Why do perfectly good husbands suddenly suck when their wife becomes pregnant?

kristyn0417

Hi all! I am 36 weeks today. I want to vent about my husband. He makes me sooooooo angry. He's a terrific father to our son, but now it just seems like he couldn't care less that I'm pregnant. I would just love to hear the words "I know you're (insert any 3rd trimester adjective here, i.e. uncomfortable, anxious, worried, etc) what can I do for you?" Even though chances are I'd say "nothing", it would just be nice to know that he cares and that he wants to be there for me. When I get home my feet literally ache, I used to ask him for a quick rub, and he did it, but he always made sure that I knew what a pain in the ass it was for him. So I just quit asking, I'm not going to force him to do something nice for me. I mean for f*^& sake I'm only making a baby up in here why do I deserve ANY special treatment right? I am just so tired of being pregnant and some compassion, understanding, or effort would be really nice. I feel so lonely. When I do talk to him about how I'm feeling he just doesn't get it and thinks I'm being silly. After these conversations I'm left feeling even more alone, misunderstood, and depressed. I start to wonder, maybe I am overreacting, maybe I shouldn't expect so much from him. Ugh, I don't know. Thanks for listening. 

trebekastan

Yes, you are overacting. No person can be expected to guess the needs of another without guidance. He is a real man, not a romance novel. If you want something from him, ask for it. If he does it, it still means just as much. 

CrystalsBaby123

I hear you. I think a lot of men are like that. I just keep telling myself that it just makes me stronger! try to stay positive though it's sooo hard. I've been there. Last week lol

Meery82

Please get over yourself. You don't get sooper-speshul treatment just because you are pregnant. Millions of other women do it every day.

lookame3639

I don't exactly understand why women feel the need to downplay their needs because their partner whined. If you need something, ask him, if he whines then tell him to suck it up because you have needs just like he does.

Unknown

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conradraging

Your husband doesn't "suck" because he won't cater to your every need. If you really need him to do something, ask. Beyond that, pregnancy isn't a disability.

Disneygeek77

He's not a mind reader and it is unfair for you to expect him to be.  It is exhausting to have to constantly be anticipating someone's needs and comfort.  Give the poor guy a break.

Be direct.  Ask him to rub your feet for a few minutes and you can return the favor.  

Oh and when he does do what you ask, tell him thank you and you appreciate it.

Tapsalteerie

Look, my DH has been doing some awfully nice things for me lately because I have had my head in a toilet for so long.  But never would I expect or demand this help from him.  He's not required to do anything for me.  He does it because we are a team, I ask him nicely, and because I thank him every time.  In fact, I try to give him back rubs every once in awhile to show how much I appreciate what he does do.

Skeemer

I read your post to DH. He said, "Why does she want him to be concerned if she's only going to tell him nothing is wrong?" Then he laughed.

Mrs.DeRuysscher

I'm sorry but you honestly sound like you should be entitled, like PP your husband isn't a mind reader. If you would like for him to rub your feet or help you ask nicely, you defiantly shouldn't be bashing or putting your husband down, speak to him talk to him and explain how you are feeling but don't nag or act as if he has to do something for you. like PP pregnancy is not a disability or a illness.  

laurenita8

Wow, seems like everyone unloaded all over you. I don't think it's a crime to want to feel special or even just that someone else is concerned with your well being. Pregnancy is hard. I get what venting is.

Now I'll brace myself for the group to unload on me.

conradraging

bumpuser10199668

laurenita8 said:

Wow, seems like everyone unloaded all over you. I don't think it's a crime to want to feel special or even just that someone else is concerned with your well being. Pregnancy is hard. I get what venting is.

Now I'll brace myself for the group to unload on me.

