How to say "No kids at the shower"?

Love4Science

While we're on the topic of kids and weddings, I thought I'd ask if any of you had a suggestion about how to (nicely) say that our shower is adults only.  Or if we even need to say anything at all.

We're having a co-ed shower in an outdoor shelter at a county park.  My best friends, who are throwing my shower, are concerned that because it's co-ed and it's outside, people will think it's just an informal BBQ and bring all their kids when it's really meant to be an adult event (wine, grown up games and conversation, etc. - more garden party, less BBQ).  

Our concern isn't the infants, they just sort of lay there, but with the 3 and 4 year old kids (who at a recent dinner gathering ran, yelled, refused to sit down, and insisted on interrupting DH and I constantly during dinner with no intervention from the parents).  I want to enjoy my shower, talk to our friends, and not feel compelled to pay attention to other peoples' poorly behaved children.

So, is there a way to say it nicely or is "adults only" the only way to go?

Maelara

I've always seen kids at showers. It's usually a given in my circle that they will be there so I don't know? You might just have to put it on the invitation and risk people not coming.

jac409

I agree. I would just say adults only on the invite and be done with it. I don't think it's rude at all, just like it isn't rude to have an adults only reception. People can choose not to attend if it is an issue for them.

absolutelymaybe

I guess I would just say "adults only" on the invite. I'm in the same boat as @maelara, though, and kids are pretty much the norm at showers around here. Especially one that's outside in a park, I'd especially be inclined to assume kids were invited.  Do your friends really have that many poorly behaved children that will steal your attention?

 It's your party though...

Maelara

FhSTAR81 said:

We had kids at mine I loved it. They helped up of gifts. At my sisters we had games just for kids too.

Yup! Bring me all the kids!!

OP, I get that you are going to have a shower with lots of drinking and adult entertainment which is why you don't want kids there. It also sounds like an inappropriate place to bring a child. But this ISN'T a wedding and while this is probably an UO, I do think it's rude to not include kids at a baby shower. A baby shower is about welcoming the mother-to-be into the world of motherhood, it's celebrating you AND your baby, which is a kid. Maybe the baby shower board will give you a better answer? I think I'm too biased to give a good answer here.

Maelara

FhSTAR81 said:

FhSTAR81 said:

We had kids at mine I loved it. They helped up of gifts. At my sisters we had games just for kids too.

Yup! Bring me all the kids!!

OP, I get that you are going to have a shower with lots of drinking and adult entertainment which is why you don't want kids there. It also sounds like an inappropriate place to bring a child. But this ISN'T a wedding and while this is probably an UO, I do think it's rude to not include kids at a baby shower. A baby shower is about welcoming the mother-to-be into the world of motherhood, it's celebrating you AND your baby, which is a kid. Maybe the baby shower board will give you a better answer? I think I'm too biased to give a good answer here.

Yeah, I agree. Kids kind of gi hand and hand with a baby shower to me. I would have been sad if no kids were there.

Me too heck, I even had one kid at my bachelorette party! The mom was from out of town and didnt want to leave him. None of us got overly drunk and he slept for half of it. It didnt bother me in the slightest.

moroccojade

Yes, I guess you could just say "adults only" and there will be some people that will just choose not to come.  

But a party in the park seems low key enough to let kids come, too???   Are the kids and their parents really that bad?   If they are, that kind of scares me.  

CPM13

Everyone should have the shower that they want but I am also a bit surprised that the kids bother you so much! We had a bunch of kids (3 months to 11 years old) at our shower and they were so adorably into it and helpful. But "adults only" will certainly send the message. Good luck!

absolutelymaybe

Maelara said:

FhSTAR81 said:

We had kids at mine I loved it. They helped up of gifts. At my sisters we had games just for kids too.

Yup! Bring me all the kids!!

OP, I get that you are going to have a shower with lots of drinking and adult entertainment which is why you don't want kids there. It also sounds like an inappropriate place to bring a child. But this ISN'T a wedding and while this is probably an UO, I do think it's rude to not include kids at a baby shower. A baby shower is about welcoming the mother-to-be into the world of motherhood, it's celebrating you AND your baby, which is a kid. Maybe the baby shower board will give you a better answer? I think I'm too biased to give a good answer here.

