Community› The Bump Message Boards› 3rd Trimester
3rd Trimester
New Discussion

Why do perfectly good husbands suddenly suck when their wife becomes pregnant?

2»

Re: Why do perfectly good husbands suddenly suck when their wife becomes pregnant?

  • kristyn0417kristyn0417 member
    edited July 2014

    Holy smokes! This turned in to a crazy lets all attack each other and let everyone know that we are right and they are wrong discussion. 
    I did not mean for anyone on here to be mocked or made out to look any certain way, except my hubby, yes I did say he sucks and if you haven't EVER said that about your hubby, then, well, that's just crazy and you must tell me your secret to the PERFECT marriage. We talk and communicate just fine, we have a lovely marriage. That being said, when we had gotten into an argument this past weekend and I started to have a little pity party I turned to this board to express my frustration.
    I did not give the entire story, it was a quick vent and nothing more. Again, message received....probably not ok to post a "vent" on here again. I totally see why some people might have seen me as a princess wannabe, I know that is not the case so that's fine. I can't wait to see the responses to this post and how people with nothing better to do will pick apart my words and make me seem like a monster. Have at it all. :-)

    Also, I want to clarify that I DO NOT AKS FOR A FOOT RUB DAILY. I had asked a few times. My feet ache DAILY but I didn't ask for a food rub daily....just wanted to make that clear since it definitleyt was not clear in my first post and people are all Assuming that I was asking daily. All these people who say that my hubby can't read my mind are amazing at reading my mind and deciding that I was asking for them daily. 

    Report Reply
  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
    Conradgallagher said:
    Conradgallagher said:
    Well I guess I'm just a shit wife. Cool. Eta: I don't know if there has been a single post on TB that has made me as mad as that right there.
    If you get mad over someone saying that they enjoy doing things for their husband and that things aren't as enjoyable when the other person makes a show of what a pain in the ass it is for them to do...then you get mad quite easily. 
    The overall tone of your post suggests that since we said it would be a pain to give daily footrubs, we don't love our SOs as much as you. And yes, that pisses me off. I'm not a fucking masseuse and my husband doesn't expect me to be. How much he or I "enjoys" giving massages has no fucking bearing on how much we love each other. You are offensive.
    I said or implied no such thing. I responded (not even to you, btw) to the assertion that any normal person wouldn't want to rub someone's feet and that anyone would view it as a pain in the ass. I was pointing out that such a broad, sweeping generalization is simply untrue. 

    Beyond that, it doesn't matter if someone finds something to be a pain in the ass; if you can't do something for another person without complaining about it, that's a problem for me, in my relationship, and evidently for the OP. Again, like I said, TO EACH THEIR OWN. Everyone is different. My personal feeling is...if I don't go around every day complaining about how I can't eat my favorite foods or have a glass of wine or partake in some of my favorite activities, etc. etc. etc., then I certainly wouldn't expect my husband to complain every time I asked something of him throughout this process, whether or not it was an inconvenience. We're all experiencing inconveniences here and I just find it strange that someone would complain every time they're asked to do something for their spouse. 
    I'm being featured in a new pregnancy/motherhood blog during the month of October, so if you ever wanted to know more about my pregnancy, birth, and motherhood experiences than anyone ever should, check out my posts in the link below! :)

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • conradragingconradraging member
    kristyn0417 said:

    Holy smokes! This turned in to a crazy lets all attack each other and let everyone know that we are right and they are wrong discussion. 
    I did not mean for anyone on here to be mocked or made out to look any certain way, except my hubby, yes I did say he sucks and if you haven't EVER said that about your hubby, then, well, that's just crazy and you must tell me your secret to the PERFECT marriage. We talk and communicate just fine, we have a lovely marriage. That being said, when we had gotten into an argument this past weekend and I started to have a little pity party I turned to this board to express my frustration.
    I did not give the entire story, it was a quick vent and nothing more. Again, message received....probably not ok to post a "vent" on here again. I totally see why some people might have seen me as a princess wannabe, I know that is not the case so that's fine. I can't wait to see the responses to this post and how people with nothing better to do will pick apart my words and make me seem like a monster. Have at it all. :-)

    I did say first that it came across princessy, but also commented again with suggestions that I didn't consider "attacks," and I hope you didn't either. Everyone vents and that's fine. I think a lot of PPs wanted you to realize it was a vent that came across as selfish, which you have since then acknowledged. All that being said, I don't think you are the one who made this thread turn out the way it did...

