Should I say something?***baby mentioned - not mine***

stefuge

I'm trying to decide if I should say something to a friend or if I am just being overly sensitive?

A friend of mine had a little girl three weeks after Colton was born still. Today is her first birthday and on FB my friend posted a photo with the comment "managed to keep this little girl alive for a whole year! Yay us!" So, this offends me, cause you know, I have plenty of mommy guilt and wish I was celebrating my baby's first birthday and i wonder if I should say something to her about how i, and any other parent who has suffered a loss, could be offended by it. I wouldn't be so tempted to say something to her except that she posted something similar at 6 months, and if this is going to keep up, it feels like a slap in the face when I open up FB. I realize she means nothing by it, she thinks she is being funny, but I wonder if it hurts my feelings, who else is hurt by it? And just cause she doesn't know what she is saying is hurtful doesn't mean it's okay? And to be fair, we have been friends for a long time, but aren't as close anymore like we used to be (partially because her daughter was born three weeks after Colton).

So what do you think? Would you day something to her? I appreciate the advice!

Bgirma

Oh man. That is difficult. While I was pregnant with Wesley I made a ton of jokes about my two goals in his first year of life being: 1) staying married to my husband and 2) keeping him alive. I now cringe when I think about I may have inadvertently offended with those jokes but I just didn't know how insensitive I was being and I would have welcomed someone gently telling me how it made them feel so I didn't continue to do that.

If you want to salvage your relationship with her, I would send an email and address it. Of course, she's not purposefully trying to hurt you but I think a good friend would want to know how you feel. If you feel like you guys won't be close anymore, I'd leave it alone. Probably isn't worth it in that case.

Good luck and I'll be thinking about you!

BrittianyM

I don't think you are overly sensitive. It hurts me too.

I had never thought about my pregnany or my baby would cause pain for anyone else. I now know differently and will not be posting anything about my current pregnancy. You never know who has been through or going through what.

lexusolsen

If you are not close I would either hide the picture from your feed or hide her updates. If it isn't someone I'm close to I don't even bother trying to explain why it's hurtful. I think it causes more drama than it's worth, depending on the friendship.

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY***




I don't think you're being overly sensitive, either. When I see stuff like that, I roll my eyes because I don't like that phrase. I agree with pp that if it would cause more harm than good, I'd leave it alone and just block that stuff out of your newsfeed. I wouldn't say anything because I don't want to cause a stir and have people say hateful things to me (like "It's been two years - shouldn't you be over it by now?" - which I've actually gotten). That just makes me defensive and bitchy, which is good for no one. If you think she would be receptive to you saying something, though, I would say something.

angelsnight

Ticker warning

You are not being overly sensitive, that made me cringe as well.  I am not a super confrontational person (unless something happens in the moment and I confront the person before I have time to think) but I think it is deserved in this case.  However if you think doing so would potentially end your friendship or cause great harm, then maybe let it go.  But I for one want to be told if I have done something to upset someone, so if she could handle it with grace, I don't see anything wrong with politely pointing out that it is upsetting, especially since she knows someone personally that would be hurt by that.

My SIL, while sweet and usually good intentioned, is a little socially clueless sometimes.  We were extremely stressed and nervous while we were expecting our rainbow as all loss parents are.  One day my SIL sent me a link from Amazon, saying she was going to get this book for us, called "How not to kill your baby".  Now, for parents who have never lost a child, I can see how it's funny, tounge-in-cheek for new parents, like haha, how to survive when you don't know what you're doing.  But I was utterly speechless that she would think this was a good idea for someone who just lost their baby six months ago.  Like you, I had a ton of guilt over my angel even though none of it was my fault, and I was beyond terrified of something happening to my rainbow.  I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything to say without coming completely unraveled on her. 

And what kills me is she didn't just say this in a "foot in mouth" moment.  She actually had to see it, copy the link and send it to me.  I just don't know what she is thinking sometimes.  I suppose it's never too late, but now I regret not saying anything but I feel like it's been too long to bring it up now.