Alone with two kids from two guys

cakergirl

Best of luck, and I wish you courage and strength. No experience of advice but the other ladies have shared seem great stories and input. Be as strong as you can and find a "safe place" whether its a relative close to home or a friend out of town. This could be THE best choice you ever make!

ettamichele

Everyone has given you great advice. I'm so glad to hear you're going to your dad's house and that you're trying to do what's best for you and your children. Be strong--it will all be worth it in the end. My thoughts are with you through this difficult time.

chaysefaith

@Christina80xoxo‌ I'm concerned that you'll go back to him. It's not my place, and like I said originally my fear was always of being judged, but I hope you stick to your guns.

I know how addicting unhealthy relationships can be and I worry that if you don't take some immediate action your resolve will weaken. You need to file a restraining order and call the police to have this documented immediately. I've noticed you've avoided answering any time you're asked if you've done this.

I'm not trying to harp at you, or kick you when you're down. I'm worried about you. I just want you to take action now while your anger is still fresh in your memory. Please don't delay this. ((Hugs))

ETA: I'm also not asking you to make excuses or tell me answers. I just want you to know how vital it is for you to take action quickly and not wait. These are tough situations to leave but if you do it while the hurt is fresh it helps to ease the pain.

Christina80xoxo

@chaysefaith‌ , I'm sorry. I've been popping on and off here a lot. Busy day. Restraining order and immediate move out order done. Went to dr. Baby looks ok (thank God for that)
His sister called me. He is at her house about three hours away. His family is livid and they will call me if they suspect he is on his way out here. His phone was on my account, so I shut it off.
I can't lie, I love him so much. I'm hurting so bad. I was told I probably couldn't have any more babies, so I can't take the chance that I'll lose this one because he hurts me. I never ever want my daughter to think this is ok. I have to move on. I'm being as strong as I can.
Thank you for being concerned.
It's not easy, it really really hurts. I have to do it. I don't want to be afraid anymore.

chaysefaith

I'm glad you've been taking care of things today! That was my biggest concern for you to move on, putting the important things on the back burner and gradually letting them become less important.

I'm so sorry you are in this situation, and I have no doubt your heart is breaking. Your shattered heart will slowly heal though, and be stronger than ever. I'm so proud of you for taking immediate action!

And I'm sorry if my last post came across as judgey. I try to be so careful with my words in how I approach these situations, I know too well how hard it is to leave when your heart isn't ready. Please know that you've been on my mind all day and I've been hoping you were taking care of things. I'm glad you're being strong.

Christina80xoxo

@chaysefaith‌ you didn't sound judgey at all. It would be dumb to ask for advice then not take it. So if I was in your shoes, I would have asked the same.
For now, my daughter thinks he had a family situation to take care of and will be gone for a while.
I'm not quite ready to have the conversation with her yet. She is crazy about him. Recently asked if she could call him her dad. So it's going to be a sad conversation I need to mentally prepare for

Sherbet Lemon

Op: Being strong and getting out of an unhealthy relationship is setting a wonderful example for your daughter. It sounds like you have a lot of family nearby to support you as you work to get yourself and your children into a safe environment. Lots of t&p headed in your direction as you deal with this.

Christina80xoxo

And thank you everyone for your caring words, advice and support. You have made me feel more prepared to let some people in our lives know what is going on. Thank you.

sierrah856

Everything will be ok. T&Ps heading your way

JCWhitey

T&P!  You've made the first step today and that one is the hardest.  The second hardest is to not give in if he tries to come back.  I actually love that his sister is totally on your side and helping you out.  

Christina80xoxo

@JCWhitey‌
He has Three sisters, and they are furious with him, they have been a huge help. I'm very grateful for that.

goofygoff

I can't add anymore to what PPs have said, but I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and I am so sorry you are going through this.  You are not at fault.

KT416

I'm late to the thread, but I just wanted to say you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find the strength to continue to push forward. Stay strong.

HallRents

@Christina80xoxo‌
I am also late to this post. I wanted to tell you how brave you are. Leaving is the first step in stopping the cycle of violence. There is lot of great advice here. I have worked in the field of intimate partner violence for a long time. If you are located in Canada, I can absolutely share some resources and if you want to PM me, I can go over some safety planning with you. It is natural to mourn the relationship, know that it is completely normal.

You are making a huge decision for you and your family. Children are affected by abuse even if they do not see it. You will find an age appropriate explanation for your daughter and when the time is right and you are ready, you'll share that with her. The most dangerous time for you is right now. Consider charges if that is an option for you. If you are in Canada, be sure to add a police clause to any restraining order or emergency protection order.

In the midst of this, please try to take care of yourself. Many women's shelters offer outreach programs that do not require you to stay at the shelter. For a non judgemental ear, call a 24 hour crisis line. Someone is waiting to help you and let you unless without judgement.

Thinking of you and of all the courageous women who have gone before you in an attempt to protect their families.

ruemorgan

I have nothing to add aside from what PPs have suggested. Im so glad you have left to go to your fathers house. Please keep us updated and do NOT be ashamed. I know it may be easier said than done, but you'll never regret getting the help you need immediately. But you may one day regret not reaching out sooner. Stay safe, sweetheart.

jap618

I'm late but I'm glad you've made these steps so far. You are stronger than you know. I'm thinking of you ♡

Christina80xoxo

Thank you. I'm really really sad. I know someday it won't hurt so much. Time heals all wounds.

Joon+

@Christina80xoxo‌ I haven't been able to get back here until just now, but I wanted to say how proud I am of you for the steps you've taken. You'll get there. It'll take time and determination, but you'll get there, and when you do, you'll have no regrets. Keep your chin up!

happybabe123

I am so sorry you're going through this. I would also suggest seeking out a shelter or trusted friend and contacting police. Your safety and the safety of your kids is #1. Don't feel embarrassed!

jpavenski

I'm so sorry you are going through this, everyone has given you great advice. I just wanted to add you should not feel embarrassed or ashamed at all & you are teaching your daughter how to be a strong woman & mom by removing all of you from this situation and leaving him.

createmagic14

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You've gotten some great advice from these women, and it sounds like you also have good support IRL. When you are struggling, remember that there are many women, IRL and virtually, standing behind you. You are an incredibly strong woman, and you can do this, for YOU, for your daughter, and for your baby. You are in my T&Ps.

lisap0924

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I dealt with many years of emotional and verbal abuse from a man who was a drug addict to boot.
I was finally able to "get away" when he was arrested. Be robbed my place of employment and burned it to the ground. I lost my job (obviously) my apartment and my dignity.
I too was embarrassed. People told me for years to get away from him. At one point I did. I even had a restraining order against him, but like you, I thought he changed. We were apart for almost a year. I dropped the restraining order and took him back. When it was good it was so good, but when it was bad, it was very bad!
Feel free to pm me anytime.
Get yourself and your daughter to a safe place! Get a restraining order too!

Christina80xoxo

Thank you ladies for letting me know I'm not alone. People think I'm so stupid for putting up with it as long as I did. It's one of those things you don't understand until it happens to you. I'm very heartbroken , but I feel a freedom and peace I haven't felt in years. It's not easy or what I wanted for my life, but I know it's the right thing for me and my babies. Thank you all