When you say "unload all over" or "unload on me".... My mind doesn't go where I think you think it goes

laurenita8

Hehe. Mind in the gutter, didn't mean it that way.

laurenita8

Hehe. Mind in the gutter, didn't mean it that way.

kristyn0417

haha I know right?! It's like I said that I was thinking about leaving my husband over this or that I am now being a total B to him right now. All I said is that I simply stopped asking him for help and that basically I'm a little disappointed and depressed at this point in my pregnancy *gasp* how dare I want to feel "special" of all things. 

My husband is a fantastic man, I love him to pieces and I am feeling much better today, but when I wrote that I was upset with him and simply venting. I wasn't looking for advice on how to stop being an entitled princess or on how to talk to my husband. I'm sure I'll have another shitty day, but now I know not to turn to this board to vent, rather a friend who will be a good ear and offer me some funny antidote instead of bashing me and telling me I'm a terrible person. 

conradraging

kristyn0417 said:

haha I know right?! It's like I said that I was thinking about leaving my husband over this or that I am now being a total B to him right now. All I said is that I simply stopped asking him for help and that basically I'm a little disappointed and depressed at this point in my pregnancy *gasp* how dare I want to feel "special" of all things. 

My husband is a fantastic man, I love him to pieces and I am feeling much better today, but when I wrote that I was upset with him and simply venting. I wasn't looking for advice on how to stop being an entitled princess or on how to talk to my husband. I'm sure I'll have another shitty day, but now I know not to turn to this board to vent, rather a friend who will be a good ear and offer me some funny antidote instead of bashing me and telling me I'm a terrible person. 

I'm sorry but saying that your husband "sucks" is the part that isn't okay. And then you said you deserve special trestment because you're making a baby. If you don't see that saying that made you sound like a princess...

Also, please don't use the word "depressed" lightly. If you think you are depressed, seek the help of a professional, not the internet.

Eta: As far as feeling alone, I know that it sucks. My husband is across the country and might not make it for the birth, so I really feel for you if you genuinely feel alone. Bring that specifically up to him. I think maybe you should just spend more time with him, maybe find a show to watch together or some baby related bondig activity, be it doing the nursery or whatever. Don't bring up wanting him to make you feel special because that sounds you-centric. Make it about you as a couple, as a family.

trebekastan

symphony4586 said:

Conradgallagher said:

haha I know right?! It's like I said that I was thinking about leaving my husband over this or that I am now being a total B to him right now. All I said is that I simply stopped asking him for help and that basically I'm a little disappointed and depressed at this point in my pregnancy *gasp* how dare I want to feel "special" of all things. 

My husband is a fantastic man, I love him to pieces and I am feeling much better today, but when I wrote that I was upset with him and simply venting. I wasn't looking for advice on how to stop being an entitled princess or on how to talk to my husband. I'm sure I'll have another shitty day, but now I know not to turn to this board to vent, rather a friend who will be a good ear and offer me some funny antidote instead of bashing me and telling me I'm a terrible person. 

I'm sorry but saying that your husband "sucks" is the part that isn't okay. And then you said you deserve special trestment because you're making a baby. If you don't see that saying that made you sound like a princess... Also, please don't use the word "depressed" lightly. If you think you are depressed, seek the help of a professional, not the internet. Eta: As far as feeling alone, I know that it sucks. My husband is across the country and might not make it for the birth, so I really feel for you if you genuinely feel alone. Bring that specifically up to him. I think maybe you should just spend more time with him, maybe find a show to watch together or some baby related bondig activity, be it doing the nursery or whatever. Don't bring up wanting him to make you feel special because that sounds you-centric. Make it about you as a couple, as a family.

All of this.

And if you post nonsense like this on a public message board you're going to get honest feedback from anyone who may come across your post. If you only want to vent to your nearest and dearest who will sugarcoat everything and tell you what a spechul snowflake you are for being pregnant and that your husband should bow to your every whim you might want to start up a livejournal account.

