my toddler makes me depressed

ltmacs

I just had my second baby 2 months ago (2 girls) DD1 is 27months.   I am feeling so much guilt about not having enough time for dd1, and then when I'm doing something with dd1 i feel like it's never good or fun enough and that now I'm not giving enough attention to dd2.  dd2 is breastfeeding and I have been trying for 1 month to get her to drink bottles which sometimes it takes hours to get her to drink a bottle. i go back to work in 3 weeks. I know someone else is supposed to give the bottles but sometimes my husband is gone for over 12 hours.  dd1 a pick eater and it's just getting worse and worse.  I'm paranoid about everything being unsafe and just keep finding new things to toddler proof. I won't even get into that....DD1 and I used to go out and do fun things like mommy and me classes, walks, park, out to eat and now I feel so guilty for having the second one because I don't have time to do all these activities and poor second baby deserves more attention too. My husband doesn't care that the house is messy, not worried about the  bottle situation or fact that 2 year old barely eats .He is just constantly trying to get me back into an exercise routine. Which I don't care about, I am almost back to my prepregnancy weight anyway because I barely eat. Right now he is at a dirt bike race 3 hours away. I am crying while DD1 watches blues clues and baby sleeps in my arms. We should be outside playing.  I need to get up and do something fun with my daughter. I should probably see a therapist

deanna1313

I go to a support group for PPD and the group leader mentioned how sometimes what you think your children need is actually wrong and they need a completely different thing. I'm sure your older child isn't wondering why you haven't gone out to eat and etc. as long as you are still giving each of them their own attention as much as possible. That is all they need and all you can do.

Anyone who has siblings, myself included, probably doesn't look back and say "mom didn't have time for me when my younger sibling was born or I didn't get enough one-on-one attention". I never looked at it like that.

I wouldn't even worry about working out and I can't give any advice on bottle feeding. Wish I could help.

ltmacs

Thanks! I appreciate the response. I feel better today. My MIL came over yesterday and hung out with me and the kids. Then my husband and I went to church, and to the park so today I feel good. I guess it is when I am alone with them all day I feel overwhelmed, like it is hard to accomplish things and take care of them both.  And you are absolutely right, I have 3 siblings and always felt very loved by my mom. I think I need to get out of the house more with them, maybe take them on walks in place of trying to exercise while they nap.  thank you for writing back

deanna1313

Great idea. I feel great during visits and when keeping myself busy and my mind off of things.
Not sure how you feel when you get overwhelmed, but before I would get stressed when I'm overwhelmed, but now I seem to get really upset and feel sine and depressed. Totally different than before.

ltmacs

I've always been anxious since having DD1 but was always happy, and motivated at the same time.  Now I'm like exhausted, hopeless and depressed like I've hit a wall.  But it just started last week. I think bottle refusal is the root of it. I was getting her to drink 2 bottles a day for almost a week, but was spending hours on each bottle while my other daughter was going crazy, so I cut it down to only 1 bottle per day and she started refusing bottles again.  2 days ago I stopped pumping altogether because it feels like such wasted energy to pump 1-2 times every day and barely have any breast milk saved because it is all going into bottles that she is refusing. I even called my boss today and basically told her that my husband is going to have to drive our baby to my job and I need to breast feed her at work. She was totally supportive. So I should be feeling better, right??

ltmacs

Just made an appt. with a psychologist I went to 8 years ago.