Working Moms! How do you balance everything?

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heathernikki

You don't balance everything, there are just not enough hours in the day and only one of us. Unfortunately I am in a similar boat. I think the moral of the story here is that the husbands need to help out more. As the mom we get stuck with most of the cooking, cleaning, and everything pertaining to the babies. I tend to do my cleaning on the weekends while the baby is napping, cooking when he's gone to bed, and sleeping when I can. There has been no me time so that's what ends up suffering. I think you should politely ask your husband to help more. It sounds like you do everythig. I'm sure there's a thing or two he can take off your plate.

jcwinsto

Your story sounds pretty much like mine so don't feel bad.  The only things that differ from your day is that I save all the milk up from the week and freeze once a week.  I have enough bottles that I don't have to wash every night.  I can just put them in the dishwasher and run it when it's full.  MH also has a demanding job.  He works 12 hour shifts 4-5 days a week.  He takes care of all of our "farm" animals and the yard work.  He stays home with H on the days he's off and I work which allows him to do laundry and general cleanup like emptying the dishwasher.  We jointly take care of the garden.  My only saving grace is that we can afford to have a cleaning service come in every 2 weeks.  They do a deep clean and all I have to do is pick up stuff and keep the dishes done.  I let the Roomba run once or twice to keep the floor somewhat clean in between.  We generally don't have time intensive dinners unless it's on the weekend.  I utilize the crockpot or grill a lot.  Skillet meals, pasta, etc.

FWIW, I think YH should be doing about as much as you but not quite.  I get that he is probably more tired due to the work.  Mine is much the same way.  I try to give him some down time in the evening playing with the baby while I do general clean up.  This makes it easier on me so I'm not constantly having to stop what I'm doing.  He's probably stubborn like mine is to.  I only recently got MH to go to the doctor and get some back xrays and figure out what was wrong with his.  He's got somebulging disks/pinched nerves and they set him up with a (good!) chiro and he hasn't complained since and he is very helpful around the house in the evenings when he doesn't have things to do outside. 

KrystalCrockett

One thing that's helped me is to relax about what's getting done. I focus on keeping the family fed, clean, and happy. The other things won't make everything fall apart. We keep dishes done daily to keep everything sanitary, but then everything else gets delegated to Saturday morning.

I will say, it's not easy. There are still many days that I feel like I need everything perfect before I can sleep. It's a struggle, but rest is important too. We just have to learn that we can't so everything everyday.

chicki1012

Yup I feel the same way. I feel overwhelmed everyday and exhausted by the time I go to bed but my DH does help. I do most of the cleaning but DH cuts the grass, yard work etc. U should maybe talk to him and just tell him your both exhausted after working but maybe u both can take turns putting baby to bed etc. Thats what DH and I do. Just so it gives u a break and DH can spend sometime with LO also in the evenings. . We try to plan our meals a head of time cause we also both don't get home until 530. So we either make a few meals over the weekend or make like a big pan of lasagna that we can just heat up. then that way your not doing a whole lot of cooking during the week. We mainly eat leftovers all week long. It seriously has helped a lot. Hope this helps, but your not alone.

sugarland726

I use a two prong approach.

Prong One: do one task a night, and do it systematically so it doesn't get out of control. I started DS's laundry this morning because Thursday is his laundry day. It was a small load. Definitely could have waited another week. But a small load is manageable and will only take me 10 minutes to fold and put away instead of waiting until it's everything and it's over an hour.

Prong Two: You can't do EVERYTHING. Some things will have to go. Don't live in squalor, but dusting? Forget about it.

Also, know that it won't be like this forever. You won't be pumping and doing bottles forever, the baby will get on a better cycle of awake and sleep time. You will learn how to adapt better.

worleygirl

STM Mom here but I remember feeling exactly like that with my first. I was exhausted all the time. BFing is really an energy suck so keep that in mind. Here’s our current routine: Up at 530am – I do some work before my kids get up about 630am-7am, out the door about 8am (DS on bus, I drop DD at daycare), DH and kids get home at 430p, I am home at 530pm, dinner for DS while we chat about his day, 6pm bath then snuggles/quality time/bed for DD while DS plays, 7pm quick dinner for us and then reading/quality time before bed for DS, wash dishes, go for a walk/exercise, wash bottles, prep lunches, laundry, clean up and hop in bed by 9pm. Here are some things that really work for us: we don’t make our bed, we don’t elaborately fold laundry for the kids- it all goes into drawers, we lay out all clothes for the kids for the week on Sunday, I cook on the weekends and we eat leftovers or we eat super easy to prep things, we shower at night, we have a housekeeper (not in the budget for all, understandably), we take turns going to the grocery store, I pay bills on the 1st and 15th so I don’t worry about messing with them any other time, we commit to ZERO social stuff during the week, we both run through the house and pick up real quick after kids are in bed and before we sit down. I can’t stand counter clutter or stuff out of place so picking up every night keeps me sane. That being said, if I don’t get to the laundry or we eat sandwiches for dinner, I can accept that life goes on. I saw a therapist after DS and she told me that I just needed to accept I can’t do it all. I had to make a choice to focus on what mattered most and go from there.

sehudson821

You are not alone! I do the essentials each day and squeeze in the dusting and crap every few weekends if the baby takes a good nap. I do ask DH for help, but he works 2 jobs currently so I try to keep that in mind. He usually handles garbage, folding clothes and we take turns with dishes. Eta: I feel like my house is in shambles by mid-week! I just try not to focus on it.

kiki1978

I feel like I don't balance anything. I do the best I can and I have to accept that I can't do it all. I will admit that the house has come in last. Laundry is clean, but not put away. I also don't get to spend as much time with DH as I would like. I try to do more on the weekends and worry less about the weekdays.