Yeah, we aren't a diary, dear. If you post a DISCUSSION thread on a message board, you might just get a DISCUSSION! Gasp.

kmbk27

trebekastan said:

symphony4586 said:

Conradgallagher said:

kristyn0417 said:

haha I know right?! It's like I said that I was thinking about leaving my husband over this or that I am now being a total B to him right now. All I said is that I simply stopped asking him for help and that basically I'm a little disappointed and depressed at this point in my pregnancy *gasp* how dare I want to feel "special" of all things. 

My husband is a fantastic man, I love him to pieces and I am feeling much better today, but when I wrote that I was upset with him and simply venting. I wasn't looking for advice on how to stop being an entitled princess or on how to talk to my husband. I'm sure I'll have another shitty day, but now I know not to turn to this board to vent, rather a friend who will be a good ear and offer me some funny antidote instead of bashing me and telling me I'm a terrible person. 

I'm sorry but saying that your husband "sucks" is the part that isn't okay. And then you said you deserve special trestment because you're making a baby. If you don't see that saying that made you sound like a princess...

Also, please don't use the word "depressed" lightly. If you think you are depressed, seek the help of a professional, not the internet.

Eta: As far as feeling alone, I know that it sucks. My husband is across the country and might not make it for the birth, so I really feel for you if you genuinely feel alone. Bring that specifically up to him. I think maybe you should just spend more time with him, maybe find a show to watch together or some baby related bondig activity, be it doing the nursery or whatever. Don't bring up wanting him to make you feel special because that sounds you-centric. Make it about you as a couple, as a family.

All of this.

And if you post nonsense like this on a public message board you're going to get honest feedback from anyone who may come across your post. If you only want to vent to your nearest and dearest who will sugarcoat everything and tell you what a spechul snowflake you are for being pregnant and that your husband should bow to your every whim you might want to start up a livejournal account.

Yeah, we aren't a diary, dear. If you post a DISCUSSION thread on a message board, you might just get a DISCUSSION! Gasp.

No discussions, Trebek. Foot rubs and ice cream sundaes every night, ladies...AM I RITE?!?

For real though, OP, Conrad gave you some great advice.

Disneygeek77

Really ?  So out of all of the responses that tried to ask you to think outside of yourself and give your some perspective and...I don't know... might help your marriage, you only respond to the one person that blows smoke up your ass ?

Tapsalteerie

Disneygeek77 said:

Really ?  So out of all of the responses that tried to ask you to think outside of yourself and give your some perspective and...I don't know... might help your marriage, you only respond to the one person that blows smoke up your ass ?

That's the answer she wanted!

OP, I hope you go easy on your husband.  Pregnancy isn't just difficult for the mother.

jenniferurs

laurenita8 said:

Wow, seems like everyone unloaded all over you. I don't think it's a crime to want to feel special or even just that someone else is concerned with your well being. Pregnancy is hard. I get what venting is.

Now I'll brace myself for the group to unload on me.

Agreed. My pregnancy has proven to be both a disability AND an illness, so I definitely appreciate how much my husband has stepped up to the plate and can't imagine how I'd feel if he hadn't.

conradraging

jenniferurs said:

laurenita8 said:

Wow, seems like everyone unloaded all over you. I don't think it's a crime to want to feel special or even just that someone else is concerned with your well being. Pregnancy is hard. I get what venting is.

Now I'll brace myself for the group to unload on me.

Agreed. My pregnancy has proven to be both a disability AND an illness, so I definitely appreciate how much my husband has stepped up to the plate and can't imagine how I'd feel if he hadn't.

Please explain.

Unknown

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trebekastan

aditigirl said:

Wow, seems like everyone unloaded all over you. I don't think it's a crime to want to feel special or even just that someone else is concerned with your well being. Pregnancy is hard. I get what venting is. Now I'll brace myself for the group to unload on me.

Agreed. My pregnancy has proven to be both a disability AND an illness, so I definitely appreciate how much my husband has stepped up to the plate and can't imagine how I'd feel if he hadn't.

