FFFC

RachelCA29

FFFC: the four month wakeful is making me not enjoy motherhood. I'm just so tired and irritated ALL THE TIME. I'm so sick of being tired and covered in spit-up. All those little "joyful" moments your baby does that makes it worth it do not seem worth it to me. I thought it was supposed to get easier eventually, but the past few weeks have been hell.

I miss having energy to be myself, I don't go to yoga anymore, or have time to crochet. I used to make everyone Christmas gifts - definitely don't have time for that this year. I hate that my house is a fucking mess all the time and I have no energy to clean it, and my husband never have the energy (or enough lube in the world) for sex. I hate my soft, squishy postpartum body, and when I look in the mirror it just reminds me that I have no time for myself anymore.

I feel like all these things make me hate being a mom, and baby giggles do not come close to evening the score.

I also feel terrible for feeling like this, but I do. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby, but I don't like being the primary caretaker of him when I am so fucking exhausted. Maybe it's just that I am lazy and like sleep too much, but I just feel like by about 10:30 am each day I am out of patience and I'm really just going through the motions waiting for my husband to get home.

And I'm sure that my son picks up on all my fake smiles I give him and this will fuck him up for life, and I worry about that a lot. But when I wake up from my max 2 hours of sleep I get at night, in sheets wet from spit-up, it's pretty hard to be genuinely happy to be a mom.

typeset

comicsans said:

I was told there would be MUD. I do not see any drama here. I feel gypped.

Offensive

What the sans serif font said. 

spacepotatoes

@RachelCA29‌ I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. It is so hard when you're exhausted. Coping skills go right out the window. I don't really have any advice other than it'll pass (it has to!) but I can relate. 

Is there anyone who can give you a break every once in a while so you can unwind and just take some time for yourself? Some days, I have found that even just one hour to do whatever while DH has the baby is so refreshing.

busterbeagle

RachelCA29 said:

FFFC: the four month wakeful is making me not enjoy motherhood. I'm just so tired and irritated ALL THE TIME. I'm so sick of being tired and covered in spit-up. All those little "joyful" moments your baby does that makes it worth it do not seem worth it to me. I thought it was supposed to get easier eventually, but the past few weeks have been hell.

I miss having energy to be myself, I don't go to yoga anymore, or have time to crochet. I used to make everyone Christmas gifts - definitely don't have time for that this year. I hate that my house is a fucking mess all the time and I have no energy to clean it, and my husband never have the energy (or enough lube in the world) for sex. I hate my soft, squishy postpartum body, and when I look in the mirror it just reminds me that I have no time for myself anymore.

I feel like all these things make me hate being a mom, and baby giggles do not come close to evening the score.

I also feel terrible for feeling like this, but I do. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby, but I don't like being the primary caretaker of him when I am so fucking exhausted. Maybe it's just that I am lazy and like sleep too much, but I just feel like by about 10:30 am each day I am out of patience and I'm really just going through the motions waiting for my husband to get home.

And I'm sure that my son picks up on all my fake smiles I give him and this will fuck him up for life, and I worry about that a lot. But when I wake up from my max 2 hours of sleep I get at night, in sheets wet from spit-up, it's pretty hard to be genuinely happy to be a mom.

You are not alone. I'm glad DS is too little to understand some of the terrible things that come out of my mouth during our 7th wake up of the night. Last night I apologized in advance.

spacepotatoes

typeset said:

comicsans said:

I was told there would be MUD. I do not see any drama here. I feel gypped.

Offensive

What the sans serif font said. 

I guess I brought the drama, then.

tbiscuit18

@RachelCA29 I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It will get better and try not to be too hard on yourself. 

83edwards

spacepotatoes said:

typeset said:

comicsans said:

I was told there would be MUD. I do not see any drama here. I feel gypped.

Offensive

What the sans serif font said. 

I guess I brought the drama, then.

Always the drama queen

Assiram42

RachelCA29 said:

FFFC: the four month wakeful is making me not enjoy motherhood. I'm just so tired and irritated ALL THE TIME. I'm so sick of being tired and covered in spit-up. All those little "joyful" moments your baby does that makes it worth it do not seem worth it to me. I thought it was supposed to get easier eventually, but the past few weeks have been hell.

I miss having energy to be myself, I don't go to yoga anymore, or have time to crochet. I used to make everyone Christmas gifts - definitely don't have time for that this year. I hate that my house is a fucking mess all the time and I have no energy to clean it, and my husband never have the energy (or enough lube in the world) for sex. I hate my soft, squishy postpartum body, and when I look in the mirror it just reminds me that I have no time for myself anymore.

