Help with friend issue

kcisthebombdotcom

So ds has a BFF from school. I've made friends with his nanny (look at me mingling with the hired help :P ) and we get the boys together a few days a week to play after school. Friend generally shares his fruit snacks and really three fruit snacks a week is.not my hill to die on as a parent. The problem is now ds is always freaking asking me to buy them. The obvious thing would be to tell him they're not healthy and therefore not something we keep in the house but ds would without a doubt make some unintentional rude comment to his friend if he knew that and saw him eat them. He tends to be pretty preachy about healthy eating--no idea where he gets that from. Seriously. Any advice to get my kid off my back about the fruit snacks?

LatteLady5

sing4mysavior said:

Buy him some more healthy ones? Tell him that's a treat that we only share with (friend)? Really? I'd just buy him some?

This.

My sister always has juice and fruit snacks with her. When DD plays with her kids, she knows she will probably get some juice and sugary snacks. I don't usually buy fruit snacks but sometimes DH does because he likes them and she'll have some. She has fruitables a couple times a month at home. I made fizzy lemonade in the soda stream maker last night and gave her some...an occasional treat is NBD

fintin

Tell your ds fruit snacks aren't healthy. It's not a lie or secret so I don't see why someone would be bothered if a kid told their kid that. My ds has been told some of his food choices aren't healthy by other kids. It was NBD.

Louie4real

Kale chips aren't as fun to share...

Seriously, maybe let DS pick the "treat of the week" whether it's fruit snacks or teddy grahams or something and teach treats in moderation, once every couple days or so.  It seems like the parents who forbid this stuff are usually the ones who's children are the cupcake/sugar hoovers at every possible opportunity.

kcisthebombdotcom

Louie4real said:

Kale chips aren't as fun to share...

Seriously, maybe let DS pick the "treat of the week" whether it's fruit snacks or teddy grahams or something and teach treats in moderation, once every couple days or so.  It seems like the parents who forbid this stuff are usually the ones who's children are the cupcake/sugar hoovers at every possible opportunity.

The kids do get special treats every week..but I'd prefer fruit snacks not to be one of them.

Louie4real

kcisthebombdotcom said:

Louie4real said:

Kale chips aren't as fun to share...

Seriously, maybe let DS pick the "treat of the week" whether it's fruit snacks or teddy grahams or something and teach treats in moderation, once every couple days or so.  It seems like the parents who forbid this stuff are usually the ones who's children are the cupcake/sugar hoovers at every possible opportunity.

The kids do get special treats every week..but I'd prefer fruit snacks not to be one of them.

Special treats like....and why not?  (just curious)

kcisthebombdotcom

Louie4real said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

Louie4real said:

Kale chips aren't as fun to share...

Seriously, maybe let DS pick the "treat of the week" whether it's fruit snacks or teddy grahams or something and teach treats in moderation, once every couple days or so.  It seems like the parents who forbid this stuff are usually the ones who's children are the cupcake/sugar hoovers at every possible opportunity.

The kids do get special treats every week..but I'd prefer fruit snacks not to be one of them.

Special treats like....and why not?  (just curious)

We do stuff like homemade cookies (right now the kids have been gobbling up pumpkin bars), ice cream...those kinds of things I'm cool with on a regular basis. Things like candy/fruit snacks that are horrible for your teeth I'm cool with as an occasional thing like at a party/holidays but not something I would keep in the house for regular consumption.

kcisthebombdotcom

amy052006 said:

'Healthy" fruit snacks have got to be "better" for them that mashed potatoes from a box. Stop.

My kids don't eat them. Neither one likes mashed potatoes boxed or otherwise. Dh and I do.

Hollylb3

FWIW, I wouldn't buy them either. I'd just find a healthy recipe on Pinterest or something and make those. You're not alone.

raraavis28

I can appreciate trying to foster healthy habits, and even just the principle of "just because my kid asks for it doesn't mean I have to say yes if I have a legit objection"....so if you are really opposed to fruit snacks, I'd just say "Those are a special treat for when you're with your friend."

That said, I also don't have an issue w/ buying them every once in a while as a special treat. I can think of worse things, and like PPs said, everything in moderation....

Louie4real

I guess we've all got snacks on the blacklist...and I'm guessing our lists are all different. My blacklist consists of those baby bottle pop/pure sugar "treats", and gushers. Because they're gross.