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BFP: 09/13/13  ---  MMC: 10/25/13
    BFP: 12/25/13  ---  DD: 09/10/14
    BFP: 03/16/15  ---  EDD: 11/30/15



    Report Reply
  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
    CarmAlarm said:


    jenniferurs said:

    trebekastan said:


    jenniferurs said:

    The thing is...OP did ask. And apparently her husband basically told her it was a pain in the ass for him to do things for her. That's the only reason why she says she doesn't ask anymore.

    kristyn0417 said:

    Hi all! I am 36 weeks today. I want to vent about my husband. He makes me sooooooo angry. He's a terrific father to our son, but now it just seems like he couldn't care less that I'm pregnant. I would just love to hear the words "I know you're (insert any 3rd trimester adjective here, i.e. uncomfortable, anxious, worried, etc) what can I do for you?" Even though chances are I'd say "nothing", it would just be nice to know that he cares and that he wants to be there for me. When I get home my feet literally ache, I used to ask him for a quick rub, and he did it, but he always made sure that I knew what a pain in the ass it was for him. So I just quit asking, I'm not going to force him to do something nice for me. I mean for f*^& sake I'm only making a baby up in here why do I deserve ANY special treatment right? I am just so tired of being pregnant and some compassion, understanding, or effort would be really nice. I feel so lonely. When I do talk to him about how I'm feeling he just doesn't get it and thinks I'm being silly. After these conversations I'm left feeling even more alone, misunderstood, and depressed. I start to wonder, maybe I am overreacting, maybe I shouldn't expect so much from him. Ugh, I don't know. Thanks for listening. 

    Her husband didn't basically tell her she is a PITA. He didn't want to rub her feet. Just like any normal person. Again, I'm sorry DH isn't Patrick Dempsey and this isn't a fairy tale. When I ask for a back rub, DH rolls his eyes a little and begrudgingly does it because it IS a PAIN IN THE ASS, but he does it. She is expecting the type of relationship she would get with a BFF or mom, but guys don't tend to think like that. They like guidance and direction. 
    To each their own I guess. My husband rubs me down with cocoa butter daily and offers up foot/back massages all the time. I do the same for him. If he's ever in pain or uncomfortable, I genuinely ENJOY doing that for him and don't view it at all as a pain in the ass, because I love him and want him to be as happy and as comfortable as possible and if I can make that happen somehow, I'm happy to. He feels the same. So I guess I just don't understand making a huge show of giving someone a foot rub when they're in pain/uncomfortable. To me, it would seemingly make it completely unenjoyable for the recipient and therefore negate the purpose.


    image


    I suppose you also wouldn't believe it then if I told you that he cooks dinner every night, does all of the dishes, and does all of the laundry too.

    I'm starting to think I may owe my husband more BJs.

    I'm being featured in a new pregnancy/motherhood blog during the month of October, so if you ever wanted to know more about my pregnancy, birth, and motherhood experiences than anyone ever should, check out my posts in the link below! :)

    Report Reply
  • kristyn0417kristyn0417 member
    oooh that thing looks fantastic!!! :-)
    Report Reply
  • kristyn0417kristyn0417 member
    shinyredsmartazz said:
    kristyn0417 said:
    haha I know right?! It's like I said that I was thinking about leaving my husband over this or that I am now being a total B to him right now. All I said is that I simply stopped asking him for help and that basically I'm a little disappointed and depressed at this point in my pregnancy *gasp* how dare I want to feel "special" of all things. 
    My husband is a fantastic man, I love him to pieces and I am feeling much better today, but when I wrote that I was upset with him and simply venting. I wasn't looking for advice on how to stop being an entitled princess or on how to talk to my husband. I'm sure I'll have another shitty day, but now I know not to turn to this board to vent, rather a friend who will be a good ear and offer me some funny antidote instead of bashing me and telling me I'm a terrible person. 

