM and couldn't grab it fast enough). He sounds so sad, and defeated on his voicemails, and its so hard to just go about life, when he is sick and having a crap time. And on top of that I feel so guilty about missing his phone calls every time....any advice on how to stay positive? I mean obviously I want to make everything better, DH is my world, but there is nothing I can do, and because of that I feel like I cannot feel happy about anything. :(
BabyFruit Ticker

Re: How do you enjoy life when DH is having such a crap time?

  • Loading the player...
  • Oh, and keep your phone with you always.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    divinemsbeeabcdefghijk12345678[Deleted User]HisChamaoleGirl
  • Loading the player...
  • Thanks! I like the idea of recording a voicemail that includes a message to him!

    That said, my phone has not left my side since. I also have already written him 5 letters. The whole thing though, is just so stressful! I know this is the life of a military wife, but as this is my first real dive into it, and its new to me, its so overwhelming! Yoga has never been my strong suit, so I am hoping I can figure out another release for all of this anxiety (since it can't be red wine either...). :(

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • This is just the way of being a military family. :/ 

    This is speaking from an Army point of view but...
    When DH was in basic training, I got to talk to him two times over 10 weeks for a total of 15 minutes each. He got injured and hospitalized and still was not allowed to call me. 
    I was not pregnant nor did we have any children but I had to just learn to live my life without him during that time. 
    I wrote him letters every single day. Some days I wrote him 2-3 letters a day because writing a letter made me feel like I was sorta talking to him. 
    DH did not have time to respond to my letters. I got 3 letters back from him total, about a letter a month. 
    I checked the mailbox obsessively everyday, I took my phone with me in the shower, just in case he called. I once had a mini anxiety attack because I started to shower and shampoo my hair without my phone in the bathroom, I ran to get my phone with shampoo still in my hair only to find out that I did NOT miss a call from him. 

    The hardest and best thing you can do for you while he is gone is carry on with your life and continue to do what makes you happy. It sounds so horrible and selfish but I'm sure your husband does not want you miserable and sad for the rest of his training period. My husband was SO happy to hear that I was doing well while he was away, because he wanted the best for us. I lost weight, worked out, went to movies and out to dinner by myself, spent time with family to pass time. 

    Basic training was the hardest time of his life and of our marriage. But it wasn't the first time he had to be away, there were missions later, trainings that were weeks long where he was gone, but he could call during those times. 

    Its incredibly difficult to be married to a person in military. You will be alone and have to be on your own A LOT. But you will learn to be so independent and your marriage will be so much more special to each other when you are together. 
  • @goldengirlarmy that helps so much! thank you! :)

    Its just hard to figure out what my independent life looks like without him. I am trying though. I just started doing yoga, and maybe I'll actually learn to cook....

    I know this is the life I signed up for, and would never change that, since DH is the absolute most amazing person I have ever met! It will just take some getting used to....
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    edited October 2014
    I know this is kind of a repeat but I went to basic over the holidays last year. We got a lot more phone calls than normal because of that but my husband did miss one. It really did hurt a lot when he wasn't available to talk to me. I lived for the days I could hear him because as much as they've dumbed down Navy boot camp, it still blew and it was nice to know he was there. I loved getting letters from him telling me what he was doing. He went on a cruise with his family and literally told me everything he did while he was there. It was great. Believe it or not, as bad as my days sucked, it was comforting to know he was still living and doing things and having fun.

    As far as being apart and independent goes, speaking from being a spouse of active duty in the past, it gets easier. You're adjusting. Things will look up.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Ok so he's at training and it sucks but you have to remember that he'll be home soon.. I'm speaking as a wife of an army soldier who's been in for over six years! (and has had him deployed pretty much every other year even w/a 15 month deployment) the best thing you can do is keep your phone on you.. in your shirt if you have to and write him letters if you can but a training absence can never compare to a deployment so don't worry to much because you know that he is at least taken care of if there is an injury and there's no real death threat... Time will pass sooner than you think just stay positive and realize that these situations are common in any branch and the best thing you can do is just be there and available to him as much as you does get 'easier' to manage in time..Good luck!

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers


  • When DH was at MCRD nearly ten years ago he didn't get to call. I never talked to him and got very few letters from him. I still wrote him every single day and sent him pictures often. It was very uplifting to him and I'm sure it will be to your DH as well. They don't have to be lengthy but for him to get a letter nearly every day is awesome. And how great will they be for your children or grandchildren to read some day :) ?
    ? PgAL/PAL Welcome ? My Chart ?
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Listen after all it's said and done basic will have been a very fun time in his military career. I did 10 years and my so is now a drill sgt.

    I think your hormones are playing a hit into this. The yoga suggestion is great. Just relax because bct will be over before you both know it!

    Maybe do a video log so that he can watch when he is done so that he doesn't feel as though he missed something.

    Good luck!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards