Fiancé dislikes the idea of charting...

mrs2mommy92

He told me today that he thinks "sticking a thermometer in your vag" every morning is crazy and stupid. I'm not quite sure if it's a guy thing, but he seems to think that lots of unprotected sex automatically equals baby.

I told him that I find it nice to know about my body, and I tried to explain all the benefits (like knowing exactly when you O, when to test, etc.) and he just shook his head and said it takes the fun out of it. Apparently charting turns TTC into a "science project".

Did any of your SO's take a while to be supportive of temping/charting? What did you do to let them know how important and beneficial it is?

ImJessesGirl

I think my husband didn't care one way or the other. He did hate the fact that the fist thermometer I had beeped every ten seconds. So I bought a quieter one and he never even noticed. I didn't even consult him about it...

Jags8

Tell him to get over it. And sorry, but babies are, in fact, made with science.

DH wanted to just have unprotected sex and see what happens. I told him that he can wait and see what happens, while I chart. And he got over it.

Edit- words

mrs2mommy92

ImJessesGirl said:

I think my husband didn't care one way or the other. He did hate the fact that the fist thermometer I had beeped every ten seconds. So I bought a quieter one and he never even noticed. I didn't even consult him about it...

That's what mine does. Maybe he hears it in the morning and has just been annoyed with it. I didn't even think about that. Well, I guess I'm in the market for a new BBT!!

spiltmilkz

I didn't ask him. It's my body and I have irregular long cycles so I wanted to see what my body was doing. I also have not talked to him much about the process more than a few comments here or there so he doesn't seem to mind. He likes to know when I am ovulating (if i am), but not all men want to know.

You can still make it fun and exciting, just know that he doesn't really want to hear about all the science behind it.

KingLED

If he doesn't like it, tell him not to stick a thermometer in his vag. Problem solved. 

mrs2mommy92

EllyD14 said:

If he doesn't like it, tell him not to stick a thermometer in his vag. Problem solved. 

I literally laughed out loud on this one. I'm on my phone and he's sitting next to me like "what's so funny?"

Oh, nothing hunny

cateyes543

My husband didn't care at first he was amoung the believers in just have sex and you will get pregnant right away. Now after we have been trying for a while he asks about it and wants to know the science behind it. He can analyze the charts as much as I do during the 2ww. 

PrimRoseMama

My husband doesn't care as long as he gets laid semi-regularly. I find it interesting when partners get so up in arms about what their partner is doing to learn about their bodies.

Why does he give a crap? It's your vagina & your temps. He doesn't even have to know...

brettanomyces

Temping and charting is something I do on my own, so it's not really something I need my H to be "supportive" of. It's not like he's being put out by it. He can pay attention to what I'm doing or not. 

starree444

I'm not even going to tell H about it. He doesn't need pressure.

Also, i do it orally... I've never read or heard to do it vaginally.

lindsayanne14

My DH knew about my charting but we didn't really discuss it on a regular basis. He was fine staying "out of the loop", and I was ok not giving him a play by play all month. I think if you get too "technical" about CM, temps, cervical positioning, etc...some men can feel it takes the fun out of baby making. I would just let him know you're doing it for you and you won't bore him with the details unnessesarily and you won't allow it to take the fun out of the process.

Cythe

@starree444‌ many women temp vaginally for different reasons. If someone's chart is rocky, switching can be helpful.

mrs2mommy92

starree444 said:

I'm not even going to tell H about it. He doesn't need pressure.

Also, i do it orally... I've never read or heard to do it vaginally.

I thought about doing it orally at first but a lot of women on here said vaginally is better because of the variations that could happen if you are a mouth breather at night.

FitMom3510

I don't understand why they have to know or care? It's your body and your cycle. Why does learning how your body works and making sure everything is going ok looked at as a negative thing. You are going to have sex regrdless, so where is the fun going? Stressing and not knowing what is going on with you if you don't get pregnant right away takes the fun out of it...

mrskimmell

My husband was like that at first. I tried to explain to him I have had health issues and I think it's best. He didn't want to waste the money on the thermometer or the ovulation kits. He also says it's too much work to have to plan on having sex on a schedule. It pissed me off but we did it his way at first and after about 6-8 months and still no results he threw in the towel. I told him it's my body and I know what I need to do with it. So we started charting. Still nothing so I'm going to doc now and he has turned over a new leaf!! He even took it upon him self to get his sperm tested it was so sweet. It sometimes just takes time for them to realize things. Let it take it's course for a bit and see what happen. Just worked with us.

icaughtfire

H knows I do it. We don't talk about it, I do it for me, not us.

Trampslikeus

This type of response from some of your husbands is baffling to me.   Why on earth would they be bothered by this if they want you to get pregnant?  Tell him to get over it? I don't have anything more helpful to say because it just makes no sense for that to be a thing to get pissy about. 

KatzKiss

MH is supportive because he wants a child. He's out of the house before I get up so he doesn't have to deal with the thermometer beeping issue, but even if he did, he would deal. It sounds like you need to have a come to Jesus talk with him and make him realize that these are small prices to pay for the outcome. He should also know that babies can be slightly "inconvenient" at times. If he has a problem with you putting a thermometer in your vag, just wait until he has to stick one in his child's butt.

catmagick

Every time this gets brought up I just get it less and less.  Like, who cares?  If he gets so upset about it just don't talk to him about it.  Like, at all.  Just tell him you do it so that you know when you'll get your period or something if he needs an explanation.  I don't ever discuss charting with my husband.  He knows I do it, but he doesn't ask/care about it at all.  It's not for him, it's for you.  The end.

Unknown

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mrs2mommy92

WhoCanItBeNow said:

You know you can use any digital fever thermometer, right? It doesn't have to cost you even a shiny new penny. 

