I need to vent. — The Bump
March 2014 Moms

I need to vent.

I can't complain to anyone else because no one seems to understand.

My DH is extremely helpful with Brylee and cleaning the house if I ask, but he's oblivious to what needs to be done unless I point it out! It just seems like common sense to change the trash when it's full or give the baby a bath because it's almost bed time. Is it just me or do all guys need a running to-do list?! I'm going insane.

Rant over.


Re: I need to vent.

  • It's a man thing.
    ^^ This.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Also, mh and I have had plenty of arguments about this, especially when it comes to LO. He has flat out told me I have to be very specific when it comes to asking him to do things. Maybe it's something you can talk to YH about.
    Me 28 DH 30 Married 08-11-07 TTC since 07/11 HSG 01-21-13 Left FTB Seeing RE 1-28-13 RE 1-28-13 Both tubes blocked LAP surgery 2-15-13 Both tubes removed Started IVF #1 June 2013 Meds: BCP, Lupron, Gonal-F, Ovidrel, Medrol, Doxycycline
    Beta #1-BFP!!! HCG-55 Beta #2--111 Beta #3--2,825 Beta #4 22,031 1st U/S 7-29-13 Saw and heard our little sweet pea's heartbeat!! 109 bpm 

  • MH and I sat down and talked about what I need from him on a daily basis. If we are trying to get out the door or I ask him to do something new, I need to lay out exactly what I need from him/what I need him to do.

  • I really don't think it's a "man thing." It's just that different people have different standards of cleanliness. MH is way cleaner than I am. I just don't see some things as a problem --- like if the sink is empty and there isn't any scuzz I'm happy, but in his eyes a ring left by a coffee cup in the bottom is DIRTY and he is cranky until the sink has been scrubbed.

    Every day I suggest to him things that I think need doing/would like to do (today it's run a load of laundry, tidy the clutter off the coffee table, and clean out the rollers on the vacuum) and he approves/amends it (he added sorting out some of the old baby clothes that are cluttering the nursery).

    This works well for us because if I come up with a list myself I don't feel like he is badgering me, he sees that I really am pitching in, and he gets help with the things he is most frustrated by (or he just does them himself!)
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  • My husband is a slob. If I weren't around he would be living like a hoarder and not even notice. I made my peace with it long ago and realized that if I want something cleaned, I just have to do it myself. To me, it just isn't worth the aggravation to constantly be on him about putting this away or picking that up or making sure this gets done. Yes, it's more work for me but it's also less stress. 

    If it's really that important to you, then sit down together and figure out a way to work it out. Otherwise, consider just letting it go. 
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  • I've tried a lot of different approaches because I also don't want to sound like his mom giving him a chore list, but honestly, I think he would prefer that over me nagging when things aren't done.

    I left a note on the mirror this morning to do the dishes and a few things pertaining to the baby and hallelujah they were done! I guess I was more bothered by making him a list than he was!! Maybe this is the beginning to a clean house! <:-P

  • It's a man thing.

    ^ yup this . That's why I usually just do everything myself and be come with it . He's like a freakin kid !


    Married  : ** 09/09/2011  ** BFP : 07-18-13 ** Baby #1 is a GIRL , Born 03/12/14 ** 
    ** BFP 2 :  01- 05-15 ** EDD 09-11-15 **

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  • Yep, MH is like this.  Apparently the trash in the bathroom overflowing onto the floor isn't a good enough reminder, I have to actually tell him to empty the trash.

    A honey-do list sometimes works for us, but sometimes I swears he needs a honey-do list to remind him to read the honey-do list.
    Lilypie - (fm2j)

    Lilypie - (YesX)

     My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks.  Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!


  • My DH is like this! I can't assume anything will get done unless I specifically ask him to do it. He's getting better about doing the list though. I just ask him to do easy things, such as dishes, vacuuming, or diaper laundry that he can't really mess up. I do the major cleaning like dusting and mopping. He finds the list annoying but better than me constantly being mad at him for being lazy.
    Kinley Diane
    Born 2/4/14
    Weighing 6 lbs 10 oz and 20 inches long

  • yup. I've exploded on dh a few times about this same sort of thing. the only way he will clean is if i ask him to do specific things. pisses me off to no end, but i try to choose my battles soI just leave him a list and try to not stress about it too much. 

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  • I ask my H to do things. And then he does them. Without complaining.
    But I have to ask. He doesn't notice / care.
  • Hdhtk4Hdhtk4
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Photogenic
    DH will not do anything. He gets mad if I make a list or if I verbally remind him. There is literally a honey-do list on my refrigerator from LAST FALL because he has finished ONE task out of ten (to his credit they were bigger jobs...like finish laying landscaping bricks). If I ask him to take the overflowing trash out of the trash can (literally his one responsibility), he always says "I'll do it tomorrow." If I ask him to pick all his clothes up that he just throws on the floor, he says "I'll do it tomorrow." I've been asking him to pick up his clothes off the floor and in the laundry room daily for four weeks now and he has yet to touch them. I am so beyond frustrated! I've really got to find some peace about this. :-w

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  • This just happened last night.  I put LO to bed, as I do every night, myself.  I came down stairs and he's laying on the couch half asleep.  It's only 945.  There's still dishes in the sink, his laundry in the dryer, bottles needed to be cleaned.  So while I'm upstairs, bathing, feeding, and putting the baby to sleep, you're downstairs watching TV.  I'm still so aggravated.  I shouldn't have to tell him what needs to be done around the house. 
  • Yep my DH is the same way. He'll do whatever I ask him to do but I have to ask. 


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  • AlikiAliki
    Long-Lasting Membership 2500 Comments 250 Love Its Photogenic
    It's a man thing. 

    I said: "The dishwasher needs to be emptied."

    Every mom on M14 knows EXACTLY what that means. 

    Yet MH did not do it. When I ranted at him, he said "if you want me to do something, you need to just ask."

    So now I'm explicit. I now say: "I need you to empty the dishwasher."
    TTC #1 since 2007. Dx: Unexplained infertility. 4 IUIs in 2008 = BFN. IVF #1 07/09. DD #1 born April 2010 (40w5d).
    TTC #2 since 2011. Dx: Endometriosis and hypothyroidism. 2 FETs in 2012, BFP 6/12 but m/c @ 7 weeks. IVF #2 06/13. DD #2  born March 2014 (40w1d).
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  • MH is the same way. The more explicit the directions the more likely it is to get done. 
  • We talked last night and he told me that he's oblivious to what needs to be done, especially with LO. He said that he would prefer me to tell him what needs to be font or a list. Let's see how this goes.

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