please help... — The Bump
August 2014 Moms

please help...

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edited August 2014 in August 2014 Moms
A little backround- LO was born 4 weeks premature and had a 9 day stay in the nicu. Labor and delivery was a mess and recovery has been even worse. LO weighed in at 3lbs 7 ozs. I also have an 8 year old son. (Sorry this may get long)

so I'm having trouble with FI regarding visitors. Like i said before LO had a 9 day nicu stay which his dad called everyday for updates, his brother asked as soon as she came out if he could come visit her in the hospital. The only one who was reasonable was his mom especially when she heard LO was in the nicu and was as small as she was(she suggested no visitors for at least a month and waits for us to call with updates on her). FI went back to work 4 days after birth leaving me on my own from 7 am till 10 pm everyday. All the neediness of his family started getting to me which lead to an anxiety breakdown, full on panic attack in the parking lot while I was trying to visit LO in the nicu.

when LO was released we went to my parents to pick up DS. Since her release it's been only me doing everything aside from night feedings and changings (which FI does since he's home at night). I know I'm pushing myself to much as there's weekly appointments for LO and me. I've been diagnosed with iron deficiency so bad I require iron infusions, mastitis, yeast infection on my nipple, and a uterine infection. I'm supposed to be resting however the laundry needs done, the kitchen and living room needs cleaned, we have no food in the house and i have to pick DS up from school as well as get him to and from activities and exs place. I have to somehow fit in sleeping and eating and a shower...the only break i get is when I'm at my parents every other fri and sun and every weds. Then my mom cooks me some food and i can sit and rest a little.

FI is angry that not all of his family has seen LO (neither has mine mind you only my parents and my sisters kids but not my brother or sister or other relatives) we took her to see his dad and his wife and it wound up making me incredibly anxiety ridden. Every 10 minutes his dad was asking to call more people to meet her, dads wife made me feel like a shitty mom (she's hungry she's sucking on a pacifier, your not taking MY grand daughter to place x, y, z, she can still fit the preemie onsies i bought put one on her...see perfect fit - we could only use one of them once due to shrinking). I tried to discuss with FI and he didn't see and issue with the visit. Now his brother is asking to see LO again while I'm in intense pain due to mastitis and dealing with the yeast and still very anemic and the cramps are back from the uterine infection...

i need a freakin break. I only manage one meal a day...usually a breakfast bar and maybe a bowl of cereal and that's it. I'm exhasted and the one day FI has a couple of hrs off he wants to tote me and LO to his brothers...

what say you aug 14? How should I proceed here? Suck it up? We can't have visitors over since i have 2 birds which will only squawk the entire time...(am i being unreasonable for wanting to rest? If i weren't suffering from all the infections and health issues I'd be having ppa really i have ppa on top of everything else which isn't helping...)
IAmPregnant Ticker}

Re: please help...

  • Have you thought of hosting a sip-and-see where all your family can come over on one day to meet her? You can either do split shift times, or all at once. Make it potluck style, and splurge by hiring a cleaner. Just get it all over with so the harassment ends and you can carry on with adjusting to your new life.
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  • @slippintrippn84‌ i was thinking if people want to see her then they need to bring me food lol. That way my supply won't drop and I'll have more energy...however FI thinks that's rude to do to his family.

    ....sometimes he really pisses me off...
    IAmPregnant Ticker}
  • I'm so, so sorry you have to still deal with this. Ugh! I know Emma is really small still, but since she has gotten quite a bit bigger, would you be willing to let FI go by himself with her? That way you can catch a break and some sleep. Not eating or sleeping on top of ppa sounds like it's own kind of hell. However I know you have the issue with her being held/more people being invited over. I wish there was an easy solution but I definitely think you are in the right here.
  • FI needs a reality check.

    I wouldn't be leaving the house with a uterine infection and everything else you have going on.

    Do your parents and his get along? Since you're at your parents on set days, maybe have ONE person or couple from his family visit at that time every other week. No longer than an hour.
    Make them come to you.
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  • I agree with the sip and see supporters or with DH taking her for the visit while you rest. You need to get sleep and nourishment, so arrange this visiting so you can accomplish those things. Another option might be to have his family pick up DS from school and quickly visit the baby when dropping him off. That way they get a regular visit and you can cross one responsibility off your list.
    TTC Since January 2012 Me:37 DH:34      DX July 2013: Unexplained Infertility      New DX Dec 2013: DOR
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    jenniferurs[Deleted User]
  • I agree your FI definitely needs a reality check/junk punch. And the last thing you need to be doing is planning and hosting a party.

    I would make a list of everything that needs doing and prioritize food for you, stuff your DS needs, and perhaps minimal laundry. Can you at least send FI out to the store for some fruit, cheese and crackers, bread and cold cuts? Can you spend more time with your parents until you're healthy?

    I like the suggestion of receiving visitors at your parents' house if everyone gets along. Or have them visit you -- hopefully the squawking birds would convince them to not stay too long. And it sounds like FI should be doing chores, not snuggling the baby, when he's home.
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • I'm so sorry for everything you are going through! You have every right to do whatever is best for you and LO. It seems like that should be getting some rest! Everyone else can just deal with it! If they still want to visit, there is nothing wrong with asking for some help in return. They should be wanting to help you! Can your mom make you some meals to freeze or just give you some groceries the days you see her for easy meals when you're on your own? 
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