    *stuck in the stupid ass box*

    I'm sorry, HOW has no one called attention to this yet?!?!? I'm disappointed.
    OOOOOOOHHHHH SHIT! I can't BELIEVE I made a spelling mistake (auto correct rather). I am such an asshole. Thanks for letting me know. I'll just go kill myself now for such a heinous crime! 
    Report Reply
  • TheTamedShrewTheTamedShrew member
    Ask your DH how he's feeling and what you can do for him and then do it. I guarantee you that if you stop focusing on yourself as much and do something special for him, then he will reciprocate. Pouting, venting to strangers on the internet, and building resentment towards him will only make you more unhappy. Learn to ask for what you need and give without being asked.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Anniversary       


    Report Reply
  • kristyn0417kristyn0417 member
    edited July 2014
    TheTamedShrew said: Ask your DH how he's feeling and what you can do for him and then do it. I guarantee you that if you stop focusing on yourself as much and do something special for him, then he will reciprocate. Pouting, venting to strangers on the internet, and building resentment towards him will only make you more unhappy. Learn to ask for what you need and give without being asked.
    Ok, so first off I did ask for what I need. Second, I mentioned nothing about what I do for him and you just ASSumed that I don't do anything for him. Third, you're suggesting that I "give without being asked" which is exactly the wish I expressed for him in my original post....hmmmm? Fourth, I am not building resentment towards my husband. I love him very much. I have every right in the world to vent whenever and wherever I chose and my feelings are valid because they are my     feelings and no one can tell me they are wrong. 
    Report Reply
  • SkeemerSkeemer member
    kristyn0417 said:
    TheTamedShrew said:
    Ask your DH how he's feeling and what you can do for him and then do it. I guarantee you that if you stop focusing on yourself as much and do something special for him, then he will reciprocate. Pouting, venting to strangers on the internet, and building resentment towards him will only make you more unhappy. Learn to ask for what you need and give without being asked.

    Ok, so first off I did ask for what I need. Second, I mentioned nothing about what I do for him and you just ASSumed that I don't do anything for him. Third, you're suggesting that I "give without being asked" which is exactly the wish I expressed for him in my original post....hmmmm? Fourth, I am not building resentment towards my husband. I love him very much. I have every right in the world to vent whenever and wherever I chose and my feelings are valid because they are my feelings and no one can tell me they are wrong. 

    Just stopping in for a quick QFP...
    image




        




     

    Report Reply
  • TheTamedShrewTheTamedShrew member
    kristyn0417 said:
    shinyredsmartazz said:
    kristyn0417 said:
    haha I know right?! It's like I said that I was thinking about leaving my husband over this or that I am now being a total B to him right now. All I said is that I simply stopped asking him for help and that basically I'm a little disappointed and depressed at this point in my pregnancy *gasp* how dare I want to feel "special" of all things. 
    My husband is a fantastic man, I love him to pieces and I am feeling much better today, but when I wrote that I was upset with him and simply venting. I wasn't looking for advice on how to stop being an entitled princess or on how to talk to my husband. I'm sure I'll have another shitty day, but now I know not to turn to this board to vent, rather a friend who will be a good ear and offer me some funny antidote instead of bashing me and telling me I'm a terrible person. 

    *stuck in the stupid ass box*

    I'm sorry, HOW has no one called attention to this yet?!?!? I'm disappointed.
    OOOOOOOHHHHH SHIT! I can't BELIEVE I made a spelling mistake (auto correct rather). I am such an asshole. Thanks for letting me know. I'll just go kill myself now for such a heinous crime! 
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Anniversary       


    Report Reply
  • AMcLawsAMcLaws member
    WashingtonQueen said:


    OOOOOOOHHHHH SHIT! I can't BELIEVE I made a spelling mistake (auto correct rather). I am such an asshole. Thanks for letting me know. I'll just go kill myself now for such a heinous crime! 
    ----end quote----

    You are a horrible, disrespectful person. GTFO.


