2+ kids, full time job w long hours...HELP!!

Informer46

Hi, new here. I have a 4year old and I'm currently pregnant with my second. I'm worried that I won't be able to handle the stress of 2 kids and a full time job. I don't know what to do, I don't get home until 7-7:30pm because of my long commute. We just recently moved because it's a better school district. I don't know how all you mothers out there do it - especially if in management positions. We usually order out for dinner becuz hubby and I both get home late. I don't sleep until midnight. Any advice is truly appreciated.
Thanks,
Lisa

shadypines

@#$!!!

LBib

We couldn't make it work and DH has been a SAHD for 3 years.

theseaword

I am in the same boat as you almost to a tee. I have two kids, a full time management position, and an hour and a half commute on a good day. I honestly don't think it's sustainable forever and plan to look for an individual contributor role in the next 4 yrs so I can work from home more.

I do have my inlaws close by. They help pick up the slack when I need a daycare pickup or a date night. I also make sure that when I'm with my kids, I am 100% focused on them. I use my pumping time to make phone calls and to do lists so that I don't need to do that stuff at home.

I do work from home one day a week, and that day has been a life saver in that I can run the laundry while I work and use my lunch time to vacuum or do other housework so I get to spend more weekend time with the kids. Not sure if that's possible for you.

ASmallWonder

Check out the working moms board as well  I luckily get home earlier than that (home by 6) but DH gets home at 7:30 so there's not a whole lot that gets done before he's home except dinner and even then, with a 4 year old and 1 year old, I prep in advance as much as possible so I'm not having to cook with them both underfoot.

I make 1-2 meals on the weekend.  Either something in the crockpot or something I can make ahead like grilled chicken/meat, enchiladas, etc.  You can do sides in advance as well and then just throw a steam bag of veggies in the microwave.  Takeout won't work forever even though I absolutely do eat it, just not all the time

What, exactly is keeping you up until midnight?  Like I said, dinner aside, nothing house related gets done until DH is home and the kids are in bed, which is the same timeline you have.  I'll throw in laundry one night but not dry it until the next night.  If both of you are pitching in, cleaning up from dinner, washing bottles, wiping down counters and straightening shouldn't take more than a half hour total every night.

dashofreality

Generally speaking, you won't find very many parents where both parents have extremely demanding careers, unless they also have a lot of help. Personally, I stepped back temporarily and started working a few days a week from home and went PT. I know that isn't always possible, but I am in the corporate world and still made it happen. I had a 1 - 1.5 hour each way commute and I just couldn't do it.

For our family, both of us getting home at 7:30 just wouldn't work. Are you able to flex your hours at all? Generally that is a benefit of management. I occasionally still need to work long hours and I get up early and work for 1-2 hours before the kids get up. Work after I drop them off at daycare, take a break from 5:30 - 7:30 (dinner and bedtime in our house) and then get back on the computer when they go to bed.

If flexing isn't an option I would definitely look at hiring out as much as you can. @mcbenny has great tips, but I am just not that together to be as organized as she is. Or maybe I'm just lazy (that is a very real possibility).

cyprissa

We flex our schedules to make it work and have prioritized a short commute over good schools (we will most likely pay for private school with the money we save by not commuting). I drop the kids off at daycare around 8:05, get to the office by 8:30 and then work until 6:00/6:30. SO leaves the house by 7:00 and picks the kids up around 4:45-5:00. I make sure that dinner plans are done and easy to execute by prepping, using the crockpot and keeping things simple. When my SO was gone for a year (ARMY) I worked from home once a week and would work only until 5:00 but then get back on the computer and work more after DS1 was in bed. 

I have outsourced cleaning. I do pick-up after the kids are in bed. We do laundry a few times a week after bed too. We try to do yard work together one day on the weekend since our 3 year old loves to help mow and pull weeds.

74dragonfly

I would try and see if one of you can have a shorter commute. I sacrifice making more money for a shorter commute. But  i know these things are not easy to find. The two biggest tips I have are:

1. Re-think dinners. I do easy meals. one night pizza, one night pasta, one night breakfast for dinner. I save my "Gourmet" meals for the weekends.

2. Hire a cleaning service. Best money spent.

Informer46

Thank u everyone for ur tips...extremely helpful. I can flex my time to go in earlier to leave earlier but with a newborn that'll be really hard. I would def look into those plan ahead meals...that's actually a great idea! Thanks everyone. I will also chk out working moms thread.

bumpuser1691848

I've got two and work til 5 daily, but don't get home til 6 or a little after. Sometimes DH is already home, but he works 24 on 48 off (firefighter) so there's many nights he isn't even home. 

Definitely plan your meals ahead of time. I'll cook a quick meal on nights DH is home. He'll play with the kids while I cook then I do bath while he does the dishes. On nights he's working I do something quick like spaghetti without the meat, sandwiches and veggies/fruit, etc.

Pick out outfits for the week on Sunday. Have a place that you can go ahead and set them out or hang them up so you can just go in and grab them each morning.

Everyone else has given great advice, too. Hope it helps!

angelashly

I get home after pick up around 6. My so gets home around 7. We eat late and I meal plan, cook easy meals, use the crockpot. I try to clean as I go and sometimes plates stay in the sink overnight. Laundry gets done Saturday or Sunday morning before we do anything. It's hard and my house isn't immaculate, but it works for us.

Also now that my kid is older I try to get her involved with cleaning her toys/messes and she loves to sweep and mop.

lildevil968

I don't have a very long commute compared to some of these ladies, but mine 45-60 minutes each way on a good day. Like the PP's stated above, everything is planned out the night before, and packed. I also do meal planning, but I prep and cook everything on Sunday, so it just has to be thrown into the oven, or microwave when we get home. I do lots of crock pot meals, especially on the nights that DD has soccer practice, or a soccer game.

wino2006

It's tough. I'm in grad school on top of it! We hired a housekeeper. I order almost everything online. I have amazon prime so it's delivered in 2 days. That saves a lot of time. If it weren't for online shopping, I don't know if I could do this. I buy quick easy meals for the week. I get everything ready the night before too. Weekends are family time/homework time and laundry.

ASmallWonder

@mcbenny I am DREADING the day.  Dread.