Cold Feet?

LizzyRB

I started taking pre-natals after DH and I talked about TTC after Thanksgiving. It's still a few months away but the closer we get the more I start to feel so nervous. Am I sure I want to do it? Will we be good at it? Will it hurt our marriage, finances, etc? It makes me feel so incredibly nervous. I assumed since this is probably the most life changing decision one can make it is normal but maybe I am wrong... Should I be concerned the thought of being a mama makes me a nervous wreck or have others felt this way and gone on to be ok? 

Helenahhandbasket

I would think you were insane if you weren't second guessing becoming a parent. 

It changes every single part of your life-- from huge things-- like possibly the dynamics of your marriage, to small things-- like it taking a longer time to run errands.  IMO, some of the changes are for the good, but some of the parts of raising a child are, frankly, not so pleasant. (I'm being delicate here).

My DD is almost 3.  I am still mostly a nrevous wreck on a regular basis.

 

 

ashiscute

Helenahhandbasket said:

I would think you were insane if you weren't second guessing becoming a parent. 

It changes every single part of your life-- from huge things-- like possibly the dynamics of your marriage, to small things-- like it taking a longer time to run errands.  IMO, some of the changes are for the good, but some of the parts of raising a child are, frankly, not so pleasant. (I'm being delicate here).

My DD is almost 3.  I am still mostly a nrevous wreck on a regular basis.

 

 

All of this.  Being a parent is a tough job and the anxiety never goes away.  I have a 3.5 yo and 2 yo and am hoping to have another.  I love being a mom but that nagging feeling I think is a constant.  

LexiPlexi

It's still a few months away but the closer we get the more I start to feel so nervous. Am I sure I want to do it? Will we be good at it? Will it hurt our marriage, finances, etc? It makes me feel so incredibly nervous. I assumed since this is probably the most life changing decision one can make it is normal but maybe I am wrong... 

Oh my goodness I am in this same boat. We said we'd start TTC Nov. 1st and I am finding every reason to postpone it. "But the house isn't ready." "The business is successful enough." "I like to sleep in." "We never did go to Mardi Gras"....ETC

I don't think it means we aren't ready, it just means we understand the gravity of bringing a human into this world and being responsible for it for the rest of our lives. We'd be crazy not to be nervous. 

And although I used to roll my eyes whenever people told me "you'll never be ready", I guess that's the truth. You can have every single one of your ducks in a row and still be a little trigger shy. 

lifeonthehill

LexiPlexi said:

It's still a few months away but the closer we get the more I start to feel so nervous. Am I sure I want to do it? Will we be good at it? Will it hurt our marriage, finances, etc? It makes me feel so incredibly nervous. I assumed since this is probably the most life changing decision one can make it is normal but maybe I am wrong... 

Oh my goodness I am in this same boat. We said we'd start TTC Nov. 1st and I am finding every reason to postpone it. "But the house isn't ready." "The business is successful enough." "I like to sleep in." "We never did go to Mardi Gras"....ETC

I don't think it means we aren't ready, it just means we understand the gravity of bringing a human into this world and being responsible for it for the rest of our lives. We'd be crazy not to be nervous. 

And although I used to roll my eyes whenever people told me "you'll never be ready", I guess that's the truth. You can have every single one of your ducks in a row and still be a little trigger shy. 

I agree with this.

We are about a year out from estimated TTC and I already have those moments where I think maybe we need two years instead of just one. We have our baby bucket list that will be complete and we are both ready and excited but it is still a stressful thought even though it is a long time from now.

Gasbarro2011

DH and I plan to start TTC around Thanksgiving as well, and I keep getting more and more nervous the closer it gets.  I know that I will never really be ready and feel that I am as ready as I am going to get at this point.  I am so excited and scared, but I know that it is good to be scared, since parenthood is nothing to be taken lightly.

Fingerscrossed14

I'm in the same situation as you. We were going to TTC right after we got married, but we put it off because we wanted a house first. We plan to have a house by January so I'm just checking off my pre TTC check list before we start at the end of this month.

I go back and forth a lot too, but I know I really want to be a mom. I see my friends with their kids and kept help longing for my own. More importantly I want to make sure that we aren't going to have any issues getting pregnant before I get any older. Good luck. 