Kc, if you've put fruit skanks on your naughty list, be firm with your kid and just say your family doesn't allow them. done.

kcisthebombdotcom

diapersnwipes said:

Either let him have them or don't. There isn't much in between. If you say no just explain they aren't healthy and you aren't going to buy them. If you say yes you can set parameters of when he can have them.

I'm not contemplating about whether or not to get them. I've already made up my mind. I'm trying to avoid the inevitable awkward convo when he lectures his friend about how junk food is only for special occasions not an everyday thing if I confirm they're not healthy and that's why we don't keep them in the house.

raraavis28

Louie4real said:

I guess we've all got snacks on the blacklist...and I'm guessing our lists are all different. My blacklist consists of those baby bottle pop/pure sugar "treats", and gushers. Because they're gross.

Kc, if you've put fruit skanks on your naughty list, be firm with your kid and just say your family doesn't allow them. done.

Fruit skanks?? those would be on my blacklist too.....

Louie4real

raraavis28 said:

I guess we've all got snacks on the blacklist...and I'm guessing our lists are all different. My blacklist consists of those baby bottle pop/pure sugar "treats", and gushers. Because they're gross.

Kc, if you've put fruit skanks on your naughty list, be firm with your kid and just say your family doesn't allow them. done.

Fruit skanks?? those would be on my blacklist too.....

oops! Haha!

Louie4real

kcisthebombdotcom said:

diapersnwipes said:

Either let him have them or don't. There isn't much in between. If you say no just explain they aren't healthy and you aren't going to buy them. If you say yes you can set parameters of when he can have them.

I'm not contemplating about whether or not to get them. I've already made up my mind. I'm trying to avoid the inevitable awkward convo when he lectures his friend about how junk food is only for special occasions not an everyday thing if I confirm they're not healthy and that's why we don't keep them in the house.

You could just say that your family chooses to not eat them, friend's family does.  Neither is really right or wrong and different families make different choices. Teach kiddo now that lecturing someone on their personal choices makes you lose friends......

kcisthebombdotcom

CnAmom said:

Either way, your kids are going to eventually catch on that you are a big flaming hypocrite for telling them they can't have unhealthy foods and then turning around and eating potatoes from a BOX.

You do realize all instant mashed potatoes aren't created equal, right? Sure there are some filled with chemicals and crap and others that contain nothing but dehydrated potatoes. And plus eating unhealthy things is something we do in moderation here. It's not like I'm sustaining life on them and cooking them everyday in lieu of homemade.

raraavis28

NandaB said:

Fruit skanks FTW

You know what fruit skanks go well w/? Lasagna cunts....

Louie4real

Uh oh...this is going to be one of "those" threads...isn't it? Dandelions, pouches, fruit snacks. 

Louie4real

Before I pass judgment...Do you let your kids have any form of zebra cake?  (I know you know what I'm talking about...two to a pack just to taunt you...)

Louie4real

iheartthe80s said:

This is ridiculous. Tell him you will never buy fruit snacks, if that is your preference. If he lectures the friend, so what?

But...She doesn't want her kid to judge the other boy for his choices11!!1

Or rather, KC doesn't want fruit snack mom to judge her for KC's kid judging her kid/her choices. Follow me?

Andrewsgal

Don't buy the fucking fruit snacks. Tell him you don't buy them don't tell him why. Wait for it, just say no! Gasp

kcisthebombdotcom

amy052006 said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

CnAmom said:

Either way, your kids are going to eventually catch on that you are a big flaming hypocrite for telling them they can't have unhealthy foods and then turning around and eating potatoes from a BOX.

You do realize all instant mashed potatoes aren't created equal, right? Sure there are some filled with chemicals and crap and others that contain nothing but dehydrated potatoes. And plus eating unhealthy things is something we do in moderation here. It's not like I'm sustaining life on them and cooking them everyday in lieu of homemade.

JUST LIKE FRUIT SNACKS

Certainly I'm not the only person who regulates snacks and allows some to be eaten on a fairly regular basis and others to only be for special occasions like parties and such. A good example is soda. Will I let my kids have some at a party or out to dinner when they're older? Sure. Doesn't mean I'll be stocking it in the house to let them have every few days.

magentawarped

So just tell him that you choose not to buy them, but other families make different choices. Why is this hard? You don't have to tell him things in a way that open him up to be judgemental.

kcisthebombdotcom

Louie4real said:

Before I pass judgment...Do you let your kids have any form of zebra cake?  (I know you know what I'm talking about...two to a pack just to taunt you...)