Uh, okay? Cool story. In general, pregnancy is not an illness or a disability. Also, FYI, I am actually disabled outside of pregnancy and (GASP) still don't expect my DH to wait on me hand and foot like a princess.

You mean you don't require foot rubs, pink lemonade and rose petal baths to deal with your disability? I thought those were for sure the things that count during hard times. 

Unknown

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jenniferurs

Conradgallagher said:

jenniferurs said:

laurenita8 said:

Wow, seems like everyone unloaded all over you. I don't think it's a crime to want to feel special or even just that someone else is concerned with your well being. Pregnancy is hard. I get what venting is.

Now I'll brace myself for the group to unload on me.

Agreed. My pregnancy has proven to be both a disability AND an illness, so I definitely appreciate how much my husband has stepped up to the plate and can't imagine how I'd feel if he hadn't.

Please explain.

I have hyperemesis and spent 4 months throwing up between 6-8 times per day, to the point where I had to quit my job. I'm now almost 34 weeks and still throw up daily. Beyond that, I had such bad sciatic pain that I was bed-ridden at one point and had to have in-home acupuncture visits until it got to the point where walking was bearable again. For a week, I literally couldn't so much as shift position without the worst pain I've ever experienced (and I've experienced broken bones, kidney stones, etc, and tend to have a pretty high threshold for pain). After a week, I was able to get out of bed, but there was a month where walking was extremely difficult and didn't come without immense pain.

My pregnancy is probably not the norm, but I know a lot of women who have had similarly tough pregnancies and if my husband never asked how I was or if I needed anything, I too would consider that a red flag. But then, my husband knows to ask those things, because my head is constantly in a toilet and he witnesses me collapsing when attempting to walk. If I was acting completely normal, I wouldn't expect him to be able to read my mind. I don't know what OP's situation is, but I do know that pregnancy is difficult on some women and that some need an added level of care throughout it, so before I label OP a needy princess, I'm more apt to extend to her the benefit of the doubt based on what I've experienced.

conradraging

jenniferurs said:

Conradgallagher said:

jenniferurs said:

laurenita8 said:

Wow, seems like everyone unloaded all over you. I don't think it's a crime to want to feel special or even just that someone else is concerned with your well being. Pregnancy is hard. I get what venting is.

Now I'll brace myself for the group to unload on me.

Agreed. My pregnancy has proven to be both a disability AND an illness, so I definitely appreciate how much my husband has stepped up to the plate and can't imagine how I'd feel if he hadn't.

Please explain.

I have hyperemesis and spent 4 months throwing up between 6-8 times per day, to the point where I had to quit my job. I'm now almost 34 weeks and still throw up daily. Beyond that, I had such bad sciatic pain that I was bed-ridden at one point and had to have in-home acupuncture visits until it got to the point where walking was bearable again. For a week, I literally couldn't so much as shift position without the worst pain I've ever experienced (and I've experienced broken bones, kidney stones, etc, and tend to have a pretty high threshold for pain). After a week, I was able to get out of bed, but there was a month where walking was extremely difficult and didn't come without immense pain.

My pregnancy is probably not the norm, but I know a lot of women who have had similarly tough pregnancies and if my husband never asked how I was or if I needed anything, I too would consider that a red flag. But then, my husband knows to ask those things, because my head is constantly in a toilet and he witnesses me collapsing when attempting to walk. If I was acting completely normal, I wouldn't expect him to be able to read my mind. I don't know what OP's situation is, but I do know that pregnancy is difficult on some women and that some need an added level of care throughout it, so before I label OP a needy princess, I'm more apt to extend to her the benefit of the doubt based on what I've experienced.

I'm sorry that you experienced all that, but honestly nothing in any of OPs posts does it seem like her experience matches yours. She also stated that she stopped asking her husband when she needs something. You can't expect your husband to be a mind reader.

Not to mention, while I did say that OP was being over dramatic and princessy, I also took the time to give her advice that I genuinely think will help her relationship should she choose to attempt it.

