Time outs

Addy1227

How do I go about time outs? LO is 18 months and no just doesn't seem to be working with certain behaviors, like hitting when he doesn't get his way. We just did our very first time out and I'm not sure if he understood what was going on but he is playing happily by himself right now which is making me believe it might have worked.

I sat him down in what I guess is going to be the time out spot immediately after he hit me, I told him he was in a time out for hitting mommy. We sat there for about a 2 minutes, he fussed a bit but I explained to him again as simply as possible that he was in timeout for hitting. Is that how it should go? Anything I'm missing or doing wrong?

Hennessy

We started time outs about a month ago when DS was about 21 months for a very similar reason. Sometime he hits or pinches and thinks it's funny. Saying no and showing him how to be gentle and nice just wasn't having any impact. 

When he hits he gets one warning. We'll say something like "We don't hit. Be gentle and do nice. If I have to tell you again you will go in a time out". If he hits again he is immediately taken to our time out spot (a place with no access to toys) and as we put him down we tell him .. "You're being put in a time out because you didn't listen to mommy/daddy when we asked you not to hit. We do not hit". And we walk away to leave him there alone (but in eyesight). The way your post reads I think you may have stayed with your son but really you should walk away. We time exactly 1 minute. If he moves from the spot before that minute is up he is immediately picked up and placed back in the spot (in the beginning we had to do this a couple of times before he'd stay there) No talking at all. We do not re-engage in any conversation until the minute is over. When the minute is up, we go over and get down on his level and we repeat why we put him there and say something like "mommy put you here because you were hitting and you didn't stop when mommy asked you to. We don't hit we 'do nice' (this is how we refer to him being gentle)." He almost always 'does nice' and softly touches our face right away. Then we ask him to say he's sorry.. Which he does and then we hug him and tell him we love him.

There are different schools of thought about the age when it's appropriate to start time outs. I can tell you that our son wouldn't have understood or benefitted from it at 18 months, but it absolutely works for us at 21 months. But I do know that some other mothers here have been successful with using this technique at younger ages. It's totally up to you to decide if your son is ready!

Addy1227

He is a little young but that's why I did a modified version and sat with him. I wouldn't expect him to sit there by himself and trying would just lead to a battle that he really wouldn't understand because the moment of hitting would have passed and it'd just be pointless in my opinion. Maybe instead of a time out it was more of a cooling off to get a hold of whatever was making him hit.

Thank you for you response! Like you, saying no or asking him to do nice just wasn't working, so after the third hit I had to try something. I do think he's too young to get an actual timeout so maybe I'll try completely changing his scenery to see if that helps.

ashiscute

We started timeouts at 17 mos for both of our kids.  They both got it pretty quickly.  We do 1 min for DS (22 mos) and 3 mins for DD (3).  They both sat in the spot by themselves from the get go.  

If DS hits we say "We do not hit.  If you hit again you go to timeout."  If he hits again we take him to timeout and sit him down and set the timer.  When the timer goes off we ask him why he went to timeout and then do hugs and move on.  I will ask him to say sorry but I wouldn't worry about it at this age if he is or not.  DD says sorry automatically at 3 without being asked.  DS does occasionally. 

As long as you are consistent I think they'll get it pretty quickly.  

mamaHippo23

Our issue right now is throwing things and I'm at the point of just praying he grows out of it. I've come to realize that especially right now, the time-outs are more for me than him. It gives me a chance to calm down and not get angry at his behavior, but I don't think it helps him understand to stop the undesired action like throwing or hitting. I get down next him at eye level and show him how I want him to do it. I repeat "Nicely, do it nicely" or "Be gentle" and touch his arm really gently a few times so he understands the concept. Same thing with throwing- I demonstrate how to set things down gently/nicely instead of throwing. It takes quite a few interventions, but if you keep at it, one day he'll set his cup down gently instead of flinging it to the floor and it'll be the best moment ever

beachbum482

We started time-outs at 18 months for hitting/kicking. DS sits on a little stool in the kitchen for about a minute or so. My pedi said this is fine as long as the time-out does not exceed their age (ex. 1 year old = 1 minute, 2 = 2 mins etc.). He seems to get it at 18 months so I think you're on the right track!!