Is it bad that my mind immediately jumped to strippers when you mentioned "adult entertainment"? 

Aside from drinking (which I can honestly say goes on at most of the baby showers I've been to -- usually wine or champagne punch), I'm trying to picture what kind of fun adult entertainment you could have at a baby shower. Games...like pin the peesh on the US photo? 

(I just found out our friends are throwing us a "surprise" co-ed baby shower at the end of this month. Pretty much everyone is going to be adults. Maybe I'm looking for ideas?)

creativesoul83

I would just put "adults only" I am sure a few won't come especiallybeing co-ed, meaning hey get a baby sitter for my party.
I personally wouldn't get offended. Also I am a ftm so if I wasn't I might feel different. I also disagree with unruly children.

Last thing where on earth do you live to have alcohol at a county park???

kaimee27

"Adults only" is probably fine if you really want no kids there.  Otherwise, maybe the shower invites could be specifically addressed with just the parents' names?  That way, it would be clear who is invited.

Maelara

absolutelymaybe said:

Maelara said:

FhSTAR81 said:

We had kids at mine I loved it. They helped up of gifts. At my sisters we had games just for kids too.

Yup! Bring me all the kids!!

OP, I get that you are going to have a shower with lots of drinking and adult entertainment which is why you don't want kids there. It also sounds like an inappropriate place to bring a child. But this ISN'T a wedding and while this is probably an UO, I do think it's rude to not include kids at a baby shower. A baby shower is about welcoming the mother-to-be into the world of motherhood, it's celebrating you AND your baby, which is a kid. Maybe the baby shower board will give you a better answer? I think I'm too biased to give a good answer here.

Is it bad that my mind immediately jumped to strippers when you mentioned "adult entertainment"? 

Aside from drinking (which I can honestly say goes on at most of the baby showers I've been to -- usually wine or champagne punch), I'm trying to picture what kind of fun adult entertainment you could have at a baby shower. Games...like pin the peesh on the US photo? 

(I just found out our friends are throwing us a "surprise" co-ed baby shower at the end of this month. Pretty much everyone is going to be adults. Maybe I'm looking for ideas?)

Lol! You never know! She said 'adult games, adult conversation' so I paraphrased with adult entertainment. Having strippers there would be hilarious, tacky but hilarious!

kayd8

The shower invites my sister is sending say adults only.  Besides my own nieces and the co-host's children, we're only slighting 1 person who might have brought her daughter.  I don't mind (well behaved) children coming, but I'm letting the person throwing it decide. 

My shower will be women only, but at a co-ed shower in particular, you'll need to expect some people to not attend.  Some people can't or won't get a sitter to go to an afternoon party.

Love4Science

Thanks ladies for your input.  You've given me lots of thoughtful answers.  I've never been to a baby shower with kids present, they've always been adult-only affairs, so maybe it is a normal thing to have kids at the shower?

Just to be clear, *all* the kids don't bother me; I'm a teacher, kids are my life. But there is just one couple we're inviting that we really like but whose kids are off. the. wall. I guess my parents raised me from a young age to sit down at dinner, keep quiet, and don't interrupt adults when they're talking so it was a little bit of a shock to see what other peoples' kids get away with.

But you're right, it wouldn't be the end of the world if they were there, so I guess we'll leave "adults only" off the invites and just address the envelopes to the parents and see what happens.

Thanks again ladies for your polite and thoughtful answers.

Love4Science

@creativesoul83 - NY is pretty lenient on that type of thing.  We pay enough in taxes that we should be able to drink in any county park we want.

And just to be clear, this isn't a day-binge-drinking affair with strippers.  Some of the other moms are pregnant, some are BF-ing, but there will be wine and beer for those that can partake.  And I don't know about the "adult games" - that's all my girlfriends told me.  But they know better than to make it raunchy.

Maelara

Love4Science said:

@creativesoul83 - NY is pretty lenient on that type of thing.  We pay enough in taxes that we should be able to drink in any county park we want.

And just to be clear, this isn't a day-binge-drinking affair with strippers.  Some of the other moms are pregnant, some are BF-ing, but there will be wine and beer for those that can partake.  And I don't know about the "adult games" - that's all my girlfriends told me.  But they know better than to make it raunchy.