I feel like all these things make me hate being a mom, and baby giggles do not come close to evening the score.

I also feel terrible for feeling like this, but I do. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby, but I don't like being the primary caretaker of him when I am so fucking exhausted. Maybe it's just that I am lazy and like sleep too much, but I just feel like by about 10:30 am each day I am out of patience and I'm really just going through the motions waiting for my husband to get home.

And I'm sure that my son picks up on all my fake smiles I give him and this will fuck him up for life, and I worry about that a lot. But when I wake up from my max 2 hours of sleep I get at night, in sheets wet from spit-up, it's pretty hard to be genuinely happy to be a mom.

Hugs! I agree with everything @busterbeagle‌ said. Can your SO keep an eye on the baby, so you can have some 'you' time? I totally understand how daunting it is to not have a moments peace or a good nights rest while caring for a needy human. If your SO is willing, maybe see if he'll let you sleep in and enjoy a day out, it's crucial to your mental health. I hope it passes for you.

awisern

I haven't showered since Monday. I was going to but there are no clean towels...dh said we would have clean towels if I did laundry more than once a week...I want to stop doing laundry all together.

awisern

The baby is watching more TV than ds right now.

FlemDance

@RachelCA29‌ ((hugs)) I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time. Agree with PPS - you deserve some time away to recharge. I hope that things get better for you soon!

mrstengallonhat1

RachelCA29 said:

FFFC: the four month wakeful is making me not enjoy motherhood. I'm just so tired and irritated ALL THE TIME. I'm so sick of being tired and covered in spit-up. All those little "joyful" moments your baby does that makes it worth it do not seem worth it to me. I thought it was supposed to get easier eventually, but the past few weeks have been hell. I miss having energy to be myself, I don't go to yoga anymore, or have time to crochet. I used to make everyone Christmas gifts - definitely don't have time for that this year. I hate that my house is a fucking mess all the time and I have no energy to clean it, and my husband never have the energy (or enough lube in the world) for sex. I hate my soft, squishy postpartum body, and when I look in the mirror it just reminds me that I have no time for myself anymore. I feel like all these things make me hate being a mom, and baby giggles do not come close to evening the score. I also feel terrible for feeling like this, but I do. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby, but I don't like being the primary caretaker of him when I am so fucking exhausted. Maybe it's just that I am lazy and like sleep too much, but I just feel like by about 10:30 am each day I am out of patience and I'm really just going through the motions waiting for my husband to get home. And I'm sure that my son picks up on all my fake smiles I give him and this will fuck him up for life, and I worry about that a lot. But when I wake up from my max 2 hours of sleep I get at night, in sheets wet from spit-up, it's pretty hard to be genuinely happy to be a mom.

I'm sorry.  Is your husband able to get up and help you out at night?  Do you have any family who may be willing to help out?  That's a lot for one person to handle on their own.

Katemr1146

Hang in there @RachelCA29‌. Big hugs! You're doing great!

lavendergiraffes

@RachelCA29‌ I'm right there with you! I keep reminding myself it will pass. Getting away for an hour or two just to work out (which I don't always love) a few times a week helps me a lot!

My FFFC; I've been MIA for months. I got annoyed when I changed my name and it kept switching back and forth. Just found out there's a new app and the problem seems to be fixed! I'm glad I came back! Also, WTF is going on today? Good time to come back?

dp1320

Big hugs @RachelCA29 . Not much to say that others haven't already but I think we've all felt this way at some point or another over the last few months. You're doing a great job and don't think any different! Plus, babies don't remember anything before 3ish so they won't remember your fake smiles. Promise.

jenb_99

I ladyscaped with DH's beard trimmer earlier this week. And I didn't wipe it off, just blew the stubble out and put it back.

flockofmoosen3

i never intro'd or posted about baby girl's birth in that birth thread.  ">

cupcakeclare

Until recently I thought QFP meant "quit f*#cking playing".

kat8805

mary97 said:

flockofmoosen said:

i never intro'd or posted about baby girl's birth in that birth thread.  ">

I never intro'd either.  Oops.

Who are you people?! Do you even go here?!

kat8805

draculaspointer said:

I should have looked in here first before any other threads. Darn I feel stupid. Ill be heading back to my hole now....

