Opting for C-Section

AusDad

Hi all,

I was hoping you could give me your advice. 

My wife is 18 weeks pregnant and has decided that she would prefer a c-section rather than medicated or natural birth. We were both on the same page and preferred Medicated or Natural until we brought it up with our obstetrician who basically told us that no option is better than the other, that they both have equal risk and cost and that it just comes down to preference.

I have been doing a lot of research and I feel like C-Section has more risks and obviously the recovery is longer. I don't want to push my wife as I believe it is ultimately her decision. 

What do you guys think? Should I push for natural or medicated because I think it is better or should I just back off let us go with C-section?

Thanks in advance

sandrabrooke

End of the day, you will need to have a conversation with your wife on this topic.  I think I fall into the boat of her body, her choice.  

However, I would be wondering why the doctor is suggesting a c-section for an otherwise healthy pregnancy...?

HeckItIs

I have also elected a C-section over natural childbirth. 

However, if my husband had concerns I would appreciate his honesty and the fact he brought them up to me.  It would also be important to know that he would support me in any decision I made knowing the ultimately it is my body- pain, healing and all.

AusDad

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your comments. 

My wife and I have sat down and discussed it, she acknowledges how I feel but it does not change how she feels because she is going on what the ob has said.

The ob did not recommend a C-Section, just simply stated that no option is better or worse, it's based on preference.

In regards to cost, I live in Australia and we have public healthcare, my insurance will cover the difference regardless of method.

I do respect that it is her decision, I won't 'put my foot down' or anything but I can't help feeling like Natural is better because it has less risk.

What I am struggling with is my wife believing that both options are the same, that they have the same amount of risk. 

ASmallWonder

What are her reasons?  Maybe you can work on learning more about ways to resolve concerns.  Ask her to be willing to be open minded to decreasing her concerns about a natural birth and go from there.  FTR, her OB is full of crap.  I've had two c sections so it's not that I'm anti CS but to say it is equal in risk to a natural birth is just...I honestly feel like that's negligence on his part to say that.  You're talking about cutting a person open.

Empireceo

Is this your wife's first baby? Are elective c/s without a previous c/s a thing?

firsttimeaussiemum

I'm from Australia as well and am hoping I can have a c section. At the end of the day it is kind of up to your wife and what she wants. Your opinion does matter too but if she feels safer getting a c section then you might just have to stand by her. She would already be copping it from some people that are against having an elective c section. But if you are really concerned about it maybe talk to the obstetrician at your next visit. And express your conserns to him/her.

Good luck with working it all out:)

Sahara6971

I am with the other posters who are wondering why this option was even given. C-sections are major surgeries that are in place for a reason! Why would she prefer to be cut open rather than to at least try to have the baby come out the way it was intended (that is if there are no complications). eta - I hope that didn't sound insensitive. Bottom line, do your research and it doesn't hurt to get a second opinion.

marriedinaugust

I will not get into my opinion of elective c-sections either but I would highly recommend researching the benefits of a vaginal birth for the baby (and for mama).

AusDad

Thanks for posting, 

My wife was pro natural leading up to the appointment with the ob, we were both under the assumption that natural is better, that c-s has more risks. 

The ob basically told us that there are no more risks with either.

There are a few reasons my wife wants c-s. Not having to go through labor, eliminating the unknowns (when baby will come e.t.c.) it is guaranteed to take a certain duration of time.  The horror stories of tearing and 30 hour labors have her leaning towards c-s

ordinary1

I have never once heard someone say that a c-section has no more risks than a vaginal birth. I suggest researching this topic further and looking at the March of Dimes site and ACOG (and finding a new ob).

cakeisgood

Why don't you look into Calm Birth courses? I'm also an Aussie and I've booked in.
My first labour was long and I had a 3rd degree tear but I still would have the exact labour all over again if it was between that and a C Section.
I was up and walking around easily the next day and if the tear was sore, panadol fixed it.
I had friends who couldn't walk around easily for 6 weeks after a C Section and dealt with things like infection etc all while trying to care for a newborn and get the hang of feeding.
Plus honestly, your wife needs to get used to uncertainty when it comes to kids. They're full of it!
Good luck with whatever you choose but I'd be encouraging her to not let fear make this decision.

ArgyleBride

Get a new doctor. It is safer, much safer, in a standard pregnancy, to give birth vaginally. There are horror stories from elective cs where baby was less mature than they thought--I won't tell you my friend-of-a-friend story, but you can Google them if you want to know.

missnacholover

Your wife needs to get a grip.  Seriously. 