LizzyRB

Wow it makes me feel a little better to see other people feel or have felt this way too. It seems like all of the posts I see here are from ladies that are 110% sure. I am 30 and have still never had "baby fever" even though I would like to have LOs some day. Many of my dear friends are also TTC and seem not to have a care in the world, just such crazy excitement. I thought maybe I should be second guessing myself. Thanks for the thoughts, ladies! 

jennypolkadots

Most of your friends aren't going to talk about their fears, as I'm sure you seem super excited and not at all afraid/worried about it to them. Most people aren't open to talking about more controversial issues like "well, maybe it would be great to not have kids!" when they think they are the only one in the group thinking that. If your friends are mature and thoughtful, they are also worried about this huge life change. Pregnancy & ttc is unpredictable, then having a kid will totally change everything about your life (and that's not a bad thing!) for the rest of your life. I'm pregnant with my first and it still crosses my mind all the time how much we are giving up and how things will change. We love our baby and are so excited and ready for this journey, but there are still doubts because I take the job of parenting really seriously. I see it as a good sign. I have many friends who are nonchalant about having babies and just talk about how cute they are like it's not hard work, those friends happen to also be the least responsible parents I know FWIW.

I'm not sure if I would share with your friends when you plan to start ttc. It can take a while and knowing that other people know you are trying will make even a few months of negative tests feel like an eternity. Or if you get pregnant immediately it can be hard on your friends who aren't so lucky. Just a tip! 

blessed2585

Becoming a parent is a big decision. I believe it is normal to feel nervous. Can you spend some more time talking to your husband and just talking through things? That might help calm your nerves a little.

CJBosquez

DH and I aren't going to TTC until next spring/summer/fall (haven't fully decided yet, it will depend on when we get a house), but I'm already getting nervous and questioning if we really want to do this. My advice is to start researching and reading everything you can - from baby gear to financial planning to birth plans. Focusing on the details and having a plan (even just a basic one with lots of room for changes) helps me stay excited and not so freaked out. I also talk with DH about how I'm nervous and he is very reassuring.

kasiaskis

I am in a similar situation as you and feel exactly the same way! As other posters have said it is probably not normal to not have doubts about your ability or readiness to be a good parent.

Spending time with my nieces and nephew is usually a good gauge of how emotionally ready I am for kids. I used to come back from family visits thinking "I love kids but I'm glad that's not my life", and now more and more I know I want the joy of raising a child despite the craziness and exhaustion that come with having a baby.

If you and your husband both feel emotionally ready and have seriously considered and have a plan for the financial impact of a new baby then you will probably be fine!

mamab3ar

I feel ya. We've got DS (almost 7) and DD (2.5) and we've started "casually" TTC. It's crazy, one minute I am all gung-ho to have baby #3. The next second I am second guessing myself. Are the logistics going to pan out (would someone share a room, do I want to deal with bouncers and high chairs etc again?) will I have time for all three kiddos? Will one DS/DD feel less loved?

Then I'll see a baby somewhere doing one of those cute things that makes me miss my kiddos being that small and discovering their worlds. Then I go back to being scared of another C-section etc.

It's a vicious cycle.

LexiPlexi

jennypolkadots said:

Most of your friends aren't going to talk about their fears, as I'm sure you seem super excited and not at all afraid/worried about it to them. Most people aren't open to talking about more controversial issues like "well, maybe it would be great to not have kids!" when they think they are the only one in the group thinking that. If your friends are mature and thoughtful, they are also worried about this huge life change. Pregnancy & ttc is unpredictable, then having a kid will totally change everything about your life (and that's not a bad thing!) for the rest of your life. I'm pregnant with my first and it still crosses my mind all the time how much we are giving up and how things will change. We love our baby and are so excited and ready for this journey, but there are still doubts because I take the job of parenting really seriously. I see it as a good sign. I have many friends who are nonchalant about having babies and just talk about how cute they are like it's not hard work, those friends happen to also be the least responsible parents I know FWIW.

Unfortunately this is so true. The friends that I have seen that only thought about how cute their kids would be or how much they wanted to teach little Jimmy to play football are not only the most irresponsible parents, but they are also the parents that complain the most, and most of them have ended up divorcing.