I actually don't know what this is. ">

Andrewsgal

kcisthebombdotcom said:

amy052006 said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

CnAmom said:

Either way, your kids are going to eventually catch on that you are a big flaming hypocrite for telling them they can't have unhealthy foods and then turning around and eating potatoes from a BOX.

You do realize all instant mashed potatoes aren't created equal, right? Sure there are some filled with chemicals and crap and others that contain nothing but dehydrated potatoes. And plus eating unhealthy things is something we do in moderation here. It's not like I'm sustaining life on them and cooking them everyday in lieu of homemade.

JUST LIKE FRUIT SNACKS

Certainly I'm not the only person who regulates snacks and allows some to be eaten on a fairly regular basis and others to only be for special occasions like parties and such. A good example is soda. Will I let my kids have some at a party or out to dinner when they're older? Sure. Doesn't mean I'll be stocking it in the house to let them have every few days.

Then say no. Why is this difficult?

Andrewsgal

Repeat after me. NO NO NO. It's pretty easy.

kcisthebombdotcom

iheartthe80s said:

Louie4real said:

iheartthe80s said:

This is ridiculous. Tell him you will never buy fruit snacks, if that is your preference. If he lectures the friend, so what?

But...She doesn't want her kid to judge the other boy for his choices11!!1

Or rather, KC doesn't want fruit snack mom to judge her for KC's kid judging her kid/her choices. Follow me?

That's it then…do you just care so much what the mom thinks? My kids get a Dum Dum from their speech therapist weekly. We then go pick up my older daughter. I'm sure parents wonder why my kids always have a lolly. I could not give  any more shits.

Well yeah, I don't want her to feel judged. I really don't give a shit if she gives her kid fruit snacks--heck I don't even care if my kid takes a few. Of course we teach the kids about healthy foods vs snacks but my four year old doesn't exactly have tact yet.

kcisthebombdotcom

amy052006 said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

amy052006 said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

CnAmom said:

Either way, your kids are going to eventually catch on that you are a big flaming hypocrite for telling them they can't have unhealthy foods and then turning around and eating potatoes from a BOX.

You do realize all instant mashed potatoes aren't created equal, right? Sure there are some filled with chemicals and crap and others that contain nothing but dehydrated potatoes. And plus eating unhealthy things is something we do in moderation here. It's not like I'm sustaining life on them and cooking them everyday in lieu of homemade.

JUST LIKE FRUIT SNACKS

Certainly I'm not the only person who regulates snacks and allows some to be eaten on a fairly regular basis and others to only be for special occasions like parties and such. A good example is soda. Will I let my kids have some at a party or out to dinner when they're older? Sure. Doesn't mean I'll be stocking it in the house to let them have every few days.

Dude -- then this is a perfect opportunity to tell your kid not to be a pompous jerk, and to keep his trap wired shut about other people's food choices.

Four year olds generally don't have tact or a filter yet. He is very much a rule follower and lectures other kids who are not following the rules. Believe me, we are working on it,but it's not an instant fix.

Louie4real

kcisthebombdotcom said:

iheartthe80s said:

Louie4real said:

iheartthe80s said:

This is ridiculous. Tell him you will never buy fruit snacks, if that is your preference. If he lectures the friend, so what?

But...She doesn't want her kid to judge the other boy for his choices11!!1

Or rather, KC doesn't want fruit snack mom to judge her for KC's kid judging her kid/her choices. Follow me?

That's it then…do you just care so much what the mom thinks? My kids get a Dum Dum from their speech therapist weekly. We then go pick up my older daughter. I'm sure parents wonder why my kids always have a lolly. I could not give  any more shits.

Well yeah, I don't want her to feel judged. I really don't give a shit if she gives her kid fruit snacks--heck I don't even care if my kid takes a few. Of course we teach the kids about healthy foods vs snacks but my four year old doesn't exactly have tact yet.

Then don't let your kiddo hear you say something tactless.  Just say that fruit snacks are something your family does not buy. The End.  Nothing about healthy/not healthy.

spring_time

Not everything needs an explanation.  A simple answer is "No, I don't buy them. Would you like to pick something else?"  My DS is about the same age as yours, and usually that suffices.

Andrewsgal

Just say no. Honestly how is this hard?

kcisthebombdotcom

CnAmom said:

My kid begs for Lunchables all the time because her BFF brings them for lunch frequently. I told her I didn't buy them because they're unhealthy. That was the end of the conversation.

OMG lunchables are the bane of my existence! DS1 has a friend who brings the pizza ones for lunch and he always begs me to get him some. You know what I tell him? NO.