And you need a new OB. 

ahbEsq

The pain and recovery from a tear or epistiotomy is nothing compared to the pain and recovery of a C-section. It sounds like your wife is scared of the unknown but it is possible to have an easy and quick natural delivery. But the recovery from a C-section is almost always harder/longer than recovery from a natural delivery.

shellybean3788

Opinions aside, C-Sections are more expensive than vaginal birth.

srcr2011

AusDad said:

Thanks for posting, 

My wife was pro natural leading up to the appointment with the ob, we were both under the assumption that natural is better, that c-s has more risks. 

The ob basically told us that there are no more risks with either.

There are a few reasons my wife wants c-s. Not having to go through labor, eliminating the unknowns (when baby will come e.t.c.) it is guaranteed to take a certain duration of time.  The horror stories of tearing and 30 hour labors have her leaning towards c-s

I would get a second opinion and get a new OB....like yesterday!

deux

Get a new OB and encourage your wife to READ READ READ. Actual books on childbirth, not horror stories on forums and from friends.

Any OB who would say the risks are equal is blatantly ignoring facts for his own benefit. Scheduled sections are easier on HIM/HER, the end. The OB isn't around for the recovery, their job is done in twenty minutes and they can get to their tee time.

The Sears Pregnancy Book is a good one.

It sounds like your wife has a lot of fears around birth and wants to put on blinders and believe that a cesarean would be the easy way out, a way to bypass the difficulty and unknowns of labor. It isn't the easy way, there's more to fear about surgery than a low risk natural birth.

Beevol

A medicated vaginal birth and an unmedicated vaginal birth might be a toss up in terms of safety (depending on mitigating factors - epidurals have been shown to slow down some labors and speed up others) but a c-section is not the same thing as a "medicated birth" as your first post sort of implies. I've seen studies that show that planned c-sections are safer than emergency c-sections (given after labor has begun and a problem arises), but I would question the medical knowledge of anyone who claimed that a planned c-section was just as safe as a planned vaginal delivery. 

It sounds like your wife is scared - which is perfectly normal, and honestly, if she weren't scared I'd side-eye her. Birth can be dangerous and it's full of unknowns. But that fear is counter productive and could be harmful. 

I highly recommend that she get a second opinion from an OB because her doctor might be a few bricks short of a load and I also recommend that she see a counselor to talk through her fears. No matter what she chooses, and ultimately, it is her choice, that fear needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later. 

shellybean3788

Beevol said:

It sounds like your wife is scared - which is perfectly normal, and honestly, if she weren't scared I'd side-eye her. Birth can be dangerous and it's full of unknowns. But that fear is counter productive and could be harmful. 

https://birthwithoutfearblog.com/

Positive affirmations, stories, and quotes from women who've been through exactly what your wife is about to go through. 

Educate yourselves as much as you can. Humans tend to fear what they do not understand. The more you understand about the natural process of birth (and it IS natural, your wife is pregnant, not sick) the less fear you will feel and the more able you will be to make an informed decision about your impending birth.

Congratulations, and good luck.

schnitz9

I'm gonna throw my hat in here.  I think your wife may be a little mis-informed on the c-section.  I am a FTM, however have had a major surgery in the area of my uterus and have c-section scar.  I can tell you this .  A c-section is major surgery.  Any mother who has had one on here can tell you it is in no way an easy thing to do.  My mother had both.  She always told me that vaginal birth was much easier recovery wise. The pain from a vaginal birth is minimal in comparison to the recovery of a c-section.  I know many c-section moms who are traumatized from having them and worked to have VBAC's with their other children.  Ask someone who has had both they would definitely be able to tell you their option with facts to back up. Several complications can go wrong during a c-section that can be avoided.  I hope im not offending anyone but I feel that non-medically needed c-sections are an easy way out.  Not wanting to wait and knowing when the baby is born is not a reason.  The fact that your OB did not tell you these things is a concern.  You should def do more research and have a serious talk with your wife.

allrightmeow

Is this real life?!  Id get a new doctor if it were me.  The both of you should consider doing tons of research on this topic because your doctor is incorrect. 

Alygohome

I can't imagine opting for major surgery myself. I am going to a hospital that doesn't even offer C-section, they have to air lift you to a major city centre if you need one.

My friend is horrified that I am going to a non-C-section facility since she had one about 18 hours into labor because she was to exhausted to keep pushing and she couldn't imagine not having one now. I get that there is advantages for some people but for me, I would much rather not be cut open.