I think that PPs were justified in the princess type comments when OP says how she deserves special treatment for making a baby. If you don't agree that's fine, but she wasn't attacked. She was just given honest responses. Maybe she does have a more difficult situation than was explained, but again nobody can be expected to read minds and based off the information given, I think every response here was valid.

Tapsalteerie

jenniferurs said:

Wow, seems like everyone unloaded all over you. I don't think it's a crime to want to feel special or even just that someone else is concerned with your well being. Pregnancy is hard. I get what venting is. Now I'll brace myself for the group to unload on me.

Agreed. My pregnancy has proven to be both a disability AND an illness, so I definitely appreciate how much my husband has stepped up to the plate and can't imagine how I'd feel if he hadn't.

Please explain.

I have hyperemesis and spent 4 months throwing up between 6-8 times per day, to the point where I had to quit my job. I'm now almost 34 weeks and still throw up daily. Beyond that, I had such bad sciatic pain that I was bed-ridden at one point and had to have in-home acupuncture visits until it got to the point where walking was bearable again. For a week, I literally couldn't so much as shift position without the worst pain I've ever experienced (and I've experienced broken bones, kidney stones, etc, and tend to have a pretty high threshold for pain). After a week, I was able to get out of bed, but there was a month where walking was extremely difficult and didn't come without immense pain. My pregnancy is probably not the norm, but I know a lot of women who have had similarly tough pregnancies and if my husband never asked how I was or if I needed anything, I too would consider that a red flag. But then, my husband knows to ask those things, because my head is constantly in a toilet and he witnesses me collapsing when attempting to walk. If I was acting completely normal, I wouldn't expect him to be able to read my mind. I don't know what OP's situation is, but I do know that pregnancy is difficult on some women and that some need an added level of care throughout it, so before I label OP a needy princess, I'm more apt to extend to her the benefit of the doubt based on what I've experienced.

If we are going to have that argument...

I had HG with severe anemia with my first pregnancy that kept me bedridden for 7 weeks.  Never expected or demanded my husband do anything for me.  If I needed help, I asked for it.  He's not a mind reader.  I also thanked him for what he did.  If he forgot something or didn't do something, I didn't proceed to go on a public forum and write about how much he sucks.

I have severe morning sickness this time around with a 3 year old.  I still don't expect or demand anything from him.

I also don't consider what I had a disability.  A temporary and irritating inconvenience.

jenniferurs

Tapsalteerie said:

jenniferurs said:

Wow, seems like everyone unloaded all over you. I don't think it's a crime to want to feel special or even just that someone else is concerned with your well being. Pregnancy is hard. I get what venting is. Now I'll brace myself for the group to unload on me.

Agreed. My pregnancy has proven to be both a disability AND an illness, so I definitely appreciate how much my husband has stepped up to the plate and can't imagine how I'd feel if he hadn't.

Please explain.

I have hyperemesis and spent 4 months throwing up between 6-8 times per day, to the point where I had to quit my job. I'm now almost 34 weeks and still throw up daily. Beyond that, I had such bad sciatic pain that I was bed-ridden at one point and had to have in-home acupuncture visits until it got to the point where walking was bearable again. For a week, I literally couldn't so much as shift position without the worst pain I've ever experienced (and I've experienced broken bones, kidney stones, etc, and tend to have a pretty high threshold for pain). After a week, I was able to get out of bed, but there was a month where walking was extremely difficult and didn't come without immense pain. My pregnancy is probably not the norm, but I know a lot of women who have had similarly tough pregnancies and if my husband never asked how I was or if I needed anything, I too would consider that a red flag. But then, my husband knows to ask those things, because my head is constantly in a toilet and he witnesses me collapsing when attempting to walk. If I was acting completely normal, I wouldn't expect him to be able to read my mind. I don't know what OP's situation is, but I do know that pregnancy is difficult on some women and that some need an added level of care throughout it, so before I label OP a needy princess, I'm more apt to extend to her the benefit of the doubt based on what I've experienced.

