When the stuffed animal at her grave is wet and dirty. It shouldn't be outside at a grave, it should be clean and dry in her room. Even when I went to take it home to wash it, I lost it because she needed her stuff animal there with her and I couldn't bring myself to take it.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
When there aren't flowers at his gravesite I get upset. They pick up flowers once a week so it's only empty for a few hours between when they pick them up and when me or DH can get there to put place new ones, but it bothers me.
Or when songs there were popular when I was pregnant come on, songs I used to sing to him before he was born and before we knew what was coming.
I know it's soon and I'm still in the early stages of grieving [we lost both our boys at 28 weeks on July 16th], I have a hard time going by their room. It was never completed, just used as storage because we were stock piling everything. 4 days before we got the news, my mom and I went on a shopping spree and bought 152 pieces of clothing, 7 boxes of diapers, etc. My husband and I were pretty much done at getting everything we would have needed...and now I'm left with the thought "what do I do with it?....what should we keep in case we have a boy in the future?"
Plus, one of my great friends [whom I also work with] is pregnant with their first child, a boy. Our due dates were 1 week apart from each other. We called each other bump buddies! She's having a hard time with our loss because she's scared now and I'm having a hard time with her wanting to visit because we shared that mommy bond!
Everything is just so surreal....I keep just wanting to wake up and everything be fine and dandy. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare!
gertiebarden said:***rainbow mentioned***When I took my rainbow to his 2 month check-up. We were sitting in the waiting room with a few other families. They call you by the child's name. A nurse came in and called for Eleanor, and I actually started to reach for the carseat and baby, thinking for a split second that I had Ellie with me instead of S. Then I realized that was impossible because she is dead, and it all hit me like it had just happened again. I broke down crying right there in the middle of the waiting room, looking like a crazy person.
Jack has handpicked his sibling up there
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