And when you say no because I said so,your kid never asks again? Maybe your kid is different than mine but saying no with no explanation results in endless questioning. Hence why I'm asking here.

kcisthebombdotcom

spring_time said:

Not everything needs an explanation.  A simple answer is "No, I don't buy them. Would you like to pick something else?"  My DS is about the same age as yours, and usually that suffices.

We have tried this. It isn't working.

Andrewsgal

kcisthebombdotcom said:

CnAmom said:

My kid begs for Lunchables all the time because her BFF brings them for lunch frequently. I told her I didn't buy them because they're unhealthy. That was the end of the conversation.

OMG lunchables are the bane of my existence! DS1 has a friend who brings the pizza ones for lunch and he always begs me to get him some. You know what I tell him? NO.

And when you say no because I said so,your kid never asks again? Maybe your kid is different than mine but saying no with no explanation results in endless questioning. Hence why I'm asking here.

Um no you see because I taught my kids that no means no and I don't always have to have a reason. You know because in real life there is not always a reason. 4 is a great age to teach they if you keep asking there will be consequences. Your life will suck if your kid can't accept no, and he will irritate. the hell out if teachers and coaches.

kcisthebombdotcom

Andrewsgal said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

CnAmom said:

My kid begs for Lunchables all the time because her BFF brings them for lunch frequently. I told her I didn't buy them because they're unhealthy. That was the end of the conversation.

OMG lunchables are the bane of my existence! DS1 has a friend who brings the pizza ones for lunch and he always begs me to get him some. You know what I tell him? NO.

And when you say no because I said so,your kid never asks again? Maybe your kid is different than mine but saying no with no explanation results in endless questioning. Hence why I'm asking here.

Um no you see because I taught my kids that no means no and I don't always have to have a reason. You know because in real life there is not always a reason. 4 is a great age to teach they if you keep asking there will be consequences. Your life will suck if your kid can't accept no, and he will irritate. the hell out if teachers and coaches.

We will have to agree to disagree here. I absolutely do not want children who blindly follow adult authority at all times no matter what. I have zero issue with my child being inquisitive and would rather choose my words better to explain vs threatening him with punishment to stop asking.

kcisthebombdotcom

amy052006 said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

Andrewsgal said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

CnAmom said:

My kid begs for Lunchables all the time because her BFF brings them for lunch frequently. I told her I didn't buy them because they're unhealthy. That was the end of the conversation.

OMG lunchables are the bane of my existence! DS1 has a friend who brings the pizza ones for lunch and he always begs me to get him some. You know what I tell him? NO.

And when you say no because I said so,your kid never asks again? Maybe your kid is different than mine but saying no with no explanation results in endless questioning. Hence why I'm asking here.

Um no you see because I taught my kids that no means no and I don't always have to have a reason. You know because in real life there is not always a reason. 4 is a great age to teach they if you keep asking there will be consequences. Your life will suck if your kid can't accept no, and he will irritate. the hell out if teachers and coaches.

We will have to agree to disagree here. I absolutely do not want children who blindly follow adult authority at all times no matter what. I have zero issue with my child being inquisitive and would rather choose my words better to explain vs threatening him with punishment to stop asking.

Yeah, but you also kind of need to teach your kid not to be an asshole.

He can ask you questions from here to next Tuesday, but you also need to tell him he doesn't need to tell Little Johnny his fruit treats are toxic. 

Dude, he's FOUR. Again,of course we are teaching him about tact but he has verbal diarrhea because he's four and he blurts out whatever comes to mind. Of course when he's lecturing I correct him but it's not an instant fix and I would rather avoid my kid being offensive to a family who I happen to like.

Andrewsgal

kcisthebombdotcom said:

Andrewsgal said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

CnAmom said:

AshB62 said:

My kid begs for Lunchables all the time because her BFF brings them for lunch frequently. I told her I didn't buy them because they're unhealthy. That was the end of the conversation.

OMG lunchables are the bane of my existence! DS1 has a friend who brings the pizza ones for lunch and he always begs me to get him some. You know what I tell him? NO.

And when you say no because I said so,your kid never asks again? Maybe your kid is different than mine but saying no with no explanation results in endless questioning. Hence why I'm asking here.

Um no you see because I taught my kids that no means no and I don't always have to have a reason. You know because in real life there is not always a reason. 4 is a great age to teach they if you keep asking there will be consequences. Your life will suck if your kid can't accept no, and he will irritate. the hell out if teachers and coaches.




