OMG that ramses guy said I'm having a girl too!!! Twinsies!!!!!!!! We should exchange phone #s and addresses so we can give each other updates.
Also, everyone told me not to eat peanut butter or tuna or sushi and don't go out into sunlight cuz its too hot so WATCH OUT. I'm pretty sure if you eat peanut butter youll have a boy anyways so don't eat that.
That is what gives them their nuts.
i just laughed out loud of the phone with a customer
OMG that ramses guy said I'm having a girl too!!! Twinsies!!!!!!!! We should exchange phone #s and addresses so we can give each other updates.
Also, everyone told me not to eat peanut butter or tuna or sushi and don't go out into sunlight cuz its too hot so WATCH OUT. I'm pretty sure if you eat peanut butter youll have a boy anyways so don't eat that.
That is what gives them their nuts.
--side eye-- peanuts are a LEGUME
You shouldn't eat legumes either, I'm pretty sure they have listeria. Actually, everything has listeria. So it's probably better if you just don't eat.
(Warning: Before reading this post, you will encounter absolute hilariously dumb questions that are real from Yahoo Answers. I found them by googling dumb questions about pregnancy. I died to bring you this information. ANDPLUSALSO this is why we NEED better sex education and to be honest and open with our kids!!!!)
@Toastercat, I know you might not come back to this thread, but you seem, like, really smart about things and I was wondering if you could help me with some questions I have:
1. "Since my girlfriend got pregnant she ain't been having her period. Do you think the baby is drinking the blood? She six month pregnant"
2. "I was going to give my cousin a kiss on the cheek but she got upset and didn't want one because she's afraid she might get pregnant. Could she get pregnant if I kiss her? I'm 36 and she's 11."
3. "Don't ask me where I read it, but I did. Some women take the used condom of a man they had sex with, and wipe the cum in their vagina, and with luck they become pregnant. So would this man be liable for child support, considering (a) he did the right thing and used proper protection and (b) the child is nonetheless still his?"
4. I'm 14 and I THINK I'm ready 4 a child and I have the right guy to get me pregnant but he doesn't want to have one so is there any way I can poke holes in his condom with a needle without him knowing wut I did?
5. So my friend told me today that if a girl (human) has sex with a male dog u can get pregnant is it true or was she just lying to me???
6. Like if you're pregnant with a baby girl, and if you have sex while your pregnant, can the sperm go up in there and impregnate the baby?
7. Last month while I was on my period I "Swallowed sperm." I haven't gotten my period this month and my nipples are sore. I also got the stomach flu last month and the sick feeling hasn't gone away. I'm super scared and I don't know what to do. Is it possible to get pregnant from swallowing sperm?
8. I've only been with my girlfriend for about 4 weeks but the doctor said she is 4 months pregnant. Why is my sperm so powerful??
9. OMG, am I pregnant? I hugged my boyfriend and he had a B*ner and I haven't had my period yet, what should I do!??? I'm only 14 years old and I can't handle a kid! HELPPPP!!!
10. My girlfriend is pregnant and we didn't have sex? How the f did this happen??
Anyone can feel free to answer my questions, but I expect an answer for EACH ONE from @toastercat.
@FrecklesInside to answer number 8. If you don't cum for a long time then when you bust it in her it makes time go backwards because they totz shoot out of you're boner so fast. Duh everyone knows that.
I was just thinking how annoyed I am with all the bs that gets posted...daily. I actually said to my husband yesterday, " I'm going to check thebump..let's see what kinda crazy is there today" thanks for the giggles...I mean for making my baby so happy she kicked me! I swear I felt it!!
Oh no, you inhaled dog farts?!?! Your babe is totes going to be covered in fur. Prevent it from getting too bad...invest in a doggie butt cork. Also one for yourself.
It's totally cool that you won't come back to read this. This is a safe place of comfort and support. We will shoot all the glitter up your ass you need. Maybe it will help your farting problem.
If it doesn't help, at least all subsequent flatulence with be FABULOUS!
Well, I wasn't going to come back because you guys are pathetic losers but it seems like you are in need of my expertise:
1. "Since
my girlfriend got pregnant she ain't been having her period. Do you
think the baby is drinking the blood? She six month pregnant"
Your girlfriend is pregnant with a small vampire. Do NOT underestimate it because of its size. You need to get a few heads of garlic, a blender, and some V8 juice. Blend the garlic up and give your GF a garlic enema. This will make the tiny vampire go dormant. Give your girlfriend the V8. It will quench her unborn's thirst for blood.
2.
"I was going to give my cousin a kiss on the cheek but she got upset
and didn't want one because she's afraid she might get pregnant. Could
she get pregnant if I kiss her? I'm 36 and she's 11." Don't kiss your cousin. That's weird.
3.
"Don't ask me where I read it, but I did. Some women take the used
condom of a man they had sex with, and wipe the cum in their vagina, and
with luck they become pregnant. So would this man be liable for child
support, considering (a) he did the right thing and used proper
protection and (b) the child is nonetheless still his?" He will take you to court and the Judge will determine you are crazy. Do not poke hole in condoms unless you are best friends with Hitler because that is evil.
4.
I'm 14 and I THINK I'm ready 4 a child and I have the right guy to get
me pregnant but he doesn't want to have one so is there any way I can
poke holes in his condom with a needle without him knowing wut I did? I wish I could sterilize you with my brain.
5.
So my friend told me today that if a girl (human) has sex with a male
dog u can get pregnant is it true or was she just lying to me??? 100% true. You will have puppies. However, they will not be compatible with your DNA and they will out come out with human faces. Is that what you want? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
6.