If we are going to have that argument...

I had HG with severe anemia with my first pregnancy that kept me bedridden for 7 weeks.  Never expected or demanded my husband do anything for me.  If I needed help, I asked for it.  He's not a mind reader.  I also thanked him for what he did.  If he forgot something or didn't do something, I didn't proceed to go on a public forum and write about how much he sucks.

I have severe morning sickness this time around with a 3 year old.  I still don't expect or demand anything from him.

I also don't consider what I had a disability.  A temporary and irritating inconvenience.

The HG is not a disability, but it's definitely an illness. I consider anything that makes you vomit 6-8 times a day an illness, but everyone's entitled to their own opinion on what qualifies as such. Again, I don't demand anything from my husband, but if he wasn't even asking, like OP said, I too would be a tad frustrated. No one should be expected to be a mind reader, but if anyone I care about (family member, friend, spouse) is sick, I always make an attempt to see if there's any way in which I can help ease the pain. And I certainly wouldn't make them feel like it was a "pain in the ass" for me to help them when they did make a request. 

Again, without knowing more specifics, it's impossible to know whether her husband is not being attentive enough or whether OP is being unreasonable. Like I said, I'm just one to extend the benefit of the doubt before I make a final judgment. 

Disneygeek77

I don't understand.  Why are you giving the OP a benefit of a doubt but not her husband ?

I'm sorry but it is never ok to expect someone to read your mind.  If you need something, ask for it.  My cousin has had cancer 4 times and is on her 54th dose / round of chemo and she never talks about her husband like this. 

My husband also has two digestive diseases ( Crohns and Gilberts) and he does not expect this of me.  

IF HE NEEDS SOMETHING, HE ASKS.  He doesn't passive aggressively huff and puff around expecting me to anticiapte every need, whim and comfort.  

 

jenniferurs

The thing is...OP did ask. And apparently her husband basically told her it was a pain in the ass for him to do things for her. That's the only reason why she says she doesn't ask anymore.

FrodaBaggins

My husband needs super clear communication from me in matters like this. When I'm feeling down/tired/emotional/hormonal/hungry or anything else as a result of my pregnancy, I communicate with him and don't expect him to read my mind. He's a person too dealing with all the emotions of getting ready for baby. 

conradraging

Dude if someone came home every day expecting me to rub their feet I would tell them they are a pain in my ass, too. Am I alone here?

trebekastan

jenniferurs said:

The thing is...OP did ask. And apparently her husband basically told her it was a pain in the ass for him to do things for her. That's the only reason why she says she doesn't ask anymore.

kristyn0417 said:

Hi all! I am 36 weeks today. I want to vent about my husband. He makes me sooooooo angry. He's a terrific father to our son, but now it just seems like he couldn't care less that I'm pregnant. I would just love to hear the words "I know you're (insert any 3rd trimester adjective here, i.e. uncomfortable, anxious, worried, etc) what can I do for you?" Even though chances are I'd say "nothing", it would just be nice to know that he cares and that he wants to be there for me. When I get home my feet literally ache, I used to ask him for a quick rub, and he did it, but he always made sure that I knew what a pain in the ass it was for him. So I just quit asking, I'm not going to force him to do something nice for me. I mean for f*^& sake I'm only making a baby up in here why do I deserve ANY special treatment right? I am just so tired of being pregnant and some compassion, understanding, or effort would be really nice. I feel so lonely. When I do talk to him about how I'm feeling he just doesn't get it and thinks I'm being silly. After these conversations I'm left feeling even more alone, misunderstood, and depressed. I start to wonder, maybe I am overreacting, maybe I shouldn't expect so much from him. Ugh, I don't know. Thanks for listening. 

