What do I say?

CandST2014

As a teacher, I go back to work tomorrow. I'm sooooo dreading being asked a million times how my summer was. If I were to be honest, I'd say, "well I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after school got out, spent my summer with my head in the toilet, and miscarried a week ago. It sucked". Probably not an appropriate answer. How can I avoid this discussion altogether? Any advice?

rslh10

A lot of women say to answer generically and then transfer the conversation back to them. People love to talk about themselves! good luck.

CandST2014

Oh very true! Thanks!

rslh10

I think there is a thread from maybe a few months ago that talked about this as well. If you feel like looking back on the board

BethKate2

rslh10 said:

I think there is a thread from maybe a few months ago that talked about this as well. If you feel like looking back on the board

There was. I don't remember who posted it, but it was probably at some point in July.

CandST2014

I will look for the thread. I guess I'm also worried about keeping it together when being in that situation. I was so looking forward to sharing the news with my coworkers, many I'm very close with. It's just so disappointing but I'm sure everyone here unfortunately knows this feeling.

BethKate2

CandST2014 said:

I will look for the thread. I guess I'm also worried about keeping it together when being in that situation. I was so looking forward to sharing the news with my coworkers, many I'm very close with. It's just so disappointing but I'm sure everyone here unfortunately knows this feeling.

It's hard. I think a quick, "Mine was OK, how was your summer?" will deflect the focus off of you enough to hopefully help you to keep it together.

daystardreams

I'm a preschool teacher but I lost my baby in April so I told them at the time it happened. We are small so there are only 12 of us. I'm really glad that they all know and they've saved me several times when I was having a hard moment. (i.e. Mother complaining about being pregnant, bringing new baby in to pick up older child)

What I am saying is that it wouldn't be unheard of for you to share your news if you feel comfortable doing that. It is up to you but other than that, previous posters ideas of deflecting the conversation seem like they will work well.

lyndz333

I'm in the same boat as you honey. I had my first loss at the tail and of April and my coworkers found out on accident. Going into summer I was hopeful and optimistic. We lost our second one on the 11th and my first afternoon stopping in I had two people ask me how things were on the "baby front". I just told them no news yet and made up an excuse to go back to my room. Keep it short and sweet and excuse yourself immediately if you find yourself unable to hold it together. I have no desire to share my second loss with my coworkers. But that's just me.

mpiemont

@candst2014 here's the thread from a little while back

Click for thread

Edit- I have issues inserting links

rslh10

@mpiemont

mrsjg2013

BethKate2 said:

rslh10 said:

I think there is a thread from maybe a few months ago that talked about this as well. If you feel like looking back on the board

There was. I don't remember who posted it, but it was probably at some point in July.

It was me!! Here is the link.

I have to say, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be.  People will definitely ask... nearly everyone.  But they often don't really want to know, kind of like when someone says, "How are you?"  They are okay with, "Fine, thanks," so they can go about their busy back-to-school rushing around!  For closer coworkers who really do care, I just said it was so-so.  We adopted two kittens, so I mentioned that.  Maybe pick one thing that was fun, enjoyable, or just say, "I did a whole lot of nothing, actually!"  I think I said, "It was definitely a summer of r&r!"  Totally true, only it was very hard to relax because I was sitting on the couch doped up on pain meds and crying my eyes out. 

Telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth doesn't always work IRL, but you can always speak it here   Big ((HUGS)) and hope you have a good start to the year.  Being back at school has been a blessing in disguise for me because it keeps me busy and out of my own head. 

CandST2014

Thank you!! Today ended up ok. I was able to hold it together even sitting next to an 8 month pregnant coworker whose every sentence involved something about being big and pregnant. I do think being back at work will definitely be a help to me. Thank you all so much for the support.

Poppy715

CandST2014 said:

Thank you!! Today ended up ok. I was able to hold it together even sitting next to an 8 month pregnant coworker whose every sentence involved something about being big and pregnant. I do think being back at work will definitely be a help to me. Thank you all so much for the support.

Glad to hear it went ok. Usually the anticipation leading up to the event is worse. ((Hugs)) try and avoid that co-worker and you will probably be just fine. Work was a welcome distraction when I went back. You can do it.

thiscoffeechick

On a lesser scale I understand the awkwardness of the question. I miscarried while on vacation in Hawaii this weekend. All my co-workers today were like "How was your vaca?!?!" "What did you do there?!?!"
I didn't feel like answering that I was in the ER for 5 hours and then couped up in my hotel room crying for days.
I just shrugged and said "drank out of coconuts". No one really pushed it.
I'm sorry for your disappointment and sadness.

meredithcarole

@CandST2014‌ I am glad you made it through the day.

@lauraneedscoffee‌ I am so sorry for your loss. What a horrible vacation. ((Hugs))

mrandmrsv

@CandST2014 So sorry for your loss. Glad to see that your day went better than expected though. I hope work keeps you distracted and hopefully you can keep your distance from your pregnant coworker. *Hugs* @lauraneedscoffee So very sorry for your loss and for how it happened during your vacation. *hugs*

alm288

I'm glad to hear your first day back was okay. Going back to work was a nice distraction for me, but it was hard to be around my pregnant colleagues. Good luck. (((Hugs)))

CandST2014

The pregnant coworker happens to be my assistant for the year. But this is stuff we have to deal with in the real world and I'm going to do my best to share in her happiness as I hope people will when I one day have happy news to share. @lauraneedscoffee‌ I'm so sorry for your loss and the timing of it (((hugs)))