Like if you're pregnant with a baby girl, and if you have sex while
your pregnant, can the sperm go up in there and impregnate the baby? Yes. If you continue to do this not only the baby be pregnant but then her baby's baby and so forth. Only you can prevent this madness. Although a tiny Thumbelina baby could be fun.
7.
Last month while I was on my period I "Swallowed sperm." I haven't
gotten my period this month and my nipples are sore. I also got the
stomach flu last month and the sick feeling hasn't gone away. I'm super
scared and I don't know what to do. Is it possible to get pregnant from
swallowing sperm? No. Please see my response to #4.
8.
I've only been with my girlfriend for about 4 weeks but the doctor said
she is 4 months pregnant. Why is my sperm so powerful?? This is an interesting case I do not see often. Once in a millennium one man is gifted with what I like to call temporal sperm. It has the ability to impregnate people in the past. Congratulations, you are the chosen one.
9.
OMG, am I pregnant? I hugged my boyfriend and he had a B*ner and I
haven't had my period yet, what should I do!??? I'm only 14 years old
and I can't handle a kid! HELPPPP!!!
ARE YOU CRAZY!? NEVER HUG A PERSON WITH A B*NER NO MATTER HOW COOL THEY ARE DO YOU KNOW WHAT DISEASES THAT CAN SPREAD?!
10. My girlfriend is pregnant and we didn't have sex? How the f did this happen??
I am sad to say that she may have been impregnated by temporal sperm. Your child is the chosen one.
Oh, but, hey... I'm going to go swim with dolphins because I heard it makes your baby smarter. Do you ladies wanna come?!?! You think we should not eat canned tuna beforehand? Afraid dolphin will think I am lunch if I smell fishy! What do you think?!?!?!
I laughed so hard my ute shook....omg my baby will have shaken baby syndrome! My lyfe iz over. I'll see you in court you toaster tramp. It's all your fault.
And on another note I think this should be required reading for anyone joining the bump.
Hello. Excuse me. I am a pregnant woman. I actually am. There is no reason to doubt that and I am certainly not a sexual predator living in my parent's basement with a pot belly and 16 year old mustache...
That being said, can we start a super secret facebook group that I can moderate and see all of you sexy pregnant pictures and possibly pictures of your other children and possibly get your address and stop by?
I think it is really important that we use the Facebook because The Bump as a social media site is SO MUCH HARDER. I promise I am all set on skin suits...
Send me your email and SS# to join my super secret and safe Facebook group.
but um, I would probably actually join yours. Even if you do have a wispy mustache
This may or may not be me. But it's not because I fit in here and am totally a woman.
Needs a fedora to be convincing
I am disappointed that there is a man here! I thought I was the only...... er..... I just want this environment full of sexy lovely pregnant ladies, and maybe children. For um, support. Of me. A woman.
Love. All of it. Brill.
Oh, but, hey... I'm going to go swim with dolphins because I heard it makes your baby smarter. Do you ladies wanna come?!?! You think we should not eat canned tuna beforehand? Afraid dolphin will think I am lunch if I smell fishy! What do you think?!?!?!
NO! NEVER EVER SWIM WITH DOLPHINS. I heard that their echolocation is like, a super sonic wave or something and will really really hurt the baby!
But I'm totes down for the tuna lunch.
"Serious is only something you have to be until you can be silly again."
Re: AW AW AW AW AW AW
Married: 10/04/2014
DD1: 03/02/15
DD2: 08/04/16
Baby 3 Due: 11/23/18!
Married: 10/04/2014
DD1: 03/02/15
DD2: 08/04/16
Baby 3 Due: 11/23/18!
Whuh? HEY! @Toastercat you keep your toasterslore hands off mah wimmin! Especially my goaty first wife!
Shoot gurl lern 2 SHARE!
<--- is just happy to be joining the romance ;;)
<--- is just happy to be joining the romance ;;) </p>
***quote***
Well at the rate I am going, I am going to end up marrying all of M15 and end up with a harem.
*waggles eyebrows at board*
this is awesome, tho I must admit that before I noticed who the poster was I was not all that amused..LMFAO!!
anyhooo, don't eat lunchmeat either...mmmmkkkk?!?!
Married the love of my life: 5-17-14
BFP:6-27-14
EDD:3-11-15
Step Mom to Z: 4-11-06
IT'S A BOY!!!!!!
Well at the rate I am going, I am going to end up marrying all of M15 and end up with a harem.
*waggles eyebrows at board*
Or you know, maybe we could divide some of them up. I can be generous though, you can have moolassa
****quote***
Well, my master plan is to seduce you, and thus secure access to your half. Don't tell though, it's a secret!
***quote***
Well at the rate I am going, I am going to end up marrying all of M15 and end up with a harem.
*waggles eyebrows at board*
Dammit, watch where you waggle those things!
AND NOW LOOK AT ME!
(Actually, I am a big jerk and texted these to my BFF while she was in early labor)
Also, this:
Oh, but, hey... I'm going to go swim with dolphins because I heard it makes your baby smarter. Do you ladies wanna come?!?! You think we should not eat canned tuna beforehand? Afraid dolphin will think I am lunch if I smell fishy! What do you think?!?!?!
NO! NEVER EVER SWIM WITH DOLPHINS. I heard that their echolocation is like, a super sonic wave or something and will really really hurt the baby!
But I'm totes down for the tuna lunch.
"Serious is only something you have to be until you can be silly again."