BAHAHAHA! How you put that 'day-binge-drinking affair with strippers' made me laugh! I honestly didn't think of it that way, it was just a funny thing because I used the phrase adult entertainment. I really didn't mean strippers though!! Honestly, if you don't want kids there then just put it on the invitations. I don't agree with it but as it's been pointed out to me by some other ladies, it's probably a regional thing and that's ok

mightymo85

I'm having two showers, one for family where I will invite older friends with kids and another friends "adults only" shower. We had to cut costs that way. If people don't want to find a sitter they don't have to come. If people think I'm rude, so be it but the person throwing the shower can't afford to pay for everyone and their 3 or 4 kids.

mrsransom

Instead of saying "adults only", could you just say there will be "adult beverages & games?"  That way you aren't flat out saying no kids, but they will be able to see that it's not going to be an environment meant for bringing kids

I have been to a million baby showers, & I do see kids at them, but they tend to be infants.  I wouldn't mind kids coming as long as they aren't running around crazy.  If DH had something going on & it was either bring DS or miss the shower, I would probably bring him, but I never just bring him when DH is home to watch him.  To me, showers are come alone but if you have to bring your kid to come, then bring them...if that makes sense!

JustJainey

Understand you want no kids, but just wondered if anyone has ever arranged maybe for a teen to attend and have them oversee some simple activities/crafts with any little kids? Kind of a built in babysitter for the event?

mightymo85

Pin the penis on the fetus?!?! That's an awesome idea!

nov14mom

It's your right to make a call about kids vs adults only, but I agree that something explicit (pardon the pun) needs to be said given that it is men and women at a park during the day. I would def assume that means kids are welcome.

lizgrace03

Our county parks in Charlotte let you bring booze if you pay a $50 fee.

This is a tough question. I'm allowing kids at my shower but it's super laid back and I don't have many friends with kids anyway. I get your point about rambunctious kids, it's too bad it's the one couple ruining it for everyone else. Maybe they would rather leave the kids at home anyway?

mamatohne

1)I would totally decline an invite to a BABY shower that wouldn't let me bring my own child especially at park.
2)I would also be super pissed to get an invite saying adults only where I did find a sitter, and there were other kids there no matter who's kids they were. (I'm only finding a baby sitter to know I don't have to be around ANY kids)
3)If DH & I DO get a babysitter it's definitely not to go to a baby shower.

amtay825

I recently attended 2 showers back to back with the same kids there and the second one had additional kids there. They were all 4-6ish. Probably about 7 or 8 kids total. It was at my church, so I know all of the kids in fact had all of them in my preschool class at one time or another before I stepped down from serving. They went WILD, both times! 2nd time moreso because it was longer, but even though the host had things for them to do, it didn't last long. The boys were running everywhere all up on the stage, hiding under cake table and the food tables, knocking everything over, grabbing stuff...it was insane. The girls weren't as bad, which is typical I've found. My friend that's hosting my shower was with me both times, and towards the end of the 2nd one looked at me and said "I think I'm going to have childcare at your shower. This is nuts." One of the boys acting up was her son even! I agreed with her because a lot of people were getting frustrated with the kids, especially the hosts who had put so much effort into it. Because its at a church, we can have some of the girls from our youth group come and watch the kids for us if needed. I told her that I hadn't been to a baby shower since becoming an adult, but when I did where I'm from, kids don't go to showers. Yes, babies but no toddlers and up. Its just a woman thing. But I know that times have changed as well as I live in a different state so the culture is different as well. I'm open to whichever she wants to do, although I gotta say I was a tad bit stressed with the kids running all under the tables knocking food and stuff. I can't imagine if its my own shower how stressed I'd be.

However, yours is at a park so yes I can see where people would want to bring their kids. Is there a playground there? If so, then the kids would most likely be there most of the time anyway.

carmelissa

We are having our shower at a restaurant so cost is an issue for us. That said, we chose not to have many children at ours - we made exceptions for people that we know wouldn't be able to attend without their children, but they are all well behaved so we're ok with that.

missnacholover

My shower is going to be at a restaurant.  I didn't put kids names on the invitations, but if a mom wants to bring her child, it doesn't matter to me.  My niece will be there - she's 4.  I'll probably buy her a coloring book or something. 

