Breaking up

Babybeachbum

Hi, I'm new to the group, this is actually my first time coming to this board. I'm hoping to get advice and I thought this group can give me some good suggestions.
My LO is almost 4 months old and his father and I are talking about splitting up. I'm devastated at the thought of not seeing my son all the time. He is EBF (he takes a bottle though) and I've been home with him since he was born. The thought of waking up and not seeing him is breaking my heart.
My boyfriend and I were talking about breaking up when I found out I was pregnant. He wanted an abortion but I could never do that. We are both in our mid 30's and it's the only child for both of us. We decided to try to make it work for our son. We moved closer to family and I quit my job bc the commute would be miserable. Now I feel like I'm stuck. I haven't been working so no one will rent to me. I've gone on a few job interviews but haven't been able to get anything in my field. Due to an illness in my family I cannot move in with my parents.
I feel unloved with my bf, we act more like roomates. I want to be in a loving relationship, this is something that I won't get from him. However, if I leave I lose time with my son...
How do you ladies do it? I'm so sad. Should I continue to live like his roommate until my son is a little older so I get to be with him all the time or leave and look for someone who wants to be with me?
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm looking forward to hearing your advice.

MinnesotaMomma91

Leave! Get a job, move out. You deserve to be treated well. Yes you will have to share your lo but thats part of life. You get used to it, it never stops sucking, but it becomes routine

So there it is, if the relationship isnt working just leave it

Helenahhandbasket

You so deserve to feel like you are loved. 

I understand there are obstacles in your way-- but start small.  Make a plan in your head--start with a job.  Easier said then done, but I find that working has helped me to keep my mind off all of the stuff that is going on at home.

Is there somone that can help with child care?  You said you can't move back home, but is there a parent or sibling that can come to where you live to watch your LO while you work?  Can you talk to your parents about what's been going on?  Maybe they can help you brainstorm ideas to get you on your feet.

Is couples therapy an option?  STBXH and I did therapy for a year-- it didn't work for us in the sense that it kept us together, but it did give me some clarity and the strength to make the right decision for me.

Bottom line is that you have to be your own advocate.  I get feeling stuck, I really do, but we are not always as stuck as we think we are.  Good luck.

 

20thirteen

^^ totally agree.

Do you have any friends nearby that will take you in while you look for a job?  That would help tremendously with your emotional well-being.

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tig594

Also agree you should leave but only when you have your ducks in a row. You could apply for assistance.  If you choose to do so do it NOW.  I'd also start the child support process.  Don't even think about having to lose time with your LO until he's no longer being breast fed.   You should also consult with an attorney about what you feel YOU want custody-wise.  

Babybeachbum

Thank you for the kind words and support. I guess I know what I need to do. It just sucks to have to...

tig594

I'd like to add that I don't think you should start looking for someone who wants to be with you.  Focus on you and your LO and getting your life straightened around.  The right guy will come along when the time is right.  I promise you'll be just fine until that happens.