Her husband didn't basically tell her she is a PITA. He didn't want to rub her feet. Just like any normal person. Again, I'm sorry DH isn't Patrick Dempsey and this isn't a fairy tale. When I ask for a back rub, DH rolls his eyes a little and begrudgingly does it because it IS a PAIN IN THE ASS, but he does it. She is expecting the type of relationship she would get with a BFF or mom, but guys don't tend to think like that. They like guidance and direction. 

Disneygeek77

Conradgallagher said:

Dude if someone came home every day expecting me to rub their feet I would tell them they are a pain in my ass, too. Am I alone here?

We do an exchange.  If I rub his feet he will rub my back.  

jenniferurs

trebekastan said:

jenniferurs said:

The thing is...OP did ask. And apparently her husband basically told her it was a pain in the ass for him to do things for her. That's the only reason why she says she doesn't ask anymore.

kristyn0417 said:

Hi all! I am 36 weeks today. I want to vent about my husband. He makes me sooooooo angry. He's a terrific father to our son, but now it just seems like he couldn't care less that I'm pregnant. I would just love to hear the words "I know you're (insert any 3rd trimester adjective here, i.e. uncomfortable, anxious, worried, etc) what can I do for you?" Even though chances are I'd say "nothing", it would just be nice to know that he cares and that he wants to be there for me. When I get home my feet literally ache, I used to ask him for a quick rub, and he did it, but he always made sure that I knew what a pain in the ass it was for him. So I just quit asking, I'm not going to force him to do something nice for me. I mean for f*^& sake I'm only making a baby up in here why do I deserve ANY special treatment right? I am just so tired of being pregnant and some compassion, understanding, or effort would be really nice. I feel so lonely. When I do talk to him about how I'm feeling he just doesn't get it and thinks I'm being silly. After these conversations I'm left feeling even more alone, misunderstood, and depressed. I start to wonder, maybe I am overreacting, maybe I shouldn't expect so much from him. Ugh, I don't know. Thanks for listening. 

Her husband didn't basically tell her she is a PITA. He didn't want to rub her feet. Just like any normal person. Again, I'm sorry DH isn't Patrick Dempsey and this isn't a fairy tale. When I ask for a back rub, DH rolls his eyes a little and begrudgingly does it because it IS a PAIN IN THE ASS, but he does it. She is expecting the type of relationship she would get with a BFF or mom, but guys don't tend to think like that. They like guidance and direction. 

To each their own I guess. My husband rubs me down with cocoa butter daily and offers up foot/back massages all the time. I do the same for him. If he's ever in pain or uncomfortable, I genuinely ENJOY doing that for him and don't view it at all as a pain in the ass, because I love him and want him to be as happy and as comfortable as possible and if I can make that happen somehow, I'm happy to. He feels the same. So I guess I just don't understand making a huge show of giving someone a foot rub when they're in pain/uncomfortable. To me, it would seemingly make it completely unenjoyable for the recipient and therefore negate the purpose.

conradraging

Well I guess I'm just a shit wife. Cool.

Eta: I don't know if there has been a single post on TB that has made me as mad as that right there.

jenniferurs

Conradgallagher said:

Well I guess I'm just a shit wife. Cool. Eta: I don't know if there has been a single post on TB that has made me as mad as that right there.

If you get mad over someone saying that they enjoy doing things for their husband and that things aren't as enjoyable when the other person makes a show of what a pain in the ass it is for them to do...then you get mad quite easily. 

conradraging

jenniferurs said:

Conradgallagher said:

Well I guess I'm just a shit wife. Cool.

Eta: I don't know if there has been a single post on TB that has made me as mad as that right there.

If you get mad over someone saying that they enjoy doing things for their husband and that things aren't as enjoyable when the other person makes a show of what a pain in the ass it is for them to do...then you get mad quite easily. 

The overall tone of your post suggests that since we said it would be a pain to give daily footrubs, we don't love our SOs as much as you. And yes, that pisses me off. I'm not a fucking masseuse and my husband doesn't expect me to be. How much he or I "enjoys" giving massages has no fucking bearing on how much we love each other. You are offensive.