Don't forget to take your coffee with you when you go

Katemr1146

Keurig yo

kat8805

pointerofdracula said:

Its still brewing! Darn work coffee pots are soooooo slow!
|)

Sure... blame the coffee pot @draculassphincter

busterbeagle

kitchencolors said:

I can't get over the waste of those single-serve coffee things.  

It's kinda like disposable diapers, amiright? (Kidding.)

busterbeagle

When we visited my ILs, the only coffee they had was flavored Keurig stuff. This is also the exact time my baby decided to stop sleeping. I was so happy to get home to my 12 cup pot of regularly tasting coffee.

spacepotatoes

kitchencolors said:

I can't get over the waste of those single-serve coffee things.  

They make reusable filters that you can use with your own coffee. That's how I do it, except when we get too lazy/busy to wash them out and then k-cups are my backup.

Katemr1146

Hey I rinse and recycle those little cups

RachelCA29

Thanks all!

It makes me feel better than I'm not actually the only mom that feels like this. My husband does try to help out, but since I worked so hard to get back to breastfeeding from EPing, I feel so tied to my LO right now, I don't want to miss a feeding - which I know is my own issue that really makes things worse right now.

We're going to my in-laws this weekend for Thanksgiving, so that will be a nice break since my MIL will basically be holding Colin the whole weekend until we leave

The 4 month wakeful ends eventually right? He will sleep normally again?

IBackBevo

RachelCA29 said:

Thanks all!

It makes me feel better than I'm not actually the only mom that feels like this. My husband does try to help out, but since I worked so hard to get back to breastfeeding from EPing, I feel so tied to my LO right now, I don't want to miss a feeding - which I know is my own issue that really makes things worse right now.

We're going to my in-laws this weekend for Thanksgiving, so that will be a nice break since my MIL will basically be holding Colin the whole weekend until we leave

The 4 month wakeful ends eventually right? He will sleep normally again?

Hugs, Mama! It will get better. And bf doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. It really is ok to leave some pumped milk for him or even formula. My son did not take the bottle well when I first went back to work, but now he is doing better.

bridetobe9132013

@RachelCA29‌ im sorry you are feeling so bad! You are not a bad mother at all. Like others have said, it will pass. I also have days like this.

hfooter

I had a baby so that I could carry around a "doll" without getting made fun of.

busterbeagle

hfooter said:

I had a baby so that I could carry around a "doll" without getting made fun of.

That's what you think.

hfooter

busterbeagle said:

hfooter said:

I had a baby so that I could carry around a "doll" without getting made fun of.

That's what you think.

Are you making fun of my baby doll? Don't be jello my baby is cuter than yours.

IBackBevo

hfooter said:

busterbeagle said:

hfooter said:

I had a baby so that I could carry around a "doll" without getting made fun of.

That's what you think.

Are you making fun of my baby doll? Don't be jello my baby is cuter than yours.

That is just disturbing.

kat8805

@RachelCA29‌ I think the only thing that's helped, is when DH stopped being a total dick (by sleeping peacefully TTN), and he started taking LO after I nursed, and putting her back to sleep.

hfooter

IBackBevo said:

hfooter said:

busterbeagle said:

hfooter said:

I had a baby so that I could carry around a "doll" without getting made fun of.

That's what you think.

Are you making fun of my baby doll? Don't be jello my baby is cuter than yours.

That is just disturbing.

What that my kid is super cute? Or that he looks very similar to Mr. Bean who is my one and only freebie? Don't tell DH...

Katemr1146

@RachelCA29‌ - I think really does get better. We went through 6 weeks of sleep shit with this 4 month wakeful business but the last 3-4 nights he's only woken up once. I'm crossing my fingers that it's over.

Glad you'll get a bit of a break this weekend!

RachelCA29

zolten said:

This place is weird today.

BTW, I changed my SN to something not google searchable that points to the real life me even in the slightest. Took a few tries but I think Ill stick with this one for now.

I think "weird" is against the TOU now 

... I've been spending too much time lurking in Parenting lately.

kat8805

zolten said:

This place is weird today.

BTW, I changed my SN to something not google searchable that points to the real life me even in the slightest. Took a few tries but I think Ill stick with this one for now.

It's Zoltan....

dp1320

Seriously disturbing @Hfooter

busterbeagle

FFC: I think this board "belongs" to the posters who are still active here, not the ones who ruled in days of yore. I'm having all the funz but I'm not going to tell anyone they don't go here except maybe myself.