MindyBadger1

Things, and myself, are often a hot mess. I have to be in bed by 9:30 or else I'm too tired to think at work. J still has 1 night feed and takes only two 20 minute naps per day.

Dh and I have split most chores down the middle. I cook on weekends and my day off, the rest is "fend for yourself" or takeout.

Weekends we have shifts one day with Jack where he is totally that person's responsibility off and on for 2 hours. I usually get my cleaning done in one block and do something fun with the others (hike, read, pool).

BABYROSEJEANS17

SO helps quite a bit on the home front, but we're still a hot mess.  My days are monotonous with routine and I've except I can't be as tidy when I was without DS. I just learned to accept my new "clean" and do my best at work.  I'm still BF so I enjoy having 2 hours to myself at work to pump. I'll catch up on emails, but also sneak a peak at the video feed for DS's daycare and listen to music.

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TheGreatBeyond

I had a long response typed up but the bump ate it. It's the same for us, there just aren't enough hours and I do what I can. We have a robotic vacuum which is the only reason the floors stay clean, I highly recommend one.

mommygrams0730

Once school started things have been crazy! We have a nanny so I feel like I have to make it at least presentable for when she arrives each morning. I've gotten into a decent routine with the bare minimum: dish washer is constantly being unloaded and reloaded each night before bed. I usually vacuum 2x a week bc our rug shows everything and it's the one thing that drives me nuts! The bedrooms are always on the lowest priority and unless it's really necessary I catch up on laundry on the weekends.

My husband helps when he can, but he officiated football games in the evenings during the fall and come November he coaches basketball so then he's home late until march when it's over, and then track season starts....sometimes I actually think it's easier to keep things clean when his schedule is like that though, lol. Saturday mornings we can do a quick clean up and get it done fast with both of us.

housewifebecomesher

Hot mess over here too, and we both travel a lot for work. Add to it that LO does NOT sleep great right now.

We try to cook on the weekend and over-cook so we have leftovers. Casseroles, soups, stews and crock pot meals tend to work best for us. We grilled a lot this summer and would do like 8 chicken breast!

Anyway I focused on the dinner issue because for me it's the hardest to get done. I do her last bottle at night and dad puts her down to sleep, that's when I wash bottles and do other tasks.

Another big thing for me has been learning that whatever does not get done that day at work can wait until tomorrow. I don't work at night or on weekends anymore. We also trade off mornings on the weekends to try to get extra sleep in, and try to nap when she naps on Saturday and Sunday.

Not that you need another post to tell
You this but clearly this is completely normal! Our house is a mess and I'm doing good just to get laundry done for the week. It's crazy all the time, but we love it and wouldn't change a thing. Good luck!

bensmommy518

Take home message is we are all in the same boat with not feeling like there are enough hours in the day.  You are not alone!

MH works two jobs - one at an office 30 hours per week and one is his own business as landscaper/handyman and it keeps him very very busy.  His schedule with that job is very unpredictable based on the weather and other peoples schedules and it has taken us a few years but we are finally finding a happy medium where all our needs get met well enough. 

We both get up at the same time in the mornings and divide and conquer the kids.  He leaves before me in the am so he tries to make sure they are both dressed and in the process of eating before he leaves so it is less on my by myself.  I take them to daycare and home with me.  When we get home I try to complete one task before starting dinner - be it dishes or cleaning the living room, etc.  On days DS has speech that is my one task.  Dinners are usually quick and we will have leftovers usually every third night.  We also usually have dinner with our parents twice a week so I am only in charge of 5 dinners per week. 

Because MH has a bad back I am really the only one who can do dishes and bath times so those are always on me.  Which means MH is in charge of floors, dusting and outside stuff.  Laundry we split - he takes it down and puts it in, I bring it up and fold/put it away.  In the evenings after dinner DS is MH's responsibility and DD is mine since I am breastfeeding.  MH now tries to wait until after they are in bed or at worst until after at least one is in bed before  going back out to work on clients houses.  (this is one of our compromises - he knows that the hours of 6:30-8 are family time and only to be used for work with my advance permission).  On weekends his is usually always working at least one of the days and the second day we discuss - If there is something we want to do as a family he takes it off entirely or if I tell him I need a break he takes it off entirely and takes the kids for me.  If I know there is a lot of work for him to do and he is getting behind I tell him he can work if he wants to. If I need him both days we compromise again - I will give up family time during the week and he will stay home both days or 1 1/2 days out of the two. 

With regards to the house I mostly let it go and we do big cleans every few weeks.  I focus on just dealing with the big stuff and forget the little stuff.    

growingmybun

We outsource everything. I have no pride. I am not at all responsible for taking care of my household. Of course, that approach doesn't work for everyone. My take on it is that I'd rather play Legos than do laundry. Again, doesn't work for everyone. For me, it's the only way I can get by.