I think her concerns and your concerns are both valid, but at the end of the day as long as the baby is born I don't think it matters how it gets out. I would probably get a second opinion though.

merc5411

It sounds like your wife is scared. That's completely understandable. Child birth can be scary. Is there a specific reason she's scared? Did something happen to someone she knows that is adding to her stress and fear. I ask because I was in that situation. One if my best friends died in child birth. I found out I was pregnant a few months later. I was terrified. I even asked my OB if I could have a C/S because of my fear that I would die just like her. By the time it was time for me to give birth, I had calmed down enough to try for a vaginal birth. I ended up with a C/S anyway. I personally did not have a difficult recovery even with needing general anesthesia. But just because it wasn't bad for me doesn't mean it's not hard for others.

Talk to her and try to figure out what she's scared of exactly. I wish you both luck.

AusDad

Hi Everyone,

I really appreciate all of your opinions and they are mostly along the lines of what I feel.

I have done a butt load of research and feel like natural would be the better option but what can I do? 

Ultimately it is my wife's decision and I've got to respect and support that. 

I told her that there are definitely more risks with C-Section, that the recovery is longer with C-Section and that the unknown is normal.

I am going to have a list of questions for the OB when I go next week, the majority of them being around increased risk e.t.c.

Thanks again ppl 

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The user and all related content has been deleted.

shellybean3788

AusDad said:

Hi Everyone,

I really appreciate all of your opinions and they are mostly along the lines of what I feel.

I have done a butt load of research and feel like natural would be the better option but what can I do? 

Ultimately it is my wife's decision and I've got to respect and support that. 

I told her that there are definitely more risks with C-Section, that the recovery is longer with C-Section and that the unknown is normal.

I am going to have a list of questions for the OB when I go next week, the majority of them being around increased risk e.t.c.

Thanks again ppl 

Shower her in information. Educate, educate, educate. It's the only way to eliminate fear and allow for a completely information-based decision

schnitz9

MrsMuq said:

ScoutNumbers05 said:

@MrsMuq‌ I don't believe I've had the pleasure, so I'm a bit lost as to the "as usual you're twisting things" comment. Sorrynotsorry for holding an opinion about an actual personal experience that differs from yours. Nice to meet you. I don't twist, I just don't agree with the pearl clutchers on this topic. I'm not sure why that's a personal offense to you, but we are just starting out. I'm sure we have much to learn about what makes each other tick.

The "twisting things" comment was your general pattern of responses towards elective c-sections.

I had a scheduled c-section because I was diagnosed with GD late in my 3rd trimester. I spent 7 days in the hospital. I couldn't walk until 15 hours after my surgery. I was on Percocet for over three weeks. My incision became infected and partially opened up, having to be re-stapled. I was on a 14 days course of massive antibiotics.

If/when we have LO#2, I'll go VBAC all the way if medically possible.

You may have had a good experience, but there is no medical validity to having major surgery for no reason other than "because I want to."

ScoutNumbers05 is, would you have had an elective c-section if you did not have the complications you had? To me its like walking into a hospital and asking them to take your appendix out when you don't have appendicitis but you're scared that in the future you might. Why complicate things when there is no reason.  Also what good doctor would allow a healthy pregnant woman to have a c-section?

edited for mis-tag

ZooCrewMom

Having had two c-sections (one emergency and one failed VBAC) I would really help your wife to select a few books to read and a new doctor. Perhaps a birthing class would help ease her fears as well. The operating room for the c-section is a cold, creepy place in my opinion and much scarier than the delivery of a baby in nice hospital/birthing center room. 

jennypolkadots

I would run in the other direction if a doctor is willing to perform major abdominal surgery simply because you request it. If there is no medical need, the safest way for a baby to be born is vaginally and naturally if possible. The doctors is being fraudulent by claiming these are all the same risk factor for a low risk pregnancy. Also it may cost you about the same if you have good insurance, but your insurance comapny will be billed significantly more for a surgery than a normal birth. That is insane. I would be interested to hear this doctor's cesarean rates.

Cesareans are miracles for the few families that truly need them. But it is not a decision to take lightly or choose for no reason. I just simply don't understand. 

jennypolkadots

Maybe the best way to go about this is to work on your wife's self esteem. Why does she feel like she can't handle labor? Why does she feel like her body will not work as it is designed even though she has no medical reason to believe that? This is more concerning and something I think you should try to address. 

I will say that I can't imagine someone who is looking to an elective cesarean for such fruitless reasons would have the mental stamina to get through a natural labor. Sounds like she just doesn't think she can do any of it. If I were you, I would find a local doula and set up a meeting. Your wife may like having a woman to talk to and having that support throughout her birth. You can also get information about which hospitals/doctors in your area are heavy handed with surgeries and she can get some better info on vaginal birth. Having someone else to help you sort through information and form a birth plan, as well as be there for that birth experience would be really good for your situation. A good doula will become your best friend through this process.

jennypolkadots

Ugh sorry for another post. Just wanted to say a lot of doulas are really just there for whatever experience you are planning. Many women chose to have a doula for a medicated vaginal birth and just having someone there to talk to and keep calm with can be so valuable. Really, I think this could be great for your wife. 

