Foster to Adopt

bumpuser794640

DH and I are beginning to discuss when we want to start the FTA process. It is exciting and terrifying at the same time. I haven't checked the FAQs yet, but I will.

In the meantime, do any of you have some wisdom, things you wish you'd done before beginning, etc.? Are you/did you use a private FTA agency or go directly through DFPS (or whatever your state department is called)?

olp920

We are in the middle of being licensed, going through the state (DCP&P). I don't have any experience to speak of yet. We are in a training class of all relative foster homes, everyone there already has their niece or grandchildren living with them, we are the only ones there new to the process. I'm paying attention to what the other families have to say and their attitudes about certain subjects.

bumpuser794640

Spooko said:

We worked with the county on DS' kinship case but our actual licensing was through an agency that the state contracts with.

What I wish I would have known was the emotional roller-coaster that is F/A. I had absolutely no idea it would be so gut-wrenching at times and I wasn't really prepared for it. I mean, IDK that you can REALLY prepare yourself for what it's like, but I didn't really know what I was getting myself into. And how LONG it would take, even when they say it's a straight-forward case

I really don't mean to make it seem negative--the joy at the end of the road really does erase all the difficulty. I just want to be as up front as I can because of how much I really struggled with it.

My words of wisdom are this: love that child as your own, every day leading up to finalization. The child will benefit to a greater degree than however much you stand to be hurt by it falling through. 

Thanks, Spooko. I know it'll be tough, especially when kids go back home/to relatives. And I know it can be totally convoluted, my BIL/SIL are FTA and have had the same placement over a year, her parental rights were just terminated, they expect her bio parents to appeal, and yet there is no doubt that her bio parents are totally unfit.

I just keep reminding myself that these kiddos deserve a loving, stable home as long as they need one, and it wouldn't be fair to hold anything back from them.

Lacyj67

We are through a county kinship center as well. They are amazing and I am so glad we chose to go with them instead of directly through the state.
We are currently in FR and jan will be a big court date for us. Either the judge will terminate FR which 120 days from then terminate parental rights or.... He will give each parent 6 months longer to reunify.
Very hard but I don't think about it daily. I just enjoy my time with PJ and love being his mommy right now!! He will be 18 months almost by jan... He seeing both parents every week for one hour with each of them. It's getting easier now that we are in a routine.

As per your question.... Is there anything I would of done in the beginning... I'm not sure.
How can one really be prepared fully to take on such huge responsibilities? I just knew that some way some how we would be parents and loved the idea of helping children on such need. And there is such a demand for foster parents right now! What ever happens with pj... I know I will do this again whatever the outcome and heartbreaks may be. Good luck and read a lot.... I like to do my research and read so I got tons of foster info on Google and by reading some books. It helped me understand some of the really difficult stuff foster parents face.....as for the gov. System.... Heard lots of bad things but there are some positives... I think a lot of people focus on the negative and I try really hard to just live day to day and know that nothing is set in stone... Life is funny like that and can go so many different directions!!

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lorifromwi

We are FTA through the county.  I agree, talk to other foster parents in your area (and even outside your area) to see what the process is like and for support.  We were a little frustrated with the FTA process in Milwaukee County, but after talking to a mom in Chicago, we became very grateful for the support and services we have available to us!  Also agree with @Spooko, love that child as your own...a little heartache on your part if the child is reunified is well worth the impact on their life.  Don't be afraid to ask questions of of your teachers, licensing worker, case work, guardian ad litum...anyone and everyone!  Communications between groups are not always the best, and it really helps to talk with everyone.  Good luck in your journey!!  Just a little background on us, we got our first placement back in July, a three-week old fd and it's been the most amazing experience in our lives!! (of course, with a little beaurecratic frustration!!)

msditz00

What I wish I had known...when you get calls/emails for placements, sometimes it will feel like they will say anything to get you to say yes.  One case that we would have said yes to anyhow (but ultimately weren't chosen) was for a sibling group.  The oldest was 3 and has been through 6 foster homes due to behavior issues.  When our SW emailed us about being considered for them, he made sure to include how much their stipend would be every month.  It made me feel like I was conducting a sales transaction.

Also I was so overwhelmed when we got our girls I didn't videotape their ride home from the hospital like I did for our bios.  I wish I hadn't been so concerned about what protocol was, and just acted like a proud new mom.

But no matter how our case ends up with our girls we now have, I am so glad we are doing this.  Their smiles make everything worth while.

Chele

Hi. Ask as many questions as you can about the potential placement before you say yes. Even if they try to rush you for an answer. 

mommytoconnor

I adopted my DS from foster care about 3 years ago. I would say ask lots of questions.  I asked a ton before accepting placement, specifically medical stuff.  If they have info and you specifically ask, they have to provide you with info that they are aware of. Keep on top of case workers and such.  Don't allow them to not answer your questions. Don't allow them to push you or rush you.  It's a huge process but can be so amazing too.