I have a lot of friends who have had babies since the last time I saw them so I'm kind of hoping folks bring their babies!!

I think if you want an adults only shower the only way to ensure that is to put "Adults Only" on the invitation.  I do think it's a little odd to request it when your shower will be outside at a park.

mb314

tarynleann said:

1)I would totally decline an invite to a BABY shower that wouldn't let me bring my own child especially at park. 2)I would also be super pissed to get an invite saying adults only where I did find a sitter, and there were other kids there no matter who's kids they were. (I'm only finding a baby sitter to know I don't have to be around ANY kids) 3)If DH & I DO get a babysitter it's definitely not to go to a baby shower.

This is exactly how I feel.  I you don't want kids at your shower, fine.  But if I was invited to a co-ed shower in a park and couldn't bring my kids, I just wouldn't go.  We pay babysitters $10-12/hour, so that would probably be about $40 just to go to a shower, where I am expected to give a gift to welcome someone else's kid into the world.  Plus, since I work full time, my quality time with DS is during weekend afternoons, and I wouldn't want to give that up. 

missnacholover

I want to add, that I most likely would not hire a babysitter so that DH and I could both go to a baby shower.  Eff that noise.  I'm already buying a gift, and DH would probably have no interest in going to a baby shower anyway so I'd leave him home with the kid.

kstirton

Maelara said:

I've always seen kids at showers. It's usually a given in my circle that they will be there so I don't know? You might just have to put it on the invitation and risk people not coming.

This - I've always seen kids at a baby shower co-ed or not.

mommymeg143

I have LOTS of input!!

1)  Am I the only one that is bothered by serving alcohol at a baby shower?  The thought of everyone having adult beverages at my shower makes me want to cry.   Why?  Because I'm not allowed to have any!! I've never been to a baby shower that served alcohol.  That's just rudeness to the mom or maybe i'm just selfish!!  I have, however, heard of a "sip and see" which occurs after the baby is born.  The mother invites her friends over to "sip" some adult beverages and "see" the baby for the first time. 

2)  Where i'm from EVERYBODY brings their kids to any and all showers to show them off.  It's like, "oh, congrats on your baby...this is MY baby and he/she is the best baby in the world!!"  It's quite entertaining. 

3) Personally, I think you should include your last paragraph on the invitation so that the guests know exactly what's up.  I've rephrased it a little...but it goes like this...

If you have infants, you are more than welcome to bring them to my shower because they just sort of lay there.  Any child between the ages of 3 and 4 are NOT allowed because who wants children who run, yell, refuse to sit down and insist on interupting everyone's conversation.  However, you if feel you can actually discpline your child during the shower to keep them from causing a ruckess, you are more than welcome to bring them.  My goal is to enjoy my shower, have meaningful conversations with every one of you and not feel compelled to pay attention to anyone's poorly behaved child whom the parents refuse to discpline.   Please leave those brats at home.     We look forward to seeing you!! 

:-bd :-bd

mb314

On a different note, what's wrong with 3 to 4 year olds running around a park?  That's what kids SHOULD be doing.  I understand wanting kids to sit and behave at restaurants, church, weddings, more formal functions, but if something is being held in a park, who gives a sh*t if they're running around?  That's what I would want my kids to do be doing.

Jan1214

I swear I've seen this topic on the Baby Shower board, but I can't seem to find it. I think whether or not children are invited depends on the situation. It could be a regional thing, but it also has to do with how formal the setting is. Because the OP's shower is co-ed and at a park, many people would assume it is a family event. -- This could be a good question for the Baby Shower board.

mommymeg143

DanielleNMiley said:

MeganMullikin said:

I have LOTS of input!!

1)  Am I the only one that is bothered by serving alcohol at a baby shower?  The thought of everyone having adult beverages at my shower makes me want to cry.   Why?  Because I'm not allowed to have any!! I've never been to a baby shower that served alcohol.  That's just rudeness to the mom or maybe i'm just selfish!!  I have, however, heard of a "sip and see" which occurs after the baby is born.  The mother invites her friends over to "sip" some adult beverages and "see" the baby for the first time. 

2)  Where i'm from EVERYBODY brings their kids to any and all showers to show them off.  It's like, "oh, congrats on your baby...this is MY baby and he/she is the best baby in the world!!"  It's quite entertaining. 