Sahara6971

I just wanted to add that EVERYONE is scared at some point when going in to have a baby. I think it would be odd not to be. I think she should really find someone to talk to that can help address her fears and to let her know she is not alone.

And here is my comparison just for fun

It's like needing a colonoscopy and your dr. saying "oh, you are afraid of having a camera shoved up your butt?? Well, if you'd like, I could cut your stomach open and remove your colon and check it that way. How does that sound? I offer both options."

Honest, reputable doctors don't operate that way.

schnitz9

Sahara6971 said:

I just wanted to add that EVERYONE is scared at some point when going in to have a baby. I think it would be odd not to be. I think she should really find someone to talk to that can help address her fears and to let her know she is not alone.

And here is my comparison just for fun

It's like needing a colonoscopy and your dr. saying "oh, you are afraid of having a camera shoved up your butt?? Well, if you'd like, I could cut your stomach open and remove your colon and check it that way. How does that sound? I offer both options."

Honest, reputable doctors don't operate that way.

Best example! So true.  My feeling is the nervous build-up sometimes is actually worse than the actually of the event. I've had several surgeries in my life.  My major one I was in the hospital for almost a month.  Was terrified for a while before.  The pain afterwards was terrible.  But I look back on it now and tell myself I survived I did it. I'm fine now.  As a FTM I'm not thinking about the actual labor I'm thinking about after when its all over.  I'm thinking about a month later. To me thats the best way to go into these types of situations.

Bigboneded

Surgery is riskier, the more invasive, the more risk. That's a no brainer. Sometimes surgeons are more concerned with knife time than the best for mom, and it is way more convenient for doc to schedule surgery....
I had an RE tell me I had a 2% chance of getting pregnant and carrying to term without IVF. 2nd RE, 2nd IVF insistance. Some doctors have their own agenda. Your OOP costs are probable about the same either way. His reimbursement is way more for the CS, I get so angry at the money games.... and I am a nurse, if that gives me any additional credibility. Good luck. I wish you both a healthy delivery no matter her decision :-)

aeron143

Hi. Show your wife this forum / these replies maybe?

kellyfo14

I had 2 positive Csec experiences. It wouldn't have been my first choice, though. I had no intention of going drug free or anything like that but I did want to have a vaginal delivery. Recovery is definitely a lot tougher so I have heard. My first was worse since I had been in labor for 36 hours. I would not agree that the OR is "cold and creepy" though, at least, that wasn't my experience. Both times it was relaxed and everyone was warm and understanding. The only weird part for me was everyone speaking to me through masks and I could only tell my husband was smiling by the wrinkles around his eyes. We are on our third though and the risks increase every time as well as the anxiety. Not sure how many children you both want but that should also be taken into consideration(I am sure someone has mentioned this).

cafecreme

I've never heard of an elective c-section. I always thought c-sections were because of issues - pre-e, diabetes, labor isn't progressing, etc. 

I would rather have a vaginal birth any time, any day versus a c-section. Less recovery time and I'm pretty sure there's less risk involved...

thegoodpotato

Anything said here is pretty much redundant to what everyone else has said. I just would like to add on some anecdotal experience...

I had two unmedicated, vaginal births. With my second, it was pretty much the easiest birth you could want. One hour of hard labour, six pushes, no tearing at all. I was up and walking within an hour of delivery, and had little more than a couple of Advil to make me feel normal (although, you might expect, I was a little tired).  I left the hospital less than 24 hours after I arrived.

This is baby #3 for me.... And I'm still terrified to do it again, even knowing generally what to expect.  I do think this is a matter of dealing with fear. Even with a super easy delivery, I've got that voice in my head wondering if a c-section isn't easier. I have past experience to draw on for confidence; it can be challenging to go in not knowing what to expect.

You've still got plenty of time. Keep the discussion open.  It sounds like you're doing the right things, and being supportive.  I hope you guys can come to a place where you make the best decision for you.  

aksue22

I used to work with a woman who said elective CS was the only civilized way to give birth. I was always of the opinion that if I can avoid major surgery, I definitely would. Granted, I've never gone through labor or birth (FTM here), I've also never had surgery. I was weirded out to go under for my egg retrieval, which lasted all of 10 minutes. Being cut open while people sort through your organs then sew you back up is kinda freaky. I'd rather avoid it if I can.