Anyone in a potentially dangerous situation?

jenbabe

We didn't realize how great and easy our first adoption was until now. Our second is very different. We just found out that the birthfather is part of a gang and not a legal citizen. He just found out our e-mom is pg and she is worried he will hurt her. They have another child that she is parenting, age 4, so they must have some sort of on going relationship. We don't know how he feels about adoption. My concern is for our family's safety after we bring this baby home. I'm imagining gang members showing up at our house looking for this kid at some point in the future. That's crazy right? That doesn't really happen does it? It is an open adoption and we are only 45 miles away from them. Anyone have any experience with potentially dangerous situations?

Dr.Loretta

I do not, but I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope that the e-mom gets some help for her and her kids

lorifromwi

What a difficult situation to have to go through.  Have you talked with your case worker about your concerns?  Sometimes they can have a good perspective on past situations.  However, you need to evaluate what you know abuot this situatation and make the best decision for the well being of your family. 

Hopefully he's on board and there's no issues.

T&P for you!

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jenbabe

She knows the name of the small town we live in. We're not in phone books and are careful about private info online but I'm sure we would not be hard to find. She wants to keep the baby safe too but who knows what she would say if he threatened her.

arbutusbride

Agree with previous poster.  

If there is an issue with the birth father possibly causing retaliation, maybe the BM can give birth in a different location so he does not know where she is.  I think you should bring your concerns to your SW; they may have experience in dealing with this.  

summererobinson

I would speak to your case worker. First off, if he is the father you want to make sure he is going to sign away his rights too so you dont end up in a bad situation later like the 9 year old girl who was just taken from her family and given to her birth father when he got out of jail.

jenbabe

Here's an update on the situation....Birth father is not supportive of the adoption, she has not told him when she is due, she's moved where he can't find her and she will not be putting his name on the birth certificate and will pretend as if she doesn't know who the father is.  So he will have to see the ad in the paper and show up to court if he wants to claim the baby.  Which is unlikely since he lives two hours away from her.   But they already have a child together that she is parenting and says he has no interest in supporting or seeing.  So I asked why he cares about this baby and she said only because he likes to cause her problems and be difficult.  I asked if he will come looking for us and she said she doesn't really know but we're all hoping he forgets about it and moves on. 

Dr.Loretta

I would be very, very careful about this. I would be concerned that he would randomly see the ad and decide to push the issue. It sounds like a potential nightmare.

jenbabe

The birthfather is not a legal citizen so no one expects him to pursue this legally since he won't want to draw attention to himself.  It could be a mess if he does but he isn't supporting the child(ren) he has so I don't expect it to be decided in his favor even if he did pursue it legally.