3) Personally, I think you should include your last paragraph on the invitation so that the guests know exactly what's up.  I've rephrased it a little...but it goes like this...

If you have infants, you are more than welcome to bring them to my shower because they just sort of lay there.  Any child between the ages of 3 and 4 are NOT allowed because who wants children who run, yell, refuse to sit down and insist on interupting everyone's conversation.  However, you if feel you can actually discpline your child during the shower to keep them from causing a ruckess, you are more than welcome to bring them.  My goal is to enjoy my shower, have meaningful conversations with every one of you and not feel compelled to pay attention to anyone's poorly behaved child whom the parents refuse to discpline.   Please leave those brats at home.     We look forward to seeing you!! 

:-bd :-bd

I completely agree with you! I actually have a funny/rude story that happened at my bridal shower. Since my mom & aunts were hosting and paying, they asked if it was okay if we didn't serve alcohol. I had no problem at all with it, I barely drink; it was a Sunday afternoon and everyone was driving from far places. Plus I knew alcohol was not a good idea for my DH's family since they're insane already. I told my MIL in advance and so did DH, she agreed. Well as soon as everyone got to the restaurant and DH's family sat at their table, all hell broke loose. They ordered bottles and bottles of wine, they paid for it but to me it was still completely rude. I was so pissed off that she did that, they were so drunk that it was rude. So glad they won't be at my baby shower

Do we have the same inlaws?  Haha, DH has three younger siblings between the ages of 23-26.  They get shit faced EVERYWHERE they go.  I didn't want to have an open bar at our wedding because I wanted their intake to be limited.  DH insisted that it would be rude if we didn't so we served all night.  His sister got so bad that the country club cut her off and we later caught her trying to break into the wine cabinet to get more alcohol.  WTF!!

mb314

In terms of alcohol, I think it depends upon the circumstance.  My women-only shower at my mom's bf's house was dry, but it was a very traditional shower.  My shower hosted by my inlaws was wet - it was a backyard BBQ, co-ed, family event.  They served wine and beer (or maybe just beer).  I was totally fine with it - by that point, I was used to not drinking and being around people who were enjoying a drink.  No one got sh*t-faced, and everyone drank responsibly, so I didn't mind.  I know if I hadn't been pregnant, I would have appreciated a beer or glass of wine at someone else's shower. 

absolutelymaybe

MeganMullikin said:

I have LOTS of input!!

1)  Am I the only one that is bothered by serving alcohol at a baby shower?  The thought of everyone having adult beverages at my shower makes me want to cry.   Why?  Because I'm not allowed to have any!! I've never been to a baby shower that served alcohol.  That's just rudeness to the mom or maybe i'm just selfish!!  I have, however, heard of a "sip and see" which occurs after the baby is born.  The mother invites her friends over to "sip" some adult beverages and "see" the baby for the first time. 

*clip*

I know how disappointing it is to not be able to drink (trust me, I was dramatically whining to DH last night when he was talking about the type of booze they're having at the co-ed baby shower), but I don't think there's anything wrong with guests wanting to drink. I also think it's funny how some people equate drinking with partying and acting out of control. YES, that CAN happen if that's the group of people you are entertaining, but when I think of drinking at a shower I think of a glass of wine or punch. It's not like a baby kegger.

Also: The only way I could go to a baby shower before was if there was alcohol involved. If there wasn't, I brought a flask. Infertility sucks hard. 

thedjinn88

I would write an adult only party, I have never been to a kid free baby shower, we actually are doing my baby shower at a in door play area, rent the area so kids are busy while adults can do the baby shower, but I also have children already and they will very much be included in the shower. I would get use to kids being loud and at parties, your about to enter the world of parenthood... kids will now be everywhere. Children are not made to be quiet and sit still for a long amount if time, I learned if you have activities to keep them busy, life is much easier.

PandaCon

absolutelymaybe said:

MeganMullikin said:

I have LOTS of input!!

1)  Am I the only one that is bothered by serving alcohol at a baby shower?  The thought of everyone having adult beverages at my shower makes me want to cry.   Why?  Because I'm not allowed to have any!! I've never been to a baby shower that served alcohol.  That's just rudeness to the mom or maybe i'm just selfish!!  I have, however, heard of a "sip and see" which occurs after the baby is born.  The mother invites her friends over to "sip" some adult beverages and "see" the baby for the first time. 