We will have to agree to disagree here. I absolutely do not want children who blindly follow adult authority at all times no matter what. I have zero issue with my child being inquisitive and would rather choose my words better to explain vs threatening him with punishment to stop asking.

Weird my kids know when to ask and when to shut up. Since you have already admitted your kid is an ass maybe you should look more into that blindly following thing says the mom of nonasshole kids. I love how you think you have this parenting thing down but full admit to your kid being a judgmental ass who can't take no for an answer. Yep sounds like you got it down.

Aussie45

Andrewsgal said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

CnAmom said:

AshB62 said:

My kid begs for Lunchables all the time because her BFF brings them for lunch frequently. I told her I didn't buy them because they're unhealthy. That was the end of the conversation.

OMG lunchables are the bane of my existence! DS1 has a friend who brings the pizza ones for lunch and he always begs me to get him some. You know what I tell him? NO.

And when you say no because I said so,your kid never asks again? Maybe your kid is different than mine but saying no with no explanation results in endless questioning. Hence why I'm asking here.

Um no you see because I taught my kids that no means no and I don't always have to have a reason. You know because in real life there is not always a reason. 4 is a great age to teach they if you keep asking there will be consequences. Your life will suck if your kid can't accept no, and he will irritate. the hell out if teachers and coaches.

True story, I knew when I was six years old that if I pushed my mom long enough and hard enough, I would eventually wear her down. I was a brat ">

KC, I generally try to give A a reason why I said no, mostly to help expand her vocabulary. Sometimes, I just say no and I don't explain further and that's the end of it. I wouldn't say anything to your DS that you wouldn't want repeated. Just say you're not buying fruit snacks and let that be the end of it.

Andrewsgal

Aussie45 said:

Andrewsgal said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

CnAmom said:

AshB62 said:

My kid begs for Lunchables all the time because her BFF brings them for lunch frequently. I told her I didn't buy them because they're unhealthy. That was the end of the conversation.

OMG lunchables are the bane of my existence! DS1 has a friend who brings the pizza ones for lunch and he always begs me to get him some. You know what I tell him? NO.

And when you say no because I said so,your kid never asks again? Maybe your kid is different than mine but saying no with no explanation results in endless questioning. Hence why I'm asking here.

Um no you see because I taught my kids that no means no and I don't always have to have a reason. You know because in real life there is not always a reason. 4 is a great age to teach they if you keep asking there will be consequences. Your life will suck if your kid can't accept no, and he will irritate. the hell out if teachers and coaches.

True story, I knew when I was six years old that if I pushed my mom long enough and hard enough, I would eventually wear her down. I was a brat ">

KC, I generally try to give A a reason why I said no, mostly to help expand her vocabulary. Sometimes, I just say no and I don't explain further and that's the end of it. I wouldn't say anything to your DS that you wouldn't want repeated. Just say you're not buying fruit snacks and let that be the end of it.

But it won't work her kid needs a reason!!!

notkateanymore

Kate Wuz Here...

Buy the fucking fruit snacks and get over yourself.

kcisthebombdotcom

Andrewsgal said:

Andrewsgal said:

kcisthebombdotcom said:

CnAmom said:

My kid begs for Lunchables all the time because her BFF brings them for lunch frequently. I told her I didn't buy them because they're unhealthy. That was the end of the conversation.

OMG lunchables are the bane of my existence! DS1 has a friend who brings the pizza ones for lunch and he always begs me to get him some. You know what I tell him? NO.

And when you say no because I said so,your kid never asks again? Maybe your kid is different than mine but saying no with no explanation results in endless questioning. Hence why I'm asking here.

Um no you see because I taught my kids that no means no and I don't always have to have a reason. You know because in real life there is not always a reason. 4 is a great age to teach they if you keep asking there will be consequences. Your life will suck if your kid can't accept no, and he will irritate. the hell out if teachers and coaches.

We will have to agree to disagree here. I absolutely do not want children who blindly follow adult authority at all times no matter what. I have zero issue with my child being inquisitive and would rather choose my words better to explain vs threatening him with punishment to stop asking.

Weird my kids know when to ask and when to shut up. Since you have already admitted your kid is an ass maybe you should look more into that blindly following thing says the mom of nonasshole kids. I love how you think you have this parenting thing down but full admit to your kid being a judgmental ass who can't take no for an answer. Yep sounds like you got it down.

I'd rather raise an asshole who asks questions than a mindless drone who blindly follows. I think it will serve him better in life/future career and not make him an easy target for predators. Different strokes for different folks I suppose.