    ----end quote------


    Seriously. When you say "I'll just go kill myself", you're making light of suicide. And that is nothing to joke about, and it's offended plenty of us. Seriously, just go away OP.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Photobucket
    Report Reply
  • leela02leela02 member
    edited July 2014
    Ok, so first off I did ask for what I need. Second, I mentioned nothing about what I do for him and you just ASSumed that I don't do anything for him. Third, you're suggesting that I "give without being asked" which is exactly the wish I expressed for him in my original post....hmmmm? Fourth, I am not building resentment towards my husband. I love him very much. I have every right in the world to vent whenever and wherever I chose and my feelings are valid because they are my feelings and no one can tell me they are wrong. 
    Wow OP I hope it's just the pregnancy hormones that make you overreact to everything. The post was just trying to give you general advice. Of course not all of it may be applicable to your exact situation because we don't know you. 

    That last sentence sounds really immature. Just because you can vent wherever you want doesn't mean you shouldn't get called out on picking an inappropriate venue like a community discussion forum. And feelings can be based on wrong perceptions of reality. You don't see any special treatment, caring, and effort in your husband rubbing your feet at your request even though he hates it? Really? By your own logic he has every right to vent how he feels about giving you foot rubs whenever and wherever he wants without getting publicly accused of being a bad husband.
    Report Reply
  • Molly SlyMolly Sly member
    Wow, all these people who responded to this post are super bitches. Totally get where you're coming from! While pregnancy isn't a disability (and nowhere did you claim that it is), it certainly is uncomfortable and not a situation you arrived at by yourself. I.e. since your husband got you there, it feels unfair that you are the only one who has to go through all the aches/pains/discomforts/sacrifice of pregnancy, not to mention carry a heavier burden once the baby actually arrives, while he gets off scot-free. The whole thing is sexist, like what ok you do the whole pregnancy thing with no complaining, then carry the burden of taking care of a newborn while maintaining a clean house, and are supposed to count yourself lucky if your husband empties the dishwasher once a week? F** that, this isn't 1950. You guys are in this together, so it isn't unreasonable to expect your husband to make some sacrifices during pregnancy as well. And it isn't being a nag. It's called a partnership.
    Report Reply
  • heie0008heie0008 member
    kristyn0417 said:
    Hi all! I am 36 weeks today. I want to vent about my husband. He makes me sooooooo angry. He's a terrific father to our son, but now it just seems like he couldn't care less that I'm pregnant. I would just love to hear the words "I know you're (insert any 3rd trimester adjective here, i.e. uncomfortable, anxious, worried, etc) what can I do for you?" Even though chances are I'd say "nothing", it would just be nice to know that he cares and that he wants to be there for me. When I get home my feet literally ache, I used to ask him for a quick rub, and he did it, but he always made sure that I knew what a pain in the ass it was for him. So I just quit asking, I'm not going to force him to do something nice for me. I mean for f*^& sake I'm only making a baby up in here why do I deserve ANY special treatment right? I am just so tired of being pregnant and some compassion, understanding, or effort would be really nice. I feel so lonely. When I do talk to him about how I'm feeling he just doesn't get it and thinks I'm being silly. After these conversations I'm left feeling even more alone, misunderstood, and depressed. I start to wonder, maybe I am overreacting, maybe I shouldn't expect so much from him. Ugh, I don't know. Thanks for listening. 
     
     
     
    Ok, I'm going to stand up for you a bit. Yes, I do feel this way sometimes. When I would ask for a cup of water or maybe a quick foot rub I would get a lot of complaints from my husband. This did make me feel sad. So, I don't ask him to do those things anymore. I don't think what you are asking for is special treatment, just acknowledgement that pregnancy is maybe a little difficult for you. But, my suggestion is just to continue making sure your husband knows how you feel. Things have gotten a lot better lately because I will say things like "I really need ____ from you right now" and he is usually pretty happy to help me. I'm not asking for footrubs or anything like that but just help getting stuff done around the house. Then I make sure to thank him and make sure he realizes how much I appreciate the extra help. Open communication with husband has always been a struggle but it's something we continue to work towards.

    image


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFetus Ticker


    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"