*clip*

I know how disappointing it is to not be able to drink (trust me, I was dramatically whining to DH last night when he was talking about the type of booze they're having at the co-ed baby shower), but I don't think there's anything wrong with guests wanting to drink. I also think it's funny how some people equate drinking with partying and acting out of control. YES, that CAN happen if that's the group of people you are entertaining, but when I think of drinking at a shower I think of a glass of wine or punch. It's not like a baby kegger.

Also: The only way I could go to a baby shower before was if there was alcohol involved. If there wasn't, I brought a flask. Infertility sucks hard. 

My shower that my Aunt and SIL threw we had punch and then you could choose between champagne or bubbly water to add to it. It was like Sunday afternoon mimosas! 

krgriffin26

I would write "adults only please" and not think twice about it.  I don't think kids need to be at everything. Especially if I am drinking or want to be drinking, my kid would be with grandma. I do hope my shower is mostly kid free but out of all the people invited, not many have kids so I'm ok with not saying anything. My wedding was actually kind of a mess because of kids. They were allowed to run around and they disturbed many of the activities. Guests couldn't even be on the dance floor without kids bumping into them or almost stepping on one of them.  

(Maybe this should be in OU :-/  ) It bothers me when I see even some of our family members let their kids run around adult parties where there is drinking until very late. The kids are usually unsupervised for the most part. I'm just the person though who would get a baby sitter so I can enjoy the night and not worry about endangering my kids life because I want a beer. Everyone is different. DH's cousins don't see any problem and have always allowed their children to be exposed to all the drinking and adults getting loud or telling inappropriate stories.

 

lizgrace03

We're having kids and wine at ours! Living on the edge

absolutelymaybe

krgriffin26 said:

I would write "adults only please" and not think twice about it.  I don't think kids need to be at everything. Especially if I am drinking or want to be drinking, my kid would be with grandma. I do hope my shower is mostly kid free but out of all the people invited, not many have kids so I'm ok with not saying anything. My wedding was actually kind of a mess because of kids. They were allowed to run around and they disturbed many of the activities. Guests couldn't even be on the dance floor without kids bumping into them or almost stepping on one of them.  

(Maybe this should be in OU :-/  ) It bothers me when I see even some of our family members let their kids run around adult parties where there is drinking until very late. The kids are usually unsupervised for the most part. I'm just the person though who would get a baby sitter so I can enjoy the night and not worry about endangering my kids life because I want a beer. Everyone is different. DH's cousins don't see any problem and have always allowed their children to be exposed to all the drinking and adults getting loud or telling inappropriate stories.

 

Woah here. One beer is hardly endangering your kids life. 

krgriffin26

absolutelymaybe said:

krgriffin26 said:

I would write "adults only please" and not think twice about it.  I don't think kids need to be at everything. Especially if I am drinking or want to be drinking, my kid would be with grandma. I do hope my shower is mostly kid free but out of all the people invited, not many have kids so I'm ok with not saying anything. My wedding was actually kind of a mess because of kids. They were allowed to run around and they disturbed many of the activities. Guests couldn't even be on the dance floor without kids bumping into them or almost stepping on one of them.  

(Maybe this should be in OU :-/  ) It bothers me when I see even some of our family members let their kids run around adult parties where there is drinking until very late. The kids are usually unsupervised for the most part. I'm just the person though who would get a baby sitter so I can enjoy the night and not worry about endangering my kids life because I want a beer. Everyone is different. DH's cousins don't see any problem and have always allowed their children to be exposed to all the drinking and adults getting loud or telling inappropriate stories.

 

Woah here. One beer is hardly endangering your kids life. 

True. But I'm more of a safe than sorry person. If I want to cut loose and drink (in any amount), I will find a baby sitter. This will not always happen as I don't have to drink just because I am out.

Sad true story though, a lady I know literally had 1 beer and then drover her son to one of his friend's house. On the way she saw someone she knew and rolled down her window to talk to them. That person smelled her one beer and called the cops and CPS. It caused a nightmare for her entire family for over a year and she lost her state job because of it. Not saying this can or would happen, but better safe than sorry. People are assholes and you can't control them.