I am very happy to be throwing a baby shower for my sister in law coming up. In the last year she has thrown her sister a baby shower and I a bridal shower. Both so special and beautiful that both were the best I have ever been to. My family loves throwing parties and paying attention to the details.
I have been planning and saving for the shower for months and have had so much fun planning it. Her sister has asked to co host the shower with me and I agreed. I recently had her over to show her what I have so far. She threw words around like elegant and suggested to serve shrimp and lobster. However when I asked her about budget and suggested splitting the food, flowers, and paper products only she says she can only spare $100. I have already spent over $300 on decor alone.
I know for a fact my husband and I make far less than them all but have been very happy to make sacrifices to save the money to make a shower just as special as I received. I don't want to cause drama or hurt feelings but am I wrong to rather host the shower myself than co host and pay the bill? They are sisters and I am just a sister in law I don't know what to say or do. I do know I don't want my sister in law to know about the drama she deserves this shower and I am very happy to throw it for her. I don't want her to think for a second otherwise.
Re: Co hosting a shower without contributing to the cost?
That being said - while on one hand it shouldn't be about who spent what, on the other - for the fact that she's really expecting you to pony up the $$ for HER ideas, that's incredibly unfair and I can understand why you feel used.
And to be honest, when I hear "labor of love", I actually envision a much less expensive shower. "Labor of love" should mean that it shouldn't be costing you SO much $$ because you, personally, are doing most of the work. $300 in decor alone?
Who knows - for the fact you told her your budget is $1000, maybe she's wondering where exactly that money is going if it's NOT going to something like lobster and shrimp!
But at the same time - if she didn't know YOUR budget before hand, she may not have known what to say or do after the fact.
I will say - if you offer to host/co host a shower, you should be doing it expecting to pay a reasonably fair amount of the bill. However, if the budget was set before your SIL had a chance to speak to the budget - then it's somewhat out of her hands.
Her offering up expensive ideas does bother me, but that aside- her budget is $100, yours is $1000. You want her to pay 1/2? Then lower your budget to $100 also. But you can't expect her to raiser hers - especially SO significantly!!
She's having lobster daydreams in a hot dog reality.
Tell her that you budgeted to do things a certain way and unless she can go 50/50 with you, you're already settled on everything.
I know its not about the credit but I'd be pissed if I spent $1000 on something by myself and split credit with someone who barely contributed any time, money or effort. It's like being the only one to actually do work on a group project at school while everyone else slacks off.
OP Put her in charge of something such as games or flowers or favors that she has to purchase and do herself. Don't accept her money. Have her take care of it. "Why don't you handle it directly? That would be the most helpful."
BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
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I also agree that 1K is not an unreasonable shower budget.
I would tell her that you've already done most of the work/planning, but would be happy to co-host with her. Tell her that lobster and shrimp do not fit in the budget. Ask her to plan games (or choose the cake, etc) with her $100.
Then graciously share the credit 50/50, because it's not about you.
Oscar born October 2011
Miscarriage at 8 weeks (August 2013)
DD due September 1, 2014
I'm guessing the remaining $700 is going towards: Food, cake, alcohol, invitations, stamps, game props, prizes. Other possibilities are rental of chairs, linens, dishes, etc. Possibly even rental of a hall if it's not being held at a home.
Oscar born October 2011
Miscarriage at 8 weeks (August 2013)
DD due September 1, 2014
Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born.
6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived
10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP
Not that it isn't great that you're putting so much effort and care into this shower, but I'm one of those who would be damn grateful for an extra $100.
I just kept the games cheap, minimal decorations etc, the food was all home cooked and I designed/ made a lot of things. I think the most expensive things were the prizes.
I'm sure an extra pair of hands would really help with set up!
And $100 isn't 'not contributing' it can go a long way!