Oh.

You should probably sterilize it before using it in your mouth again though. Or not if you're into that.

Yeah I know. The one I'm using now is the only thermometer we have in the house and it beeps every 5 seconds or so....very loudly. So I'll just get a new one for charting and DEFINITELY sterilize the other one for normal thermometer use

mrs2mommy92

Trampslikeus said:

This type of response from some of your husbands is baffling to me.   Why on earth would they be bothered by this if they want you to get pregnant?  Tell him to get over it? I don't have anything more helpful to say because it just makes no sense for that to be a thing to get pissy about. 

I think it's because he believes that the second he doesn't pull out, I'll be pregnant. I try to explain that it doesn't work like that but he is apparently a firm believer in his swimmers.

And he's not angry over it. He just thinks it's a waste of my time and energy. But that's fine for him...we just won't talk about it.

PinkSparty

My husband doesn't have an opinion about it. He knows how badly I want to have a baby so I don't think he would say anything to me or try to get in my way. It doesn't bother him because it's something I do and his only real involvement is the baby dancing.

BillyHorrible

was an advocate of me doing it from the beginning, because it meant we could ditch other forms of birth control.  After using charting for years to avoid pregnancy, and successfully not getting pregnant, he didn't understand why anyone wouldn't use it to get pregnant.  And it helped that using it first time around got us pregnant our first cycle. 

KatzKiss

ImJessesGirl said:

I think my husband didn't care one way or the other. He did hate the fact that the fist thermometer I had beeped every ten seconds. So I bought a quieter one and he never even noticed. I didn't even consult him about it...

Lol at fist thermometer. Ouch!

jlo629

My H is in the medical field so he is totally good with it.  He dislikes the beeping at 5:30 in the morning but he deals with that part.  As far as OPKs he actually reads them for me and reports back about them.  I think that having him involved makes it so much easier and it because we are not telling others we are TTC to I need someone to bitch to about all this!  My periods have also never been regular and he knows that so I think he understands how important temping and OPKs are for us to conceive.

brettanomyces

Our alarm clock is way more annoying than the thermometer beep. 

willowprincess

I don't think we've ever actually talked about it. He knows I do it because I keep the thermometer by the bed, but he usually sleeps through me temping.

dazzld1

MH thought it was obsessive and crazy at first... maybe he still does? I don't know. I didn't ask his permission. I just bought the thermometer and told him what it was for when he asked about it. He was big in the "it'll happen when it happens" camp until recently. This cycle he actually started asking about my temps during FW. If my temp spiked, if I got CH, and the like. 

Personally, I could care less whether he thinks it's crazy and obsessive, or if he thinks it's the best thing ever. I'm doing it because it keeps me from going BSC. 

URMySunshine77

DH doesn't care. I don't think that he even hears the beep. I try to muffle it. 

RogueZymosis

My SO understands FF and is very supportive. For example we wee discussing intercourse last night and he said "you won't get pregnant from it. It's not your FW." We work together on timing to make my chart look as pretty as possible.

mrs2mommy92

In his defense, he never actually said that he hates the beeping in the morning. It was just a side thought that I had when I read one of the very first comments.

I'm an RN, so I love the science that goes into charting. He's just into doing it the "old fashioned way" and thinks that charting is obsessive.

3houlagirl

My DH knows I chart, but doesn't want to know anything about it. In his words "the woman's body is mysterious, and I'd like to keep it that way." He's doing it the old-fashioned way, and I'm doing it the educated way. You CAN have both

SpartanChick88

DH likes to know when he's "off the hook" and we can just have fun or say not tonight if we are tired (which is always). I'm 35 and he's 37 so our time is important enough to know what's going on... He's totally on board with whatever I feel needs to be done

hydrangea1019

I think in the beginning MH was a little confused by it, but it was more out of not knowing really what temping was. The first morning he heard the beeping he popped up looking around trying to figure out the noise in his sleepy stupor, but now he sleeps right through it.

He'll ask me 'how's the chart looking?' Or 'are your temps still up?' Every once in a while. I think it's cute when he asks lol

KingLED

So now not wanting to be annoyed and woken up in the middle of the night BEFORE you even have a kid means you can't be ready to have a kid? That's dumb. Why should I have to be okay with annoyances before a kid? Things will change when the kids is here, there's no point in not enjoying good sleep before that.

SpartanChick88

I agree with PPs.. sleep where you can. I can't stand it when noises wake me up. Granted I don't like to be woken up at all but if DD is crying in the middle of the night it's a whole different story

CocoMcGee

The whole thing about a significant other caring about temping seems silly to me. I just don't understand. If they don't want to know the details, they don't need to know the details.

The beeping I get. I hate having my sleep interrupted. I don't think not liking the beep doesn't mean that you are unprepared for parenthood, it mostly just means that one day you'll both look back and laugh and say, "remember when the stinking thermometer beep was my worst complaint about sleep interruption, bahahaha."

All this to say, I'm pro charting and pro sleep.

CocoMcGee

I agree with @etoille, at least in terms of not wanting her to chart at all. Why does he care if she takes the responsibility of doing something that will help them achieve their supposed goal? The beeping I understand more, since it has more of an impact, but having a problem with charting in general just makes no sense.

architori

Your fiance isn't the one doing the charting, so I don't understand why he cares whether or not you do it. It doesn't hurt your chances of TTC, but helps them. I started temping without consulting DH about it, and he was confused the first couple mornings (asked if I was sick) but now appreciates the data and likes looking at my chart. But he is an engineer, so the more data, the better. Also, his alarm goes off for minutes at a time before he actually wakes to turn it off, so the thermometer beeping is a non-issue.